Being blocked from your life
Made my tears turn red
You can't hear my screaming
As I beg and call your name
I yell for forgiveness
As I feel the heavy shame
As much as you were right
Your move on was too soon
By leaving my life
You took away my sun and moon
I bang on the keyboard
As I curse my own name
For I knew my heavy loss
Was me, myself, to blame
My body trembles in anger
My cries becoming airlessly silent
Not knowing if I will ever see you again
Has me so terribly frightened...
The other half of my heart
Is sadly, what you've taken.

I’m not a robot

I'm not some cog in a machine

I’m not some faceless doll that does stuff on repeat

I’m not an A.I that remembers your every word

I am here to learn…

But instead of learning about real life

I learn an illusion that's forced into my mind

Pointless facts, dates, numbers

all these things I must remember

Only to do all over again

Over and over and over

Pointless facts more numbers

again  and again, this cycle goes

I repeat

I'm not a robot

I am not your slave

I am a human with a life outside of school days

But I feel as though that has been taken away…

….and for what?…
Pointless facts, dates, Quizzes!?

You say you’re making leaders yet you only tell us how to listen.

How do expect us to succeed with a youth full of machines?!


I am not a robot
….
I am a student
….
And expect you to treat me as such

The wall is my punching bag
and your face is my inspiration.
Even when my knuckles sag,
there is no hesitation.

I have bruises on my fingers
but it is not the wall's fault.
It is the surge of my anger's
and they make my fists stronger.

The poison you poured in me
is overflowing the bottle.
Every punch the wall meets
is every sip of my struggle.

The pain is sinking in
and it feels worse than the bruises.
It's buried deeper within
so I dig but it refuses.

The wall is nothing
to what festers inside.
My punches do nothing
and there is nowhere to hide.

The disease is within me
and it is thriving in my mind.
The only way out is nowhere in sight.
I looked to my fists to set myself free
but my fists have no eyes
so I cannot see.

Now, my arms deserve to rest.
I'll even bid them a good night
because today won't be the worst
and I'll need them another time.

Destined to rot away
in  woeful echoes that stay,
the promises left behind
burn my guts ,unkind
like your words for me
as I fade away the tree
of the dreams that I build
to be just be slid
into the pigeonhole
that they earnestly patrol.

I have this backpack

every time I want to cry
or scream or yell
I take the feeling and I place it in a jar
and I zip it up in my backpack

its amazing really, how many jars
this one bag can hold

see, I've never emptied it or
even set it down because
I'm afraid if it leaves my shoulders
everything will spill out
and all the jars I've sealed
will break open and I'll hear it  

I have this backpack
and its getting heavy
so heavy

Aloof in the wind, perfectly poised to the sun.
Dressed in the disguise of men he’d seen in movies.
Waiting, in the wrinkles of leather jackets
Waiting, intoxicating scent of cigarettes
Hiding with teeth infested vines
Hiding, fingers meshed into the roots
Cowering, it can’t hide from a mind so sharp it wounds him
A disgusting entity , suffering.
Oozing, contorting to fit the eye of the beholder
Repulsive vines splutter bitter sap that once seemed so sweet to me

He preens my feathers,
fans my flames-
he lets me grow, he lets me destroy him.
I am happy.
.
but you still flip off my street when you pass it.

There's a book of saints that has been touched by my fingerprints
But do not worry, it has not been sought open
Not by me
Or any

There's a book of saints and the others have stolen it from me
Translated it in a language that's is unknown to me
That is foreign
One that is on the tip of my tongue but it won't fall from me
Words like that do not belong in a mouth like mine anyway

I've left the notion of rationally a long time ago
Why reason with a stone?
When it will only be used against you as a weapon
The only breath of fresh air I have is my own
And it's dangerously decaying

Flowers bloom in my bedroom
But wilter in my closet
You see sunlight can not find its way in there
And I can't pry it open with my hands
Because every time I try they become flowers

But they are so beautiful
Executes everything so stunningly
That they leave traces of fairy dust
They are the most pleasant thing to see
It makes me want to shower them in gold
Show the world that not all I do is ugly
Or is unnatural

Because isn't it such a nature thing to do?
Bloom in the darkest of places

And isn't it funny?
How choices can be like flowers
Be alive so unapologetic-like
Except they are so fragile
Yet so elegant
Maybe it's morbid for me to compare myself to a flower
Since we all know what happens when winter comes
And I live in a vicious cycle of coldness

Nonetheless, there is no stopping my beating heart when the sun comes
Nor when the rain pours over my love
Drowning me in lavender

Do not worry I have seen what floods can do to fields of flowers
How they swallow up any life and destroy it
Send it to their death without a second thought,
There is horror in this world
That has been left to swim unchecked in these prairies for too long
Ignored and said to be harmless
Ignored when they drowned my fields of violets

So no I will not grow into a rose
I wish for you to follow me with this
Yet words to teach you my language are untranslatable
There's is nothing I can compare to the feeling of making a home out of one outfit
Nothing to make you understand when I say I'm okay I don't need to change
There are no words to transcribe the feeling of being content with your body
And what it can bloom

You ate my body like a commodity,
until I was nothing but skin and bones,
and then you used my bones as
materials further still.

Until I was nothing but empty
skin that you squeezed every
drop from—until there was
nothing left for you to take.

You see the world through dollar signs,
making every red flag shine green—
until you're blind to the way I bleed.