i feel like i am in a battle of untold secrets
the secrets shoot me in the heart
each enemy i stumble upon runs right through me
they don't see me for me, they see me as a place to hide
i am an open wound
slowly rotting to the core
from being shot with too many bullets to the heart
too many secrets to hide

when will this war be over

It is in the midst of strife
when the burden weighs most heavy,
your innards writhe and twisted;
the discomfort tugging at you so intensely
you cannot help but feel the tightness in your throat.

It is in the thick of this black mist
when your hands pick and pull
upon the wisping thread inside your head,
unraveling the rabble of cowardice voices
which spill like venom on your thoughts.

It is the unsettling notion
you are alone in a vast and empty ocean
sinking, suffocating and claustrophobic,
your mind is brimming, overflowing,
afraid it might just crack right open

It is knowing
these thoughts which come pouring
from that fractious bore inside your skull
seethe with undisclosed emotions
and their exposure to the air could crush you whole.

Will you allow this shameful wave
to crash atop you with all its galling weight
and drag you under grain by grain?

Or-

Will you battle back the coming storm,
standing above the surging tide
a rampart refusing to forfeit a single inch
of your distinguished shore?

I say battle.
Battle with the erosive waters rising inside you.
Battle knowing fully at first you are destined to lose.
The hero must be humbled
before others see him as the hero too.
So battle **** it, battle you glorious fool!

Life can be hard.
All paths are difficult in some way.
Some crooked, straight, or curved
through silent nights and rough days.

It's all about purpose though.
Your path leads you, guides you
to the purpose you were made for
and no matter what will get you through.

Problems don't define you.
You can stand tall
and face the battle
and every single fall.

I may be forgotten by history.
Win or lose both sides will despise me.
In battle, I will fight valiantly,
but in the end, I will die alone.
My weapons rust as time continues on.
Of my fallen friends, I'll sing a song.
In this endless battle, I will stay strong,
knowing I have no chance of winning.
Flattery has long since then been replaced.
To lie is no longer a disgrace.
Is there any honor in such a place
where the thieves and the murders thrive?
Becoming the best is that which I sought
But time in jail was all my efforts bought.
Escaping once held captive my thoughts,
But still in jail is where I do rot.
My lockpick is gone, my crossbow is too.
But one day again, I will debut.
Though I'm old, frail, and a bit out of tune,
The life of my work will never undo.
The young lads do earnestly aspire.
The old do after time retire.
Crime will decrease, or at times run higher.
No matter what, you can't douse our fire.
The law hates. Thieves destroy competition.
Old methods are gone despite petition.
Will they put an end to our life's mission?
Not as long as good and evil endure.

I can feel anxiety crawling into my mind, feeding me with unnecessary thoughts.
Self-doubt reaches out for my soul; fear smiles at me as I quivered my lips.
My trembling hands strike down on the concrete, and my head spins.
I slowly shut my eyes, hoping my demons would leave me.
But they persist, making me feel like I have to plea for peace.

I grasp my reality behind a mirror and watch the clock unwind.
I hear the faded children laugh, it echoes through my mind, and I feel the fear within my heart.
I wish my thoughts were sane, so they didn't fall like rain.

When I look ahead of the storm, I see a generation full of demons.
Darkness may rule the world, but I kept holding on.
With every battle I withstand, I fear the shadows will bind my heart and take my breath away.
But somehow, my spirit will never give in.
-Niko

am I beautiful yet?
tears are streaming down my face
my hip bones are protruding through my skin
my stomach talks to me in my sleep

am I beautiful yet?
my clothes are falling off my body
energy is slowly draining
my bones ache

am I beautiful yet?
my mind is filled with taunting thoughts
the cold seeps deep between the wrinkles of my brain
my heart murmurs your name in the dead of night

am I beautiful yet?
I did this all for you
for you to see me different
I hope I look different

so, do I look different?
do I look beautiful?
am I beautiful yet?

I walk down the lane of misery for the last time this year
Reminiscing my failures
I watch my hard work float away like my lovers who promised to stay.
The self-doubt however lingers
The confidence diminishing like the seconds to a new year
The new year of little significance
For we all know we will never change
We will face the same doubts
We will cry for the same reason
We will fight the same battle
and we will never learn
Not this time, not this year, not this new year