I miss the cold laughs and the playful stares

The ease in knowing you were there

How did it become a sharp ache

Heavy enough to keep me awake

Most of the time I feel like I’m dreaming

Like you just tucked me in and told me to go to sleep

Because its late

And you were going to sleep too

I don’t see you in your room anymore

I don’t hear you in the kitchen

I pace around the corners of my mind

And sit by the one that protects me

The memories flood vivid

They’re loud

Waiting to be seen  

Images visiting without an invitation

Kind ones leave me craving more

Longing for a miracle

Dark ones remind me of what it means

To feel helpless

Patiently waiting the day

Where I would have to do this without you

Your hand in mine

Was the greatest gift you left to me

Love disguised as security

An ending reassuring a beginning

I watched you take your last breath

And wiped the tears you had the strength to find

One last time

They told me that you loved me

Porcelain skin

Sunken cheeks

Your stained sweater

Slow breaths

Mirrored slow rises in your chest

I kissed your forehead and told you to go

I told you it was okay

Because you always did the same for me

My body vibrated with pure bliss

At the thought of you going somewhere

Where you would feel no pain

Where you could finally leave your body

And look down at it in awe

For all that you went through

Leaving behind that every passing second

Was more painful than the last

I could not wait for you to be free

So you could kiss the stars on your way

Until a heavy silence filled the room

And I knew I would never feel the same

I don’t know how I let you go

How I felt the first person I shared love with

Become completely still

A broken and bruised body

Now an extension of the silence

Frozen beside my pleading attempts

For you to come back after hearing my cries

I was sure for a moment

That this was not what it seemed

I knew you could not leave if you heard

That I was desperately searching for your life

You could not leave if you knew

What my mind body and soul felt  

The pain that shocked then swallowed me

I could not control it

It painted my reality with merciless dread

It cut through anything that made sense

And stayed with me for hours

I can’t fully revisit this moment today

Because it’s now a part of myself

One that I do not want to call mine

I would do anything to give it back

To say I was only playing pretend

So you could look at me

And play pretend too

By acting as if you weren't amused by me

Just to make me laugh and say "this girl"

But instead you couldn’t come back

So I had to let you go

And trust that your love would always soften

The unfamiliar heaviness and nostalgia

That come along with missing you

To the brightest light in my life

Mommy,

My heart lost its shape

When yours lost its beat

The way the music made her head sway-
effortless beauty
Each melody met her movements,
magnetically greeting each other,
as if this time and place,
this way and reason,
had been looking for her, her whole life.
The walls moved farther away from her,
everyone in the room stealing glimpses for themselves.
An aura protected by the frequencies of love,
her hands followed the curves of her own body.
Hands that gently tugged on her hair to connect with the intensity,
forbidden sensuality of the eyes, mind, and body.
Beware of the girl who creates a story out of a moment,
she holds the power to turn raindrops to hurricanes,
and a kiss to a lifetime.

We used to measure the strings of hope that bounded our hearts together

Side by side among one another

The open roads more promising than the edges we would paint over

Time was forgiving, slow like honey

Whirlwinds of smoke devoured by the wind

Fire escapes to rest our bodies on

My head protected by your hand, melting into your lap

Exploring through a blinded trance

Dancing past drops of condensation trickling from cooling units

Emergency exits blinked loud with way and reason

Each warning sign ignored with sweet temptation

Intrinsically introverted,
   inherently coping with the pressure to understand- distraught or in
       thought?
Multiple factors racing
  call them thoughts,
    become one, but which one?
One will grow symphonies to hurry sunshine under moonlight,
   the other grow vivid distortions of a reality visible only to dreams
Buy low, sell high
   observe potential and sign off on its rights
Sound choices bounded by the stigma placed on creativity,
   choose the other- create the destructive blossoming of blue flowers
        deviant and bold
Fallacies are the true illusions,
   keep on with the mind you feed

What if it’s the sounds
of your fingers meeting the keys
that intensifies your pulse
while you are vulnerably typing
that are familiar to the smell
that are familiar to the sound
of pancakes sizzling in the morning

A collection of moments
that define a space in time
your time
to illustrate home
your home
where your mess is allowed
feelings loud and able

Shades of coffee vary
though steam will always softly linger  
to remind you here is safe
because here is an extension
of the world
the one inside you

Her freedom had been taken from her
All her life,
  her freedom had been taken from her
     The stillness of the forest
     The steady run of the stream
     The aroma of the red flower-
Remarkable because they are free.
  Sensations that cannot be replicated,
  they have become their own peace
     A forest does not stir
     As a stream does not slow
     As a red flower does not hide-
               for any distraction
Remarkable because they are free.
  Should memories continue to brush
  past her like wind striking through a
  hurricane,
  she won't chase them any longer
Freedom rests its energy beside courage,
she finds courage within.

Is it true?
Somebody picked at her fire.
Flames radically grew mighty and symbolic,
newly ignited from the heat of conduction.
No amount of water would drown the luminous light,
she cried out in curiosity.
A lifetime spent designing her peace,
submissive to her needs and wants.

Please visit whenever you'd like,
how heavenly have I become?

~ Questions left to crave attention,
Why can't they reach any words?
Answers melting into each other,
They spill through voids that cry out for reason.
~ "If it isn't you, it isn't anybody else"
-Please promise to protect it-
Why can't I reach your words?
As fragile as the words, the heart to follow.
~Endless talks that cluttered freedom,
Silences did not reach harmony.
Souls did not find each other in truth,
but in a moment.
~Have you found awakening here?
An innocence blinded by a temptation masked by charm and infused with ember.

Locking eyes can only last for seconds,
                  Anything longer will invite your energy in.
          Suffocated by the impulse to give in,
                  Hesitant after remembering to protect myself.
         Tell me why you keep coming back,
                 There's nothing left here for you to take.

I could find a way to make a voice so small become loud,
         loud enough to influence hearts and minds with words.
We are routed in love,
         yet our structure does not embody unity in full.
Empathy is lacking and eyes burn with ignorance,
         peace can only be found through pure intention.
Time is a gift while everything is a choice,
         choose to create moments that are a reflection of honesty.
Beauty exuded by the synchrony of our souls is captivating,
         rich reminders to care for one another.
If I blend my thoughts with your thoughts,
         you and I should feel safe-
           we are all one.

The radiant echoes of a golden soul left to the wind in peace with each step she dances
The rhythm in her stride tickles the air to ease the force
A subtle gust of endearing presence colliding with the intensity of awakening
A path followed that sings a song and sounds a beat enough to sway the ocean's opinion
She listens but she cannot see
Eyes closed, she follows the rhythm that mimics her vibrations
She listens but she cannot see, until she tastes the wave that covers her skin before she feels-
Her rhythm is gone

Spines curve as sweetly as drops from a honeysuckle
Notes in a melody fill the void spaces
Gentle rushes stir like the swish of rustling leaves
Flushed as red as the cherry who’s stem is knotted
Time stolen from the hands of a frozen clock-
Still like snow fallen from a winter shower

Senses fully awaken to chase alluring aromas  
Repetitive jolts of candied sin trickle throughout the body
Electric flow in the veins sparks an extended invitation
Contagious appetite will mirror aches of desire

Surges of shock in the body join the mind and soul
Accelerating spikes in heart rate kiss private secrets
Boundless longing branded to one another
Yearning indulged by limitless exchanges of energy-
Transfers immune from harm

Pressure from oneness loosens the tremble in pleading breaths
Hands close around each hip to clench their hollows
Credible fingers drenched in admiration coat mingled skin
One is composed by the gravitation of two
Defying moonlight to surrender at an immeasurable ******

Reaching for the highest point to let go
Sharing traces of untamed wind with soaring wings
Collecting innocence altered by ecstasy
Choosing vulnerability to expose what cannot be said
Fantasies traded through the rhythm of touch