I like your shirt
You like my hat
I like your hair
You like my necklace
It's not mine
But you could be
Sorry
I'm cheesy
That happens sometimes

Falling apart
At the lightest touch
What happened to those bright eyes
To that midnight sky
That we laid under
Dew collecting around our bodies
As we stared upwards, unafraid
Of that endless scape of stars

But now you're falling apart
At the lightest touch
At the tap of a piano key
The brush of a snowflake
On my cheek
Why are you afraid?
Why are you crying?
Why are you dying?

We will both feel pride
On this day
Far, far in the future
Or maybe not too far at all

Your song is on the radio
In the background of a show
The beat that people in glittering outfits
Let go of control to

You're holding your lover's hand
Or perhaps alone
That familiar bump of feeling
Bitter pride
Resentment
Melancholy regret
The ghost of hope
The ghost of the part of you
That wonders what would be different if I'd stayed
And I'm sitting
With my headphones in
Listening to your voice
That same bump of feeling
That same ghost, now brought to life

I spent so long hoping you'd never let go of me
Now I'm glad you're free

Stones in your
Sunshine
Wildfires
On my palms
Burning up
The lines
Of times
I never did
All those clothes
Piling in
Breaking up
Our words with
Mint leaves
And moths
On the ceiling
You're my
Magic eight ball
My stained glass
With glitter
On the rim
My okay
See you
I'll wait
For you
My lovecraft
My darling death
Let me be
Your final
Destination
Your King
To your Queen
We're a
Horrifying
Rhapsody
It's not
All that funny
Let's get married

Feelings
They berate me
I don't know what I feel for you
Or why
This is beginning to suffocate me

Insecurities
Both inside and out
Am I attracted to you?
Or am I simply so lonely
That I'm clinging to you

How am I to say
Why I want to kiss you
And dance with you
When I've never kissed before
And never danced but alone

One cannot miss what
They have not had
But I miss you
And your flaws
Anyways

Scared to make a move
I couldn't love you if I wanted to
I don't want to
If I see you again
I might fall for you anyways

My dearest streak
Of onyx lightening
My favourite blackened
Silhouette
The lovely shadow
That stalks my home
And rests her warm
Soft head
Down on my thigh
Raising a dainty
Porcelain paw
Complete with stained
Rosy paw pads
Up to my hand
For an occasional treat
Curling up next to me
Such a little thing
Slow motion blinking
And twitching ears
To convey her feelings
A feline ambassador
To the human race

Tired
Of ticking clocks
Taking stock
Of what I've
Fallen to

Seated
By the weary
Windows of light
Breaking up time
With eyes

Danced
All night long
Pretending there
Someone was there
Perfect dreams

Shook
In the morning
Rain pouring
Still no call
I can't stop falling

Sunlight
Faint as ghost feet
Caress my brow
Hold my sleeping form
Dainty dust particles
Are the flies that fill my room

Dead dry earth
No snow, no birds
Just the click, click, click
Of keys and muffled screams
He's swearing now and
I leave
That room is dead to me

Each heart holds a song
The beat of life
Trapped in a vessel
Thump, thump, I sing alone
I am no one's song
I am no one's symphony

Feet move here
Wood cries out
We are alive but this house is not
No words, no love
Just a funeral song

Her eyes will not meet mine
My cold hands cannot touch her
We are all dead now
I wish I had left in November

Dreaming of you
Awake at night
Bathed by the moon
Haunted by your complexion
Silver streams

I bet you have the prettiest face
Silken hair
A body I'll love
All my life
If you let me

Words fall out
I'm a fountain now
You're my reservoir
Deep and clean
Still untapped

Sing for me
I don't care if it's bad
Dancing in the shower
Slipping in soap
You always end up in my arms

I'm not too comfortable
But I'd fall apart for you
To dream of nights with you
Night spent with
Wedding rings

Lovingly

Just a month until I replace you forever
You have no place in my life anymore
I don't care that you don't want me
I never ******* loved you
It was infatuation and I got rid of you as soon as it was gone
I come back to you when I'm bored
Then discard you once I'm not
You answer every time
It's pathetic
I feel nothing for you

I am not a special moment
I am not ground hog's day
I am not a solar eclipse
Or a sky full of shooting starts
I am not 11:11
I am something else

I am a quiet back street
In early afternoon
I'm pavement you've walked over
A thousand times
I'm an inner city courtyard
Behind some fast food joint
Rose brick walls and a cherry tree

I'm your daily commute
I'm the pattern of the tiles
On your childhood bathroom wall
I'm the scars you trace unconsciously
Scars from scabbed knees
I am rolling over in your sleep
I'm the goosebumps you get
From your second favourite movie
I'm frozen peas

I am a blank sky
I am old sheets
I am chapstick and spare house keys
I'm the little statue in your front yard
On a partly cloudy afternoon
I'm a moment with your head back
Chewing gum in your car
Sitting alone in a Target parking lot
I'm the days between seeing your friends
I'm the scent of your shampoo
The sound of rain outside your first lover's room
I'm your lukewarm nights, your easier goodbyes
I'm white lies

I'm 4:23 PM drinking soda
By the window, on your back porch
I'm the dreams you had when you were three years old
The things you don't even remember anymore
I'm crickets
On a late summer night
I'm the tick of lofi music
Humming over your headphones
I'm everything you stand for

Some days
There's a fountain
In my soul
Shooting up words
And thoughts
Clear fresh water
Droplets on a page

Some days
The well goes dry
Eyes burning
Free from tears
No words
No love
This is worse somehow

I'm so alive
With your face
Next to mine
I see you
In dreams
Feel your breath
Against my cheek
You're just so green
Exploding
Beside me
And I'll never see
Anything besides
Those colours
Stained inside
The back of
My eyes
Replaying
A thousand times
While a hundred
Springs fade
Into summer
Everglades
And a hundred leaves
Tumble down
Around me
You're so green
I'd give
Anything
To watch you
Burst alive
Into bloom

Sitting alone
Drowning in dark
Gaze fixed
On the glowing light
From behind that glass
I'm happy enough where I am
There's no need to go outside

That day
You commented on me staring out at the snowflakes
There's so many things I can't forget
I hate you
I wish I could feel something for someone
Again
I want so bad
To say that you broke me
But you didn't break anything

Where are you right now?
Halfway through
To glassy panels
Sitting alone
Might I find you
Lost in letters
Of things I never wrote

Does the same moon
Rise upon you?
Hoary in the night
Glistening alone
Is my face
Lost in craters
Miles away

Do phantom scents
Haunt your walls
As your breathing does
For me alone
Or am I
For you lost
To be found

You come first
Forever and always
I come second
With feelings it tow

Breaking waves
Of wind against
The glass
Ocean tides
Marked by time
Marked by suicides
Of young dive bombers
Too scared to see
The sun
Too proud to take
The lower road
Too alive to face
Death
In any other way

I don't miss you anymore
I miss the daisies that popped up
Wherever we stood
Missing your hair
And all the pictures you sent me
Your gentle hands
In china white gloves
Carefully intertwined with mine
Like I was a piece of art
Like I was something to treasure
Not something to throw away

I miss your voice
Blitzing through that
Samsung cellphone
Timed, late at night
What would you think of me now

Look at me
I say
Sell me your smile
Take a penny for my thoughts
I have nowhere to go
But here

And you look at me
I haven't danced in so long
But you take my hand anyways
Why?
I don't smile
I have nothing to say to you

As fish swim, birds soar
Lifted up on drafts of hope
Dipping wingtips in sunsets
Clouds are butter
Sliced by talons
He is beautiful
And so is she

Answer the questions
That wallow in my mind
Struggling to raise up
Dead hands clawing through earth
Coming to the tears in my eyes
When you say

We like you
Write more often
Such emotion
I feel your pain
It's beautiful here
Because of you

I must ask
Who poured lead in my bones
Who stitched up my throat
Closed up my old wound
And left it
Rotting and infected
To slowly eat me away

I'm such a failure sometimes
I'm not even close
To perfect
I guess
I never will be
That's okay though
There's enough light inside me
To light up this dark room
And even if it's ugly
It'll have to be enough
For better
Or for worse
All these things
These flaws
These intricacies
Are only for me
I'm a mixing ***
Of all the usual things
In a way all my own
My life
Is a culmination
To the one I am now
To the one I was
To the one I will become
For better
Or for worse
I think I like the one
I am

Things are slowly falling apart

I have such good friends
A family who loves me to death
A house and a home and a heart that beats
But I'm so empty

It starts with a click
Nails on my phone screen
Reading that text
Again and again
The beginning of the fall

My room starts getting messy
I start writing less
Lunches pile up on my desk
I get used to feeling hungry again
I still list my songs before bed
Falling asleep in my sweatpants
Clothes piled on a chair
So high it's practically an entity
A guardian of my depression
Watching me fall

I still talk to my friends
I still smile when I read
And laugh at old shows
But it's harder now
And I ache when it's over
Deeper than before

It's not my worst ever
But if I had a bottle of pills
I'd drink them down painfully
After much deliberation
Life is so painful and lonely
When you're failing ever so slowly
Withdrawing and crawling
Deeper in your hole
It's so dark down here
Yet I loathe the light
I take the perfect life I have
And flush it away
Watch it drain
Then scoop up the dregs
And mourn it
Like I wasn't the one who made me
Forever lonely
Forever and always

You're so much more than a matter of fact
You're sitting at a table
and I'm watching you drink juice
You're texts I get at two in the morning
that I only read when I wake up
You're holding up your hands
while looking at a starry sky
trying to catch the moon
and bring it down to you
You're a poet
and you're your own poetry
You're a mess
You're all the pinterest boards we made together
You're beautiful
You're laughing
as we play video games in your room
You're doing a cheerhold for my feet
so I don't fall down this slippery ***** we built for ourselves
You're an artist
You're art
You're taking mirror selfies with me
You're everything

My heart hurts
Because it remembers you
But it doesn't recognize you
It's been over six months
And your demeanor has changed
You were so hopeful about life then
Now you're a husk
Dry and overworked and empty
Drained of everything you used to be

But maybe it's just me
Maybe I don't see the side of you
That still cares if you live or die
The part that loves video games
Hiking
The sound of my voice

I miss your soul
I feel such loss for you
It's a melancholy malaise that has settled over you
My heart hurts for you

She's something
So tall and
So pretty
They say that she's skinny
And so special
With big dark eyes
And crooked smiles
Yes she's just
So pretty
If only she
Could see the things
That everyone else sees

But even if she isn't
It's okay
Because she's strong
She can hold her own
In a fight
She doesn't back down
She doesn't give up
She survives
The worst fights
She tears herself apart
Then picks up all the pieces

It's a dusty
Terrain
Sad to say
It's always the same
Breaking down
In the slightest of ways
Never not
Waiting for rain
Sharpened heels
Dig into my thighs
As everyone runs
And I am left behind
Smothered in the clouds
Abandoned sky
I am their's
They'll never be mine

Wishing
Wondering
On windy days
Hoping for rain
To pick up
The dirt
And the dust
To wash you clean
To whisk me away

Take a deep breath
Let it out
Look down at your hands
Turn over your palms
Trace those lines
They're real
And you're the only one with them
Whether you believe
In palm reading
Or simple idiosyncrasies
Or the monotonous diversity
Of humanity
You have your own lines
Your own life
And the way you see your friends
Beautiful and wonderful and
Lovely in their flaws
Is how someone sees you
You're astonishing
You're a ******* work of art
Maybe you can't see it yet but
Someday that veil will lift
And you'll see how much you are
You are enough
You are so much more than enough
There's a lifetime in those palms
And it isn't over yet
So take a deep breath
And open your eyes

The year is 1945
And I exist outside of time
The year is 1989
And I have not a clue why

Late morning
In a slush of wet snow
The early, indignant barks
Of neighborhood dogs
Fills in the spaces
Between soggy snowflakes

The warmth of the radiator
Settles over me like a wave
A warm wash of lethargy
Over my already tired blankets

I don't want to save you
I want what we never had
To sit and talk about music
Without all the awkward pauses
I'm sorry for this
Because I'll probably leave you in the end

Softly set
Like the summer sun
Blinded
By your lights
That you're
Shining on me
So crush me
Under your tongue
Drink me down
The taste of summer
Berries

Darling
I'll do my best
To think a bit more
I'll stop by the
Post office again
I don't doubt you
Please don't doubt me

I still don't exist to you
Do I?

I sometimes wish
I had left you with the snow
It's a joyful place
High up in frosted peaks
But strangely silent
Strangely empty
We don't stay long
Play around and stick to
Former's footsteps
Then pack up our car
And drive away
But I can't leave you
You're a timeless spring

Thinking about unblocking his number
Is suicidal thoughts
He's my death wish
My reaper's kiss
Can't believe he was once my everything

Manipulative, darkened and deceiving
I fell for every trick he fed me
And always woke up from nightmares
That left me screaming
They were dreams of him
And a rooftop
And giant claws
They're suicidal thoughts

I see his face
In every scar on my arm
Every shriveled patch of skin
Is something like him
So twisted and deceived
Well, that's more like me
But I still miss him sometimes
Wonder what I looked like in his eyes

A fool, I suppose
Just a foolish girl
Lost in his fantasy world
A world where he might actually love me
Pure fantasy
Where the rope around my neck
Is a daisy chain
And this suicidal thoughts
Are pure bliss to me

Please write back.

I don't mind people
From the back of the room
Everyone can talk
As long as I can be quiet
I don't mind noise
When I don't have to take part
Stranger's conversations
Heard from afar
Are the greatest things
I get to know people
Without saying a word
Sometimes I'll talk
For hours at a time
But talking leaves me drained
And for the most part
I'd rather just be quiet

My love
I only think of you when it rains
I remember your face
In the light of my fish tank
Your silhouette is still painted
Against the outline of my window
I will not break
Until that fades

Because I can still feel your eyes
Locked on mine
You captured me
I'm still trapped in your cage
Existing in a moment
That no longer exists
Back when it was just you and I
Sitting alone
At this table for two
In the back of the school
Laying on the grass
When I got so close to kissing you

I'm still there
Locked in our nest that we built
In the woods behind my house
I can feel the sticks
Poking through our mossy bed
Just like I can still feel your arm
On my side
The first time we fell asleep
You right next to me
Laying on the floor
Of our best friend's house

I can still sense your heartbeat
And stickiness of my thighs
As we cuddled up in my loft
As you held me tight
You fell asleep in my bedroom
And all the soft sounds you'd make
Still echo in my ears
Holding me for days

Oh, love
Please never stop raining
When the sky clears
And the ground dries up
I might forget you
And where would that leave me?

I'm not in love.
Not yet, at least.
But someday, I will be.
With these covers
Pulled up to my chest,
I can feel my teeth move
When I breathe.
It's honestly bleak.
But there's a soft beat
That lights up my lungs.
Guitar strings strumming
Like blackbirds
Pecking.

She was the loveliest woman
I could ever meet
But she changed
Slipped into a sea
Of bitter ecstasy and
Hazy schemes
She began to scream
Pound on the doors
Twist her head
Like an exorcist
Speaking little
Only to rear back
Teeth flared
What a snake she has become
I cry for her
At first
Cry for no man
For no God
Tears only last so long
She hides away
In that miserable hovel
Of a cave
The sympathy stops
All dried up
That ***** she screams
And screams
Slamming doors
Playing piano until
Three in the morning
Even in my dreams
She comes for me
Calls me down
Then drags me out
To ****
I couldn't love her anymore
Not if I tried
Eating her more scraps
Back to us
Facing away from
The only one
Who ever loved her
I am sure she cries
Still
In this late night
But I no longer care
Something has poisoned her veins
Nightshade, perhaps
Or a stray doctor
Whatever insanity has taken her
It has left is with nothing
But a rage with which
To burn her body

I want a tattoo
And a bathroom
With nice towels
And some good drapes
The solid kind
You order online
Not the ones
You buy from IKEA
I want a wife
But only
If she wants me
And a beautiful
Dog with a big
Fuzzy tail and a
Heart full of love
I want a trampoline
I don't need a
Big family
Just someone to
Hold me up and
To hold up
In return
I want to shave my head
And pierce my nose
And go to college
Where I want to go
I want to garden
Grow my own food
I want to learn
A lot
I guess
How to dye hair
How to sew
I would have a
Full closet of
Victorian clothes
If I could sew
I'd like to travel
A lot of places
Germany, Russia
Japan, Maine
There's so many things
I want right now
And that's okay

I always see them.

Laughing with their friends,
Head thrown back
Sunlight spilling down their throat
Lighting up their crooked teeth.

I want that to be me.

Life is good
With them in tow
Tonight was one of
The best times of my life
I don't regret a thing
I'll never regret a thing

Will there ever
Come a day
When self hatred
Doesn't seem so easy
And my body
Will be just another thing

Waiting
I swear
There's a clock
In my head
All I can do
Is stare at my face
And wait

Alone again
With your hands
In my head

Try to see your face
But all that comes to mind
Is my old bed
And the hell it held

Am I losing you?

But then again
There's nothing to lose
You're that ethereal
Mistress of your mind
And I can't own you
Wouldn't if I could
Couldn't if I tried

I don't want to be here anymore
I just want to go home
This building is too full
Of half concealed ghosts
I'm tired of dancing
Around the things that truly hurt me
Tired of being scared and numb
Disappearing inside myself
Headphones blasting music
All the things I wish I could say

We're just two lonely people
Connecting across time and space
Over something
Something
That doesn't really matter
Tis a tale as old as time
The roles of you and I

We're probably be good together
You say
From deep beneath the subtext
I sit and nod
Hundreds of miles away
Check my feed
Waiting for my own response

I encourage you
Awkwardly
Because you're the man with the deep voice
You would normally be in charge
But not here
Not today
When we're two anonymous silhouettes
Dancing in the dark

I don't love you
Lonely stranger
But maybe I'll tell myself
That I do