Something that I’ve learned for sure,
you don’t need to see me like you said you used to.
I read the words you wrote, and wonder what has been changing?

How much have we both been changing?
I feel static compared to you,
a constant shifting kaleidoscope.

More and more of your colors are coming out,
twinkling and sparking in the light of the mid-morning sun, and for the first time I’m seeing it from the outside.

You’re too sincere to hurt anyone on purpose,
and that’s how I know, because I know you.

Sometimes I feel more like your friend,
and there’s a claw that picks at my heart,
armed with acid that shuts down my lungs.

You’re beautiful.
An unequivocal fact, a truth.
The way you make everyone around you feel
special, important,
Being on the outside burns,
but seeing you bloom is enough to make me swallow my tongue.

I don’t know if I can be your friend.
If you want me to be, I’ll do it,
but you mean so much more than I can ever communicate.

I’m the one that needs you.

I look for you everywhere I go,
wait at corners in case I can run into you,
watch you leave with a bruised spirit.

How do you do it?
How do you have me so wrapped around your fingers that I can’t breathe?
How do I show you what you’re doing to me?

I know that if things change,
I’m going to break whatever balance we have,
like I always knew I would.

We told each other all that time ago
that we want to see each other in our futures.
Do I fit into yours?

You’re growing, growing up,
outgrowing me, I can’t catch up to you,
no matter how hard I’m trying.

I think you’d be surprised how reckless and stiff it’s making me,
you’ve always been part of my impulse control,
always cared whether or not I’m doing okay.

How are you?
I can’t ask you that really,
I just sit and smile,
take in you and your coffee smile, morning tired eyes.
It might be just me, but I must know.
When my fingers touch your skin my mind is calm,
my day glows a little brighter.

When you leave,
I can’t help but smile and wish you were staying.
The smile on your face always stuns me into silence.

Some days, we don’t even talk,
which feels so foreign. Seeing you makes do then,
unravels the knot that twists in my chest,
tension pulling taut beneath my skin.

We used to be side by side,
but now you’re sliding out of my reach,
and I’m left with an extended hand, alone.

Some days, I worry.
Wake up at three in the morning in tears,
from dreams of the future,
where you aren’t there.

Maybe it makes me selfish,
to want to be with you all of the time.
To see every laugh, see the way your eyes sparkle when you’re happy.
To see the way you gesture so wildly when you talk.

Spending time with you feels like a gift,
or a drug.
I want more and more,
but a little is enough,
it’s got to be enough.

In time,
maybe I’ll handle it better,
not think about you all the time, in everything I do.

Somedays, I watch you go,
and wonder if you’re gone for good,
that I’ll never stand by your side again.

Somedays, I love you.
For some reason, everyday is about you.

Somedays I know,
that I’m losing whatever I used to be for you
When you see my face, is my name running through your head on loop, on loop, on loop, on loop?

Your shining eyes and pretty little smile press the words I want to say into my skin and down my throat.

You've taken my light and strained it; I'm turning into shadows, my lungs burn with smoke from the fire in my brain.

When you hear my voice, do you feel the turmoil that I do? I want to be close to you, but you'll burn me for standing too close to the fire.

Shadows, you are my sun no longer. Satellite, alien, obstruction in the sky. How can I escape you when all I want to do is hold you close to me, and hear your heartbeat?
Come on my lady,
take my hand and hold it tightly.
Tonight it's you and I in the quiet night,
the only witness the sky above our heads.

Let's dance under the stars,
don't worry I'll catch you if you fall.
We don't need music, can't you feel the rhythm between us?

The way my pulse pounds,
the hammering of your heartbeat,
in harmony with the humming of the wind,
the crickets percussion.

It's you and I, let's enjoy our time together,
away from the rest of the restless world.
You give my heart wings, I'm so light one more word, and I'll fly.

Indulge me this once,
dancing in the dark,
where your loveliness shines.
When I’m done with you, all you’ll be is a shell of who you were,
so it would be better for both you and me if you didn’t come close.
If you stayed away from my prying words that hide knives between syllables,
in lingering touches that break your foundations.

When I’ve broken you all I can,
destroying that special sadness you keep behind walls as dark as trust, because you know I’m there on the other side, what’s left is sharper than glass.

Alone in the street, just you no me,
calling out into the night,
smell the rain on your skin.
Let it soak your hair and try to fix you as the water runs red to the gutter.

In a perfect world, there is no I’ll be better,
in a perfect world, we never looked each other’s way.

You’ll never be the same after me,
I’ll never be the same after you,
you ruined me, but I broke you.

I froze you the way only fire can, covering you in scars head to toe,
your burning winter worse because I’m so bad with the cold.

When you’re moving on with words that wrap you up like a blanket in the dark,
that stop the flow of blood where your heart is supposed to be,
will you let me go, and destroy all of our pretty things?

This is a two-way street, even when you’re empty, with a sandpaper soul,
all of our oasis, the moon, and the universe that we made together,
can you let them go?

When you think back,
will you always remember me?
Will the waves still break at the thought of my name?

In a different life, let’s never say hello,
let me drown in the thick red of my ocean alone

— The End —