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You always have my heart in your heart
Don’t be scared if we sometimes have to be apart
I’m always with you in your eyes and your smile
In your feet and your toes
In your ears
In your soul
I’ve loved you even before I knew you
When you were just forming inside
I’ll love you forever ‘til I’m no longer
I’ll love you beyond space and time
You have my heart with you always
You are never alone
Smile when you think of me, my love
I will always be your home
why do I make things so heavy
this should be light and airy
without all the frills and expectations
why must I go there when there’s no there to go to?

I was on my way up from the ashes, you, you were beyond any destruction, any distraction
together our inner lights beaming, in action
and our lights traversed in reaction
and now I seek to find matter in what is only photons and neurons
there’s no there there
it only exists in the moments we share
and then it’s gone again

why do I make things so heavy
heavier than Lead
I feel as light as Helium, floating freely as an authentic version of myself

but I am not free. I am led
to believe in this fantasy as my only way out of the dread
I am held back, held down by my own levity

why did I make this so heavy
I don’t think there are any secrets to living a good life – I think that all it takes is to live consciously and honestly, knowing and loving yourself, and having faith that somehow it’ll all work out.
And so it’s here again.
That tightness in the chest,
those deep breaths,
that seem to fill the lungs
with more air than they can take.

Why is it that same feeling
you get
when you think you’re gonna fall
from really high up?

Is it the highest I’ll get?

And will I forget?
You never forget the first time you scare a child with your white coat.

You never forget the first time you elicit CVA tenderness unexpectedly.

You never forget the first time you meet someone with ***.

You never forget the first time you have a trauma call for a motor vehicle accident or a gunshot wound.

You never forget the first time you comfort a patient who is crying because they don’t want to be in the hospital.

You never forget the first time you witness a patient and her family hear the words “You have cancer”.

You never forget the first baby you help deliver (you also never forget the mom).

You never forget the first time a patient admits they’ve attempted suicide in the past.

You never forget your first patient.

Being a medical student is a humbling experience.

I hope I never forget that either.
I love to soak in your words
To take them all in, like a sponge
Allow myself to sink heavily

To plunge

All the while feeling weightless

You translate how I feel so exactly
Like you have studied its linguistics
and yours
And have mastered it.

Or maybe we’ve spoken the same hidden language all along
One word, to another, to a feeling, to a word,
to a thought, to another
feeling, another word.
Completely understood.
Beyond understood.
Understanding with depth
And sometimes with heights.

We love those heights

I love to soak in your words.
***** and forgotten,
Abandoned and afraid,

time goes on,

Listless and lifeless,
Crippled and silenced,

time goes on,

Steady and patient
Hopeful, with faith,

time goes on,

Gloriously elated,
Majestic and grand,

time goes on,

Loved and accepted,
Joyous and free,

time goes on,

Quiet and contemplative,
Peaceful and still,

time goes on,

time goes on,

— The End —