When Ozzy Osborne died,
The **** store workers didn’t care.
They said, go get your green ******* hippie,
Get out of my hair.
I said isn’t he your savior,
Prince of darkness don’t they say?
He said I told you once already?
Go the hell away

Will I ever recover?
From what you put me through?
Will I ever become a lover?
Or is that ruined too?

Will I forever be broken?
From what you said to me?
Will I eventually have forgotten?
Or is this just destiny?

Why is it that even now?
After months of no contact?
You still affect me somehow?
Every thought you still impact?

Why are you part of my history?
Why did you put me through this?
Why can’t I forget already?
Is this just how it is?

In half is what I am
They don't know because they can't
I don't blame them
But maybe I should
For every time they think they would
Every time they think they could

Just like the number 3,033
The brain cannot see
Cannot be in the place of me

In half is what I am
Broken, unbroken
Trying what I can
Trying to make them see
Trying to fight the side,
I don't want to be
Trying all I can to just let it be

The evening is quiet, clear and fresh.
I’m walking along the shore.
I’m wearing only few clothes now,
Only your shirt and nothing more.

I’m stepping onto the damp, warm sand.
How pleasant its touch is!
I’m not in a hurry. I want to inhale
The waning of this aloof day’s breeze.

We wandered here with you beforetime,
Holding hands, breathing in time.
Love and peace were around us.
But then all went wrong, not in rhyme.

Now I’m walking along the shore.
I’m walking alone, delighting in sunset.
I’m gulping my tears and walking straight.
That must be the way it has to be instead.

He didn’t want me at my best, so I gave him my worst
He didn’t want me or even ***, so I won’t be his first

Fading into the background in the caverns
The caverns of this fleeting beautiful person’s mind
Alone again, but still longing for a time
Where I could be wanted and I was able to want

Nor a version of who I am fabricated
Loved, desired, and celebrated

Without makeup and hours toiling on my face
Nor having to beg anyone with a pulse to stay
Let alone this soul who will slowly go away

i regret not making more friends.
i regret not sitting at more lunch tables.
i regret the glances that i didn’t return.
i regret the smiles i let pass like strangers.
i regret thinking that one friend was enough.
i regret pretending that silence made me strong.
i regret staying home when they invited me out.
i regret overthinking every introduction.
i regret the way i let anxiety speak for me.
i regret deleting numbers instead of reaching out to people.
i regret waiting for them to speak first.
i regret being afraid of being too much.
i regret leaving group chats before they knew me.
i regret the hallways I walked like a ghost.
i regret the versions of me they never got to meet.
the point is --
i regret a lot of things,
about not making friends.
especially that.

but it was my fault
after all.

I jumped the gun.
Made the playlist.
Planned the vacation.
Did the work.

Might as well go alone.

I have never been so depressed
as I was
when stepped on by an elephant

I have never been so down
as I was
when attacked by a moulting duck

I have never been as shocked
as I was
when wiring that plug as I did

I never felt so abandoned
as I was
when she passed and left me here

When I think about her
I don't believe I will ever feel alive again
but I am older and will join her soon