I used to cry from worry
And thought I wasn't capable of much
I thought great things required great people
A task I'd never clutch
I am not great not different
Not extra ordinary
And life was too hard and I was too small
But really it was the contrary
I thought I cried because things were hard
But now I see those were tears of lost hope
I wanted to grow up to a better phase of life
Instead of learning how to cope
I thought life only got easier
And that this was just the worst
But I could only see in inch ahead
I was ready to go in the dark head first
I didn't know that life just got harder
But also better by the minute
Because as you age you grow and learn
And potential has no limits
I was the start of something great
It was still yet to be
But I saw nothing in myself
And distant future was hard to see
I realize how our perceptions change
My once biggest problem is now so small
And I am now capable of greater things
I no longer wish to grow up rather for time to stall
But even after all of this
I still see no problem in crying
It's part of you don't hold it in
When you do to yourself you're lying
Keeping it in is like wearing a mask
And it doesn't make it better
So shed the feelings and be proud
Even if your cheeks get wetter
But please never cry from worry
Just have hope in life in you
Worry distracts from what's really going on
And can taint your future too
Live a life filled with hope
But remember when life seems hard
This is but a moment in a picture you can't see
This moment is but a shard

I ordered a Polaroid camera
And bought some film and filled it
I brought it up toward my brown eye
Squinted and the room I lit
The flash so strong the smiles so real
The little white photo snook out
A moment not only frozen but hidden
White, hushed voices trying to shout
Slowly the moment came back
The scene melted back into place
The people came back even brighter
The smiles returned to each face
And I wondered what makes a Polaroid different
What gives the physical photo more appeal
Why do we care so much for something to hold
Why are flash and film a big deal
I don't think it's in the style
In its retroness or thrill
I don't think it's in the speed
You wait for it a little
I believe in that small photo
In that something you can hold
You think what is in the palm of your hand
One could not possibly unmold
That moment is for ever
The smile evermore
No matter the time that passed
No matter how long before
There's something about holding it
That's makes you think you can have it forever
That somehow you'll freeze time
That somehow time isn't so clever
You feel you have time in your two hands
The control with small fingers
That this wouldn't slip from your grip
That those grins would always linger
Although it may not be so
And cameras aren't time benders
They bring you back and forth
Through the memories they render
So maybe holding on tighter  
Doesn't do a thing
But having it to hold
Just may give you wings

In my mind you'd see frosted windows
Deep thoughts on chilly nights
overcast skies in midday
Mauve grey black and white
Puddles that fill potholes
and stars a mile above your crown
Forests of enchanting pine trees
Vivid cities and abandoned towns
Winter and blinding snowstorms
Mountains jagged yet soft and pink
Rivers and lakes and oceans
Lyrics that force you to think
It's soberness and possibility
A serene drive in silent streets
Independence and stability
Fallen leaves that parade the streets
Thoughts that wander as you do
Buses filled with empty seats
Open fields and morning dew
The first ray of light at as you awake
Simplicity warmth and elegance
And the rhythm of the breaths you take


The essential components are the spaces
The emptiness and silence
It is not a lack or void to fill
Simply memories with traces
The space and vacancy inside
Leaves room for inspiration
Gives new thoughts their proper places
Lost in thought
Lost in my mind
Lost in the stars dew and fields
but not blind
Lost in the analogy
But I've never lost my way
Accustomed to each reality
One foot in each doorway

Words are sharp
They cut
Deep
Thoughts are dangerous
They destroy
With ease
Judgements are false
They appear
Fast
Actions are powerful
Forever
They last

Hopes rise and fall
Wings tear and break
Love is thin
But so is hate
Walls come down
That separate us
Revealing souls
So generous
Past is gone
Yet it is not
You are your past
The leaves that have rot
The wing that tore
The wall that fell
The hopes that crashed
And the love dispelled
Never ended us
Or prohibited
They became us
Unleashed not inhibited

I feel as though my mind has become confetti
Thrown across the room
I can't direct it or control where it lands
I can't control or plan
My mind meanders on its own going where I wish it would not go
I try and pick up the confetti and bring it back together
I try and gather my thoughts
And instead they become deeper
I cannot focus them where I want and they're uncontrolled and cluttered
I wish to start over clear and content
But the confetti has already been thrown
It's fine in the air
It's mixed with everything around it
And nothing can undo it
How unfair

Creating music is so beautiful because in most cases it requires human breath
You give it something that is yours
Something that rested near you heart
And sat on your soul
If filled you
And you use it to fill others
To touch their hearts
To speak to their souls
Music is alive because you make it so
There is nothing robotic or ordinary about it
It's a living breathing thing
Music is a part of you
Your heart pumps to a beat
The veins pulse the same way
You literally have rhythm flowing through your veins
Do you realize you are a creation of rhythm and music
And culmination of gorgeous pulses and beats
The blood carries oxygen to your cells
That oxygen brings sound to your instrument
That blood courses with a beat
We are all made of music
All music is made of us

Don't you ever get tired of the show you put on
Or did you begin to think it was real
Do you ever get bored of lies you live
Or did you begin to think they were the truth
The only truth you have you steal
Too much an actress
Too much a fool
Too full of youth
Naïve by choice
For its **appeal

I know you need me and I convince myself I need you
I do this for you like everything else
I say what you need to hear
When it's not what I want to say
I do what you want me to do when it's not what I want to do
I feel what you would want me to feel
Though those feelings aren't my own
I'm becoming the me you need
And losing myself all at once
Will you sit and watch my old self bleed?
Will I? Or will I realize what I've done?

I seem to have this problem
Where I think too hard or not at all
I overanalyze overthink over complicate
But moments later zone out at the wall
A read into what should be left alone
And lose focus on conversations that should be heard
I make a big deal out of nothing
Later I miss your every word
I space responsibilities and events
But can't forget how self conscious I feel
I think too hard about a lot of things
Especially emotional wounds I wish could heal
Whoever stole the in between
I could really use it back
Those moments of deep thought
Filled the void leaving me not to lack
An excitement for life, free spirit, or light heart
Keeping me steady and sure
And return my focus on what matters most
To be able to hear through all the chatter

I have this scar
It sits on the inside of my wrist
It rides over bright blue veins
And you can't help but notice it
Or at least I can't
I've tried erase it
From my wrist from my life
Tried a couple ways
But still there it sits
For these last eleven weeks
Which is what it reminds me of
An eleven
Two strait lines
I reflect on it often
And get embarrassed every time my blood is drawn
Or I make a high five
But it will remain the only one
I promise

Except this is what people see
A small part of a larger story
No I am not about to go into why I'm a cutter the rest of this poem
Because I'm not
But everything I said is true
I have that scar
And looks like self harm
But it is not
I would never
It's obvious and persistent
And I did get blood drawn often
But because I was sick
lots of people don't know the story behind my scar
It take seven seconds to make an impression
Seven seconds for others to judge
The day I got this scar was the day I wanted to never judge again
Because the embarrassment I felt at blood tests for something I did not do
Was real
The judgement I feel I get while shaking a hand envelops me
I would never want someone else to feel that way
As humans we think we are so smart
But
We
Are
Not
That person we think we have figured out
We might not know at all
Anger might mean hurt
Annoyed might mean stressed
Withdrawal might mean depressed
That girl who wears the same sweatshirt everyday
Might only have one
The guy who bullies kids
Might be bullied at home
I don't know the story behind the face or the reason for the tears
Like they don't know how I got this scar
There's a story to every person and knowing the last sentence never once meant you read it all

I know two kinds of people
There are those who make a frame for themselves
One beautiful and exquisite
And then inside they stay in it
And those who chose to say
Not only am I art but so is everything around me
And my job is discovery

I was entrusted with a secret
What seems forever ago
So long that I forgot it was one
and I let it out
The words slipped out with ease
And soon begged to come back in
But it was too late
The words lied there between us
Obvious and ashamed
Never to be taken back
Once you say it
It's already too late

I can't remember what if feels like to cry
I wish I could but there's nothing worthy of tears
Sometimes I feel like I'm boring
But maybe I'm just lucky

All the friends you have now were strangers at a point
never hesitate
Say hi and be you