I feel off
Like there is something missing
Between my skin and my soul and my heart and my teeth.
It hurts a little -
Like the cold does.

I am shivering.
My bones feel fragile -
Not like they could break but like they could just melt into nothing.
Maybe I want them to.

I am weak.
My eyes beg to not be forced
to stay open any longer
But the dark makes it hard to speak.

I don't want to talk anymore about anything to anyone.
But I am dying
of silence.
I am dying
of heartache.
I am dying
of me.

I'm sorry.
If that's what I'm supposed to be.
My mother always told me
I need to increase
My humility.

I'm sorry.
Truly painfully.
But I'm stubborn
and can't afford
to be
small.

Because my ego is
built like a house
That I live in
and breathe for.
I worked
for this house.
For this roof that covers my head
and no one else's.

Look,
I'm sorry.

Passionately.
For who I know
and who I do not know
how to be.
**** me.
I'm Sorry.

I have sunsets on my cheeks.
Blushing roses
and pinks.
I have flowers in my hair.
Blooming,
growing with me.
I am a wanderer
around my life.
Navigating
who I am
and who I want to be .
I wonder what
the seed of the maple knew
Before he was told
to be a tree.

You'd grip
my thighs with your fist
and your words

and you'd tell me
I wouldn't be
me
without you.

I listened
as you reminded me
that I was nothing
but your girl.

And you'd promise me
that you would
save me.

You owned my body
my heart
my future
and my mind.

But today I hope
you curl your fist
and choke on your old words
because now I am
Everything
Without you.

I wish it were for attention
or an accident
or a phase.
It would be easier that way.
Maybe then
I wouldn't be scared
to love what I love
Who I love.
Her.

You are reading this
as I am navigating
my life and
my newly discovered
what has always been.

Trust me.
I'd much rather hide
behind her hair
and in my room
tucked away
alone, together.

But my heart yearns
to scream at the top of
my lungs
that I love her.
And to say,
**** the World
and whoever is not ready
for Us.

That
would be attention.
And I don't mind.

Your eyes can say one thousand words.
A picture
of the galaxies,
framed by your long lashes
which have the strength to latch onto me

Your eyes can say one thousand words
But you have not yet given me
the map
the legend
the dictionary
or the puzzle's key.

Yes all lives matter
but not all lives
have been marginalized.
There's no right end of a gun
One dies and
another is shunned
One is black and the other is white
Can we stop
and stand
and fight
For ours, their's, everyone's
Equal
Rights.

This is not a discussion
about one man's arms
but of another man's life.