My skin is wrapping paper
I want to tear off

But I can't let you
See what's inside
So I stay disguised
As an ungly present
Imperfect and bulging

No one will open me
Christmas morning
Because I'm the nightmare
Before, during, and after

However I'm already ripped
And as you get glimpses inside
I don't blame you for running away

My head hurts
It keeps throbbing
I feel tears building up behind my eyes
Waiting to rain down
Because of everything I've kept inside
The vision of them yelling at me
I never let it phase me on the outside
The thought of disappointing
Always crosses my mind
Banging my head on a white wall
Watching my body become bruised
Let me resemble the cosmos
Maybe if I had an expanding everlasting mind
I wouldn't be so caught up on the fact
I could never finish on time
If I were a unconscious entity
It wouldn't bother me
Please leave me alone
In my effort to become something other then me
I can't hold out much longer
An endless struggle against myself
It's all in my head the doctors tell me
But is it still when these thoughts manifest
Into actions that affect my reality
My head won't stop throbbing
How do I ask for help
When everything is wrong
I'm sorry I just wanted to be something else
Hot salty tears against my cheek
Another night spent battling my own mind
I just want to be like the galaxy

You were only a dream
A dream so real
but a dream
I could never achieve


Like the sunlight
when it reaches me
but I could never touch
With its brightness
such a blinding light
I could not hope to stare

So instead
I look at the moon
and forget to
sleep at night
because its beauty
elegance
the same as yours
reminds me
of the light

The stars that shine
them I desire
the light's still reaching me
but the star is dead
just like my dreams
My heart in morbid beat

Shh, don't tell
Shh, don't tell
Is what he says
As he puts me
Through hell*

I was so unafraid
And utterly brilliant
My peace was taken by him
Now my brilliant light is dim

she came to me with a song and smile
my feathers were black, hers in style...

she wanted to stay by my side
she put our differences away, like she was blind

she was nightingale announcing spring
i was a crow with broken wings

she sang beautiflly while i was crawing
she stayed until cold wind started blowing

when winter came she was gone
deep in snow,burried with her song.

that was the last spring that i know
it has passed a milenium,and in my heart stills snows.

People look at me and call me all these names
Boys ******* use me and play all these games

I feel so alone, I can't take it anymore
I can't stand being called an ugly ******* *****

I go home and cry my eyes out
I don't know what to say, so I scream and shout

Walk into my room and open up a box
In there, are some treasures, and a few couple rocks

I dig a little deeper till I find what I'm looking for
It's the blade that wounds the thing deep inside my core

I take it out and stare at it for a while
I have so many reasons, they stretch out for a couple miles

I take my blade, walk to the bathroom, and lock the door
I look at myself in the mirror, and I am sure

What I am doing is of my own hand
These marks will leave their very own special brand

I hold the blade over my wrist
And when I bring it down, I feel pain and then bliss

The warm blood starts to trickle down
If anyone found out, they would do more than frown

I attack my wrist so vigorously
Scarring myself to **** the thing inside of me

Each and every time,  the feeling becomes addictive
For each cut becomes distinctive

This one is for the girl who told me I was full of crap
And this one is for the boy who called me fat

They didn't think I would take it to the heart
But actually, I am tearing myself apart

I do it once, twice, three dozen more times
I throw my ****** blade down and begin to cry

Why did I do this?
Even though I felt pain, I felt so much bliss

My troubles went away with each slice
The blood ran thicker down my arm, Jesus Christ

I start to sob and bury my head in my arms
When I look up, I feel the blood on my face, so warm

I get up and start to clean myself
I grab the towels that are on the shelf

After I see that there is no more blood
I go to my room and my emotions begin to flood

I lay in bed, hiding the scars buried deep in my wrist
I think about the hate, and my eyes begin to mist

The front door opens, and my mother come inside
She comes in my room, noticing that I have recently cried

She asks me what is wrong
I tell her in this world I don't belong

She sees my wrist and puts her hand up to her face
Oh, Allison, you belong here in this place

Please promise me you won't cut yourself ever again
One day you will hit a major vein

No one wants to lose you, your precious smile
The question is, do you want to stay with us for a little while?

Is this what depression feels like?
Is depression something you can feel like
or is it just       as is?
I'm not hungry and I'm always tired
and I can't pinpoint it.
Everything is barreling down on top of me
and I can't surface for a even minute of air.
I quit my job.
Drowning and collapsing
I feel like the world around me is getting smaller
and I only have
so much time to do so many things
but I can't      there's nothing
and yet           there's everything all at once.
Help me.
Guide me.
Show me the light
so I can run towards it      full speed
and never return.

I was lost so innocently in your eyes
Completely
Fooled
By love itself

So,
I guess that explains why your words
Pierced
My
Gut
And left a suffering so deep
That no drunken novelist can explain it

Like you set fire to my kidneys

Bathed my lungs in citric acid

You know
I loved you more than I had thought possible
And my fingers will
Never
Feel
So at home
Again

But it's been a pleasure to have your hands be the ones to
Rip
Apart
My chest
And break the bones that make up my rib cage

It was an honour to love you

But

This is my final tribute to you
My final goodbye
The last time I put your inflections to paper
The
Last
Time
I
Ever
Miss you

Just give me a reason to keep my heart beating...

To watch her breaking into pieces.
Again.

To see her cry and drown in her tears.
Again.

To see her newest scars begin to form.
Again.

To see her hold onto scraps of faith.
Again.

And he doesn't love her anymore.
Not new.

And he wants to disappear from her.
Not new.

And he wants her to forget his love.
Not new.

And he want another girl in his life.
Not new.

I hate how crazy I get when my thoughts multiply
I hate how angry I get when my thoughts multiply
Where am I supposed to go to save myself from me

Where am I supposed to go now that you've left me
Please let me open my eyes and see you again
Please let me once again feel your arm's embrace

Don't forget the girl who smells like paper and ink

I'm going to assume you had a mother,
as so many do.
You might even have a sister.
One day, you'll be a father.
It might be a daughter.

I'm someone's daughter.
Don't you understand?
I'm not just an object.
How would you feel,
if someone did this to your daughter
or mother or sister or friend?