my head is heavy
but it's not sinking into the pillow
like I want it to
it's laying about two thirds down
as if it's pounds lighter

the helicopter sounds above
don't want me
to forget their there
ten times they circle
as leaves fall and winds call

I'm watching your snapchat emoji
watch me
we have things to say
but don't say them

It doesn't feel like you miss me.

Miss lee regrets
She's unable to dine today
Sadly , miss lee regrets
She's unable to dine today
She's so sorry to be delayed
But last night
At lover's lane instead of being faithful , she strayed
Sadly, miss lee regrets
She's unable to dine today
When she got up from her dream
Discovered her man had tasted her sweetness and gone
Sadly, she ran after him
And made it his final earthly time to play
And from her chic matching outfit
She fired that first bullet into his chest
Sadly, miss lee regrets
She's unable to dine today
Than the cops came and put on the cuffs
Read her rights calmly with no muss or fuss
She served ten years  right away
Used the long years of time to think and pray
And not long after her release miss lee died
Few folks were at the graveside to cry
Sadly , miss lee regrets
She's unable to dine today

Dear Shyla
I keep the suicide note that you've forgotten you wrote our mother folded up in a small wooden box in the corner of my bedroom
It's there so that on my worst days
When I've run out of friends who will listen
I can remind myself that other people feel this too
And after all we've been through apart sometimes our depressions and our mistakes are the only way I can remember we're related

Dear mom
I've hidden a diary you kept while struggling through your ill-fated relationship with my father
In it there are weight loss goals
Vows of marital celibacy
Existential questions
But mostly just a whole lot of why's leading you to answers you wanted to hear
While all of the things you needed to say you left in the blank spaces between the lines on the pages you never made it to
Your favorite thing to say after the divorce was that you were grateful to no longer have to walk on eggshells to protect his feelings
It has been twelve years and you still can't admit the feelings you were trying to protect were your own
And your feet still hurt

Dad
I have an envelope of pictures of you and I
From when both of us were oh so much younger
In each of them you are smiling at me
And in every one of them I am smiling back at you
I don't remember most of them I was quite very young
And for quite very different reasons I can imagine you would have a hard time remembering them as well
When I flip through the envelope I'm left sitting criss cross applesauce on a tore up linoleum floor
Staring at the scales of justice
Weighing the honest love of a drunk
Against the stoic rejection of the sober man you've become
And I am ashamed with how often I choose love

I am the keeper of this family's pain
Somebody has to
Someone has to admit it's real
One of us has to stare at the elephants in the room and see them
To know how each of us actually feels

Dear family
We are nothing more than four misfitted human beings
Tied together with tin can and twine telephones
By an astronomer, who in an effort to console himself,
Confused a congregation of lonely stars for a constellation
And eventually that is going to have to be enough
For each of us to love ourselves
To carry our own pain
I can not keep carrying all of this for each of you
I have my own pain
Which on most days is more than enough
I assure you
On most days
It is more than one man should

Why is there a little boy lying on the beach?
Washed up.
Lifeless.
All for a new life too far to reach?

Why is there a little boy lying on the beach?
Terrorists
Heartless.
What happened to the human rights we all preach?

Why is there a little boy lying on the beach?
Traffickers.
Gangs.
Displacing people no home and no speech.

Why is there a little boy lying on the beach?
A son.
No future.
We hang our heads and weep!

Normal people don't want to hurt themselves.

Little bird little bird
where'd you go?
I can't seem to find you
I've searched high and low.

Little bird little bird
I can hear you crying,
Tell me where you are
Can't you see I'm trying?

Little bird little bird
I can feel your pain,
Tell me where you are
Can't you see I'm going insane?

Little bird little bird
why must you hide,
I just want to dry
All the tears you've cried.

Little bird little bird
You're killing me,
You're driving me away
Why can't you see?

I'm going little bird
Since you won't let me in,
Can't say I didn't try
But I definitely didn't win.

I miss you..**
Every little vulnerable fragile inch of me
miss you..

My gaze upon the moon,
hoping for that you look at it as well
so I can feel closer to you again.

An innocent little tear,
gathering in my eye.
Slowly falls,
leaving even more space
for me to miss you in..

My heart aches, cribbles in sorrow.
Words cannot describe how much
I possibly miss you..

Life holds death grips on those who were once lost but were never found
She says
"Hold on tight please i'll keep you safe and sound"

She used to sit in her father's car with windows rolled down
and longed for the wind blowing through her hair

Now she sits in a car with rolled up windows and
awkward silence filling the air

you say you're hurt
yet, you keep on cutting

you say you're isolated
yet, you keep building walls

you say they hate you
yet, you've already killed them all in your head

you say they don't understand
yet, you show no signs

you say you want to change
yet, you do nothing about it

you say you'll go far away
yet, you don't know it is always like this

you say you'll be an artist
yet, you only paint in red

you say you can't wait to live
yet, you're already dead

I looked for you in my lucid dreams
that were more fulfilling than the ******* filled day
I dragged my lifeless body through
I searched for what felt like an eternity
and even though I had control of my dream
I had no control over whether or not you loved me

The sun shone down on my pale skin
and comforted me until the warmth turned to heat
which left me suffocating, waiting for you to give me breath again
I mapped out hopes for our future
named our unborn children
and yet when I found you you were in the arms of another
and all you had to offer me was one simple shrug