Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
2h · 33
Day Twenty-Six
I'm writing this
From the top of the hill
Black berries in my palm
Thinking of you
Maybe you'll think of me
Up in your room
Barred off from the world
A twisted fairytale
But we aren't Rapunzel
We aren't Disney quality
Who wants a homoflexible prince
And a purple haired queen
Besides your hair
Isn't quite that long
And I don't own a horse
But I do have some letters from you
And you have some from me
Maybe I'll travel around today
And see if you got back to me
I hope you did because I miss
Everything about you dear
I hope you might just
Think of me sometimes
When times get tough
And words aren't enough
I can be your rock to hold you up
And I can be you anchor
To keep you grounded
You can be my muse
The subject of all my dreams
We can be a lot of things
Rapunzel is not one of them
200th poem. Cool or pitiful? Undecided.
3h · 25
I've been detached
Anxious but so
By everything around

And strangely
I'm not emotional
Numb and sometimes
So content
Just drifting in the wind

So plainly
I'm not quite depressed
Just obsessed with
The apathy
That's draining me

I've been on my own
Ending up alone in
Looking for my name
I don't actually completely hate this one.
The rhythmic tapping
Of children's feet
A heart monitor
Pale broken fingers
On deadened keys
A muted buzz
Mosquitoes hum
The bated ticking
Of a car engine sitting
A haunted melody
Of gasping breath
A heart against a ribcage
The crunching of gravel
Cool water trickling
Leaves whispering
A lone voice singing
Blistering wind

More than just sounds
I feel them now
After darkness
Light is more than colour
Life is different afterwards.
1d · 58
Cool afternoons spent
With ocean skies
That don't compare
To your wildfire eyes

Lay back in the grass
Your dog on my chest
Daydreams and sunscreen
Of all my fantasies
You are the best
Almost half a year now.
1d · 29
Why Am I
Breathing out smoke
Into frigid air
Burning scars
Into my skin
Rubbing in the honey
To cement the makes
Staring at the sky
Middle of the night
Tracing constellations
Of words never said
Trying to reach the moon
With a broken pen
These words are meaningless
Inspiried by some good songs.
I am a panoply
Of all things inane
My mind is half gone
And my dreams
Are a mess of the dead
I'm probably concussed
And I can't feel my legs
So let's go steal Greenland
To wash away the pain
This is really bad. I was listening to stuff about Trump in the news, and then I slammed my head into a wall, so... yeah. Now this exists, and it's bad, and I probably shouldn't post it.
1d · 120
It's almost funny
The way I fall
In love with anyone
It shouldn't be this way
It shouldn't be you
But it is
And how am I
Supposed to help it
I'm just a kid
With a head full of clouds
And a heart full of dreams
That I can't quite reach
I love my guilty pleasures
But you aren't
Even guilty
You're just a man
That I don't know
You're just a man
That I'll never know
And I will daydream
About meeting you
In separate places
I could be your doll
You're not
A work of art
And darling that's okay
Let's keep it that way
You'd think I was crazy...
1d · 35
Cloudy days and
Lavender skies
Neverending sunshine
Exhaustion runs deep
Like veins beneath
Tearing at my skin
Stripping me of all
My seams
Funnily enough, I wrote this while listening to Tangled In The Great Escaps (also by PTV).
1d · 37
Day Twenty-Five
Please write back.
I'm such a disaster. What is wrong with me?
******* for everything you did
******* for leaving me to die
******* for turning me against
My own best friend
******* for leaving me
With all these scars
And mental problems
Because I can't technically blame you
For anything
******* for telling stories
For saying that you
Liked me back
******* for answering
******* for saying that you cared
You never ******* cared
All you did was lie
And for once I am not to blame for that
All I was
Was ignorant
I didn't know
You were going to manipulate me
And her
You ****** us over
So *******
For all the days I spent
Crying in the counselor's office
Too scared to show my face
******* for being the class clown
******* for being so nonchalant
******* for daring to say that you would miss me
When you saw my arms
And all the pills
I sent you pictures
You *******
And you texted everyone
Oh yes
What great gossip
She's going to **** herself
Wasn't that just the biggest news
And yet you couldn't care less
Because it was
My choice in the end
So ****
And **** me too
I guess
Because at the end of the day
This will never stop
Being my fault
I've cried so many times over that *******. I really want to believe that this isn't on me but let's be honest; I'm just ******* like him and I brought this upon myself. I was the one who called him. I could've stopped. But I didn't.
3d · 96
I hate him
I hate that my dreams of him
Are the happiest things
I hate that part of me
Still thinks he's okay
I hate that my mind
Keeps bringing him back
Long after I've blocked him
And tried to move on
I hate him because it's easy
It's easier than hating myself
I hate because if I don't
I start to wonder
If it was my fault after all
I can only do much when my subconscious keeps acting like he's a ******* saint.
4d · 26
Day Twenty-Three
I'm an **** disaster
So stop writing me
I'm not worth it
I don't deserve it
At the end of the day
I'm still the same
I'm the girl who
Made the attempt
Who sat alone and wept
So stay away
My depression is
Contagious and you're
Too good for me
In case you haven't noticed, today hasn't been fantastic.
4d · 79
Hit The Fan
If you stare at my ceiling fan
For long enough
It starts to look like
A massive metal flower
I stared for a while
A few minutes
Enough to see my own reflection
In twisting grey petals
The gold rivets
Made themselves at home
Around my pupils
And I've never been the same since
Maybe someday that fan will fall down
And **** me
Hit me over the head
And decapitate me like in a movie
Maybe one day
The fan will fall
And relieve this burden
From us all
I'm really not sure what this is. I do know that I haven't left my house today, and that I have done exactly zero of the things I am supposed to do. Go me.
Get up
Make my bed
Shave my legs
Eat actual food
Put on real clothes
Clean out my whole room
Do what I'm supposed to do
Be a good daughter for once in my life

I'll get around to it eventually
But not today
I wish I could just go back to sleep and forget about everything.
4d · 43
I'm not funny
Just pathetic
Curled up in bed
Surrounded by a mess
That sleeping left
Maybe someday
My wardrobe will fall over
And take me out
And we won't have
To do this anymore
I'm so ******* tired and there are things I have to do but I'm really just not interested.
Ready for a new life
A whole school
Of three hundred smiles
Hopefully, the autumn breeze
Will take me where
I need to be
My blacked out eyes
Will yours meet mine
On the very first day
Or will the current
Rip me away

I want to be grounded
I need to be strong
But something's eating
Up my insides
Telling me I've been gone
For far too long
I can't make up
For the wasted days
Rotting away
Behind reinforced glass
Wishing that today
Might be my last
Three weeks left. Oh boy. I hope things go better this time.
6d · 47
Day Twenty-One
I'll send out
A newsletter
For you
And you alone
With pictures
Of me
And the dogs
And the fish
And the things
We once
Might've shared
If only you
Weren't hiding
In Colorado
I know
I put
The blame
All on you
And that's so
So not fair
But I can't
Deal with
The fact
That you miss
Me less than
I miss you
Is it so
Wrong to
Want you to
Miss me
I want you
To kiss me
At night
In your dreams
I'm begging
You please
Give me a
Sign that
You could
Be mine
Don't ask
If that's
It is because
You don't
Have the time
To listen
To me whine
You've been
Inside for days
Your world
Is surely
A haze of
And remedies
To things
You don't want
To fix and
I understand
The pain
Of being torn
Away from the
Things that
You've lived on
For so long
But I've
Been there too
It *****
It really does
But please
Come home soon
I'm in love
With your letters
There's no
Promise of
Forever but
I at least
Want to see
You before
You go for good
I'm not
Just ashamed
Of the things
That I've done
And the things
That I'll do
But not of you
Never of you
I went to the post office and now I am ****** for a multitude of reasons, most to do with myself and the **** institution.
Waking up
From silent reverie
With twigs
In my hair
Loose jeans
Caked in mud
How long was I
Out of my mind
How can
I go back
I'm just so ******* tired. I want to bury myself under all those ferns and stay there.
It's morning
I'm mourning
The person
I used to be
That's stupid
Because she
She was the worst
Never put
Others first
Hurt herself
Along with
Everybody else
But she was me
And she was
Something closer
To pretty
And she was mean
But she was
Something I'll
Never be
I ******* hate "recovery" sometimes.
7d · 193
If I find you
Will you mind
My broken windows
My rotted steps
The rats
In my head
And the bats
In the basement
Will you mind
The smokestacks
And boarded
Up doorways
Will you recognize
That I don't want
For you to leave
I just want
Someone to
Break inside
I saw an ExtraMile billboard and for some reason this exists.
7d · 49
I'm crushed
By the weight
Of my own
I'm not
Sure what
I really
But it wasn't
I didn't
Want to
Come back
I didn't
Want to
Be here
Choking down
That I know
Aren't true
Trying not
To cry alone
In the corner
Of my room
If nothing
Around me
Will break
Or bend
Then I
I will
This is trash but it's fine.
Aug 11 · 17
I'm so alive
With your face
Next to mine
I see you
In dreams
Feel your breath
Against my cheek
You're just so green
Beside me
And I'll never see
Anything besides
Those colours
Stained inside
The back of
My eyes
A thousand times
While a hundred
Springs fade
Into summer
And a hundred leaves
Tumble down
Around me
You're so green
I'd give
To watch you
Burst alive
Into bloom
Music makes my dreams come alive.
Aug 11 · 24
Day Nineteen
I'll do my best
To think a bit more
I'll stop by the
Post office again
I don't doubt you
Please don't doubt me
She's so lovely and I don't want to read our old texts because I might realize that I'm the only one who cares.
Aug 11 · 26
Music is a river
That won't stop flowing
Bear me up
On cascading waves
Rippling notes
Of love and loss
Drown me
In the melancholy
Of a thousand voices
Wash me up
On foreign shores
Make me lighter
Who needs therapy when you can listen to music? *sobs uncontrollably*
Aug 10 · 49
I see you sometimes
In between
Rays of sunlight

You're not unfamiliar
With the shadows
Of things

I don't expect you
To wait for me
I could never ask that

I don't want you
To wait for me
I'll catch up

In time
I'll find you
On the edge of things
Aug 10 · 57
Jupiter III
You are more
Than the stars
In the sky
At night
You're so much more

Just a delicate
Drop of dew
On my windowsill
Not waiting for me
Too close to touch

You're ethereal
Making the
Planets jealous
You're too close
To evanescence
Hold on I'm not done yet.
Aug 10 · 30
Day Eighteen
I need to say this
I know I've stuck
To the funny stuff
But it's not enough
So please don't feel
Like you owe me
Literally anything
As much as I care
For you my dear
I would do this
For anyone
I couldn't turn
You down even
If I wanted
And I don't want to
Trust me I'd love you
But it isn't you
Not true
It doesn't have to be you
It could be but love
You live hours
Away from me
And I think I'm more
For your idea
Than I am for you
So please
When you read
My soliloquy
Know that I
Am not asking
For anything
Attending bar meetings
Taking AP
Dressing up
In "sensible" shoes
Monotonous speeches
And pretentious
What happened to
My too big jeans
Chipped nail polish
Self cut fringe
Techno disco rock
Pop daydream
I'll go to college
When I'm eighteen
Until then
I'm just a kid
Don't ask me
About insurance
Or what car
I want
I haven't got
A clue
And neither
Did you
Given the fact that I haven't even decided if I want to be alive, I fail to see why I should have any idea what I want to do years from now, so forgive me if I'm just drifting for now.
Aug 10 · 37
The breeze
Is fine
But I wish
The sun
Wouldn't shine
Aug 9 · 56
Tribute (Don't You)
To Sunglasses
For letting me try them on
$275 and silk pajamas
We were never the same
But when we were
We were

To the third eye girl
For opening mine
Letting me into
A world beyond what I see
Showing that there's little
Between you and me

To my banana nails lover
For being my Jupiter
And letting me be Neptune
For answering my letters
For letting me
Let you go
And not coming back

To Lacy
For being my rock
For not patronizing me
When I cried
Or trying to solve my problems
You were just there
That was enough

To D
For smiling at me
And doing your best
Even when
It wasn't what
I needed

To Cardi B
For trusting me
Your painted toes
And bodycon dresses
You were never my obsession
But you were also fair
I didn't give you credit

To my cowboy
For looking at me
Your silly dance moves
Are engrained in me
Your childish lore
Is nothing
Compared to who you really are

To the ADHD
For befriending me
Laughter and your
Boots on a bike
Riding in sunshine
Forever on my mind
Perfect in my eyes

To Tido
For being the goodest boy
Rollercoaster dives
After footballs
In the the afternoon
Cold and crisp
Alone with you

To Crywolf
For looking at me
Your breathing
In my bedroom
Is never going to fade
And I'm never
Going to stop waiting for you
Oh boy. This brings back memories.
Aug 9 · 81
Day Seventeen
I feel you
Slipping away
I know you'll
Write back but
Will it be too late
Eating pecans
And thinking
Of your face
Wishing I
Could talk to you
But not sure
What to say
Idk man.
Aug 8 · 26
Planting Trees
It starts with a peach
It was a good peach
Not spectacular but
Still pretty good
It was free stone
So the flesh fell away
And I was left
With a pit
And an idea

Then the planting
Had to wait
For my mother
To get off the phone
To show a ***
Where my peach pit
Could grow
Bury it deep underneath
Fresh bagged dirt
I'm hoping it will grow
I'm still not really sure

If my peach does grow
I'll have more peaches
Or a tree at least
With fruit to come
I read up online
About how to take care
Of a baby peach tree
When to water and prune
When to let flowers
Blossoms and when to
Pluck away the stems

Now I get to wait
Through long winter days
Watch my peach pit
Grow or not grow
It isn't up to me
I'll hope it'll sprout
Into a lovely tree
But right now
It's just a peach pit
A tiny rock
Full of promise
Peaches don't even grow here. Will that stop me? Hell no.
Aug 8 · 60
Will nothing
Be the same
With uncontented
Clouds and
A cat on my lap
Breaking down
The same old way
I can't even write anymore.
Aug 8 · 75
First Breath (Lucky)
I'm so lucky
To have a nerd like him
As my unforgiving

I'm so lucky
To have a doll like her
Laying in my

I'm so lucky
To have an idiot like me
Living in my

I'm so lucky
To have a world like this
To hold me
There's a good song somewhere out there.
Aug 7 · 16
Full Body Bed Head
Love the way
She's so rumpled
Crumpled from the hours
Spent on
The back of the couch
Cats are great.
Aug 7 · 38
Cloudy in August
Couldn't be better
Burning dumpsters
Near crowded highways
This inner city squalor
Is my lifelong muse
Leather jackets
And scuffed up boots
Patients give me
Patience sticking
Needles in our veins
Dynomatic symphonies
Pounding us
With ecstasy
Drinking in the
Sweet smoked air
At bus stops I've
Never seen before
I'd never it give it up
That politically incorrect
Temperamental judgement
I'll live forever
For the idiosyncratic
Enigma I call
My not quite home
I'd rather see the world
Through a broken glass
Like I'm an insect
I'd rather see you
Looking through my bangs
You're blurry now
Like I'm dying
I'd rather see myself
I'd rather not see myself
At all
My bangs are too long so I'm writing about it.
Aug 7 · 256
My Depression
This is selfish
And I know
I know
I always do
But that doesn't stop me
From self absorbed thoughts
Then panicking
When I notice
Then slicing open
My thighs
Bleeding out
My lies
It's such a vicious cycle
And it's only
The start
I won't say
That I'm not ashamed
Of the things I've done
Of the person
I've become
But I also can't say
That I didn't want this
That I didn't
Ask for this
Because I did
And I deserve it
I don't remember a time
When things weren't wrong
It's the subtleties
The little things
I looked up
On my first phone
The pinching
The picking
The restricting
I was only eleven then
I made friends
I shouldn't have
I opened my arms
To the whole world
And it rushed in
Too fast
I wasn't ready
I know that now
But I asked for it
And I can't change
The past
The first time
My mother told me
She was worried
I wondered why
I was always
The one who worried
The one who noticed
The anguished faces
Who pressed her ear
To the bathroom door
And heard the muttered
About things
And how they go wrong
And always
It seemed
I was the heart of it all
So I was scared
I wanted to change
I haven't known a day
Without shame
In at least five years now
That's an awfully
Long time
To survive
In the wild
Menacing darkness
Just a child
A babe in the woods
How would you feel
If that babe knew
About the monsters
The creatures of the deep
All the bad things
That most people
Run from
And she took them
With a scream
That was me
I was lost
I still am
To some degree
There are scars
That will never fade
But it was all
For a rush
That highlight
Moonlit night
When I cried
For so long
Because I couldn't have him
Or her
Or them
Or anyone
In particular
And it all climaxed
Again and again
There doesn't seem
To be an end
Just more walls
In my twisting maze
Every time
I see a light
It turns out
It's just a phase
An illusion
A ghost
Of something I never had
Maybe if she hadn't died
Maybe if they'd never fought
Maybe if I'd been a
Better child
None of this
Would've happened
There must be
Another world
Where I find happiness
But that's not mine
That's not me
I'm the timeline
That everyone is glad
They don't belong to
I'm the mess
The perfect tragedy
My parents
What do they even
Think of me
I can imagine that
Hospital fees
Add up pretty quick
And with all that I've done
I'm not worth
What I cost
I'm just a mess
A disaster of a girl
I was never meant to be born
But he died
And here I am
Dying for the light
But unwilling
To venture out
I guess I'm
Sick and twisted
In a number of ways
But more than anything
I'm scared
And I'm not enough
I'm not skinny
Like I was
I can barely show
My face in public
I can't wear shorts
Except around the house
And I hate myself
So much
Most of the time
That dying often seems
Like the only answer
I'll never stop coming back to
So yeah
My depression
So big and ****
I'm unable
To untangle
Its reflection from mine
We're so
I've been here for so long
It's grown around me
It's a dying tree
And I am dying with it
To anyone who has made it this far: thank you. This is barely a poem, more like some catharsis I've needed for a while. If you read that all... thank you. Thank you. You know more than everyone, pretty much. Thank you for listening. You don't have to give me a single thought. Just knowing that you've heard, and you've seen what I've done, and I'm still alive despite a witness to the **** I've created and destroyed... that is enough. It's worth more than any comment or like or repost. Don't worry about those things. If anyone gets this far, you've done enough.
Aug 7 · 16
I never did
I mean
I just didn't
I'm not the sort
To believe in
I'm just
On the cusp
Of unforgivable
Never pretty
And barely funny
More like laughable
At the best
Of times
But I'm older
It hasn't changed much
But I guess
A few years
Can be more
Than it
Would appear
Because I think
That maybe
Those words
Might mean something
And the things
That they say
Are not to placate
Maybe I am something
Maybe I can create
As well as
Perhaps somewhere
In the years
Of self destruction
I learned how to live
Do you ever get that feeling that something might be coming together, and that you are a part of it?
Aug 7 · 36
Day Fourteen
A full two weeks
How does it
Feel like years
It's nothing
To some one
Out there
But I guess I'll
Still write
And dream about
You sometimes
If that's okay
With you
I hope you're well. All of you.
From you to me
There's ten
Or so degrees
You've a high
Of ninety five
While I'm waiting
For seventy three
I miss you more
Than the weather
Man knows
Does Denver forecast
Me thinking of your glow
This is embarrassing.
Aug 6 · 370
As long as I
Can hold you
In my mind
That is enough
It'll be okay. Not right now, and not for a while, but you'll get there. We both will.
Aug 6 · 67
Day Thirteen II
Please write back
I can't save you
Until Wednesday
But please write
I still have dreams
About seeing you
And it breaks me
I saw you last night
At a Panic! concert
You were hurting
Even there
My mind is reaching out
But I don't think
I can reach you
This time
It's been thirteen days
And I swear
I'll never stop thinking
About your purple hair
And your bands tees
All the reasons
I gave you my number
To begin with
I want to sing to you
With my awful voice
To make you laugh
To draw on your hand
Is all I need
You're beautiful
And funny
And I'm nothing
If not a cliche
I guess that's okay
As long as you are
Still with me somewhere
Things aren't easy but I'm starting to look forward again.
Aug 6 · 35
Day Thirteen
I'm not losing hope
In you
Just me
It's always me
Please write back. I know I can't go to the post office until Wednesday, but I need you to write back. I still dream about you.
Aug 6 · 57
Blessed To Be
It’s crazy to say
That I once believed in God
He seemed so real to me
What happened?
Did I fall
From imaginary grace?
Was something there
At all?
Searching for answers
Imbedded in my skin
All I find
In the lines
Are more questions
I did. I don't think it was to do with me though. I really don't.
Aug 5 · 65
Every season
Has a taste
The summery
Of a cantaloupe
The autumnal
Burn in the
Back of the throat
After fresh rainfall
The lingering
On a winter day
Of cardamom
The fresh forested
Aroma of
Pine needles
Crushed against
Your mouth
Every season
Has a taste
And I'm falling
For them all
Aug 5 · 212
Antisocial Apathy
Laying down
Spending my time
Reading books
Browsing the internet
Watching the sun
Finally set
As my family
Sits outside
In a proper family circle
While I wait
For the night
Yay... I guess this is happening again.
Aug 5 · 38
Violet Wedding
Stones in your
On my palms
Burning up
The lines
Of times
I never did
All those clothes
Piling in
Breaking up
Our words with
Mint leaves
And moths
On the ceiling
You're my
Magic eight ball
My stained glass
With glitter
On the rim
My okay
See you
I'll wait
For you
My lovecraft
My darling death
Let me be
Your final
Your King
To your Queen
We're a
It's not
All that funny
Let's get married
Inspired by Creek Blues.
Aug 4 · 74
Really, I'm Refreshed
Darling, I have
Almost no hobbies
I tried to
**** myself
Once or thrice
But nothing ever
Came of it
I'm really just
Oh so boring
I read all day
And not what they
Want, oh no
I'm a travesty
To look at
A senseless tragedy
That's all I'll
Ever be
I'm too fond
Of overt manipulation
But darling
That will never
Stop you
From telling me
Who I really am
A mighty brainless
***** of sorts
And I'll never
Touch a man
A girl's only so
If she never sweats
And the only
Thing out there
Is an abusive
Love you're breaking
All the boundaries
You knit and
You sew and
You bake a cake
But don't touch
A crumb
You're smart
And you read
You'll soon be off
To university
Really just incredibly
Wildly exceptional
And for you
Opinions, well
Whoever said
That sexism
Is dead
Has obviously
Never met you
Oh, what a conversation.
Aug 4 · 35
Why Do You Care
Nothing is really
All that strange
If you think
Too much or
For long enough
If there really is
A great big man
Who lives in
The clouds and
Watches our
Every move
Then why
Is it such a big deal
When people love
Each other
In a way they're
"Not supposed to"
If an immortal
Presence graces
Our every moment
Then why do we
Care if someone
Cuts their hair
When there are
Wars and natural
Disasters why do
We prioritize
Someone's abortion
In the news
Besides, who is
This "God" guy
Why the hell
Should we trust him
He "created" us
But we don't owe
"Him" anything
In case you couldn't tell, I'm a raging agnostic. Anyways, why do people give other people **** about tiny things, like wearing what they want or learning what they want or generally just not being sheep. If there's a "god", we've got bigger problems to worry about. And if there isn't... let's just say that getting a pixie cut is way less "weird" than gathering weekly to worship the nonexistent sky god. Just saying.
Next page