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i’m just trying to speak
but it always comes out

S̜̠͐ ̙ͭ̌T̶ͭͣ ̪Ų̴̦͌̿ ̣̄̇̌ͯ͜T̹̒ ̡̫͆T ̹ͨĚ̖͎͢ ̼̭ͬͯ̎̿̂͗̿R̤̖͙͐̔͏̘̊ ̮̔̀̀Ẻ̡̢̼͓̱̐̊́ ̪̣̮̓̊ͬͤ͝D͘
her name always sparks something.
a song,
a thought,
a conversaton.

but sometimes just thinking about her makes me panic.
this could be sooooo many people
laying in bed,
staring at my empty hand
i just wish you were here
to hug me, and hold me
we may laugh,
we may cry
but either way,
we don’t mind
but now i’m hanging on empty hope
that i’ll hold you again
whoa according to a sudden realization i just had i have no shame or anxiety when im sad ic ried and im sleep deprived so bedt time for me to vent? riht mnow!
lol ik i was having depresso hours but i just saw a really funny tumblr post and now i feel better still wanna die but i feel better
she can’t ******* love you back, you’re a good for nothing, useless ******* *****! why in all hell would someone as good as her ever ******* love you. useless pig.

why are you thinking about her again, you’re the villain in this story. stop feeling pity for yourself, you’d forgive her if she wanted it.

she won’t die, it’ll be okay. but what if she dies in her sleep and can’t ever say goodnight to you guys again, or i love you, or-

you can’t take back what you’ve said! they won’t forgive you, no matter how many times you say “i’m sorry,” or “it’s not your fault!” or “she was just there for me when you weren’t” or some ****. no one’s gonna forgive you! they won’t forgive you because you. don’t. deserve it. and they hate you, everyone else does. sensitive, insensitive *****.

i want to throw up. i need to throw up. it’s so big, your stomach? wow, you probably gained 10 pounds today! what are you now, 30 pounds overweight then? you’re just dense, right? well, maybe personality wise, but physically? you’re just fat! what muscle? that’s probably a tumor, maybe get that checked out cuz whoa, a kid like you would NEVER have muscles, like, how?!

but i can’t let any of this get to me, because i’ve been the happy one! the one that has to help them, that feels it their duty to help and make everyone happy even if i’m not, so stop crying, stop feeling, unless it’s happy tears or happiness. you can do it! now do it.
don’t tell anyone ;)
everybody’s got it worse,
you crying, smelly pig
keep screaming til your voice is hoarse
or you’ve snapped like a twig

she won’t die, you’re just scared
but what if you’re not?

what the ****, are you crying again?!

******* what was this for
dont worry im fine
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