why do I make things so heavy
this should be light and airy
without all the frills and expectations
why must I go there when there’s no there to go to?

I was on my way up from the ashes, you, you were beyond any destruction, any distraction
together our inner lights beaming, in action
and our lights traversed in reaction
and now I seek to find matter in what is only photons and neurons
there’s no there there
it only exists in the moments we share
and then it’s gone again

why do I make things so heavy
heavier than Lead
I feel as light as Helium, floating freely as an authentic version of myself

but I am not free. I am led
to believe in this fantasy as my only way out of the dread
I am held back, held down by my own levity

why did I make this so heavy