When you love someone so much,
you will do anything for them.
You will forget the meaning of selfishness
and become different.
When you love someone so much,
you don't want to miss them.
When they are gone,
It will feel like hell everyday,
you're blue and  everything just isn't right.
When you love someone so much,
you are very fond of them.
You love everything about them
how their eyes sparkle at night
how their voices sound like sweet music to your ears
how their touches make you feel secure
how their thoughts matter so much
how their perspective become as important as yours.
Whatsoever flaws they have
you accept it wholeheartedly.
When you love someone so much,
nothing is difficult
Except maybe
When you love someone so much,
but they want to love someone else.
It will hurt you badly
like you are breaking into pieces.
You will be caged in a truth box.
You can run and run but you're still there.
When you love someone so much,
You will survive.
Just give a little time
Always reflect
Because remember
When you love someone so much,
you will accept the truth.
You will realize that
you love a person
because you want to love them.
You don't expect them to love you back.
And after that
it won't be difficult anymore.
You will feel free
to love them again so much

They asked me why I keep saying that I'm heartless. I told them it's a long story. But I saw the eagerness in their eyes. So I said that it all started the last time I fell in love. When I'm in love, I give my whole life. When I give my whole life, I mean literally everything. There are no walls, no boundaries, no space in between will keep me and my love apart.

I fought the most terrible wars and survived all emotional storms and droughts. I sailed all seas and climbed all mountains for the sake of love. I held on so tight to the rope connecting me and the one I cherish the most. I rode all traveling trains and skipped all stops. It was nothing but magical. Every morning was a glory and every night was a sweet dream.

I was so in love that I cared too much. I cared too much that I left my physical body on the ground while my spirit flew to the sky. I jumped from clouds to clouds following you like the moon to the sun. I couldn't keep my eyes off of you.

But I was a prisoner of love. I loved you so much I became selfless. One day, I asked myself If I really did fully figured you out. Sometimes when I look at you, you give a smile that wasn't genuine at all. You were like a strange mountain no one has ever discovered yet. Were you not comfortable to show your bare self to me that you kept putting bricks to form a wall?

I was dumb enough to think I could dig you up with my rusted shovel. I always hoped that the everyday love I offered you will give you sunrises not sunsets. But as you took them, all I could see was your hungry soul eating all positive energies. You were blue like a cloudless sky.

I felt like the wine bottle you drank from each day. I slowly became empty. I was never refilled.  And they say that saints and heroes are the only martyrs and for the first time in my life I felt like one. Strange how my only motivation was a flag with an inscription of the word love.

Do you remember that very night when you asked me to let you go? It hurt me even more. I've been spending all my time just thinking about you. I loved you too much. But was that it? Was it because I loved you too much? Was it that you couldn't handle it? You never told me the reason. I watched as you readied yourself for the coming war that would end all city fires. You shattered all glasses in my shelves once you turned your back at me. I waited for you to utter your last words but you never did. You walked away like a member of a funeral band. I was left standing with now a hopeless dream. It was too late when I noticed that you were holding a cloth in your hands. I didn't know what was inside until I watched my hands unconsciously hold onto my chest. At that moment, I fell on the cold ground and swam on my own blood. You took my heart with you. You stole it from me.

Before I closed my eyes that day, I swore to never love again. But why would I love? I am now heartless. My chest is now empty. I can never love anyone again.

People like you come and go. I never knew that your true form was a thief with a black coat. You steal hearts and leave.

How sad it is to create a world of fantasies
that you know **** well wouldn't happen in real life
But somehow along building that dreamlike catastrophe
you see yourself slowly wandering in a world of bliss
in a world where you are the lead character
and every trees and every clouds are smiling at you
And you know **** well you'd never cry the way you do
no thoughts of quitting
unloving
hating
leaving
pain
it's all a loophole of sunrise
almost ending with a gorgeous sunset
and with you
hand in hand
is someone you badly wish
to be madly in love with you

Let me go**

Let me go because I am not the same anymore
Let me go because we are not the same anymore

Don't ask me to fix bridges
Don't ask me to do stitches

And try not looking at the old pictures
And try not thinking of our lost scriptures

Be good to yourself
Be kind to yourself

You will be alright
You will be fine

It's a brand new day tomorrow
It's a new chance to clear the sorrow

Have patience
Have courage

Let me go
Let us go

I want to tell you about my friend
her name rhymes softly as maiden
She used to bring the sun in the room
now all she has in herself is the moon

Not long time ago her eyes would show
a story so perfect no one would know
that there will come a time
when everything will be out of line

Now alone is a word she would not have known
if she hadn't dialed that number on the phone
Did she failed love?
Or did love failed her?

In a world full of ignorance
in a world full of missed chances
All she did was to love a boy
but is love really enough?

She tried to change herself
improve herself, trust herself
Be better and better each day
be someone new, she prays

Maybe love would come back
maybe love would find her back
Too bad she did not know
Love never really left her

Hidden between valleys of shadows
is the Love to get rid of her sorrow
A Love she deeply craves today
I just hope she gains back someday

with her soft hands waiting
for another set to keep it warm,
she bonds all by herself in peace.
she relives the fire of the candle
and her thoughts illuminated
the dark room.
why must day and night
occur simultaneously?
she wonders why the moon
keeps on following the sun.
why does the blue sea
keeps on returning back
to the yellow sands?
why must summer end
in order for
fall to follow?
why can't the feeling
last for so long?
why must she experience
happiness
short-lived happiness,
and in exchange,
experience the pain
like a burning sensation
inside her throat?
and on that night
she utters to herself,
"i guess it has to be way."

she's angry and hurt
whenever she remembers
how the typhoon came to her
and destroyed almost
everything she owns
taking away the glow
and replacing it with
sad music.
she lost so much before,
almost believing this could
just be another 'storm'
nevertheless
the intensity of the woe
was the same.

and on that same night,
she puts her hands together
and her eyes look up to the
empty ceilings
"God, I just want to be happy again."

I miss you everyday
although I try not to in every way
You still orchestrate my heart
even though it's been months that we're apart

I miss you everyday
and all the time, i would pray
that we'll be back together again
Maybe time will be our friend

I miss you everyday
It's just as if you're not away
like we never completely fell apart
like all that we have is a chance to start

I miss you everyday
can we just meet halfway?
Back to where we used to be
full of love, You and Me.

Hello, you
Yes, you
Go to hell
In there you're well
Here's a finger
hope this lingers
For a person like you
destroying mood, all you do
Talk behind
like a coward blind
say small talks
trashing and stalks
Have you seen the trash can?
Oh, over there you stand
Say it one more time
Your breathe smells like swine
Go to hell
In there you're well
Goodbye to you
Yes, you

15 minutes felt like 6 months
Do you know that?
Laying on bed, dark room
Sound of music from the radio
Rainy weather, dry throat
Huge sweater, fetal position
15 minutes felt like 6 months
Do you know that?
Don't know what to do
Don't know what to say
Don't know what to find
Looking forward to nothing
15 minutes felt like 6 months
Simple sky in my head
No sun, just clouds
Will rain, will rain
No sunshine, no sunshine
Heart beats last lifetime
No complex thoughts of tomorrow
Just teardrops of yesterday
15 minutes felt like 6 months
Do you know that?
Don't know if wasting
Don't know but enjoying

is it bad
to want
to confirm
to know
whether someone
is gay
or false
by gay
i meant
meow killa
by false
i meant
straight and
a bore
because one
thing is
for sure
someone is
a unicorn
kendall jenner
of course

Half-way through the year
got a new phase to adhere
A new vision in life
that would push me to be right

No more sad songs
no more falling where I don't belong
Build a place I can call home
may it be like Paris or Rome

No more saying, 'Is it July yet?'
only that would make me grumpy, I bet
Collect a set of motivation
I could use for satisfaction

Half-way through the year
got a new phase to adhere
A new vision in life
that would push me to be right

No more I did this for them
as I don't want to end up in mayhem
More I did this for me
that's what's all important, you see

No more flowing impulses
'cause this world's full of repulses
More mindfulness on what I do
'cause I don't want to lose another you

Ah, another year has passed.
2017 was arduous. It was also compelling and inconsistent.
It's the year I turned 21- a turn of life.
I was stuck between two personas- who I was and who I am now.
They kept fighting on who was right.
But who was right always won.
And the loser had to be left behind.

2017 was the year I became a pirate.
A pirate who discovered her treasures. I became wealthy!
I found ideas, answers, self-knowledge, and understanding.
But I also found junk. It terrorized me.
I found sadness, anxiety, doubt, shame, grief and fear.
It drove me mad. Like, really mad.
And I'm still figuring my way out.

2017 also dressed up as someone.
A man in a white coat with a stern face;
Demanding, intimidating, convincing.
A man who kept talking about striving to be finer than I was.
But isn't that what we all want?
To be finer, exquisite, laudable?
We continue to strive to do the unthinkable.
Even if we kind of loose grip on reality.
Even if we have to lie and say awful things.
Even if at the end of the day, we lie down and ask, "Was it worth it?"

2017 allowed me to meet great people.
People who reminded me that I am still young.
That everything I have now will soon change into something else.
That it's okay to bow my head when things get rough.
That God hears all prayers.
That I should embrace my parents in a tight hug and make them feel loved.
That confusion will always find its solution.
That it's okay to cease communication.
That I should appreciate my unique personality.
That kindness will always be the best choice.
That death is inevitable. We will all die.
That you can never have it all.
That respect is earned and not demanded.
That I should occasionally write about how I feel.
That education is life.
That sadness will always end.
That happiness doesn't last.
That life's not fair.
That sometimes it doesn't get better.
That sometimes it does get better.