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  Aug 2018 kayla
i hope to one day
find love so strong
that i see the streets
as pavement. and not
the spaces around
my shoes.

id love to tell you
all about the mountains,
but the truth is
i dont care.
not yet anyway.
a mountain is just
something else
i cant enjoy on my own.

leave a knife
in your thigh and
try to write about
anything else.

until real love
hits me like a hook
to the nose
ill live in hopes quicksand.
sinking with a smile.
  Jul 2018 kayla
it is mid july
and hotter than sin.
some friends and i
drove to the beach
to watch the shore

i drank some gin
and we talked about
television. i laughed
like i would die

when we left
and my feet were
i couldnt help but
remind myself
that i was happy.

and on the drive home
two friends kiss
in the back like
you do when you
think you have it
figured out
and all you want
is the whole world
and its staring back
at you and even smiles
if you kiss it on
the mouth.

and all i could
think about is the boy
i was mean to as
a child and how
he died before i
could ever say
sorry and really
mean it.

i cant help but
twist a knife
if i see one.
  Jun 2018 kayla
i like to say “****” in my poems
i guess i think it makes me sound serious
like this time i really mean it
i’m just looking for a way to say
that i’m tired
but i’m still so, so ready to keep living.
the color yellow
  Jun 2018 kayla
i learnt a lot about
myself today.

i learnt a lot about
fear today.

fear of
missing out

ive heard the term before
but never thought
it was something ive felt.

i went to my high school graduation
ceremony today.
only a year ago it was me.

that day wasnt for me anymore
and i stuck around
like a fly on the wall
asking if they remembered
when i was there too.

if people can be toxic
im glowing bright green.
  Jun 2018 kayla
no it’s okay
i understand
not everyone can value me
in the same way i value myself.
just don’t show up when it’s over
with a hello and a hug
expecting me to thank you
for coming.
i cope by getting defiant.
  Jun 2018 kayla
i am stuck in a
tangerine dream.
a breath of fresh air
or just air
that seems fresh
to me.

red face
quilled with ice cold

there is only beauty
between the cracks
of contrast.


i cant call myself
a poet
if i dont tell you
that her lips
look soft.

they could heal me
like a bandaid
and hurt just as much
to peel off.

it doesnt feel like
virginia yet.
maybe only
or conneticut.

but im ready
to go home
if home feels
like it used to.
  Jun 2018 kayla
what a lonely life i live
to let myself drown thirsty.
to feel like god and
not believe in him.
to know love and
lose faith in it.
to be docile.
to be content
with contentment.

what a lie ive lived
my finest performance.
when the sheet does fall
i wont have disappeared.
the trick
is that nothing was really there
to begin with.
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