As I gaze upon the vast expanse of the night sky
As I look upon the greatness of the seas
As I ponder on the things I cannot know
As I dive into the deepest parts of me
It is there that I see and I come to believe
In the presence of one who at times reminds
The heart and soul of peace love truth there are signs
I am blind to my mistakes keep playing in my mind
There is chaos and sadness but sometimes I find
A love quiet and strong sadness and pain but hope in the rain
A stronghold a shelter when I am burdened and weak
It is here the presence resides that I seek
There is a longing an ache a burning I feel
So great that I am caused to kneel
But it is here somehow that something begins
In tears and in pain the great weight of my sins
Seems a little lighter and I know that God wins
He paid the greatest price on one fateful Friday
And He is faithful good and true in my day
Sadly it seems sometimes this world is forgetting
The kind of example that Jesus was setting
To show us the true meaning of life and love
What it is to be human and divine
A single candle in the dark can brightly shine
Illuminate my deepest darkest corners of me
Clear away the cobwebs, sweep away the dust
Clean this old house of pride, jealousy, and lust
Help me once again to see
Just how much you must love me

You stripped me down
to just my skin;
looked at me,
and behold!
You were unfettered.
You held me still
as I resisted;
childish,
leary of the water.

Not because of my sugar
molecule DNA,
but rather, the lack thereof.
See, I feared that the water,
so often uplifting,
would reveal my ugly tricks.
See, I feared it'd seep right through,
flow between a clavicle,
a cranium,
some ribs.

But persistently you did lather
with the patience of a saint;
washed the chunks, the stench,
the filfth and fear quickly down
a rusted drain.

When the fight in me
did subside, I'd catch you
out of slits to glassy eyes:
solemnly faceded,
but in bright pupils
I did see,
how you'd fallen for a sin like me.

Oh, and it hit me.
The nothingness that somehow held.
And I wailed.
And I cried.
And I bawled until my eyes bled.
And I thought of mother.
And of father.
And of baby sister, and of Craig.
But none of my injustices
Surmounted to you,
and your need to make clean.

And so you scrubbed
with a fever,
to cleanse my every spot.
You are my Savior,
my King,
my God,
and I love you
for every spot you worked
so hard to make
perfect,
For our family name,
I love you,
even if I seem to not feel
as claimed.

Gushing stream
The hot water cleanses
My body of its imperfections
My mind of its worries
Instead filling me up
With voices from the make-believe
Allowing for just
A moment of respite
It may not last long
But here in the rush
I cannot feel anything
Or hear anything
But the water and me
I am alone
Perfectly alone
I am happy here.

alcohol.
drunk at 5am
emotions are running high
she thinks she will overcome it

afraid.
fear of  life;
her own self
waiting for the
untold death.
she thinks it will go away.

"she is still the same"
"she wont change"
the beast in her heart
she can't tame

"she doesn't want to change"

these voices
echo and bounce
through her mind
she is tired of not listening

she doesn't want
to hear the words
that cause her ****** agony
she succumbs and
almost believes it

her ***** mind's tricks.

you can't
you wont
you can't stand a chance

what if she can change?

but what if she's in the process?

somewhere
between that
shot of alcohol
and her drunk 5am
thoughts,
something changed.

she brought forth
catharsis.
the emotional cleanse
gave herself a fresh start
just like a brand-new
haircut.

she gave another chance;
a rebirth of the old
a light for the new
she said adieu
and also thank you

emotions
will get the best of you
sometimes;
but i hope
you can overcome them too.

(b.d.s.)