testing the waters,
I let him every time.
I don’t know why...
it’s like I have no control over my own mind.
weak sense of self, so he takes advantage
it’s like i know i shouldnt,
yet i don’t want to leave him stranded.
excerpt from my poem “control”
don’t you dare try to come back,
a haunting memory is all you’ll ever be.
i would rather be perceived for an eternity as a fool than for a single moment as a cold soul.
call me a fool.
I am not an open book;
I am not an easy read.
you pried open my cover,
and engraved your name on the sleeve.
ink bleeding through the layers,
pure white pages made unclean.
you wrote down a story,
and I let myself believe.
please stay with me.
used to think you were out of my reach-
been feeling lately like I just couldn’t see.
used to think you were illusive; an impalpable, unattainable dream-
forged by most, and truly felt only by a few elite.
now, you’re here, revealing that you were always hiding beneath.
into the depths of the ocean, I explored to bring you back from the dark, daunting sea.
so I beg of you now, please don’t flee.
I will cherish each moment that you choose to spend with me;
thank you for finally setting me free.
monsters, monsters everywhere
hold my hand and lead me out of here
eyes, their eyes like you and I,
faces normal, unable to dehumanize
every bit an equal to you or I,
they’re not hiding under some scary disguise
evil is not an exclusive trait,
evil grows inside of all,
blame it on fate
it’s targets are not set in stone,
the only safety is all alone
water it and show it the sun,
blossoms brightly, overgrown
to destroy it now, seems impossible
where to run?
I call him the devil because he makes me wanna sin
Every time he knocks on the door,
I can’t help but let him in
I know it’s wrong to appease his call,
Though in the end, I know I will fall
Save me from this place,
As though I will amount to more than a mere disgrace
He’s here, though not really
Comes and goes in phases,
Leading me on and hooking me in
So this cycle will yet again spin
Breaks me but makes me;
Falling apart; holds me together
Leave him, yet I stay
Love him, but hate it
Despise him, lost in this high
Coming down is painful
the hurt and sadness ensues,
Bringing back the mundane,
Meaningless life I see ahead;
The reality I am destined to pursue