Makeup was smeared across her face
She couldn't stay strong.

Please don't leave me alone
with all of my thoughts.

I lied when I said I was going to be okay.
I lied when I told you I was fine.
I lied when I told you it didn't bother me.
I lied when I told you I wasn't crying.



I lied when I told you I didn't love you anymore.

The biggest lies I've ever told

"I'm fine."
"I'm tired."
"I just want to be alone."
"No, I'm not sad."


"I love you."

but the worst one,
**"I can do this."

1:20 A.M.*
hey, I just wanted to tell you I miss you.
read 1:21

no response.

When I was little
I thought being teenagers had the best life.
Staying up late, no rules, being able to drive,
having a boyfriend, having a phone
Little did I know
those late nights would be spent with tears streaming down my face,
the rules were still there, just about how I have to cover my shoulders to avoid ****,
I had to resist driving into something to end my life,
I would have my heart broken by a stupid guy,
having a phone was what caused me to want to die.

She stared at the six little pills in her hand

one to be skinny
one to be pretty
one to be smart
one to be funny
one to be happy
one to be perfect.

She took them one by one,
feeling them slip down her throat.

at last, she finally felt
skinny
pretty
smart
funny
happy
perfect.

little did she know,
none of these things mattered anymore
for these things she once wanted
now were the things that killed her.

Everytime you're near me
I can't stop smiling
I can't stop laughing
I can't believe how happy I am.

But everytime you leave,
I cry myself to sleep
I miss you more than any words could ever describe
I go back into my state of depression.

I break a little more.

Affection
something I crave
from nobody other than you.

Attention
something I hate
but I want all of yours.

Appreciation
something I have
for every one of your actions.

Acception
something I need
because you will never be mine.

Please
Hold on to me
Don't let go
I can't hold myself anymore

Too many times,
Too many tears,
Too many people,
Too many memories.
When will it end?
When will we be able to leave our houses without the fear of our clothing being sexualized?
When will they realize this isn’t ok?

What does it take?
How many tears,
How much pain,
How many people,
How much fear?

This is for all of those who have gone through ****** abuse of any form.
Us girls need to stand together and speak up.
We need to support each other and never **** shame.
At the end of the day, each one of us knows someone who has experienced ****** abuse or ****.
Me too.

Trigger warning
lonely nights

Trigger warning
aching wrists

Trigger warning
feeling so numb you crave any feeling

Trigger warning
tears streaming down your face

Trigger warning
friends coming for support

Trigger warning
how do you help someone else
when you can't even help yourself?

Trigger warning
help me

Trigger aim
Trigger fire

Trigger fire
gone.

I'm sorry I'm not pretty.
I'm sorry I'm not everything you ever wanted.
I'm sorry I'm not lovable.
I'm sorry you can't see me with anyone.
I'm sorry I'm depressed.
I'm sorry I'm anxious.
I'm sorry I'm completely ****** up.
I'm sorry I'm not okay.

but I'm not sorry I gave you every ounce of me.

Don't tell me to man up

When I didn't want to wake.
When it took every ounce of strength not to break.
When the thoughts in my head were slowly killing me.
When I was in so much pain I couldn't see.

So next time before you tell me to "man up",
put yourself in my shoes
so I can tell you to man up, too.

Don't tell me that someone has it worse than me
Don't tell me my situation isn't a big deal
Don't tell me I'm just overreacting
Don't tell me my fear is irrational

Especially when I'm having a panic attack.
Especially when I can't handle my situation.
Especially when every time I hear a word I start crying.
Especially when I would rather die than go through that.

It never gets any easier does it?

When your arms wrapped around me,
I felt at home.
I felt invincible.
I felt love.
I felt warm.
I felt something nobody else ever gave me.

I haven't felt that way since you left.

I regret not letting you go.
I regret overlooking what we used to have.
I regret allowing you to take advantage of me in the end
I regret giving you my all, with nothing in return.
I regret spending night after night crying over you.
I regret all the time and effort I spent on you.
I regret letting you break my heart.

but I don't regret loving you.

I had a dream about you last night
I woke up crying because I knew it wasn't true.

I was with you and you laid down next to me,
And I felt an overwhelming calmness

I knew it couldn't be true
You will never love me as much as I love you.

I had a dream about you last night
I woke up even more in love with you than before.

If only I told you before it was too late.

I feel like each one of us is a little messed up.
We all have pain and sadness,
anxiety and maybe depression.
Some of us don't want to admit it to ourselves,
because we're afraid of the truth.
I wish I could say I'm an exception,
but I am not.
I'm just as messed up as the next guy,
I just try to hide it from myself.

Everytime I hear your name,
my heart skips a beat.

Our love was like the moon
Gradually coming and going,
Dying and coming back to life
Every day and every night.

Nothing happened between us,
We just gradually fell out of love.
Sometimes our love was strong,
Like the moon in the pitch black sky.
Sometimes it was weak,
Like the moon in the bright of day

Not there.

I need a break.

From school
From love
From depression
From anxiety
From the thoughts in my mind
From friends


But I never got one.

Instead, I **broke

Tonight
I talked to you.

Tonight
I poured out my feelings to you.

Tonight
I told you how I've been

Tonight
I texted you over and over.

Tonight
you never answered.

Tonight
I died.

"I miss you"
Then why didn't you call?

"You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met"
Then why did you cheat?

"We have something special"
Then why don't you act like it?

"I love you"
Then why'd you leave me?