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Nov 2015 · 1.6k
Seven Years
liza Nov 2015
I am a completely different person than I was seven years ago.
Physically, yes, because my cells have been dying
and renewing so much that
everything is gone and I am new.

Mitosis took care of that in the way that
everyone is a new collection of cells
every seven years.

But we're still the same collection of memories.

I am also different mentally.

I am not a simple eight year old anymore,
but what is a simple eight year old?

I want to be a stem cell,
blank and waiting for instructions.

Either I want to make my own decisions
and take control of my own life
or I can recognize that I don't know what I'm doing
and any control given to me will be lost.

I want to stay blank, ready to be programmed
and have a job
and a purpose.

But maybe I don't want to be a cell
and I want to be the collection.
Maybe I'll find my purpose.
Maybe I'll find my job.

I want these seven years to pass so I can be this
new human.
Maybe they will know what to do.

Am I the stem cell, hidden in the nasal cavity, or am I the human?
Am I really that different from my simple eight year old self?
Am I really different at all?
guess who's back back again liza's back tell a friend
this was inspired by a conversation i had in biology today
Jan 2015 · 391
Untitled
liza Jan 2015
it never occurred to me exactly how jealous i can be,
not even of people that i know,
but of concepts:
being confident when i get up to speak,
knowing where to sit,
being able to write the right thing.

but now i know that jealousy is what helps me succeed
even when i can't
hello world it has been years and i would like to say that i still have no clue what i'm doing
Aug 2014 · 695
erase
liza Aug 2014
it isn't that i feel sad
or numb, like some days,
but i don't feel like existing.

there's so much for me to do,
so many books to read,
so many shows to watch,
so many albums to listen to,
and there's so much that i cannot.

and i would give the world
to anyone
who could erase me for a few days.

i would be the shavings
off of a pencil that decorate a classroom floor.

and i wouldn't even mind.
Jun 2014 · 1.1k
hotels
liza Jun 2014
hotel deaths are so overdramatic
they're just random people who checked in for a day's rest that just happened to last forever

and hotel suicides
home's not a five star

but all of the murders
because they were still found
after they shaved half their heads
and dyed what's left red
and changed their names
and wore green contacts
and hurried the **** up to hide

hotels are petri dishes for killing bacteria.
inspired by a newspaper article or two
May 2014 · 2.8k
playgrounds
liza May 2014
being told that you're too big
for a playground destroys
the little kid inside you and
wow oh wow
that hurts because that little
kid always gets what she wants
and **** that's not okay and
she's having a tantrum but
you just look down at that rude
little kid who told you that
playgrounds are for little kids
makes you
so so so mad and
who told that kid that
they could be rude to you
but you know that
they don't think they're being rude
and all you want to do is
go down the slide but
you admit defeat and
stare down that kid and
whirl around and
walk down the steps but
inside you're stomping and that little
kid of yours is unhappy.
so my nephews are over and some kid told me this and i was mad but then i went down the slide and parents at the end were all, "people your age should not be riding down slides" and i just rolled my eyes but the second time there was one at the top who said i wasn't allowed down ugh i dislike children so much because they're little
May 2014 · 403
voices
liza May 2014
my head is a canyon,
deep, intricate, and tall.
a river runs through the bottom,
tumbling, whirling, destroying.
i hear those voices
laughing, cackling, bellowing.
**echoing
Apr 2014 · 8.0k
butt
liza Apr 2014
i laid down across the desks
     like always
and started writing
     like always.

i felt her hands on the back of
my upper thigh
she wasn't trying to arouse me
but i could feel her little fingers
bumping up my thigh in
a rhythm, thumping while she texted on her phone
and i felt a light touch on my ****
a packet of papers
and another pair of hands doing work
on their work
on my ****
and i felt the light massages of her fingers on my thigh
and i wondered if other girls felt this way
when they were touched
and i wondered what made me different
and if i was different.
jesus christ going through that stage
Apr 2014 · 462
fast (10w)
liza Apr 2014
she liked to fast.

and sometimes she fasted for
days.
Apr 2014 · 457
snip snip
liza Apr 2014
don't **** the butterfly
before the ink dies, in its sleep
and before you wash it off.
it's gotta die naturally before
you go snip snip.

don't **** the butterfly
before you feel the thrill again
and before you feel happy.
it's gotta die naturally before
you go snip snip.

don't **** the butterfly
before you go out again
and before love finds you.
it's gotta die naturally before
you go snip snip.

you killed the butterfly
after nothing good happened
and after you hit rock bottom.
it was murdered after
you went snip snip.
this is about the butterfly project. i wrote this over a year ago so it's still rather terrible. this was before i completely developed my appreciation for poetry.
Apr 2014 · 1.1k
drown
liza Apr 2014
there is a pit in my stomach
just like everyone else's
but mine has no bottom
and it just keeps going.

every so often a rock slips
and falls down the precipice
forever echoing off the walls.

sometimes i hear a splash when it hits
the water and then i feel it sinking,
dragging me down to infinite anti-heights
and i can't swim.

and you could say that there are
butterflies within my stomach,
and i would tell you that you were wrong,
the butterflies fell and drowned years ago.
Apr 2014 · 12.6k
it hurts
liza Apr 2014
it hurts because it matters
it hurts because you know that it wasn't a mistake
it hurts because you understand that it's kind of your fault anyways
it hurts because they mattered
Apr 2014 · 423
accidents (10w)
liza Apr 2014
i couldn't loathe you
more than i could love you.
Apr 2014 · 828
legends
liza Apr 2014
and legend has it that
someone out there is looking up
at the moon and thinking of
another person looking up at the moon

and maybe

just maybe

they were hoping to see you out there tonight
Apr 2014 · 14.7k
jealous
liza Apr 2014
if someone tells me that jealousy does not exist
on this earth
i will tell them to look deep
inside my heart
and see the jealousy that courses through my veins

i yearn for someone to talk to
     even if it's just a random person anonymously on a random site
and i yearn for a cutesy little skype conversation
     with a complete stranger
and i yearn for people to ask me to go places
     instead of me asking them

and i yearn for them to remember me,
and i yearn for them to remember my name
and that it's leeza, not lyza
and that i have feelings, too
and i hate this back brace

and that i just want to laugh with them
and i don't want them to laugh at me
and i just worry so much

and i am jealous because they are concerned with
grades and boys, grades and girls
and i just try to fit in
because i am jealous.
welp this is personal
basically i have really bad scoliosis and my surgery date is confirmed
wow am i fine or panicked? at the moment i'm fine, but i know that every single day that goes by is just one day closer to my meltdown.
Apr 2014 · 10.2k
kiss
liza Apr 2014
i have never been kissed
but my friend told me about hers
she's grounded
because he left a hickey
and i don't even know his name but i know what he tastes like
because she's just so **** happy that she's finally had her first kiss
and another friend was talking about kissing her other friend
she's my friend too, i guess
but they're girls, and i have no problem with that
honestly
but they're not even gay
and they're kissing just for fun
on a dare
and i know that i could never even pay someone to kiss me
because i know what i am
and that is not romantic
i know that i am  a monster with a crooked back
and a sad smile
who laughs like a kraken at terrible jokes
and rude towards people
and tries to fit in just a little bit more
and i know that i could never even pay someone to kiss me
because i don't even know the first thing about it
and i don't even know what's happening around me
but i only care about a kiss
and that's really not the best thing for the world
but to me it matters
is it supposed to matter so much?
Apr 2014 · 2.6k
golden
liza Apr 2014
isn't she golden,
shining in the light?

she fits comfortably into
the golden ration,
reducing the apples of her cheeks
and the width of her hips
and the length of her fingers
to meaningless numbers,
crunched into a calculator, checking
if she still looked golden.
1.61803 (the golden ration)
a bit nervous to go look myself up
Apr 2014 · 2.1k
humans
liza Apr 2014
i am less than human.
i am a creature that breathes just as they do,
but i am less than them.

i love to believe that i'd fit in
and be a real human some day,
but the little scars on my wrists and legs
move up and become more visible,
screaming
     "here i am"
     "come see"
     "look at how well i can hate"

i am less than human,
where i am a museum of
lazy little razors.
Apr 2014 · 6.2k
beauty
liza Apr 2014
she wasn't cute,
she was alluring.

she wore that chanel no five
and said that she only wore perfume to bed
but if you saw her nights,
you'd see her in her older brother's boxers
and a tank top with a few holes.

and her little harmless lies
were ****,
weaving their separate ways through
all sense that you ever had.

she was beautiful, in all the ways that
a person cannot be.
Apr 2014 · 384
love (10w)
liza Apr 2014
love is an ocean
trying to drown you
prevail, please?
the ten words collection?
Apr 2014 · 572
seconds
liza Apr 2014
"you've got to take a second to remind yourself that you're only
human
and that you make
mistakes
and that you can be
forgiven
and
remade."

so she did take a second.
only one.
one second out of sixty seconds,
a little more than one percent of a minute.

she took a second,
but she couldn't make herself take fifty nine
more.
so i wrote this after reading "an umbrella for the inferno" by jude rigor. seconds. it's somewhere on that list. i love her poetry, and you ought to go read it.
Apr 2014 · 945
thin
liza Apr 2014
she wanted to be skinny.

     she wanted to ignore the skin on her body
     until it hung loosely off her skeleton
     like a wrinkled shirt on a hanger
     that needed ironing.

she wanted to be a stick
so that she could fit through the
spaces in the dark of trees
and understand how they fed off of
themselves.

     she wanted to know what it was like
     to have knives instead of collarbones,
     carving off the little chunks of fat,
     and throwing them to the side, letting the
     festering rats devour the residue of
     fourteen years of life.

she wanted to have hips that served as
mountains, looking like the alps,
with climbers covered in furs throwing hooks
over the niches in her body.

     she wanted a ribcage that would hold
     even the mightiest bird, without letting
     a single feather breach her defenses,
     never letting a ferocious caw escape her,

because she wanted to be thin.
Apr 2014 · 7.5k
monsters
liza Apr 2014
they called themselves the monsters
because they wanted to strike
     fear into the
          hearts of men.

and legend has it,
they turned into their dreams.
Apr 2014 · 988
danger
liza Apr 2014
we read books
to find a world,
and to others,
it's unknown.

but there's no danger,
except falling in love.

but that's what our books
tell us.
Apr 2014 · 326
chocolate
liza Apr 2014
"mummy, mummy, can i have a
piece of chocolate?" asked the
little boy.
"of course," she said and
the little boy took a  slice
and let the sweetness
melt on his tongue.

if the little boy ate so much
sweet chocolate,
how did he grow up to be so bitter?
Mar 2014 · 303
wanton
liza Mar 2014
the moon and the sun
deserve to be together
more than we do.

with their ever-so-sweet
nudges and winks and waves.
with their distance they
grow stronger and
never fall apart.
with their hundred thousand million
miles they always seem so close.

we are a wanton couple.

with our little bits of fluff
and our playful glares that hate to play,
with our bickering over dates
and seconds left to spare,
with our eclipsing of each other
we grow angry and do not speak.
we always seem so distant.

but the sun and the moon have
their troubles, too, with their
set-in-stone pathways that are
too far apart when they
can only spend a few minutes
together because the sun is
so hot, and the moon is so cold.

and the eclipsing of each other
draws another out of the dark.
shout out to shakespeare for the word 'wanton.'
Mar 2014 · 359
#23
liza Mar 2014
#23
arousal is
the noun of
to arise.

i would like to
arise my arousal but
i love sleeping with
    you
like this.
Mar 2014 · 282
#22
liza Mar 2014
#22
it doesn't matter how loudly
you scream to be let out,
that you're all
     better,
if you're locked behind soundproof
walls of
     disappointment.
Mar 2014 · 352
#21
liza Mar 2014
#21
if tears are just salt water,
then why do our eyes burn
when we submerge in the ocean
and not when we cry?

because crying is mandated
by nature and is acceptable.
Mar 2014 · 199
#21
liza Mar 2014
#21
rule one: everyone lies
rule two: you're not supposed to care
rule three: trust no one
Mar 2014 · 256
#20
liza Mar 2014
#20
there are scratches on my
knuckles and bruises on my
face from when i challenged
another for your
heart.

i'm sorry he's stronger than me.
Mar 2014 · 288
#19
liza Mar 2014
#19
if you believe in me,
then you'll understand me
when i say that it's a
secret
and i can't tell you.

if you believe in me,
then you'll know what
i mean when i say that it's
dangerous.

follow me, if you believe.
this 100% wasn't inspired by bbc sherlock. no way.
Mar 2014 · 507
spark
liza Mar 2014
her hair was like coper,
brown and normal until the
light caught it.

her hair sparked and
burned away her ginger
soul.
Mar 2014 · 506
redundant
liza Mar 2014
he called her and she said, "i love you."
he said, "yes."

he called her and she said, "i love you."
he said, "yes."

he called her and she said, "i love you."
he said, "yes."

he called her and she said, "i love you."
he said, "no."
Mar 2014 · 607
#18
liza Mar 2014
#18
my favorite thing about my
boring awful photo class
is being in the dark.

there's a boy.

i know, i know. a boy.

but i'm just the awkward girl
with a crooked back and the
huge notebook and ugly style.

and he's just the quarterback's
best friend with the cool hoodies
and those adidas shoes that everyone has.

and i know it's stereotypical and
could potentially work

but how does a girl who can't breathe
let go and take a gulp?
#andwecried
Mar 2014 · 212
#17
liza Mar 2014
#17
we are all human beings,
but we are not all humans.

if you are a human,
you are
     basically normal
          with just a dash of strange
     generally nice
          with some splashes of anger
     regular
     spectacular.

you are all human beings,
but you are not all humans.
human(e)
Mar 2014 · 758
#16
liza Mar 2014
#16
you run through my veins,
my darling, like the stardust
we are all made of, even though
we are not the best, i'll believe
you are the winner of my cross-country race.
Mar 2014 · 237
#15
liza Mar 2014
#15
ghosts are imprints of ourselves.
we are afraid of ghosts.
thus, we are afraid of our

future (footsteps).
Mar 2014 · 281
#14
liza Mar 2014
#14
the nightmares that she got glowed
through the darkness, deceiving her
into loving her paradisal dreams.
Mar 2014 · 163
#13
liza Mar 2014
#13
the truth of the matter is
     people die.
     people lie.
     people cry.
     people don't understand.
     people laugh.
     people die.

people die.
Mar 2014 · 170
#12
liza Mar 2014
#12
i am done looking through magazines
for beauty since i can't find it in
the easiest place to look:

a mirror.
Mar 2014 · 427
#11
liza Mar 2014
#11
there's really no point in being sad about
what life gives you because you're not
life and you can't control it so when life
gives you lemons and no receipt, don't cry
about it because a market's not going to
take it back after it's been announced that
making bombs out of lemons is now possible
so take you life and your lemons and be
blown away with them.
Mar 2014 · 374
#10
liza Mar 2014
#10
she bites the flashlight
in her mouth in an attempt
to see a glimmer
of light in break dark-
ness.
Mar 2014 · 346
#9
liza Mar 2014
#9
her back is curved
under the work she does
with the growth of her
spine and the growth
of her body.

surgery has to fix
the bit of herself
she has left.
scoliosis - a curvature of the spine.
lucky me, i have two of those curves.
Mar 2014 · 444
#8
liza Mar 2014
#8
avalon of jasper lived off of jasper's love.
she belonged to him and thrived under the
love of the wizard. she was awoken by the
dawning sun every morning as its light
slowly filtered through the glass roof.
inch by inch, she grew up and stretched her
arms to the sky. avalon of jasper bloomed
when he found a new beau and shone in delight
when they met again. she wilted when they
ended. jasper would visit her and pluck her
gently. "hello there, my lovely avalon
flower."
Mar 2014 · 559
#7
liza Mar 2014
#7
the ingénue stood on the sand of the lagoon.
diaphanous ripples waved her goodbye
and she waved back.
the murmurous offing swallowed the plethora
of scintillas.

she turned around and wandered into the
labyrinthine jungle, ignoring the
susurrous whispers of the eavesdropping
leaves.

the penumbra of her life faded into
a scintilla of nothing and she was swallowed
up by the offing.

it found her a dulcet morsel.
ingénue - naïve young woman
diaphanous - filmy
offing - the sea between the horizon and the offshore
susurrous - whispering
penumbra - a half shadow
Mar 2014 · 279
#6
liza Mar 2014
#6
she took a great fall down
a staircase and she saw
the photos of her sisters in
ballet classes and colleges and
none of her because they forgot
her existence.
Mar 2014 · 205
#5
liza Mar 2014
#5
the worst crimes are committed for love.
if this is where love leads us,
why were we born with
hearts?
never mind the fact that the human heart has nothing to do with romance. it just beats faster.
Mar 2014 · 178
#4
liza Mar 2014
#4
you said you'd always be there for me.
i realized you lied too late.

give me back my virtue and my passion.
give me back my youth and my love.
give me back my friends i used to love.

you can take the children and the car,
but give me back my mind.
Mar 2014 · 703
#3
liza Mar 2014
#3
there ought to be a law about love
but so many people would be sent to jail
for vandalizing heart, and you're quite

the troublemaker.
Mar 2014 · 340
#2
liza Mar 2014
#2
there never really was a way to describe
you. were you a good person? i never
truly could decide. either you were dancing
with me or hitting a man and forcing him to
kneel and shooting him. that man could have
grown up to be a serial killer, but you took away
the chance that her would pick another option.
definitely, you were violent, but i can't very well
tell that to my mother and my family and friends.

i suppose you were my protector, right up to
the day you died. taking a bullet. for me.
i recognize that "if there's enough time for a person to jump in front of a bullet, then the original target could move" is viable, but considering the people that this character is involved with, there are multiple situations in which no physical jumping in front of a bullet occurs but the shooter just changes their mind about their target.
example: shooter is going to **** the girl first, but the guy begs the shooter to let her live and shoot him instead.
example two: the girl can't move because she's chained, or tied (which is very likely) and in a struggle with the shooter, the guy gets shot. the possibilities are endless.
i'm just explaining this because i once let my friend read this and he lectured me on my hopeless romanticism. it can make sense.
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