carried on the dream I tasted in your voice
I was never afraid of heights

when I was falling
                                 falling
                                            falling
all I felt was cool air brushing my hair
as it rushed across my skin

it still tasted like you
or the idea of you
or who I wished you were
or who you pretended to be

it tasted like truth
but the truth is...
I trusted without enough doubt to realize
that touching the sky
meant I couldn't see the ground
that fairytales were meant for those with wings
because flying is a prerequisite
and I was just auditing the experience

soaring through promises I needed to believe
I knew who you were....
                       until you weren't

I believed who I was
but I never believed myself to be stupid
or naive
or...stupid

real is how we perceive it
but any way I slice you up
the pavement still wears my skin

multi-tonal adhesives cannot
heal the trust I broke by believing you

who am I now?
fear of heights and a traumatic aversion
to self-trust

plus a dash self-loathing

when I close my eyes
I still ride dreams that taste like truth
but the truth is...

flying is a prerequisite
and I was just auditing the experience

The air, like lead in lungs
Passing time fixing souls in place
In wait of what will be
As tomorrow inches closer
And today is but a dream
Knowing that because it is wanted
It must be left behind
As life melts into normalcy
And melancholy infuses gray into rainbows
Fantasy turns reality, turns memory
Held close in a heart-shaped box
Only to be opened fleetingly
On the loneliest of future days

She sleeps as I watch her breathe
Looking so small in her railed bed
I think of smiles and laughs and lessons
Dreams wrapped up in things she said

So, I pray and wish for many more
As we so selfishly often do
And give my blessing to send her home
The strongest woman I ever knew

"Wait a second",
But each second after that second
Draws into tomorrows
That spill into yesterday

And now,
It's an hour that feels like a year
In a second past a second
Without you

Empathy removed concern
as it walked out of the room
drop by drop
the edges of love blurred

everything looks like pain
as rocks turn tumbleweeds
basking in the warmth
of unspoken words

left in despair
dragged under the beast
blindsided by action
inaction and retrospect

no part of love is hate
no part of love is hate
no part of love is hate

deleted from afterthoughts
all that's left is black-filled space
where there was once no question
that love exists

Sometimes I get the briefest glimpse
A glimpse of a boy
Of a child
Of a man
I see a smile
Meant for me but accidental
I hear a laugh
Slip softly between warm lips
And I sigh
I sigh a sigh of contentment
For in the brevity of your laughter
I find peace
And in that instant
Your demons are swallowed by my love
They burn in their own breath
They wither in the warmth of my embrace
Yes, the child you left behind
Still wants to play
When you forget to be grown
When you let the world slip away
Finding that the past no longer exists
The future is still beyond reach
And in this moment
This perfect little moment
With me, you believe you can be happy
And you sigh....

I am untamed
You are unwelcome
Tongue biting is not an option
You cannot harness my hurricane heart
I resent the attempt
I will not change
I am not your perfect misguided perception
You are just another stranger
For which I, as I am, will never suffice
And it is you who is unworthy

Each second a lifetime
Each millimeter a mile
Without you

A heart so callused as not to feel
Scars too deep for wounds to heal
A soul of kindred spirit seeks
The one, the same, however meek
And so a rip in flesh began
And blood, down tattered souls, it ran
For one to feast on demons grown
Gnawing, both through flesh and bone
Crashing casings over pain
The scars are what the feast remains

Freedom is removed
The breeze listens with intent
And the walls have eyes

Silence
Squeezes my heart
Leaving tracks
Running down my cheeks

Separately we live
Together under one roof
Bound by a shared past

The scenery changes
A new view
A new you
Cool breezes and a stiff drink
Every woman reminds you of her
There is no escaping the truth
A lie above all others
A heart ceased beating
Believing you never loved her
Too cool to care
Too weak to trust
A thousand miles in a new town
A new life
A new decade
And still
Every woman reminds you of her

Kicked into the mud
Stomped on
Submerged
No river in which to cleanse
Caked on completely
Perfection disappeared
Becoming one with the woods
A product of environment
Born for greatness
Forged into......nothing

the world sees me how they want me to be
not how I truly am
I've shown you the same as all the rest
yet you see through the facade
you see a soul that I've kept hidden
a heart that's behind bars
the spirit forever broken
and to you, I am beautiful

I am what you need to make you smile
I believe in the best parts of you
like you believe in the best parts of me
to you I am not lost
the storms I have a weathered
have not broken me
even though I still seem cracked
in my reflection

Oh my young one, my baby, My darling, darling boy
I am with you always through tears of pain and joy
Confusion and fear can force the sights unseen
As choked down emotion can make you feel unclean

I know not how to judge you, for all I feel is joy
And i will always love you
My darling, darling boy

She wept for her children
At the end of the day
Wishing God gave them a mother
Deserving of their best

She wept for herself
As she lay upon the pillow
Feeling she fails them at every turn
Hating herself for their shortcomings

She wept without knowing
Her best is more than good enough
Their tests strengthen her resolve
She is exactly the person they need her to be

I hate
          when dreams
                    feel like memories
                              you never had

kept to myself on silent hill
where grasshoppers used to frolic

eyes that spy don't realize
like-minds in wooden boxes
read their own would be actions

can't rationalize honesty
different strokes in choices projected
pandering in placating platitudes

never did learn how to turn polite
into untruths earning respect
through coddling flattery

backscratchers are unnecessary
when you don't count numbers
to feel worth a ****

broken beautiful even in cracked truth
taken as is wholeheartedly
but wholeheartedly never fit
into wooden boxes

where people polish egos
and truth reads like what you want to hear
unspoken expectations cultivate disappointment

caring is never pretty when it's real
honesty, with no lies, is hard to look at
in reflections of things one tries to bury

it's the beginning of trust that scrounges
for reasons to doubt
running into cradling arms

far from the unknown feeling of acceptance
where bones are broken beautiful
and scars are proof you won the battle

I wish I had the words to tell you how you embrace my heart
How the very thought of you warms my soul
I wish you could feel through my spirit so you would know how deep love lies
How you dance through my thoughts and color me beautiful

I could stay up for hours
Just for the chance to hear your voice
To listen to you whisper my name in the dark

I would wait all night
Just in the hope of feeling your breath
As you slide in next to me and sleep

I have longed a lifetime
Not realizing the opportunities lost
To the doubt and circumstance of innocence

I will wander time as you rest
To never miss another chance
To be in your arms, in the moment, and in your heart

With tired wings you still soar
with a Grace few can ever muster
Sleep, my love
and dream of the days
the garden was full of flowers

Orange blossom sweet
and jasmine sultry
you will always glow like a gardenia
on a summer afternoon

Your nest, so filled with love
will warm your coldest days
keeping you forever beautiful
as you have always been

Fly with the angels on waves of peace
this world could never offer you
Every flower-filled breeze
will be like kisses filled
with memories of you

Lovely words meant for another
A heart alone again
Shadowed by the bright reflection
Of your love for her instead
Romantic notions mused by her
In words meant once for me
Now, my eyes steal glances
Of a love I never meant to see
And so I wish you worlds of joy
A lifetime of togetherness in love
Truth be told, I mean each word
As it's you I'm thinking of
So I read all your romantic notions
Of your love for her instead
As I sit here in the darkness
A heart alone...again

Forgive my thoughtless words
Forgive my careless heart
Forgive my open nature
And the pain it doth impart

I beseech your inner kindness
I beseech your loving soul
I beseech you to have mercy
For the lies I never told

If I'd shown you all my love
If I'd truly let you see
If I'd made sure you had known
You're the greatest part of me

Perhaps my nothing words
Would mean nothing more to you
Than the frothy fluff they're meant to be
They're not the evil that I do

Last minute rendezvous
No time to plan
Letting time unfold
Embracing each moment
Living in the now
No thoughts of tomorrow
Happiness in the everyday

The deluge of love cannot be caught
In a shot glass or a stein
For it will flow eternally
When i can call you mine

Distance holds possibilities
As life plays
With dreams yet unseen

You text yourself snipets of thoughts/lines, and when you go back to retrieve them you notice the only person you've texted back all day was yourself.

On the eve
Of the eve
Of tomorrow
I heard a distant cry

On the eve
Of the eve
Of tomorrow
Was never answered why

On the eve
Of the eve
Of tomorrow
Now isn't as it seems

On the eve
Of the eve
Of tomorrow
Today was but a dream

Tears fall
Unheard, unseen
Unfelt, and unnoticed
Still I cry
As broken am I

We are not that, they, them, or us
We are I
We are me
We drag others behind us and call them friends
We surround ourselves with people who think we are more than we see
With people who are less than we
For alone, I am...invisible
Unseen, it remains unreal
Masks of faith
Worn out by the faithless masses
There is truth in the worn out, "I am nothing without you"
In We, I matter
In We, I exist
Without an audience it isn't a show
We are I

A sideways glance
a flush of color
Stolen breath and a smile

Clocks tick in silence
Each second stretches longer
Than the one before

How can I be honest
When it is too much to bear
When all I can do is pretend

Please don't ask me how I feel
I can't say the words
It's almost too hard to comprehend

We were only kids
When that look in your eye
Sent me whirling for reasons unknown

Agitated by your smile
Or your bothersome ways
I wouldn't understand until I was grown

Now that I know
What I should have known
About that blonde haired angel-faced kid

I think back
To the hell in your eye
And I know what I guess I always did

So here we are
The two of us older
No longer hiding what our bodies betray

Yet there is no freedom
No joyous reunion
Only fear that my heart's already strayed

How can I be honest
When it is too much to bear
When all I can do is pretend

Please don't ask me how I feel
I can't say the words
It's almost too hard to comprehend