I don't feel a darkness creeping on to me,
I don't feel my demons.
I don't feel tears on my face,
I don't want to leave.

I don't feel numb,
I don't feel like screaming.
I don't feel like bleeding,
I don't want to succumb.

When there's no negativity in me anymore,
The paper and pen lie alone.
When I've begun seeing good colours,
There's no more of me forlorn.

I used to write five or six poems a day,
Now I write one in five or six weeks.
In the night, I don't lie awake
To craft ink and silently weep.

I wish I could pen down happiness,
The way I could with emptiness.
I've tried to do so a number of times
But that's just not me, no vibes.

Hello everybody!
I have successfully published an anthology titled "Supernova" with 28 of my poems. It is such a great honour to be able to have a published book this early in my life :')

I would appreciate it if you looked it up at the link mentioned below.
Thank you! :)

I try so hard,
Yet the shards
They force right
Through me
Why can't you see?
Day and night
Of sweat and blood,
Wrong or right
My tears they flood.
Mortal as ever
**** me now or never
If peace is what you want
Then peace is what I grant.

Sitting by myself
In a room
Illuminated by
Fairy lights.
Sipping on some
Green tea
And treating myself
To chocolate therapy.
Thinking back to the days
When you were my first thought,
The last, and
Every thought in between.
My eyes wander into a haze
As my mind watches glimpses
Of happy days
Where we hovered inches
From each other
Breathing nervously
Before our lips touched.
The spark that ignited
Something called love,
A distant memory now
But please, take a bow.
Take a bow for the amazing feat
That shattered all my dreams,
My belief in love ruined
I hid my screams
I didn't want you to come back.
Giving out chances
Is a weakness long gone.
Playing games is your high
Shutting you out is mine.

Maybe the day I stop
Looking around for you,
Maybe the day I stop
Trying to hide the truth,
Maybe the day I stop
Turning away from you,
Maybe the day I stop
Hiding like a fool,
Is the day I'll finally stop
Trying to forget you,
But only forgive all
And move on without you*.

Dark, moonless nights,
No stars, no light.
Sleepless for a fortnight,
Constantly losing the fight.
Only shadows in sight,
Nothing shines bright.

"It will go away soon"
That's what they always say too.
But tell me do they ever lay strewn,
Out of Gods to pray to?
Do they ever feel consumed
By demons that chase doom?

Tired lungs and broken ribs,
Breathing all the past right in.
The devil holding on so grim,
Regurgitating memories within.
Detached heart strings,
Too used to the sting.

Crevasses and milestones,
Every crater- an achieved goal.
Lonely and alone,
Another youngster torn.
Placing the headstone,
Uncared for, forlorn.

Desperate to breakthrough,
Emotions all strewn,
A memory here
A memory there.
All a jagged puzzle
Scrambling around to
Put her pieces together.
Surrounded by the hustle and the bustle,
In a place nearly unrecognizable.
Vague flashbacks
Of a little her
A time to which she can go back never.
Blurry vision
Hazy thoughts
Suddenly she's  blinded
By the brightest light.
It appears like magic
Far from how her life wrote itself- tragic.
Something so assuring
A creature so alluring.
Wearing azure
With a heart so pure,
An angel with a halo.
But with herself so shallow
She turned her back
One of her insane imaginations
She thought.
She shrugged it off.
But she felt a divine touch
The beauty had enchanted her
High up in the air
She soared like a bird
No longer did she feel torn.
Alas! In a flash she was back
Back to the darkness,
Back where she used to hide
Where she felt so low.
But amazingly she broke free
From her chains
She didn't know why
She didn't know how.
All she remembered
Was the halo and the thoughts
So crystal clear.
And the touch that she felt
From *the mystery saviour.

Inside her live the demons
Blood-******* demons.
Forcing life out of her
Sending agony throughout.
She lies awake at night
As the occupants devour
Her glory and gore.
But soon they will be gone
When there's nothing left to feed on.
The beauty perished by the beast
Will be the scavenger's feast.

Love*- a new word it was,
Unaware of the misery it draws.
It seemed in love we were
My toes in excitement
Would curl.
"You're my princess" said he
"Apart we will never be."
I chose heart over head
Not knowing the darkness
To which I was led.
Perfection was what I called us
Pushing away was not an option.
The more I fell
The more I felt
Like you were falling too.
Little did I know the misery
That would lead to.
It appeared as a smooth road
But then a pit unseen.
It was an emotion overload
Trying hard not to scream.
I fell in deep
But over the pit you leaped.
Slyly smiling as you saw me struggle
With my feelings you had juggled.
Oh that pit was deep
But I finally touched the ground.
A few broken bones
And a torn, tattered heart.
I struggled to find my way out
Finally feeling light,
Winning my own fight.
Only to see
That you had really fallen for me,
After pushing me so deep in
And my heart almost breaking.
I laughed the way you did,
Smiled at you and said
*"You need me,
But I don't need you."

Being in love
Comes with a price;
Tired, lonely and spent,
Yet consuming lie after lie.

Breaking teeth on cakes-
Sweetness baked with hell.
There's only so much you can take
Before you're breathing with death.

Swallowing bullets coated in sugar,
Kissing the lips of invisible thorns;
Wrapping arms around stars burning up,
And thawing at ice while feeling the warmth.

Touching the fingers of a frozen fire,
And believing the swirling winds;
Singing along with the song of a liar
Till you finally break within.

Brushing through mindless white specks.
Soaring between jagged decks.

Pudgy trembling little pillows.
We've left the lithosphere down below.
Wishing I could run my hands through these marshmallows
Like I ran my fingers through his deep brown hair.

Swiveling, shriveling, ascending
I breathe the sharp cabin air in.

Layers and layers of cottony mounds
Can I just spoon them on to my lips now
The way his caressed my pout?
I'm so unaware.

As the messy streaks became distant,
The déjà vu in pattern had me stunned.

Illegible madness at the very bottom,
Transforming into something more figurative going above.
Like I was lost and consumed to begin with
But graduated to understanding love.

I smile wide from ear to ear; we may have lost chemistry,
But in every walk of life, our sparks will remain an untold story.

Pounding in my head were the gunshots,
And in my heart were the bullet wounds.
Yet I survived, and now I'm happy.
Courage does soothe.

I have one wish and one wish only,
To hug him tight, even if it lasts a second slowly.

He was my world, my universe.
But I've let him go and I've realized
That the universe is out there
And he's only a pair of bright eyes.

Yes we had plans, yes we had dreams.
But dreams can be ruined and plans- unaccomplished.

New plans can be figured
New dreams can be birthed.
A journey can be restarted
And a heart can be returned.

A little turbulence does come along,
A little silence can do wrong.

Much like this journey I'm on,
An expedition to learn the wonders unknown,
To hear the beat drop
And feel my heart throb.

And now I see a seamless sheet of white
Soft, silken, yet unevenly bright.

Distant cities- visible from high above,
Blocking out the push and shove.
Though I'm 20000 feet in the air,
I can still feel the love.

I feel the energy that lies underneath,
I feel the smile of a little child standing beneath.

And suddenly the unevenness disappears,
The sunlight blazes in here.
Should I pull down the blind?
Or should I let the light blind?

(And there goes my pattern of rhyme)

Funny how the same word can mean two different things.
Comical how most of us don't make any sense.

We don't fight a mystery,
We are the mystery.
We don't feel alive,
We are alive.

And the pilot makes a sharp turn
For a moment I'm uncertain.

It's like when you're so involved in something,
And you lose control, slipping and crashing,
But you get up, dust yourself,
And carry on walking.

I feel like I could go on forever with this poem,
But life won't go on anywhere close to forever.

You live everyday, even when you feel broken.
You breathe in the air, even when you feel suffocated.
You try to understand the patterns,
But you won't have all the time, because death comes once- and it's permanent.

Face it with courage,
Face it with pride.
Feel the moment,
Watch the wonders of the sky.

How did we fall apart?
Why did the flame die out?
Whose fault was it?
When did we fall into the pit?
Who got out first?
Which twisted theory hurt?

How did our bond break?
Why did our hearts disconnect?
Whose touch destroyed what we had?
When did it go so bad?
Who planned the event?
Which ****** wanted revenge?

So many questions which will remain unanswered for eternity.
But so many questions for the future which won't make us dizzy.
We won't try and dig up the answers,
Instead let the solutions come to us.

What happened to the days
I found poetry in a thread on a dress?
What happened to the days
I found poetry in a strand on a head?

The days I had the most extravagant words
To use as my armour and weapons?
The days I had a beautiful, flowing rhyme
To use as the glamour and .......?

Have I lost my train of thought?
Or have I stopped looking for it?
Have I finally succumbed to the cost
Which states to find poetry in every twist?

Every twist of every braid,
Every list of every maid.
Every hill growing up,
Every second of broken trust.

I must go on a conquest to retrieve my possession
Of thirst for finding poetry in even the slightest dust on a table top.
To live my life again, I have made this decision;
And for you to adhere to it is my humble requisition.

Picking up shattered pieces
Of her fragile heart,
Hurting her fingers,
Still falling apart.

                                                   Caught in a dark world
                                                   Of fantasy and lies,
                                                   A foolish girl,
                                                   Only tears and goodbyes.

A soul full of sorrow
A mind full of pain,
For a better tomorrow,
Her broken heart aches.

                                                  A cry goes out
                                                  But in vain.
                                                  All is lost
                                                  Nothing to gain.

Misery no more
Her heart yearns,
Glory and gore,
Her soul burns.
  
                                                 Every tear
                                                 Down her cheek,
                                                 Left a mark,
                                                 Left her bleak.

Catch her now
She's falling down,
A blood stained gown,
Trying not to drown.

                                                She was used
                                                Used and abused,
                                                The emotions within,
                                                A mere misuse.

A cry of pain
But also relief,
Standing in the rain,
A life mundane.

if life is like a box of chocolates
and i will never know what i’ll get,
how long do i have to await
the poisoned one?

or is every piece filled
with a little bit of poison
that takes eighty years to ****
or seventy five
or tomorrow
or today.

you ever wake up at 6 am on a holiday
and try to force yourself back to sleep?
bur your body just refuses and insists
to slouch into the arms of your mind
the arms of your mind that keep you
in shackles of an uncertain next second
what if a bomb goes off
what if an earthquake happens
what if that plane in the sky i hear crashes into my window
what if my neighbours die
what if someone is murdered in front of my eyes
what if what if what if
this uncertain next second is certain
to be the cradle i lay in as i take my last breath
will you say goodbye?
or will you walk by like you’ve always done?

will you fulfill the hunger at the pit of my stomach?
will you play my favourite songs at my funeral?
(will there even be a funeral?
do you know my favourite songs?)

this uncertain next second will sing me to slumber
and shake me awake at 6 am on a holiday
remind me of my 2 am poetry
and put my body in your hands to carry.

Being in love
Comes with a price;
Tired, lonely and spent,
Yet consuming lie after lie.

Breaking teeth on cakes-
Sweetness baked with hell.
There's only so much you can take
Before you're breathing with death.

Swallowing bullets coated in sugar,
Kissing the lips of invisible thorns;
Wrapping arms around stars burning up,
And thawing at ice while feeling the warmth.

Touching the fingers of a frozen fire,
And believing the swirling winds;
Singing along with the song of a liar
Till you finally break within.

I see you didn't
Hear the screams.
So I stopped
Yelling in vain
And seeing you
In my dreams.
I'm dying
But you don't
Even care.
That's okay
Because neither do I.
I see now
You were lying,
But it was my fault
Believing your words
Not seeing that,
It was just
Verbal assault.
I was a robot
In your trap
I was caught.
**** was what
I went through,
Now it's your turn
To feel the burn.
On me you grew
I thought this was true
That you would never
Leave my side
That you would never
Run and hide,
Hide from the
Monster that I am.
You see
That I'm breathing
But I won't be
Anymore.
Welcome to my world
Now your monster
Has been born.

"Heaven is my baby
Suicide's her father
Opulence is the end"

Apparently we belong to
The "minority"
Some kind of "riotry".
Because we love someone of the same gender
Or perhaps we're not cisgender.
Suddenly loving is a crime
Harmless expression of what's within- is the biggest blunder there ever could be.
Heart's content is criticised.

They brand us names,
FREAKS! DISGRACE! OUTLAWS!
Make mockery out of innocence
Demean our mere existence.
They want "normal"?
Then maybe it's themselves who are the problem.
They want us to hide and blend in,
Go back into this "closet" we "came out" of?
(Ha, good luck with that)

They think we're alone
But we are not.
There's one love 
In all our hearts,
Beating together
Creating art.
We show the world
Consented love needs no apology
Expression needs no **** apology!

So much cruelty
So much hate.
But, you know what?
We can't back down
And be another statistical figure.

Take pride in loving each other
Take pride in being true to yourself.
Pay no heed to those who say otherwise,
Take a stand, you glorious beast.
All in all, we come in peace.

And I shiver as I light my cigarette,
The tip turns flaming red.
Taking a breath of death,
My mind is a mess.

There's no one to shake hands with,
No one to share the filth.
I'm a flower that wilts
With no one to notice.

My throat burns,
But it suffocates the hurt.
For what it's worth,
This plight works.

I need to go someplace,
A run-down alley; if safe.
In my home I feel away,
I'm asleep, I want to be awake.

So much interruption,
A lost connection.
Endless noise, I can't function
A frustrated concoction.

The cigarette has burned out,
A bitter taste in my mouth.
This is a silent shout,
My head is distraught.

I hate this place that I live in,
It's so confusing.
I'm breathing, my heart's beating,
But there's simply no meaning.

When the summer comes
Hold me close.
Even as it passes,
Don't let me go.

Cherish me like
A divine rhythm.
Don't let me cry
With pain, and wither.

Watch with me
The golden rays,
Setting into the sea
And building faith.

And when it rains,
Dance with me.
Don't leave me in despair,
Make me shine and gleam.

Treat me like
A delicate feather.
Don't tell me lies
Clad in leather.

Feel with me
The icy breeze,
Ruffling sheets
Where ends would meet.

Under the clouds
Of winter snow,
Don't talk loud,
Just whisper low.

Speak to me
In a silent tone,
Make me feel
Like where you are is home.

Hold my hand,
Let's build a castle.
An enchanting land-
Not a single battle.

As frozen trees
Melt into smiles,
Make this heart feel
Like it's worthwhile.

As a pretty bud
Blossoms into a flower,
Have me stunned,
Don't let me falter.

These are things
I meant when I said to you,
Yet you wanted to win
So you left me strewn.

When the summer came,
You held me close.
But just as it passed,
You let me go.

you traced over my skin
and i was so caught up
in trying to understand
the patterns you made
that i didn't realize
the gashes you left.

Beauty may present itself in front of you
In the most unique of forms,
But you are the only one who
Can truly recognize it
Even during storms♥