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Swetank Modi Oct 2014
Don’t tell me being numb
hurts less than a scar.
Don’t tell me feeling nothing
hurts less than a bruise.

After a while nothing
is, but not caring
turns to more pain
than you can imagine.

The only reason not to feel
is because of pain.
I’m told to feel nothing
because words don’t hurt.

Words hurt more than anything
the names I was called
changed who I was
and still hurt now.

You may say it once
but I repeat it.
over and over
until I believe it.

It turns to reality
my whole life story
'till it’s all I see
when I think of me.

And you can say it’s me
who picks up that knife
to hurt myself
but it’s not my fault.

It’s your words
that lift that knife.
And it’s your words
that put it in my arm.

And it’s your words
that I repeat
as I search for death
in everything.

It’s your words
that make me hate me.
And it’s your words
that made me this way.

Your words
take the form of a knife.
The knife that hurts me,
The knife I now need.

And I stand here
wondering how
you could possibly
not know.

Am I really that good
at pretending I’m fine?
that the words you’re saying
aren’t cuts in my arm?

Or is it just
that you don’t care?
That I’m really a no one,
just like you said?

Because to myself
I’m just your insults.
I’m just what you call me,
a person to hate.

All I am is your cruel words.
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
Before I come and wake you
With hot tea and kisses
I will say some quiet words
In the dark
where you cannot hear them

I founder sometimes in your beauty
As if the side or depth of it are out of reach
I sink beneath its density
How your body shudders
With unwinding joy
When everything and breathing stops
In one intense point of space and time
Resounding and fading
A sheer pulsing drift of wonder

Then I feel your flesh vibrating
Like strings beneath my fretted fingers
Like an ocean of dazed and dazzled being
Exploding beyond your senses
And flooding your soul with holy vespers

And I am blessed to be in your body at such a time

And I am further blessed
By the intimacy of your secrets
Those fears and hopes
Your most precious self that no one sees
Beyond the energies of life and death
Beyond healing and forgiveness

You let me touch your prayers

In grace and bright dawning
When being is done and the universe explodes
Will the murmurs of our love
taste like Sanctus on the lips of angels

And I will be blessed to be in you at such a time
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
The internal clock winds down another year
Time keeps going by faster i fear
How much longer am i supposed to be here
That's not up for me to decide
Or is it
Who knows anymore
Certainly not me
Counted my birthdays on five year intervals with my fingers and toes
I've ran out
Twenty one years old still so very concerned with what life is about
I'm wasting time
Or am i
Who knows anymore
Am i still in my youth
What little youth i had
You tend to grow up very fast when self loathing thoughts are all you've ever had
Praying to a god to relieve you of always being so sad
Relative to everything that's happened in the past
I cannot release this hot burning coal
Its not as simple as letting things go
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
I’m a few hours
and minutes
and seconds
away from adding a year
to my relatively irrelevant age
and I contemplate the complexities
of such a small number.


Legally an adult,
but not nearly ready
to enter the world
on my own.

I cannot even fathom  
               braving the hallways of
               horrendous high school
               supporting myself and
               being on time for my insurance
               all while balancing a career

I’m stuck in the middle
of this whirlwind
of emotions and numbers
and candles and time
and homework and paychecks
and everything else
that comes with the titles of
student and teenager
and adult and employee.

It’s minutes before
I can blow out the candles
on eighteen
but I also extinguish another bit
of dependence.
Swetank Modi Sep 2014
I just want to say hello
In the longest way i possibly can
I saw you there and I knew
I wanted to speak to you
I had to speak to you
And the best thing I came up with
is hello
Hello isn't just a greeting
It has many different meanings
So many ways you can say hello
You can say hey
With just a simple word
I'm telling you all the things
I want to say
Hello can mean I like you
Hello can mean I miss you
Hello can mean please come to my side
Make sure you follow what comes next
Make sure you read between the lines
Hello is just a letter addressed to you
I'm going to write you a letter
And in it a single message
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
If I were a tear
Would you let
Me run down
Your sweet,
Smooth cheek?

~ ~ ~

Would you let me comfort you in
Your time of need
Change the painful tears to
Happy tears, bring out your
Beautiful smile, would you?

~ ~ ~

If I were a tear
I'd love you
Forever and
Make you realise
We're not all bad.
Swetank Modi Jun 2014
Turn off the light,
Close your eyes,
Trying to sleep,
At the day’s demise.
Think of your day,
All the people you met,
Pick a special moment,
Mark the date.
Think of the future,
Or maybe the next day,
Of all your plans,
And how to make a way.
Think of someone,
Their eyes, their smile,
Think of their words,
Whether they hurt or beguile.
Think of the past,
Of your childhood,
Think of all the people,
Who helped you into adulthood.
Imagine possible situations,
Maybe cry a bit,
Lose yourself to sleep,
‘Till, again, the world is lit.
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
Deep autumn:
my neighbor,
how does he live, I wonder? ...
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
be a poet
if you must
but know this
from one who cares

it is an addiction
that will cause strife

you will learn
stuff you never really
wanted to know

you will find pieces
of your soul
best forgotten

you will stay awake
late into the night
trying to twist a phrase
til, it turns out just right.

there will be tears
and much frustration
at times you will
neglect your
everyday life

oh there will be angst
and fear as you let
your poems go
and see your words fly

and yes i cannot deny
there will be joy
as you discover
new words
with which to toy

so be a poet, if you must
if you have, a liking
for garrets and starvation
enough to offset your
word lust

just be original
don't be a parrot
it is your life
you get to chose
your own folly...
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
The only problem
With haiku is that
You get started and then...
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
Here and now
We say our final goodbyes
We say that we want to part ways
But we really want to stay
We don't want things to end
We never did
We love each other
We were meant for each other
We have shared so many perfect memories
We had perfect days
We had perfect months
We had perfect years
We wish this wasn't happening
We will miss each other so terribly much
We will never be apart for long
We always come back to each other
We love each other that much
We care for each other
We comfort each other
We need each other
We make a perfect team
Like fire and ice
Like peanut butter and jelly
Like life and death.
But one of us became unhappy.
Was it you?
Was it me?
I can't remember.
I wish we didn't have to end
I loved you.
Did you love me?
You said you did.
I wish I could know for sure.
I want to stay with you forever.
I miss you already.
I will never be the same without you.
I don't know how I'll survive.
I remember all the fun times I shared with you.
I like to think about my past with you.
I wish I had had more time with you.
I know that you might still come back for me.
I hope you do.
I miss you.
Do you miss me?
Swetank Modi Oct 2014

the ravens shook the sky

and the clouds fell down into the stream.


was the day that my heart died

and you told me not to think about my dreams.

The sun didn’t shine

The birds didn’t sing

All we did was lie in bed and

think of all the sadder things.

A pile of books fell off the shelf

opened up to the end

and that’s the moment when you said

we should just be friends.


the sky never was blue

only grey!

Yesterday was filled with silence

when you said all you had to say.

But today the sun is shining,

and the pavement is warm

my face it is smiling

I’m not sad anymore

'Cause if you leave me

you didn’t love me

I was wasting my time…

Now it’s my turn to shine.
Swetank Modi Aug 2017
The promise has been broken
Now everything looks blurry to us
We try to make a head way but yet
We are still not getting what we want

We feel left out
To us every situation mellows us
Because feel we have no say at all
We tell different stories that are both
true and lies

Decieving the wold with our tales
Making it seem true but they are lies
We go about living a double life
Forgeting our background compromising
our life with lies
Swetank Modi Aug 2015
Silly me, sitting in a new class,
feeling like a social disaster.
At the front, there's no one
to hide behind,
no one who'll turn around
to ask for a pen.
That first interaction-
a distraction from reclusive habits.
There is a bag and jacket
sitting in the seat behind me.
My writing is all that dares
to converse with me.
It's quiet company
amongst the chatter of my peers
the voices I wish I didn't hear.
When teacher asks our names,
and I stutter to respond
there are whispers in my ears.
Am I the only one?
Who doesn't know a soul-
who couldn't say hello,
when that girl's smile showed?
It's not a place I'd call home,
so I keep my nose in the chicken-scratch-
reading the syllabus
silly me, in a new class,
whispering social disaster out loud.
College anxiety introvert stammer scare silly class outcast
Swetank Modi Sep 2014
I lost it when the storm blew,

Wi-Fi, laptop, iPad too.

On my kindle, no bars found,

Oh lord, the internet is down.

My Facebook friends no longer poke,

I cannot tweet a single joke.

My iTunes offer not a sound,

Now the internet is down.

I finally fix that broken chair,

Clean my room, wash my hair.

Then I wander all around,

Now the Internet is down.

The library’s packed. And the theater too,

I need my fix. Can I sit here too?

Is Wi-Fi in another town?

Now the internet is down.

I’ll search the house and find a nook,

To finally read that Dan Brown book.

My thoughts are clear, my soul unbound,

Now the internet is down.

I’ll study French. Take up guitar,

I’ll search for wisdom, near and far.

To internet’s death, I raise my cup,

Wait. Never mind. It came back up.
Swetank Modi Jun 2014
I sing because my heart is full;
I sing because my soul is free;
I sing because the love I feel for her
is such a lovely thing.

I'll write for her, ten thousand words;
I'll write for her, a thousand songs-
I'll write them in the hopes that
I can sing them to her all night long.

I hope your heart is full of peace;
I hope your soul is snug and warm-
for I'll be with you very soon,
to sing, you held close in my arms...
Swetank Modi Jun 2014
Drugs impair us
beyond repair
Lowly death
~Vs~ the highs of life
Does not compare
mind likes to travel
Body takes it there
remember this feeling
And for once in forever
Forget to care.
Swetank Modi Aug 2015
The scariest thing
About letting yourself go
Is letting people know
You're emotional.

And when you cry every night
And wish you would die,
Where are they
Telling you
To hold on,
Stay strong?
No where.
They are no where to be found.
No, they don't make a sound.

So when they come around
In your glory days,
They don't even
Recognize your face.
It's a shame to say
They just want your fame.

But they don't even know
You're emotional.
'Cause you keep it in,
So they don't win.

But when
That one person
Comes along
And sings you
A song,
Let them in
Don't let them
Move on.
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
Some people want
nothing to do with you
until your success
becomes something
that they envy
Don't let such people fool you.
Swetank Modi Jul 2014

needs to be told it's going to be okay sometimes.

And it will.
You have it in you to be what you imagine
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
My eyes are too big
I am one with the desserts
Now I must digest
Swetank Modi Jul 2014
There's a first time for everything.
First love-
First kiss,
First real relationship.
First time I knew you were looking right through me.
First time I doubted you,
First time I questioned the motives for the things you do.
First moment I suspected you didn't love me.
First time I knew you thought I was inferior to thee.
First time you yelled at me.
First time you touched me and it wasn't lovingly.
First time you pulled away from a kiss and then wouldn't look me in the eyes.
First time I knew some of what you said would still be just lies.
First time I could see myself building a life with another person.
First time I loved freely without needing permission.
First time I thought you were different.
First time I realized you were just like the rest of them.
Remember the first time you got so afraid I was going to leave?
First time you made me cry, first of oh so many.
First time you hugged me.
First time you spoke without love or sincerity.
First time you said you missed me.
Our first, and our last, anniversary.
First time you told me I wasn't very smart.
First time someone ever broke my heart.
Swetank Modi Feb 2015
Living without them is blue
That I never knew
What my life will be without them
They are the one who always been there for me
When I am so crazy,
When I am feeling so down
and most especially when I am worst.
They accept me whatever I am.
They are the people who can tell you frankly
Though their words hurt me badly
But that's what bestfriends for.
We don't have that kind of perfect friendship
We sometimes fought
But what matters most is we always forgive each other.
Give each other a chance.
A chance for us to realize our mistakes
And for us to realize the true value of friendship.
I'm so lucky to have you guys
Not just only as my bestfriends but being as my FAMILY ❤
Friendship do matter :)
Be my friend forever
Swetank Modi Aug 2015
God made me loving
So I would love everyone

God made me broken
So I could make sure I never break someone else

God made me hurt
So I could heal others

God made me anxious
So I could learn to trust

God made me motherly
For those who don't have one

God made me uncoordinated
So I would know that balance
Is not always physical

God made me compassionate
So I would know his love for us

God made me faithful
So I would know what it's like to be betrayed

God made me insecure
So I could tell others that no one is perfect

God made me human
And uncoordinated that I am

So He could prove to me
That He is stronger than my ups
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
I hate you haiku
You are very tough to do
Go back to Japan
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
She is a flower
Out to glamorize everything she touches
And everything she sets foot on

She is a flower
Admired for her beauty
That casts light on your gloomy day

She is a flower
Your object of adoration
Where your loyalty lies

She is a flower
A cure to the sickness
Unfolding within you

She is the flower
You picked up rashly
And took away from where she’s supposed to be

She is the flower
Caged in the vase locked in your dark room
No one else can see

She is the flower
Stray in your heart
That blocks the daylight she deserves to indulge herself in

She is the flower
You so much care for
That she wilts in your selfish hands
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
Five syllables here
Seven more syllables there
Are you happy new?
Swetank Modi Sep 2015
Hush, little sister
Please don't cry
I wish I could be there
To sing you a lullaby

I can see your arms
Bloodied and bruised
That's strange, little sister
Mine were like that too

I know you scream
When Daddy's there
Hush, little sister
I know you're scared

I can see the way
He's hurting you
I'm sorry, little sister
He did that to me too

I know that people
Ignore what's going on at home
That makes me angry, little sister
You shouldn't have to be alone

Hey, little sister
You want to know why I'm not there?
It's a sad story, little sister
But people should care

You see, little sister
One day Daddy got high
You were asleep in your crib
So you didn't hear my cry

He screamed at me
And smashed my head against the door
While you slept, little sister
I died on the floor

You know, little sister
I don't think that I would have died
If someone had only bothered
To listen to my cries

But hush, little sister
Daddy's coming home
Quick, get into bed
You don't want him to find you alone

I'm sorry little sister
He's in a bad mood
Run while you can

Uh oh little sister
He's lifting his belt
Scream while you can, little sister
Call for help

Hush little sister
You don't need to cry
No one can hurt you
You're in my arms tonight.
Swetank Modi Jul 2014
You are gone now,

But I am still here.

And as I recollect the sweet memories,

My eye sheds a tear.

I will miss you a lot,

That’s for sure.

For you were like the morning rays,

So fresh and so pure.

You were like the sun rays,

That woke me up each morning.

You were like my shadow,

Which would be with me till evening.

You were like sparkling water,

Transparent and clear.

I would see my reflection in you and smile,

But you are no more here.

You were like the setting sun,

Glowing red and bright.

But, you would return again as the moon,

Shining high and white.

I see your face in the stars,

Smiling and so full of joy.

I will never forget you,

And never say goodbye.
Swetank Modi Jul 2014
I fall in love  with dynamics.
I am intrigued by chemistries.
But people, in their own right,
Have never stolen the breath from me.

The interaction between one person and another
Can entertain me for days, weeks, months
To see how their dynamic works, how it functions
In every and every situation, at least once.

Dynamic is not something everyone has
Chemistry is not ensured from birth or at all
Thus when I see it, positive or negative,
It grips me, holds me, keeps me under its thrall.

I do not fall in love with people.
It is a fact I've come to accept.
People have never inspired adoration, no,
I fall in love with dynamics.
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
I don't remember much
I remember sitting with my mom
She said something that triggered me emotionally
I ignored it, I zoned out
I excused myself
I came to my room
I closed the door
I lay in my bed
Enduring the pain
Of my emotional misfortune
As well as the physical pain
From my pounding head
For some reason
I caught sight of my chest
I could see my nightdress
And I could see my heart
Trying as much as it can
To shy away from the pain
I felt it sink into hiding
I wish there was something
Something I could do for it
It's always been there for me
All the grenades it's caught for me
The scars it's bared for me
The cracks it's cemented for me
I felt a tear fall from my right eye
I was stunned, I touched my tear
I tasted it, salty taste of melancholy
That was weird for me
Because I haven't cried in 12 months
I wasn't expecting to cry
I never thought I would cry
Then I felt it
That feeling you get
When you drown yourself
In your own river of tears
Swetank Modi Jun 2014
“The more you approach infinity, the deeper you penetrate terror.”
                                                                                 - Gustave Flaubert

He was like fire, a pyre of flames engulfing the darkness.
He burned brighter than the sun.
He cast shadows longer than an unending road.
He was a child of fear, and pain.
All his morbid desires took shape one day, and he felt alone.

She was like rain, a rush of calmness.
She had happiness in her eyes, and love in her heart.
She was a child of hope, and wisdom.
She met him, and all hell broke loose.
She quenched his thirst.
She broke him in the best of ways.
She completed him.

A silent whisper of freshness.
A breath.
They were infinite together.
Swetank Modi Jun 2014
Inevitably results in conception
You are prolific,
And I, so very fertile.
The gestation period varies
I, heavy with our creation
Give birth to words.
Our children delight us
One day, they too
Will speak, and seed.
Swetank Modi Jul 2014
Where does the spark and infatuation from the beginning go?

It’s crazy how quickly you can go from being excited to talk to a person to feeling like you’re forcing the conversation. The quality time you spend with each other turns into “I was busy” and the consistent communication becomes “I don’t know”.  When does “I hate to see you leave” turn into “It hurts too much to stay?”

Could it be because we’re all guilty of taking things for granted? Maybe we think love is something which will appear whenever it is convenient, or maybe we don’t realize how important it is to keep a good thing going. Maybe we think happiness is something that just finds us, instead of being something we must work for. And maybe that’s why we end up doing or saying something we shouldn’t have, and regret our actions later. It’s amazing how fast things change…

You go from laughing about anything to arguing about everything. You go through the motions, wondering if they’re real, if they really do care, or if they’re going to run when it turns rough. It’s so scary. You want to give more of yourself to somebody but it’s hard so these days because you just never know if you’ll get anything back. Don’t we all deserve a bit of love? Love is not something just to be taken, it’s to be given as well. You think you have it all sorted. That they will come around sooner or later. That they will realize what they are doing will only wreck the relationship beyond repair.

You do little things, you stay consistent, but somehow it just doesn’t add up. Maybe the problem is that we except the love to be magical before we become magicians. Or could it be that we’re all just better breakers than builders? We’d rather have feelings we can throw away and ‘love’ that’s disposable.

We grew up reading tales like Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty etc, which lead us to believe that the path of love is a bed of roses, without the thorns. Or blame it on the overdose of the too-good-to-be-true love stories we encounter in films and read in novels. Happily ever after is a myth. And Happily Married is the biggest oxymoron ever.

Reality is rough. You only want what’s easy and that’s why what you get never lasts. Everybody wants to be fought for but nobody is willing to fight. Is this fair? She loves butterflies but she avoids beginnings because she hates to start over. He’s tired but he’s so used to the chase that he’s scared to stop running.

Makes you wonder… Is love really hard, or are people just difficult?
Swetank Modi May 2016
She used to smile
to really smile
she used to love life.

But then one day,
From nowhere,
Her life completely changed.

"I've got to be strong"
  She said to herself
and so, her heart she locked away.

She was strong for years,
  but as time went by
she started to fear

Her feelings wanted freedom
so she opened her heart for a little while
and then they came pouring...

Shouting and bitting
screaming and demanding attention
She couldn't take the pressure

So she wrote a note to her loved ones
and with tears in her eyes
she swallow the death pills

Her mom tried to save her
she went to get help
and they helped her

The feelings are strong
but now she knows,
that it was too late.

She blamed herself
but now she knows,
she knows she is stronger.
In the memory of my late sister
Swetank Modi Sep 2015
I waited
Just waited
Waiting for the day
When you would text me

"Good morning beautiful"
How I waited for those 3 words
To pop up onto my screen

I waited    
Just waited
But they haven't came

So I wondered
And keep on wondering
Do you even miss me

a month has gone by
Still no word
I'm so crushed
But you don't see                

I hide my feelings
Behind closed screens
I pretend it doesn't bother me
Secretly it's driving me crazy

I fooled around
I had my fun
But none can compare to you

I miss your silly little smolder
The way you held me
I miss the fun times we had
The endless nights we slept together

I can go on forever
I wish it was different
I know it can't be
But if ever you need me
You know where to find me
Swetank Modi Aug 2017
Life continues as before
I will press snooze three times
Before getting ready for work;
My girl will ask me
To stop playing DotA
And I will check dreams
Off my list
As long as I breathe.

Life continues as before
Except in those quiet moments
I recall our moments
Written in stone.

Don't we all start off as strangers?
Before soon enough,
One takes a piece of your heart
You never want back.

We cross paths just to part
Everyone leaves
And we are left with memories;

The waves will wash away our footsteps
But not the fact that we made them.

Life continues as before
The world will not stop
But I will –

Then for a second,
You and I share a moment.
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
Like my 5 poems
And I will like your 10 poems
Hip hip hurray
Really Trust me I'm serious
Swetank Modi Jun 2014
So ever since I was a kid,

I found myself chasing for the things I could never have.

The clothes I could never wear.

The things I could never eat.

The people I could never meet.

Never love. Never kiss. Never truly have.

The person I could never love.

The person I could never kiss.

I person I could never have.

You asked me today to let you go.

But how can I let you go, my love!

When I never had you at all!

You told me you loved me with all your heart.

That I’m a wild rose and I will always be yours,

And I believed you

Because at that moment – I know you meant it!

But sometimes love is not enough to keep two people together.

And I learned it the hard way,

When I never got the things I wanted.

When I never got the people I love.

And when I realized that every moment,

Every breath is just one more cry.

One more loss.

One more death.

And I feel like I’m a walking funeral

Of the death of all these incomplete wishes,

Oh! They are still haunting me.

You. You…

You are not one of those wishes.

Never was – never will.

You will always be with me.

And I’m talking about forever here.

You will be with me - like my heartbeat,

And my sight.

And my voice.

And my thoughts.

And my dreams.

My desires. My cravings. My soul.

I know that nothing lasts forever.

“Forever” is such a myth.

But in the last couple of days –

When you told me you love me,

Even with my flaws.

Especially with my flaw.

When you made me smile with just a text message.

When you kissed me Good night.

When you made me love myself.

When you made my world stop.

You gave me my little infinity,

In these last couple of days.

And no one can take that away from me.


You will always be my

Little Infinity.
Swetank Modi Jun 2014
She gazed outside the window,
the sun falling on her eyes;
Her eyes full of dreams, full of reason,
but there was an emptiness,  an emptiness that couldn't be defined.
She gave a tiny laugh as she saw two young birds fly past.
The warm winter afternoon filled her heart
with a little happiness, a little sorrow, a little bit of...everything.
The sun made her feel beautiful, made her feel special.
Staring at it with closed eyes made her feel brave. Then why was it so incomplete?
Why did it all feel so, well....lost?
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
"Love Tap" my ***,
You kicked my beautiful head,
I don't call that love
Swetank Modi Jun 2014
I see you and can't look you in the eye
I feel your presence as you pass by me and i can't feel your touch
I hear you speak and i can't just open my mouth
I see your footprints and i cant follow your steps
We both stare at each other and i look away
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
A while plastic spork
Met three silver spoons last night
Stuck-up spoons are dumb
Swetank Modi Jul 2014
I thought something
Was wrong with me.
I'm writing so
Reading poetry
Lines invade
When I'm retiring,
Ascending I'm reciting,
Divining parallel parables.
I'm convinced he's
Left the stage,
Replaced by me
On the page,
In figures of speech.
The Chosen words,
Give meaning and comfort
Religion obscured.
Swetank Modi Dec 2015
New Year's Eve
2 minutes to midnight
1 minute
30 seconds
20 seconds
10 seconds

It's a new year
But it's a scary year
Every year
It's just been back to the same thing
Back to school
Back to friends
Back to boring

This year,
everything is changing
Back to school
till May
April showers
Bring high school results

4rd of August fireworks
Fade into first year
of college.
I've always dreamed of this
But it's so close
And I want a redo

Because it's been
almost a whole year
since you left
and I sit
and think of you

We were supposed to do this
But you left.
Swetank Modi Dec 2015
Everyone is writing them,
I guess I should too.
It's a new year,
everyone says it's a new start.
When really you stay the same.
You never restart.
I have no New Year resolutions,
for I will not stick with them.
Things will get in the way.
I don't see the point,
so I shall not bother.
Everyone have a good year,
even though I will stay here.
2016 new year welcome
Swetank Modi Dec 2015
We’ve survived another 365 days of endless mayhem & crazy moments,
as we end this year with a bang, we take a look down memory lane.

We remember all the moments that changed us, bettered us, hurt us.
& regardless, we are grateful; for those have made us stronger as a whole.

Although we have a long journey to go, we continue to grow as souls.

It’s been quite a year, some moments better than others,
perhaps a balance; of all things, strange & un-expected.

Personally, it’s been one hell of a realization for me, myself & I.
I’m grateful for everything though, it helped me discover a lot
and it makes me more eager to explore what’s next to come.

And to whoever has struggled this year: we’ve made it!
I’m so proud of anyone who has struggled & yet still fought on
it’s not easy to deal with our problems, it’s endless at times
but getting through it despite it all is an accomplishment.

With each year, we learn more about ourselves as a whole,
we discover parts of us we never knew existed
as well as finding strength we never knew we had.

This year has been full of risks, anxious moments,
self-loathing, overthinking, but we still made it through.

I have a good feeling about 2016 though, it’s kind of nice.

Happy New Year’s Eve, everyone!

I hope it’s a good one for you and even if it isn’t
then just know that you’re worth so much.
Swetank Modi Oct 2014
The younger kid
Looks at the older girl
And wonders
Why she doesn't drive yet

Why she's still riding the
School bus,

He wonders
Why her ears are plugged
So deep,
Throbbing with sounds
He can almost hear.

He wonders
Why she looks so sullen.
So somber.

At his younger age,
There's not as much
To be sad about yet.
But he doesn't know.
And she's not about to tell him.

They're separated by years
And he can't quite understand her
But she understands
Because she used to do it too.

Why did i ever grow up?
Swetank Modi Sep 2015
Barbarians, and archers, and goblins oh my !
Restless in army camps for the raiding is nigh.
The builders are busy setting up my next plot,
Deciding where the mortar can pull off the best shot.

A chop and a cut, and voila ! More land to use,
Setting up decorations, all cast as a ruse.
I look to my shield, and the icon says “none”,
If I don’t request troops soon I’ll surely be done!
I prepare to attack, but don’t like what I see,
So “next” I press, and hope for a camp that’s easy !
Aha! I exclaim as I find a weak prey,
Gold walls or not, I’ll be claiming victory this day !

Giants come rumbling, to cause some destruction,
Followed by wall breakers to remove all obstruction.
With holes now aplenty, in come the rest of the crew,
To pilfer and plunder and do what they do.
100% !!! And 3 stars the finale,
Plus 35 more trophies to add to my tally.
Mission completed, I set back to my camp,
A smile on my face feeling like a real champ !

The day’s at an end so off goes the phone,
In the middle of the night I hear a familiar tone.
I reach for my ipad and what do I see,
****** ! I’ve been raided by PãRāß@pk !!!
With shields now up for the next 16 hours,
My resources are safe and I can upgrade my towers !
And thus ends the day’s tale of cast spells and flighted arrow,
Don’t worry Clash of clans, I’ll be back tomorrow !!!
Swetank Modi Sep 2015
It started with a clever picking
Then the horn of cenarius sounding
Followed by an agile creep-blocking
The start of the beginning

Sk, Lina, Leoric lanes the bottom
A superior lane control no one could ever question
Burrow, Bolt, and array has been thrown
That poor enemy's troll got pawned

And now let's go into the middle lane
Whe're SF and Davion came
In this battle they would have to claim
The elusive exp and gold they can possible gain

The top lane's meepo was quite steady
For his enemies are getting heavy
Fissure and Nova are his enemy
The fearsome combo of deadly harmony

As the ferocious battle goes by
In ganks and clashes, skills fly
Some juke, some escape, and some die
The other team thrashtalks "nice try"

Oh dear meepo tries to solo Roshan
The other heroes try to *******
In the woods they find the one
That lone troll farming in wonderland

Sandking immediately winks
Followed by a nimble blink
Burrowstrike makes the troll sink
GG troll as many would think

The the team tries to push
TP-save the opponent used
But meepo breaks the unwanted truce
And tries to squeeze away the juice

They have to **** raigor
Who, in echo slam, has had a great score
But you seeit was only five versus four
Thus it leads the enemy in sore

Alas! the balance has been broken
It's a gg that's nearly spoken
The defenders has fallen
Rax, towers, and the tree are all broken

If only they've warded more
They would've prevented the gank on troll
The other team had a greater score
And they could have a chance to backdoor

Perhaps it was a close call
For a team you wouldn't easily small
Life indeed is like a ball
Just pawned because of the lone troll

Don't worry DotA 2, I'll sacrifice my sleep for playing everyday!
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