i'm broken
you took the batteries out of my back
and i'm run down
and tired
i just need my batteries back

blaze blazed
something about the blades
they have cut me so deep
you have cut me so deep
but i can't feel the blade
or the blood
because of the blaze

you'll never see me hop for you again

frigid air whips across my face as I strut down a familiar path
i've never been here without my protector
half-way to the back, i spot you
freshly assembled like a dapper gentleman from the 1930s
winking like the man in the moon

i melt into the bar table
sticky and smooth
pate
covering my crooked teeth in an attempt to stay grounded
I once heard it wasn't "cool" to smile but I can't resist
images of the past and present dance on your forearms as you speak
almond eyes

when did your hand end up on my knee?
illustrated hands wrapped around me like a coloring book that's been filled in so carefully with brand new prismacolor markers
who could I say no in those blurry moments of limbs tangling?
an angel on my right shoulder
the devil on my left
bliss

the unforgiving sun won't let me rest easy
silver and glass reflecting through a beautiful space
too shy to speak

this morning I was a lion when I should've been a lamb

maybe there's still some mystery left for you to keep hunting me

13th and pine
15th and pine
12th and federal
broad and morris
13th and spruce
juniper and lombard
juniper and locust
13th and walnut
18th and ellsworth
12th and kater
23rd and christian
15th and rodman
9th and filbert
17th and carpenter
10th and spruce
17th and cecil b. moore
23rd and annin
17th and ellsworth
somewhere desolate in Germantown
broad and catherine
12th and spruce
4th and catherine
10th and christian
16th and reed

I.

Two lost birds searching for a warm nest in
the dead, wet winter through crystalline castles of
grey and black snow.

II.

Quilted blankets on the ground covered all the broken glass as we
listened to old music and pretended that
we weren’t smiling so much.

III.

I have splinters on my hands and legs from the bench on
the huge rock on the mountain where
we first kissed.

IV.

The juniper trees are still as green as the day you
fell asleep in my lap during
the thunder storm.

V.

You wrote your name with your tongue on
my neck that’s covered with bruises and
is white like the snow that never came.

I tell myself that you're not my Jesus Christ as I binge drink
In reality
You were my Messiah and I crucified you
No wonder you can't forgive my sins the way you were supposed to
I get it

You have ignited embers in my soul
The ones I thought would never catch flame again.

today you held my hand when i walked you to your train
your crooked teeth were concealed by cherry lips
the tea we drank and the nonverbal prose we spoke in
it was indescribable
we made love as I sat on your lap
with legs crossed
skin to skin
torso to torso
we swung in circles until we got dizzy
and then we laughed again
catching your blue eyes surveying my apple-white skin
smiling like a little boy
wearing my clothes as if they were your own
i don't want this feeling to end
because you make me feel wanted

air caresses me so gently unlike no lover has ever
the marijuana grabs me by the waist and rests her weary head on my *******
hush
shhhh
i'm here
never cry again
the earth and I dream together
pressing his solar spine into my solar plexus
i always preferred being the little spoon

i cradle you because i love you
i expect nothing in return because i love you
the universe created a masterpiece birthing you

Coming off the unbearably sweet high of our Nation's proud capital.
I salute you.
For bright mornings with fruit smoothies made so masterfully.
Afternoons of stasis.
Of quick showers and quick words on a condensed second floor.
Straight intelligence and legitimate knowledge.
Stories of brothers pranking in Palestine.
"Can I have some?" asked so coyly when candy is available for adults.
Thick hookah smoke burning my lungs and sapphire blues eyes.
Old nicknames. Flying off the tongue like song lyrics we all know.
Unfamiliar places, and familiar places.
Habibi. As-salamu alaykum. Words my cerebrum forgot but heart did not.
"Do you want coffee?" "Come here." "Kiss me."
Your smile. Your home. Your hands. Your eyes.
Nostalgia over taking our souls like baby pictures.
I wish it could've lasted forever.
But nothing does.
And that's good, right?
Too much of a good thing makes us greedy.

Did you know I love you?
God ******* ******
everyone takes that phrase so seriously
it just means i wanna be held be held by you
why are you so remarkable?
I want to know every cheat code to your body
desires, wants, hopes, lusts
you are ******* delicious
i didn't and can't eat
because i want to ingest you
i want to feel your anatomy writhing around my stomach lining
singing familiar lyrics
gently stroking my insides
i go crazy
if i can't taste your lips and hips

i've been so lost
to the point
of
digust
of myself
and you
making me
so low

My eyes are so swollen from flowers
We surf the stars
Curves together and sincere glances
Held together by skin
Carved in marble and slashed in cardboard
Breaking wood and cerebral intuition
I can ******* own mouth and I feel you
Fangs out and fists bared
Partners in crime for only moments
And say "Shoot muthafucka"
I'm the only one with the loaded gun.

i wish i could tell you 'I love you' again
whiskey stinging only my lips as you watch me fall apart

i need an outlet
congested breath is starting to give me insomnia
resting limbs on private parts
somehow the night turned to day so quickly
from black to muted mauve
to sunshine
blinding
three cigarette packs, two bars of chocolate, and a key
when did the air stop being cold?
fingers grazing curves
curves growing
turquoise ink stationary on soft skin
and your greying hair
sugar teeth
my solitude is much better with your company

i sat up on a sinking down
over-grown messy hair scratching my face
and ***** plates piled in the sink
memories of a year ago flitter through my memory like old film
projecting sweeter and more saturated colors on a time I once loathed
why do things always seem better when they're from the past?
over-drawn lips
new curves
cracks and rolls
our to-do lists never seem to be complete
all we have is messy hair on our heads
and a sink full of ***** plates

i get so ****** because every one of my favorite artists
has basically
described how i want you
how i feel about you
the way i dream about you
i sleep next to a giant pillow because i miss your anatomy
jesus ******* christ
your space is so sacred
how did i get so lucky
if you do decide to come back i'll be okay
please please please
i ain't too proud to  beg

i want tea and toast with jam
i want a warm body wrapped around me like a sweater
i want a full pipe and stomach
i want the sun to stay nestled behind the clouds
i want to sleep and not worry about seeing your face in my dreams
i want to wake up to a text from a lover
i want my heart to stop aching for people i can't have
i want the nausea to cease
i want to wake up feeling healthy
i want the moon in my bed

Always lazering in on body language
two and a half full years of casually impersonal hand touches
give, take
give, take
immaturity rises when i lose sight of the present and you ask stupid questions
let's just forget the past, present, and future
but please don't do

saucer eyes
desperate tries
under eyelash spies
the melody flies
my skin fries
why?

don’t cry little bird

let me hold your bones in my arms

absorb all of the doubt and sadness expelling from your eyes

and even though i might be lying

everything will be okay little bird

not everything I write is about you.

I hear this song and I think of you
How did everything go so rotten, so fast
Me.
It was me.
I can't think of anything poetic to say.
So I'll just say I'm sorry for being a bother.

roots buried deep
that tangled around flesh
you are buried so deep
the pride in your roots makes me so happy

you rest a pipe in
the place between my
hip bone and stomach
it was cold
you were anything
everything
but cold

all at once

He degraded me, badgered me, and would never me kiss him good-night

Blood.
Water.
Oil.

One of us has to rise to the top.
Unless your only fantasy is in the forest.

That forest is now a development for condos.

I have no need for rainbows
I wish the world was forever night
warm and dark
like my disposition
so i could hide and not be seen when i wanted to be alone
and simply blame it on the lack of light

thank you for peeling away my skin
my juices are flowing and i feel wet and sticky
lick me
get down on your knees
hands behind your back
close your eyes
melting

lift your chin and smile please
you have no idea how gorgeous you are when you smile.

I.
communicating through the nebula
an invitation to drink ***** and knit
meditation surrounded you
my jaw dropped when your satchel did
II.
sweat drips from a broken refrigerator
my mouth forms the shape of your name and flows out
rings through our noses
sternums touching
your lover didn't like that I bit your lip
III.
after hours slithering sessions
a body built by god covered with satin and oils from the cosmos
in those futile moments you were a mistake worth making
IV.
protecting my heart like bird and her young
reaching out to me with clasping hands
rocking you to sleep
"don't be afraid to cry in front of me" I said as shimmering oceans expelled from your wooden pupils
V.
These were the good times we have to remember

"I'm not much of a drinker"
My teeth break as I lie through them.

****.
I've known you since I set myself on fire and awakened from the ashes.

Yet I am putting you through the same routine that set me ablaze.

You ignited my soul with perfect hands and eyes and mouth
Overwhelming my senses with light public affection
And deep private care.

Why do I refuse to let myself be loved?

I'm elastic and loose like a worn bracelet.
Yet you make me turn to porcelain because I've never seen anyone with a smile like your's.

I get aroused and frightened by people that look like they were molded by the Gods.

****.
Your smile might just give me an overdose.

"I feel like I'm on drugs when I'm with you."

Crack from your energy.
****** from your ****.
Ecstacy from your lips.
Xanax from your voice.
**** from the lilt of your conversation.
And a cigarette for your nerve.

I'm completely high when I'm around you.
Your hands around my face
Pulling me closer to your lips
Completely transfixed by your energy that exudes pure fame and love.

Where did I find someone as perfect as you?
Yet I reject you because we both know all the damage we'll do
to the psyches that are our mind's houses

You're going to put a hole through it.
But I don't mind.
I never told you how much I enjoy pain.
And I really ******* enjoy you.

"Let's get together and feel alright."
For now.
Why anticipate the future?

memories spinning
like vinyl records
once glossy and smooth
now scratched and skips
disingenuous words
moments of silence revisited
i always wondered why you looked away when we
made love

quantum intimacy was always my breakfast
only now do I understand
many masks all unique in texture and shape
when we're young we learn how to play on swings
as adults
we all know the up swing
only the lucky ones can pump us back and forth
up down
up down
up down
(god that sounds familiar)
(like a cheap wire spring mattress on a tuesday night when you promise I'm the only one and my body melts in your palm)
cards are kept at the holders eye
you never let me know whats up your sleeve
so why should I show you the gold I have hidden?

one black stripe and one white stripe sit so solemnly on a small sliver on my skin

somehow it stayed on through friction and dishes

mirror light all around my footless legs

and flannel sheets beneath the dregs  

knees shake and the earth quakes, the aroma of maple syrup wafts through my open mind, oxytocin erupting and cradling it back to Point A

the patterns in the wooden floor shift every season and there never will be a reason

like breathing or blinking or loving or feeling

it just is

i like the way your skin is filled with ink
precious affection and quiet sensuality
do you know the weight of your beauty?
staying silent because i don't want you to think i'm weird
you're disarming
it's been a long, long time since i haven't had anything to say
living in the garden of eden, you float every morning
Sunshine
the skyline looks so good outside your window
pin-up girls on your arms
when i'm on your skin
so am i

I know it’s been a long time because the shine from your skin is making me blind but elated

It’s 6:21 and the entire city looks like it’s underwater
Covered in my favorite shade of blue

It’s nice to return to my happy fields where I can think through dances and dance through thoughts

Rainbows turned to grey for a while

Grey is now the color you see right before you fall asleep

Bending swideways and lollipop lips are anchors

Fairy lights aren’t enough anymore

I.
one almond shaped eye
jutting ribs
the motor keeps running fast
bus skimming skin
so so close
aqua fronts and white lettering
dead flowers everywhere
our eyes are just melting out of our skulls
the raindrops are so consistent
remember dew drops and the warmth of summer?
i do

II.
time was lost in beige
wheels spinning and bumping and squealing
what does your handwriting look like?
one sentence keeps wanting to tattoo itself in my cerebellum
disease and chaos are so close
like skin on bones and lips on teeth
an injury that won't seem to heal quickly
minds that converge like magnetics
i ultimately found solace in your warm skin

III.
why can't I remember any of it?
cold air hits my face like a slap from above
crowns crash so loudly when they hit marble floor
your lungs are black and full of worms
you never metamorphosed
it's better that way

IV.
my lips inflate as my heart sinks
black gets blacker and white gets whiter
tan stays tan, it is the Earth and we are the Earth
scratchy voices and a hundred expletives
your hands on my *******
god I can't even look you in the eye you're so stunning
ink on ink
brewing cauldrons and sipping spells
nothing has been the same since our lips touched

the moment i met you i fell into you

Red beads wrapped around my lady legs

Red potato skins still crawling through Southern gravel

Red lipstick, too expensive for how too petty my two lips live

Read you to absolute filth when my mom asked who had wronged me recently and rang up your name like an unremembered child

Rooms full of furniture will still echo if you rage loud enough

Day 1. I was in complete denial, but I thought about dying.
Day 2. I cleaned my room and it didn't make me feel any better.
Day 3. I cried so ******* the phone with my dad. And it was his birthday.
Day 4. I knew you replaced me.
Day 5. I started thinking about other people.
Day 6. I went out by myself for the first time in my entire life.
Day 7. You asked me out, and I was terrified you were going to leave me again.
Day 8. I heard a song that made me think of you.
Day 9. I saw you at our bar, and it ruined my night.
Day 10. I went home and snuggled with my mom, and she told me that I'm not allowed to say your name anymore.
Day 11. I stayed up for over 24 hours because I didn't want to see you in my dreams.
Day 12. I spent the night with a man who makes me feel like a queen.
Day 13. I watched a black and white movie and the main character looked like you and I didn't cry.
Day 14. I didn't check your facebook.
Day 15. A man gave me $300 just to spend the night with him after we drank scotch.
Day 16. My anger has turned to nothing. I feel nothing about you.
Day 17. I saw you on the street and slowed my stride so I wouldn't cross paths with you.
Day 18. I'm okay. And you're horrible. But I wish you the best.
Day 19. I hate you. What is Valentine's Day without you?
Day 20. I miss you. But I never want to be with you again.
Day 21. Who will I watch Game of Thrones with?
Day 22. The man I've been seeing is so much better at *** than you.
Day 23. I'm so bitter that you replaced me.
Day 24. I can't listen to Alt-J anymore because it makes me cry over you.
Day 25. I wish you would've just stayed and came to Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Day 26. You're welcome for buying you "Life is Strange".
Day 27. It makes me so sad that I won't be able to quote South Park with you anymore.
Day 28. I love you, but I hate you.
Day 29. I fed you popcorn when we saw Star Wars and it felt like we were back together.
Day 30. You've made me feel grief more than any family member has passed.

Day 51. I didn't check your facebook so I ate Ben & Jerry's to celebrate.
Day 52. I caved and checked your facebook but you've been only adding dudes.
Day 53. I went to our neighborhood bar and a regular said he thought you were gay and I laughed and was like "yaaaassss"
Day 54. There's a certain song that makes me think of you and I'm so mad at myself because its a good song but I can't listen to it without gettig teary because I miss your touch.
Day 55. I had false hope and I saw my replacement's bike out ya house
Dat 56: I bought a ten dollar pack of cigarettes and you came down to the bar and we both couldn't make eye contact because it hurt so bad to look at each other and be attached.
Day 57. I drank myself into nothing.
Day 58. I tried to figure out what I should do about my entire life but I just watched Parks and Reck all day.
Day 59. I broke a glass on purpose because I felt out of control and just wanted my boyfriend back.
Day 60. I never left my bed.
Day 61. I hadn't showered in days and only left my bed once for delivery.
Dat 62. I needed to quote my favorite B.E.E "I know longer know who I am, and feel like the ghost of a total stranger."

Day 31. I promised myself I'd stop drinking, but my alcoholism has gotten worse.
Day 32. I was happy that you haven't added any women on facebook.
Day 33. My hands shook all day.
Day 34. You blocked my number.
Day 35. I lost myself in a man I didn't care about.
Day 36. I was so wasted.
Day 37. I had no choice to walk past your house.
Day 38. My cat made me think of you.
Day 39. I thought about stopping going to my neighborhood bar because I didn't want to see you anymore.
Day 40. I excessively brush my teeth.
Day 41. I fell in love with my home town.
Day 42. I depend on my sugar daddy.
Day 43. I started living in my roommate's bed.
Day 44. I still miss you so badly.
Day 45. I grabbed a Lil Kim record from my new guy's roommate.
Day 46. I put on so much make-up that I didn't recognize myself.
Day 47. I heard an inside joke we shared, and you weren't around and I cried.
Day 48. I stopped stalking your social media.
Day 49. I lost a friend.
Day 50. I think I'm going to be okay.

all the time we were running

we didn’t know that we were slowly going

backwards

my love for you is as innocent as possible
i require no notes, long walks, or sweaty palms
i want nothing more than your lips on my lips
fingertips delicately grazing bones
and eye contact filled with unspoken admiration

my love for you as is simple as the alphabet
easy, and second-nature
no second thoughts
no clinging to vowels or consonants
just a swift fluid flash of jumbled letters
lining up like hieroglyphics
that express my undulating desire
to be as close to you as we are now

my love for you is mental vacation
from the lingering vice that i thought "love" was
because i've never felt more free
from you
with you
just us
even just for a moment, a day
i am full and complete
i require nothing more or less than just your company
and eyelashes on my cheek

my love
i've run out of things to say
my love, my love, my love
like a pop song
you are orange and yellow music and driving bass
percussive and uplifting
you will be stuck in my head for a while.

fog
i inch near you
pale skin covered in goosebumps
and i'm shaking

almost 6 cycles of the moon
and you still make my knees quake

who are you?
release your fears

sometimes i feel like a serpent
charming your eyes with my curves
moving so slowly
until i strike

sometimes i'm frightened
like a lost fox cub in the forest
wandering around in agony
searching for my leader

but i'm told
i'm too old
to be relying on childish fantasies

Red beads wrapped around my lady legs

Red potato skins still crawling through Southern dregs

Red lipstick, too expensive for sad my two lips live

Red lights, stop signs. Oh how much I would give

To see you smile

And stay a while

Let's pretend we don't exist

Red burns from falling down

In those sweet eyes, I feel no lies

Take me, embrace me

Red, red, red

a very prominent philadelphia actor is still asleep next to me
i can't find my meteor
construction lurks outside
bang bang bang
he is stirring
i was everywhere last night
isn't it bizarre how memory works?
images rushing back like waves on a shore
who were we last year?
who were we last night?
I was so moved by terrible art
masturabatory
over romanticization of the highest pain
****
i amaze myself by how nice i can be sometimes
i hate being nice
life doesnt imitate art
whoever said that was a ******* idiot

treble toned voice
inching closer as black-and-white men delve into mysterious plots
a paint-stained flannel rests easy on the cold floor
there's only time now for cheap beer and jutting eye contact
hair shampooed so freshly and genuine laughter
so familiar and so brand new

in my imaginary past
he held me
with sharp elbows and bare knuckles

i am so comfortable

how will i survive
knowing you are in heaven
waiting for me to make a mistake

My mentor was your friend
He spoke so animatedly of your passion and humor
You were the single light bulb in a closet of clutter
I wish I could've experienced your soul
I was told you were bright and kind like the morning sun
No one knew the dark cloud behind your golden rays
You were my father, though you never knew it
Showing me that father figures always had my best interest
Your shadow hasn't left us
We miss your smile, genuine or not
It hurts me knowing that I'll never get to make you smile back.

I threw up in the rose bush

hot yellow and thick

nothing has been on my stomach in weeks

yet over-exaggerated thoughts

nagging doubt

justified distrust

is upsetting me

I threw up in the rose bush

I hope they survive better than I can