I'm not going to sleep
because so far talking to you has been the best part of my day
and if i sleep now
tomorrow will be here quicker.

I am wide awake.
I am tired.
And my eyes do not want to be open.
They are old.
They have seen too much,
For today.
They are tired.
I am tired
Of this.
Wide awake
At 4:00am
Jazz on the brain.
Right now
I could dance until my skirts ripped to shreds
On knee high grass, and ticks crawled up my legs
I could dance in that,
And not care about ticks and scraped up shins or
How bad I am at dancing
But I'm too tired.
So instead of twisting myself into somewhere new
My jazz brain
Plays on an empty room
Elevator ******* skull.
Too tired to do anything more than echo
My jazz.
But I'm wide awake!
And I want to use it.
But it's no use against such heavy
Blankets and air and silence and space and brain
And I know I would care about the ticks
And it would hurt, to bleed all over that prickly field
And I would care.
Since imagery doesn't feel the same
Never feels the same
As real world nettles.
So instead of dancing.
I am writing a poem.
And my brain is on jazz
Like fire.
And I am wide awake.
But I am so
So
Tired.

She was wide awake in the dead of night
With her thoughts in a violent disarray.
Some are kind and some are sweet,
While some are hard to keep at bay.

Sorrow accompanied confusion,
and confusion accompanied grief.
And as she cradled the pain she felt,
She found herself in utter disbelief.

And as the room drowned in silence,
She was convinced of her version of truth.
That she was just too unloveable,
A mistake in the face of youth.

She couldn't see beyond the wall
But she could feel her heart break.
So she finally let her tears fall
Until she was no longer awake.

Light seldom graces me with her presence. That used to tear me apart. Now, I have learned to appreciate her absence. I sit, perched on my plush cushion. Bluejays sit on my windowsill. Their wings are resting and my eyes are gleaming. How beautiful it is to watch a sentient being recover, rejuvenate. I’ll never tell you that knowing you set me free. All the things in life that are terrible now amaze me. My ears laugh at the sounds the bluejays have gifted me. They are so happy. Sipping the sweet, crimson nectar. Filling them with life and substance. I am writing again. My voice is different now. I used to be locked in your cell. Now, I turn to the light. The bluejays and I share a commonality: nectar is there for enjoyment, not necessity.

We live in a society where the truth is an insult.
And lies are what were raised on.
Never understanding the true meaning of things.
But only learning from what being feed.
Looking up to puppets the puppeteers bring.
Wanting to do the same thing.
Now a days kids only wana do certain things.
Like play games and make them **** videos.
What ever happened to the I wana be the president.
Oh yea thats lame, you'll never make it kid.
All these lives lost over someone not thinking straight.
All the mass shooting by white folk but it's the Mexicans and blacks they blame.
Let's build a wall about this tall.
Keep the infections and the diseases away.
The most infectious diseases is the one on the screen.
This is how theyre feeding it to the public thinking that they know everything.

And in my sleep, I am wide awake.
My dreams are vivid, my dreams are many.
I live and die a thousand lives, each as real as any.