I hate that I love you, but you don't love me.

My heart makes every excuse for why I should wait

{~~~}

I've walked these woods for as long as I can remember
These pines tell tales of their own
It was foolish to go out barefoot
But I did this time anyway

The well-worn path had gotten stale
So I elected to step off the path
The creek-bed lead the way
And gladly followed

It was about 4 miles deep
Maybe more
And the sun was just about to set
That I had stumbled and fell

I heard it before I felt it
Snap
The pain rushed in
Drowning out the sound of my screams
The blood was pounding in my ears just as fast as it was pouring onto the ground

I don't know how long I stayed like that
Just crying and screaming
For anyone
But no one came

After many failed attempt to get up and move
Only to flail helplessly and fall
Causing more screams
I ripped a length off my shirt and tied it tight around my thigh
Just as I had seen in the movies

Night was falling on me
Shadows were creeping in
I was scared beyond grief
Wide-eyed and terrified
I prayed for something

That's when he came looming out of the darkness
I thought I was dying at first
Seeing white flashes
But he made his appearance

Two gold eyes were peering out of the shadows
They glittered with curiosity and wonder
He cautioned closer
Just enough to make out his white body

I was fascinated at first
Awed that a wolf had lived in these parts
Fear dawned on me
There was blood everywhere

I didn't know much about wolves
I thought maybe they were soulless  animals
Looking for a fight
Hungry to ****
Blood-thirsty and ravenous

I thought for sure he'd attack me
Rip into my flesh
Snap more of my bones
End my life sooner than what it would just out here

He edged closer
Watching me carefully
I could hear my ragged breaths above my pounding heart
His ears twitched at the sound

He didn't come closer than fifteen feet
Now I could see he was actually a very light grey color, almost white.
He just stared at me
For a long time
He watched me
Watch him

My breathing began to slow
And my heart rate went down
It was now that I realized he wasn't going to **** me
I just studied his face in the darkness

Suddenly, the wolf got up
He had been laying down for some time
His gold eyes were stunning
Bursting with spirit

His mouth popped open
Dropping down about two inches
His teeth gleamed wickedly in the moonlight
I got scared again

I couldn't hear him breathe in
But his chest expanded beneath his fur
His eyes flashed
And he lifted his nose to the sky

A piercing sound hit me like a tidal wave
It filled the air
Leaving no space for any other noises
It was demanding sound

The crisp sound was breathtakingly beautiful
His voice jumped up and octave
Before making its descent
He broke off
Leaving his howl echoing off the trees
Humming in the ground

He didn't look at me at first
Instead his gaze traveled around us
His head flicking here and there
Before he looked at me

My ears were still ringing by the time he laid down again
He put his head on his paws
Just staring at me
While his ears swiveled back and forth

We sat like that for a long time
More than a half of an hour
That's when he got up again
He filled his lungs again and threw his head to the night

This howl was different
The first was awing
Piercing you with it's notes
This one was different

Its heavy somber tone was striking
It found it's way into my chest
I could feel the vibrations beneath my skin
This one was submissive
Giving in

He broke off suddenly
His ears propping up fast
He swiveled his head around the clearing
This time he didn't sit down
He'd only glance at me time to time

It was like this for about fifteen minutes
That's when he howled again

Just like before
This howl was different
His eyes watched me as he voiced his longing

A cold ragged feeling hit the air
The night seemed to pause as he sang his song
His notes stacked upon themselves
Ringing up higher into his register
Before he dived into his chest
It was a throaty feeling
Dancing in my bones and capering in my blood
His voice edged off into silence

His soulful eyes gazed at me for the last time
Then he turned and walked into the shadows
"Goodbye." I called out to him instinctively
He never turned his head back
I had a feeling I'd never see him again

I began to feel incredibly alone and lost
The only one that was here abandoned me
My thoughts were lost to the dark
As I struggled with my tears
I yelled in frustration
I was going to die here

"Hello!?" Someone yelled not too far off
I was shocked but I quickly regained my ground
"Hello! Please help me!" I called back, holding in tears
"Hold on, I'm coming to you." I could hear the bushed move and twigs snap as whoever came closer
"I'm over here." I could see them now
"Are you hurt?" I could tell now he was a man, early twenties. He leaned over me
"I think I broke my leg."
"Oh Lord. We need to get out of here. I'm going to try to pick you up, it's going to hurt." His arms gentle closed around me, carful to not brush up against my bad leg
I nodded
I bit down on my lip as he lifted me into his arms, holding back a scream. Silent tears ran down my face as he carried me back onto the path.
"I'm sorry." he told me
"What's your name?" I tried to busy myself with thoughts
"Conan. Whats yours?"
"Cinder."
He carried me in silence for awhile. With every step he took pain seared up my body. I began to think maybe I had imagined the grey wolf.
"Why did you come here?" I asked him.
"I hear a wolf howling. I thought maybe I could catch a glimpse. Thankfully he howled three times, I almost turned around after walking for a half hour without hearing anything. But he howled again. You heard him right?"
"Yes I heard him."

He had called for help
He was my savior
That wolf has a soul too

{~~~}

A story within a poem

{~~~}

I’m the only one left.
My pack was killed off, one by one.
Death shadowed me
Followed everywhere I went
Soaking my fur black
Killing my sight

I remember the look on her face
Her fur matted in the chase
Teeth stained red
Eyes with a wild dying light
Her muffled breathing slowing
I felt her life stop underneath her chest

Then you came
You saw your trophy on the ground
Next to a live one
You drew a silver stick
The sun glinted off like water with light
You stuck it in my side

You drug it up my already dead fur
Ripping up my flesh
I felt it clack against my ribs
With a sick yelp
I turned my tail and ran
Away from your prize

I wandered the forest alone
With Death on my back
Running from you
The stick was still in my side
Red water ran down my skin
Pooling everywhere I went

I could smell you following me
That is all that kept me on the run
I could feel my life drain away
I was slowing
Enough for you to catch me
Enough to finish the ****


It was at the field of feathers you found me
Just beyond the pines
I was lying, panting from the chase
Death was staring me in the face
And when my vision cleared I saw you instead
Watching me carefully

You had your loud stick at your side
Your face was hard like rocks
You just watched me
I stared back
Prepared for death
I’d die the lonely wolf

Your face softened
You neared closer
I had no strength to protest
You dropped lower
Almost crawling towards me
While I was crawling toward the darkness

You were just a blur now
Your hand closed around the silver stick
While your other hand traced the wound
You looked at that hand
Which was now blurred red
You muffled something softly

I looked up
A growl rose in my throat
I could see it
I couldn’t let it happen
You jumped back
The loud stick raised at me

I dragged myself to my feet
Snarling while red water fell over the feathers
It was so hard to see
But I could smell it
The intention to ****
You edged back

I took off running
Coming right at you
You howled at me
I was at full sprint now
But your stick
It howled loud and quick

That’s when I felt it
The burning in my chest
My eyes widened
I fell and stumbled
Feathers stirring in the sky
I tried to prop myself up
But I couldn’t

You stared at me
I panted out what was left of the red water
I whined at you
Just turn around
I barked; yelped helplessly
It was too late

The bear that was behind you
Struck you down
Tearing your flesh wide open
The red water was everywhere
I couldn’t do anything
I could only watch

The bear finally stopped tearing
It’s black eyes stared at you
A moment longer
A heap of red flesh
Barely breathing
It wandered off into the pines

I whined at you
You cried back
Darkness was on the edge of everything
Closing in on me
Closing in on you
I could hear your pain

I dragged myself closer to you
Whining
I could make out your eyes
Wide with fear
I groveled closer
You gingerly twitched your hand

I was close now
I could feel your life against my fur
Beating slowly
Your were almost gone
I licked an apology on your hand
I’m sorry

You looked at me
Your hand moving up my drenched fur
You grabbed the silver stick
And slowly drew it out
It didn’t hurt
I was already broken

You looked at me
And breathed one last time
I saw myself in your blue eyes
You had a soul too
I filled myself with air
And howled for the last time

A ragged voice in the night
Blood-red feathers in the sky
Floating to the stars
I was singing for me
I was singing for you
I was singing for us

My shoulders slumped
I fell to the ground
My sight was gone
I couldn’t feel you dead-still next to me
But I could still hear
My song echoing

Wolf song
If we should die tonight
We should die together

{~~~}

Jealousy is hatred dancing along my skin
Accusations swell in my mind
That I itch to unveil
Betrayal, Betrayal
In every fatal detail

Jealousy never misses its faulted mark

I've stolen golden rings
Retracting at the sight, hanging from the
**Gallows

Skin drenched in blood and moonlight
I devour your reflection
False mistakes inhale burning degrees
Wronged truths help good lies
Demons **** tonight with beautiful teeth sunken into the floor
Ashes quite the sky
Lay with me tonight
I crave a secret taste of you

Don't turn love into pity anymore

Depression is a weight in my stomach
Fire on my cheeks
But ice beneath
Conspire Conspire
Against my deadly desire

I don't think you know what you are to me.

Sins find courage in your heart

I’ve heard frozen strings
Echoing in the night, skimming the air like
**Arrows

Honesty is petrified of the dark

I’ve seen stranger things
Lurking in the light, rather than the
**Shadows

{~~~}

Could you see your beauty
Through the mirror of my eyes?
Would you see a normal person
Insignificant in size?
Or would you see someone perfect
On both of their sides?
I always wanted to show you
The choice for you to decide
A mirror, so silver, so exact
Showing a reflection calm and real
Sharpening your senses
Cold to touch and still
You look at yourself;
What do you see?
A shattered reflection
Or something to be?
If you saw yourself
Shining back unclear
You are still perfect
The darkness will disappear
I will bring the mirror
A perfect pane of glass
I will show you a reflection
A precise image that will last
The shadows will fade
And you will no longer be blind
To the way you look
Perfectly in my mind
You beauty is breath-taking
More stunning than the moon
Your eyes of brown
Criticizing your image too soon
Your radiance
Coming from your skin
Amazing as you are
Even beauty from within
Just one touch
Is all it takes
For the mirror to crack
The pieces to break
The broken mirror falling
Gleaming a silver flash
Your perfection still reflected
In the mirror that fell to Ash.

{~~~}


*I look back on it now
And wonder how?

On my throne
Your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful.



*I have to find you

{~~~}

With every throbbing moment
I can hear you sing
Don't sing as loud as my heart please
I've been chasing my tail
The space between has never been so daunting
Let me close it
Zip Zip
The colours
Dripping off voices
Sweet and Salty
Come back as you were
Like how you are in my head
I'll sing with you
To the silver
Awhoooooo
You say ice had lists
Fire had regrets
What remains of littered bones
Break
Break
Snap like little bones please
You don't know how lovely you are
Can you answer me in the dark then?
Fade like my sorrow
Rush back to the start
The start of loving
Back to when I had taken a drink
Of youthful water
It tastes like metal
Metal and blood
Dragon scales
Night prevails
Black and white wings
Creaked with wood
Cracked with suffer
Come up and tell me
What do you hear?
Sweet
or
Salty?

Oh
This is how I feel when I'm with you
You are my Drug

{~~~}

{~~~}

Winter has fallen

12 feet under my won problems
It's amazing how cold it feels
Ice spiraling up my back
The snowflakes cracking
But the ice is hollow
Frost-covered yet not completely frozen
The rime freezes my heart
Empties my essence
But keeps my soul warm

Fall will rise

{~~~}

{~~~}

I see the warmth
But feel the ice
I cannot touch
A storm to die
Frost grow faster
Shivers along my spine
The ice is breaking
  Cracking in thin lines
I don’t feel
That I’m slowly  f r e e z i n g
Ice in my veins
And I stop b r e a t h i n g
Nothing to touch
      Nothing to h-o-l-d
Why do I live in
A World So Cold?                                                                                        
S­ h a d o w s all around me
That I can feel
I cannot see
If they are real…
There is no end
There is no light
A broken soul
Without a fight
How can I see you
If there is no sun
But I can sense
That you're not the one
I shattered the surface
I killed the spark
I am forever alone
In A World So Dark                                                             ­                                   
Then I saw him
My breath was taken away
What could I do?
What could I say?
How did I miss him?
Was I too blind?
     Too see his perfect look
One of a kind?
I fell for him
But he caught my soul
He held me in his arms
  And made my heart whole
No longer cold and dark
No longer filled with regret
Because he’s in my life
In A World So Perfect.                                                                                        

{~~~}

{~~~}


Night lasting
Frozen minds
Quiet thoughts
Love unbinds

Drawing pain
Etching images
A World so silent
Words unlimited

Shadows dancing
Frigid dark
Frosted black
Dying sparks

Hollowed sound
Dulling sight
Fractured sense
Weakened light

Barely Breathing
Unmoving soul
No emotions
A world so cold

Open mouths
Unheard words
Frozen faces
Reflections of hurt

Crimson colors
Endless flow
Bleeding hearts
Expressions that know

Broken promises
Empty vows
Dead silence
That he allows

Wide eyed gaze
Watching this world
Watching her
A broken heart unfurled

A world so dark
Black with hate
Shaded with sorrow
Voiced too late

A world so broken
Always shaking
From words unspoken
Heart still breaking

A dawn never to be
A moon never to rise
What a world to see
Behind blue eyes

{~~~}

{~~~}

Silence, Silence.
Is all I can hear
Shaking in darkness
Never to be clear

Waiting, waiting.
For you to see
That I am something
One crying plea

Fading, Fading.
Till I am gone
Shading shadows
A soul undrawn.

Forsaken, Forsaken
Living in parts
I realize the reason
For one broken heart

{~~~}

{~~~}

I put my hands over my eyes,
Rather than to hold them out and catch myself,
Because I don't want to see myself fall.

{~~~}

{~~~}

Death has a grip on you
Cupping your face in his palms
I know I shouldn't feel so drained
Because you're more tired and worn
I can see your threads fraying
Teeth of a wolf couldn't break your line
But I can...
This cancer is eating you away
Beneath your skin I can see you're broken
Your try to hide it with your dark humor
But know that I can see through you
Paper thin is what you are
But it is I who is ripping
I don't really know what your are to me
But I do know
It's killing me,
Watching it **** you.

{~~~}

{~~~}

I've always grabbed the knife by the blade
Whether by accident
Or on purpose.
Celestial shadows watch as my veins pour themselves clean
Oh I don't mind it.
Pain is just the cover on a book
And people judge it
I can clearly see what he is to me
But what am I to him?
I've always bent the barrel on my gun
B a c k f i r e
Oh
B  a  c  k  f  i  r  e
I'm not holding the trigger
No.
I've always held my weapon backwards
With my heart in my stomach
And my mind in my hands I'll tell you
-He's my fountain of youth-

{~~~}

{~~~}
You say you like me.
You say you want me.
But-
You don't want to make a commitment.
Then that girl
The one I called my best friend.
She likes you
But it's okay
She can flirt with you
"I guess."
She can go ahead and claim you.
"You can't really do anything because you two aren't dating.
I can flirt with him as much as I want."
She can just spit that in my face.
And it's okay.
Oh this salt has never burned such open wounds.
Why don't you just drag a knife down my back.
So I'm just sitting here tearing myself apart.
The tears are running down my face
I have no one to turn to but you
But how can I talk to you of how I feel?
You do feel the same way about me like I do to you.
I'm not that mad.
I'm just utterly depressed.
Not because of what you think.
It's not because she's flirting with you,
No.
It's because what she said is true
We're not together.
You're not mine
{~~~}

{~~~}
The words have slipped from my mouth
I hold my breath
As my heart travels south

All I can fear is the beating through my chest
I open my mouth once more
But my mind protests

Death is cupping my cheeks
His icy fingers lurching up my back
But you never speak...

I feel the stars run down my face
Spiraling down
Disappearing back into space

The sickness spreads
I bar my stomach in
As it repeats in my head

The darkness closes in
I stare at you in place
Shadows tighten my skin

Oh bones have never felt so brittle
They snap like my courage
And I have never seemed so little

My soul begins to crack
This is how it feels when I say 'I love you'
And you say  n o t h i n g  back.
{~~~}