I was born
September 3, 1998.
In a small hospital in Korea.
Growing up,
I never knew how it felt to be alone.
I was always with someone taking care of me.
Whether it was my family or friends.
By the time I got to grade school,
I found out what bullying was.
I was bullied constantly, non-stop.
But there was a boy who stood up for me.
He was short and had brown hair.
I knew he liked me, but I never liked him back.
During grade school,
I moved to a place which I never knew existed.
I went south from my home.
I went to the beautiful archipelago called the Philippines.
It was my first time to go out of the country.
I was happy I got to meet new people
And go to new places.
My first day of school was nerve wrecking.
I barely knew how to speak English.
Time flied fast.
But the experiences never changed.
I was still bullied.
But now, there was no one who stood up for me.
When I got to seventh grade,
I got suicidal.
I started scratching myself until I got scars.
I tried to choke myself with a towel.
It was never ending.
I was known to be happy and outgoing.
But who knew the girl who smiled the most,
Would be the one who wanted to leave first?
The people who brought me to this world were killing me slowly.
I lost confidence in myself because of them.
They would call me fat.
I know they did it to look out for me.
But a scar that deep doesn't heal easily.
I gave up dreams and hobbies.
Just to make them happy.
So I wouldn't see them in pain.
Until today,
I have suicidal thoughts.
I still scratch myself.
I still try to choke myself.
I feel like I'm useless.
I try to break every part of me.
The scars that I've gotten
Changed who I am,
Changed how I looked at myself,
Changed who I wanted to be.
It's painful to see who I've become.
I can barely look at a mirror without saying, "Ugh."
My self asteem was gone.
I lost myself trying to find myself.
Just sharing my life story. If anyone went through the same place, I'm sorry.