i hope to one day
find love so strong
that i see the streets
as pavement. and not
the spaces around
my shoes.

id love to tell you
all about the mountains,
but the truth is
i dont care.
not yet anyway.
a mountain is just
something else
i cant enjoy on my own.

leave a knife
in your thigh and
try to write about
anything else.

until real love
hits me like a hook
to the nose
ill live in hopes quicksand.
sinking with a smile.

it is mid july
and hotter than sin.
some friends and i
drove to the beach
to watch the shore
erode.

i drank some gin
and we talked about
television. i laughed
like i would die
tomorrow.

when we left
and my feet were
******
i couldnt help but
remind myself
that i was happy.

and on the drive home
two friends kiss
in the back like
you do when you
think you have it
figured out
and all you want
is the whole world
and its staring back
at you and even smiles
if you kiss it on
the mouth.

and all i could
think about is the boy
i was mean to as
a child and how
he died before i
could ever say
sorry and really
mean it.

i cant help but
twist a knife
if i see one.

theres a
blue jay out there
with a
key
for my
lock.

will it take
my guts for
treasure?
or see the slash
in my belly as
flaw.
hamartia.

would it take
me naked?
glitch personified,
i knock three times
at the door.
its cold and i
am ready
to die in your
arms again.

i am stuck in a
tangerine dream.
a breath of fresh air
or just air
that seems fresh
to me.

red face
quilled with ice cold
water.

there is only beauty
between the cracks
of contrast.

//

i cant call myself
a poet
if i dont tell you
that her lips
look soft.

they could heal me
like a bandaid
and hurt just as much
to peel off.

it doesnt feel like
virginia yet.
maybe only
vermont
or conneticut.

but im ready
to go home
if home feels
like it used to.

******* like
the perfect man.
but let my neck drape
low like
an unpicked Lady.
bathe me in attention
but dont ask if ive earned it.

'its chilly out here'
she told me through
smoke
from her breath.
well god bless the
turpentine i transfused
for my blood
thats keeping me
upright.

i only live in the now
and by the time you
get there
ill be gone.
chasing a pipedream
or a dragon that might
give me a different
perspective
on things.

'its chilly out here'
she told me through
smoke
from her breath.
all you want is warmth
but i breathe
snow and
hail
into your atmosphere
not because i want to,
it just cant stay
here
anymore.

i dreamt a pair
of wings into my
life to find if i was
ready to see
the tops of buildings
without wanting to
jump
off them but i
gave up.
only i know whats
good
for me i think
thats the
problem.

'its chilly out here'
she told me through
smoke
from her breath.
she wiped the
frost
from my hair
and i felt
juvenile
the comfort of nothing
all over.
the
high
ive been chasing
from the edge
of a
hand.

As far as I remember
You came in a dream
Washing your blonde hair
Causing quite a scene.

No words left to swallow
No swords left to fall on
I thought you looked nice
But what the hell do I know right.

Cold september evening
Under friday night lights.
A family affair
A quiet kiss goodnight.

A bullet through my stomach
Coming through my spine.
Feeling dead as air.
Feeling cold as ice.

Never learnt my lesson
Not sure what it was
What I was supposed to learn
What I should overcome.

Anytime I’m anywhere
I always see the same
Pictures on the wall.
Things I gotta take

And I’d beg for your forgiveness
If I was certain I was wrong.
But somewhere in these pages
Is my secret siren song

All that I have
Is all that I shared
I pray someday you hear this
I pray someday you care

I know it can’t be me
I think I understand
How I could love a girl
And how she could **** a man.