Alone at last
Convince myself it’s all I’ve ever wanted so that time will more easily pass

Haven’t thought for weeks
My face remains dry
Forgot what it was like to not drown every night

Then there’s the light,
Exposing reality and reawakening my fright

Just want to escape
Run away and be free forever more

Want to be alone forever,
Isolated from all
Their blades won’t pierce my skin
Nor will they rip apart my heart, I’ll spend my life waiting for his sacred call

Wish it would come soon
Life has become a burden, my shoulders can no longer ensue
Show me another way
Guide me away from where I lie broke, helpless, and empty, screaming on the floor

I know your plan is greater
Please help me to see
That you truly want the best for me and this is all apart of your vision, guide me to be free

4/18/2019

Let me show you the other side,
Let me show you the way to see.
There's no reason to hide.
From God, comes abundant mercy.

Let me guide your heavy thoughts,
Let me guide your weary feet.
Don't worry about your secrets,
Through God, you're made complete.

Let me brighten your downcast face,
Let me brighten your clouds daily.
Problems aren't yours to erase,
By God's work, you're made holy.

Let me walk you through the danger,
Let me walk you to a place of safety.
You're not meant to live as a stranger,
Because of God, fullness replaces empty.

Let me carry you through the debris,
Let me carry you when you are done.
The issues of others don't define your story.
Look to God, He'll take your burden.

Let me give you a right perspective,
Let me give you a way to cope.
Depressed thoughts are obstructive.
Thanks to God, you have a wider scope.

Let me lead you to truth.
Let me lead you from the lies.
At first, it seems uncouth,
With God, wisdom you will realize.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm the last thing you want,
When you have lost all of me.
I'm rarely at the front,
You must search if you want to see.

I'm what you need most,
When you've given up.
I'm an idea, a ghost,
When will you wakeup?

Look! The Lamb!
God's thrown down a rope.
Here I am:
My name is Hope!

That is what you are,
So evil and unkind;
There is a reason you are alone,
And its not difficult to find.

There is a reason why you must bleed,
These people are right about you,
As disgusting burden on society,
It would be much better off without you.

You are ignorant and stupid,
Why would anyone want to know you?
There is a reason you are so alone,
Nobody is at fault, except you.

You upset everyone,
You're spiteful and unkind,
You dont understand their pain,
And the pain you have left behind.

There's nobody to help you,
For you are beyond all help,
There is no cure for such evil,
Money will be spent on someone else.

You deserve to be alone,
You deserve no family,
No friends, nobody to trust,
Thats how its meant to be.

Nobody wants you in this World,
The damage you've done is enough,
You were never wanted in the first place,
But you were born, with no love.

For why would anyone love you?
You're a failure in every way,
You've let down an entire society,
They will hate you till your dying day.

And you deserved it all,
You selfish, manipulative liar,
Nobody wants to see your face,
Nobody wants you to be here.

Keep cutting deeper with the blade,
Use something heavier for the bruises,
Because until you are dead,
Punishment is the only way to abuse you.

Stay away from others,
You will only do them harm,
Plus they will just never understand,
They are not from where you are from.

Just for writing this
You will be scorned,
An attention seeking waste of space,
Dont say you weren't warned.

Nobody wants you here,
You damage everyone,
Please just damage yourself,
Leave everyone else alone.

You dont belong,
Keep bleeding for them,
Shame you dont have enough pills,
To put it to an end.

I hate you **

4/28/2019

That smile you showed,
When he was left out.
Half a second, eased the load,
Brought him from his hideout.

You care for him, to the last,
Even when he's distant.
When he thought he was outcast,
You included him in an instant.

But he selfishly wants your attention,
He craves more, he can't be alone.
He'd do anything in this situation,
But his stupidity swirls like a cyclone.

He becomes like a turbulent child,
Throws a fit to get his way.
Others are easily beguiled,
But is happiness really underway?

Can the void in his heart,
Which was drained long ago,
Be filled when he becomes a bogart?
These actions damage his precarious ego.

He needs your presence;
People who truly care,
Enough to make a difference.
But he can't even tell you're there.

"Father, show him who,
You've sent them into his life,
Even though they're few,
They cut him deep like a knife.

"Let them show him his faults,
He must see for himself,
Let them open the vaults,
Show him what's on the shelf."

You see how he is corrupted.
Despite his rotten core,
Could he be accepted?
You must help him to explore.

It's not what he does,
That determines his fame.
Love sees past broken pieces,
It passes on no shame.

Overcome by greed,
Not a healthy place.
Back-stabbed and buried,
Not a way to run the race.

Overcome by pride,
Not a purposeful existence.
So much left untried,
Not gaining any distance.

He was not satisfied,
So he took a mile.
I know he was terrified,
Cuz I was he - the whole while.

there’s a glass window between you and me
the kind so clean that sometimes
you think you’re on the same side
it’s just an illusion, a pathetic fantasy
so instead you tap at the glass and mock me
with your laughs, banter, and little secrets
there are quite a few people on the inside
i’ve noticed it’s getting crowded in there
but i’ve never seen the window open
so how do they manage to sneak their way in
you let in flies and snakes and spiders but you won’t let me in
maybe i should break this glass between you and me
and even though the shards will cut my fingers and knees
it’ll be worth all the pain if it finally means i’m in  

- alone

A storm brews inside of her.
Winds of the past ruffle her hair.
Waves of darkness crash in her eyes.
Thunder echos as her heart beats.
Lighting flashes when she breaths.

She is power.
She is a force.
She is uncontrollable.
She is beautiful.
She is unique.

But all of that power,
all of that force.
Is it to much?
Can she bear the burden?

She falls.
The weight of it too much to withstand.
She breaths.
She stands,
and she lets the world know that the worst is yet to come.

4/20/2019

Dear Lord, hear me out!
I feel the need to step back-
No, should I go the opposite route?

I don’t know how we got here,
Promise us retreat won’t be a setback.
Your voice is becoming hard to hear.

“Turn around, do the math…
Run… Forget your false perceptions…
You are lost on this path…”

I thought it was safe,
And maybe it is for me.
But what about the others? Forget myself.

I don’t want to escape unscathed,
At the expense of all the
Ones who followed and believed.

“Turn around, do the math.
Run. Forget your false impressions.
You can’t stay on this path.”

Is is too late for them?
Will they continue to follow,
If I abandon what I said was true?

I told myself I knew,
Now my words sound hollow.
Leadership? Old fears it renews.

“Turn around, do the math!
RUN! Forget false apprehension.
You’ve learned from this path.”

And so I left the others and the road,
It was difficult and humbling-
My failure, explicitly showed.

Now I’m ready to follow You.
And I’ll do so without grumbling.
Thank God, for He came to my rescue!

“Turn around, do the math!
Run my race! Forget dejection!
My plan was accomplished on this path.”

4/10/2019

To the one overcome by other people’s struggles…

Are you some sort of therapist,
That so many lean on you?
They line up as if for an interview.
All this weight on your shoulders – unnoticed?

You don’t mind helping others.
But how are you supposed to grow on your own,
If all you ever do is groan on your own?
You’re still alive, but this weight – it smothers.

They say you gotta find a lightning rod,
To relate all your problems to.
Hey, that’s what you thought once, too.
But your immunity to pain – a facade.

The burdens of other become your own.
Issue after issue you assimilate,
And their privacy, never violate.
You know what you’re doing – it’s by design.

Your back has become numb to the weight,
You are growing stronger…
Now people will love you longer.
You exist to take on their pain – but wait.

This sounds all too familiar.
You’ve heard this story before.
This connection, you can’t ignore.
The man who’s already done this – no failure.

Jesus, the man who took on sin,
So much sin that He died.
He paid the penalty, but never cried.
But through death did he – win.

Could you compare yourself to Jesus?
Could you bear as much weight as he?
No, you don’t even have to ask an actuary.
He’s the only one who – frees us!

So what are you doing with all this,
It’s not your burden to bear,
To you it has become your snare.
But all this on your shoulders – dismiss?

It’s not that easy to drop.
It’s been there so long,
It’s part of you now, making you “strong.”
Someone else needs to make change – swap.

But if Jesus really took the world’s sin,
Then you can’t stand in His way.
You’ve gotta let Him win, give in to His sway.
But He also died for you – took your toxin.

“Jesus, please forgive me!
I’ve been playing God.
And all that reaped was fraud.
I am but a nobody…

“A nobody whom you choose to love.
Show your love once more!
I’m begging for that encore!”
Freedom – all you’re dreaming of.

All He asks you for is for you to ask,
And out pours His forgiveness.
He doesn’t respond with vindictiveness.
And He’s already done – an easy task.

Just like that, weight falls off,
It feels so wrong, the price still paid,
Jesus took your entire burden, an unfair trade.
With His life – down the drop-off.

Hell was reserved for your ilks,
You had your name reserved on a seat,
Jesus paid that ticket, gave no receipt.
Let go of regret – which only bilks.

From now on, you’re no therapist,
Now, fewer should lean solely on you,
No more line-ups for that interview,
The weight on your shoulders – also noticed!

You can share your own problems,
Tell others how you’re doing.
Your attitude, start renewing.
It takes time for healing – but it comes!

Don’t slip into self-sufficiency,
On God, you must be reliant,
He’s the therapist, you’re the client.
The trait of dependence – no longer a deficiency.

With your life, lead others to Him,
He is the One who’s strong,
In Him, we all belong,
Jesus – Love is a synonym.

4/5/2019

In the middle of my transgression,
That trap I’ve fallen in before,
I cry out with desperation,
And I find an open door.
Could it have been there the whole time?

When there seems to be no progression,
It seems I can’t bear it any longer.
Where is the inert deliberation?
Somehow I must ignore the anger,
But how can I find good in the grime?

All I can see: my inward aggression!
That fuse always burning shorter,
Only accomplishing obliteration.
As I make myself a martyr,
I am sacrificed for an unknown crime.

Though my face gains new expression,
New is just another word for darker.
Inward digs the outward oppression,
It must die, but never can I conquer.
Death bells don’t seem to chime.

My focus is always my impression,
I exist to make me look better.
If it were up to my discretion,
All would fall into disorder.
Does it ever end, this eternal climb?

My story now in compression,
I couldn’t resist anymore.
My biggest fears now in suppression,
The door is the way out. Therefore,
Step though, I must. It’s showtime.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is the end of all my repression!
All of me spilled on the floor!
There is no regression!
All of me, anyone can explore!
This exposed feeling is not sublime!

That open door, a misimpression?
Expectation missed, take it away, I implore!
My perspective, it doesn’t freshen,
My new life, why for it do I deplore?
Still I desire to go backwards everytime.

Is Your will bent for my depression?
Is Your love just folklore?
No! Doubt is sadly my profession,
Thank You for all that You restore,
You forgive my idiotic paradigm.

Maybe this was all to get my attention.
Though my soul feels sore,
I know I’m in a better position.
You’ve won, forget the score,
Although over time I worked overtime.

Results result from action,
What’s this all for?
Near extinction, is my confession,
But I’m no longer like that dinosaur.
I’m running out of words to rhyme.

In the end, I made the right decision,
It’s all so much more,
I’m thankful for my Implosion,
There’s less of me than before,
With you in side as my enzyme.