Has anyone ever thought 'what would I do if this person dies?'
then they do.











and you don't remember what you thought.

I couldn't say it...

Pieces of our hearts
fit together like a
jigsaw puzzle;
each piece fitting
uniquely to us.
yet somehow
someone managed
to break us appart.

Sorry for not going to see you today
When you're always there for me
And I'm crying, actually crying
with actual tears.
Whilst I get told to make more of an effort
because you won't be here forever
thinking about all the times I walk past your house
and didn't say hello.
I say sorry and usually I make the same mistake over and over and over.
Because it never seems real
it will never seem real
until I walk past your house
and it's empty.
I avoided my family all evening
because I could hear your name and ambulance from upstairs
and I didn't go to see you and make sure you were well.
I didn't go to see you
I didn't go to see you
replays in my head
because I won't see you tomorrow
'cause you'll be in a hospital bed.

Ink is like an incurable virus
once it reaches the paper
there is way to remove it.

Sometimes I write how I feel inside
Sometimes I write what's on my mind
Sometimes I write how I try to hide
Sometimes I write what to me makes life unkind
Sometimes I write how I try and try
Sometimes I write how I want to die
Sometimes I write how people think I'm quiet and shy
Sometimes I write about time passing by
Sometimes I write what I'm trying to find

First we left the EU
and the prime minister didn't know what to do
he left us with an empty number 10
and a handful of homophobes to fill it in.
Finally we were making progress
after hundreds of years of unacceptance.
Now the economy's a mess
and we have no defence.
We seem to be going backwards
but no one ever said 'trust a politicians every word'
Regression of the UK
lies told every day
building up hope
then the day after we hear nope
'I didn't care for politics
I'm just a overly patriotic *******'
So every thing will stay the same
and the UK will waste away
because of a bunch of lies
and hundreds of people terrified
for their future.

It's sports day
it should be fun
there's no way
anything could go wrong...

but it did
during rounders my shoulder became irritated due to a previous problems during swimming.
200m sprint well I was put down for 400 but I did 200 instead. All went well I was in the lead from the beginning
but when I finished I wasn't tired like I usually am and was about to pass out.
I was told to sit down but didn't realise what I was on about.
Eventually I got away from the crowd still unable to breathe properly
and threw up, calmed down, nearly passed out with the help of nobody.

Something changed
it was a new kind of pain
I don't know why
watching people run with bulls
being injured for no reason
other than to look 'masculine'
seems so pointless that it hurt
it was so painful it felt like my chest was closing
like I couldn't breath but I was
it wasn't a panic attack
I was having a bad day
I was tired
I wanted to go home
but watching something so pointless hurt so much and I don't know why.

I'm alone but not alone.
There are so many people to talk to
But I'm sat here on my own
In the dark with no where to go.
In my home
But no one will know.
Or no one will care
it's not like I'm doing anything
It's not like I can share
it with anyone, no one is listening.
The loneliness I have to bare
but talking doesn't take away the fact I'm just existing.

I don't know what he's thinking
build a mountain of rubble
behind the school.
Is it a non-metaphorical mountain
you want them to climb?
Was the metaphorical one not working?
Are you building it for both schools?
They both have this mountain climbing metaphor engrained in their roots.
If you are we don't want to share the mountain with you.

I don't know what to write today
Nothing was different so I have nothing to say
I nearly fell asleep in lesson, what does that teach?
maths lectures are boring, I don't want to hear someone preach.
We may have a band name as original as it sounds!
It's a generic name for a band yet to be found.
Science had less stories without my friend next to me
no catchup about the weekend and who we got to meet.
English was just researching any topic of my choice
I chose 'nationalism is bad' to make a speach, so people have to hear my voice.
In history was the usual ****
the teacher talks we write and watch a video clip.
So today was just a boring day
I just hope tomorrow is less grey.

Two days of school missed
I can't catchup on Spanish
my homework, I just can't do it
there's too many words for my head to fit
'food' was covered in year 7 and it's year 10 now
I don't remember any vocab, I don't know how
I guess the blanks, they're probably wrong
my knowledge of food and drink in Spanish is not so strong
I pick up my pen and try not to cheat
(use Google translate for help) although the translation's in the sheet
and I want to go to sleep
and wake up the beginning of next week (more like tomorrow or Monday morning)
I'll copy my friends they're in the same class
I'll get a few wrong it's not like there's anything to pass
or I could tell my teacher I don't understand much and stay behind after school
but I don't have time for that and it doesn't sound all that cool
she said I might not get it all 'do as much as you can'
so maybe I wouldn't have to stay behind if I said 'I don't understand'
It's only homework I can catch up on what I missed
but it's kinda difficult when I barely know Spanish

I can deal with people (well a small amount)
I confuse most without a doubt.
Some don't understand their ignorance is what makes us divided
because whilst I try to be enlightened they don't realise nothing's one sided.
Whilst some are not bigots or prejudice in any way
they never seem to understand so agree with what you say.
Their ignorance is ineffable, inevitable and ineluctable
however, could change although improbable.
Understanding people's identity and lifestyle should be taught to us
then no one would be beat down for who they are, on the bus.

Everyone aims for the same thing.
They just have a different things to do that with.
Whether it be music, sport, writing or whatever else.
We all have something, physically or not.
Most choose not to use the things they are have.
They try to use what others have.
Take what makes them unique and for most it leads to both having less.
Because although inspiration is good.
Taking that thing one person has and spreading it umong many.
Makes their thing have less value than everyone else's.
Making their thing cliché.
But does them doing their own thing makes them the original cliché? Or just a cliché because they have nothing original to them? Because everyone else took it.

Everything is perfect,
everything goes well
but when it doesn't
the world turns to hell.

Everything is bright,
nothing out of place
but when something does
it causes an earthquake.

Everything is happy,
nothing's ever sad
until something goes wrong
then it's really, really bad.

Everything is great
unless something is wrong with it;
then what was great
is absolute ****.

Unnecessary arguments
why do they happen?
All unproportionate
to the problem like a cannon
being set off if someone threw a pebble.
In the end nothing will settle
and everyone is angry over nothing.

Nothing
no feeling
confusion
hatred
confusion
do you like me?
I really ******* don't like you!
in that way at least.
nothing
confusion
what?
confusion
Why would you say that?
Do you like me?
I do not like you!!
lost
I don't know
confusion
I don't know what to write
or say!
I'm confused
and you don't even know.

Haha... this is gonna be funny.
Get to tomorrow and all comedic value is lost.
A lot of things are like this:
the UK leaving EU,
what we talked about on the coach yesterday
or what was said in the (really ****) hotel,
that photo on snapchat everyone saw.
All of these regrettable yet they happened and left consequences to deal with.
It may lead to someone loosing their job or being humiliated.
But NOTHING CAN BE DONE!
Things are regrettable but they cannot be change.

6 hours until school
4am and I'll be there
But Wimbledon sounds cool
So I don't really care.

6 hours in a vehicle
4 probably sleeping
It should be feasible
As long as my friends aren't beefing.

Again.

If love had the equivelant to redshift in light
we would know how far appart we've grown.

What did you do to the UK?

Why did lessen the worth of the pound today?

Where do you want us to go? There's no escape.

Who let UKIP have their way?

When did maths become a political debate?

Why did the 24th June 2016 become UK independence day?

I remembered the words
but forgot the verbs.
Overall it went well.
Voy a baloncesto
was where I fell.
I can't go basketball, I know
but the rest was fine.
6 minutes of Spanish; I did my time.

You can teach us about the Nazis and how they killed the jews
but you can't teach us *** ed without permission. What are you? Confused?

You can teach us not to do something and what is right and wrong
but do not explain, so ignorance is becoming of the young.

You don't listen to what we need to learn you just read it from the book
but you don't realise it's not all in there. You read but do not look.

You teach us for the test. You make us decided before we know
but under pressure we cannot find ourselves just empty shells so...
we leave the place with nothing. No direction. Nowhere to go.

I had a dream...

that Donald Trump was dead
and he had a Coffin with the union flag
and his face on it.

It was a dream but I actually thought it was real.

3 minutes of pauses between each of the words
but I remembered the ending of the verbs

2 minutes of questions,  maybe more
the pauses could effect my score

1 night left I'm in a better place
the practice showed me it's not a race

hands are shaking
heart is racing
the recording starts
there are no restarts

El logro no es importante sí no lo disfruto. Hago algo porque lo disfruto no para ganar.

I should probably stop doing Spanish if I don't enjoy it. There's no point doing something I don't enjoy.

_________________
Trans­lation
Achievement is not important if you don't enjoy it. I do something to enjoy it not to win.

We're all prisoners
serving between five and seven years
some escape and find themselves somewhere else
some stay and accept the crime of being born
in the 21st century
where it is illegal to be out of education
so we are sentenced if we go
and our parents are if we don't
during your time you will be force fed Maths, English and Science - the stuff you really hate and never want to go near but what some wierd person really likes for some reason.
If you're lucky you may be rewarded
allowing you to play sport or something else you enjoy.
If you're not,  you have extra time where any such luxeries are stripped and you will be forced to sit in silence so you will learn from your mistakes.
If you're rich you can wake up later and pay for longer breaks whilst servings your time.
some will leave having learned nothing and will find themselves back for more time
but some will learn and graduate into society never to return.
To the place that kept them for many years.

Why the **** is Spanish so ******* difficult to remember?
The teacher says "it just is! Stay 'til 5:30 tomorrow with the other twenty who can't remember either."
As my head fills with excuses about why school shouldn't be important or why exams should be stopped.
I say "ok" because it doesn't stop the fact that I have a speaking assessment in three days. Then in a year it can be dropped.

silence fills the air
surrounds everyone in despair
controlling the minds
as insanity climbs
closer to the peak
becoming weak
and weaker
listening to the speaker
defiance
towards silence

nothing flows
the anger controls
hitting the walls
so no one else falls

silence a friend
time together we spend
anger the enemy
part of identity

so I am alone
with my friend and foe
sometimes I hate both
and they hurt just as much

I wandered down a path
until I started to stray.
How we walked it made me laugh,
so I went the other way.

I had to step over an obstacle
as I made my way through.
At times it didn't seem possible,
that I would breakthrough.

As I watched others take the easy route,
I didn't know what to say.
I wanted to do something they couldn't do;
to do that, I couldn't stay.

So I lead myself off the trail.
I didn't care anymore.
It no longer matters if I fail.
I did something different. Something you'll remember.

This may not make sence if you haven't read The Girl
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1669837/the-girl-trigger-warning-self-harm-suicide/

She fell in love with a girl
and then fell in love with the world.
They traveled hand in hand
over mountains, hills and desert sand.
On a journey of self discovery
once she was saved by her princess and started her recovery.
Many years later the scars are still there
but she is too lost in her girl to care
They became memory of the past,
as she no longer felt like an outcast
but accepted as another human, not hated for the cuts that she made to bleed,
or the scars from the many times she left to be alone like she was some sort of disease.
She was free from the hurt and pain they caused
and loved by her girl who embraced every flaw.
They were inseparable they would never leave eachothers side-
they took life as it came and everyday was a different surprise.
She could look forward to life and what would come next...
but what happened then was not what she would ever expect.
her girl - the only one who ever supported her was stood opposite,
she suddenly became less talkative
as she realised her face was turning maroon
and the girl she loved wasn't going to be leaving any time soon.

bad days are bad
good days are good
sad days are sad
and silent days are torture

If you fell
I would catch you
but I'm not strong
so we would fall together.

I climbed a tree
as you may have seen 
to reach the sky
how I must try
limitless possibilities
yet limited capabilities
because when I passed the sky
I couldn't breath so in the vacuum I did die