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Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
If I need
To beg and plead
Act sad
And
Feel bad
About myself
To receive my love back
Keep it.
I don't ******* want it then.
Sad girls need too much attention
When did happiness stop being attractive?
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
the string of thoughts that runs through my mind is longer than the hair caught between our lips

i run long strands of golden blonde across your open lips, as you burry me in olive colored skin and white bones

you asked me to cut your hair

i cut you until you called me beautiful
written in october 2013
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
beats droning so loud i can't hear my own laughter
i shake my head to myself
"how can it be this good?"
i just want to play all night
our skeletons will dance together
Chloë Fuller Mar 2015
that **** pond green flannel, those coal mine grey sweatpants
how quickly they lost your scent
of ever adventuring knees and out-stretched arms
usually in my direction
they lost your scent
as soon as I lost you
Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
when we are together we don’t exist in air

we float

in the ocean
in the foam
in the waves
both curled and harsh
with roaring vengeance
and tucked in tendrils
that offer teal foam
to the parched sand
so generously
Chloë Fuller Sep 2015
I felt you in my bones
Strolling home
An instant of nostalgia and euphoria
I saw the Galaxy in your spine
The seasons are changing
Your cold gaze feels like autumn wind
Golden warmth of limbs draping
Smoke and tahini
We've lost ourselves
It's a good thing.
Chloë Fuller Apr 2016
Summer:
He kissed me
Flashes of my past favorite things charmed those blue eyes
God
I still remember everything about us
Fresh fish on the grill
The first time you held my hand
We curled around each other's bodies like tentacles
We wanted every inch
Sweat
Harmonium on inside humor
You found me and I followed
The ring bells
Terms of endearment changed so drastically
He held her so gently that I melted like butter
Like what you would cook and we sweated until we kissed
An entire day downstairs and an entire night upstairs
No wonder I got so dizzy.
Finding ourselves becoming one.
Sharing clothes and teeth marks and hearts.
We were happy.
Once.

Fall:
The leaves changed.
So did we.
I over stayed my welcome.
Being swept out like the garbage below you.
Swish.
Swish.
Swish.
The inches between us in your bed
Complete with "Nightmare Before Christmas" print
Grew larger and larger
The unfamiliar faces began becoming your new candy
Apparently I wasn't dark, or sweet enough for anymore.

Winter:
On my knees
I never knew how terrible tears tasted
Begging you please
Slap Slap
I fell down a flight of stairs
You came with me, but only to use it for malice
Why?
How?
I never should've cared.
True love doesn't exist here.
Only long walks through the jungle
Giraffes walking around.
Long limbs. Long eyelashes. Long tongues.
That's the only freedom that exists.

Spring:
Where did these feet come from?
Suddenly I can walk by myself again.
Shaky.
My hands and back tremble from the weight of the world.
Atlas has not helped.
Surrounded by the ghosts of my past, and present.

Keep this for the motto girls:
"No one can have me like I got me."
Chloë Fuller Jul 2017
there will be an answer
we've walked too long
sweating
lost lashes and sore limbs

whisper to me
what's the code?
who do I need to know?

wake up
treble highs
teal pool water

barely recognizing home
scents and sense off kilter

just play me a lullaby
i'll find some solace in that.
Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
my heart has turned to burlap
knotting itself up so it won’t remain open
so it can’t let you soften me up like purple wax in the sun
no more
you’ve spread your love so thin that i can see through it
blatantly watching you singing the same lullaby with your heart-shaped eyes to everyone
and i still want you
Chloë Fuller Nov 2015
I.
leather skin
tattoos from youth that are laughable
as messy as a room gets every month
succumbing and cleaning up a mid-life crisis
a broken wind-up soldier
folsom prison's bar ‘s open every time the sheets get too cold
two year expiration date
grease
red wine at a dive bar

II.
never completely remember anything except touch
whiskey clouded brains and side-ways smiles
tongue-slinger
serpent waiting to strike
retracting and falling backwards far
slithering in during the AM
charming underneath the stairs
monotony
unwanted terms of endearment
the tea kettle will always whistle when the water gets too hot

III.
spells and red lights flicker at late hours on unseasonably warm nights
sweat and dragons both thrive from heat
smoke, from mouths and cigarettes
shakespearean scenes that melt to fingers grazing lips so effortlessly
this was all coming in due time after too many moments
spent on washing machines in an ancient haunt
falling into fictional identities when we come together
doe eyes
tears fell from poetic words spit so harshly on delicate air
a temporary home and an eternal momentary escape
the weekend of Nov. 1st
Chloë Fuller Jul 2015
i've been watching you sleep
when the manifestos and proclamations of week days have become too heavy
slithering through me
i dream so much more beautiful
a block and half away from my own haven
streaks of red lipstick on my right hand
lullabies of your sleep talk
Chloë Fuller Apr 2015
You were a slotted spoon

You appeared to be picking me up

Cradling me to your lips

Enveloping my body into yours

I was too starry-eyed to see the giant holes in your arms

Doing everything I could to nourish you

Wanting your stomach full of warmth

Letting me skip so easily down to the ground

Disgusted, you turned away

I’m still in a puddle on the ground
Chloë Fuller Jan 2018
I get flashes of our first meeting

like airplanes you mistake for twinkling stars

covered in paint our glazed pupils locked

wooden steps that swayed like the curve of my back

your mouth halfway inside me at 6 am on a spring morning

or was it winter?

stumbling back into my arms in a place we call 'sanctuary'

And that's always it.

Why can I only look you dead in the eyes when they're crossing?

We could stopped the universe, because we do every time we kissed.  

Like we can't stop sipping

Hangovers like ropes around my head

What's going to happen when we wake up?

When the dust clears?

Why are we still torturing each other through rye flavored teeth?

Relief is paradox and a vicious cycle
inspired by "Sober" by Lorde, and "Relief Next to Me" by Tegan and Sara. I will be using this piece in an upcoming performance.
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
oh
ah
oh
ah
what time is it again?
we've been tangled up from sun up and to sun down and i fear i might be getting too wrapped around your body and soul
oh ah my my my
Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
you soothe my stomach when you're inside me

you stop my brain when I make you smoking hot
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
drinking you in
amongst a cacophony
of eyes and teeth
all blended into a gargantuan splash
that hits my skin
faster
than a wave on the shore
Chloë Fuller Apr 2016
fleeing what I thought I was born to do
in a place I thought I was born to be in

credit card declined
but $1500 cash in my wallet

He gives me spending money as we ride down a chrome lift
Squares.
Wide eyes.
Genuine smiles.
Personal anecdotes.
We take care of each other.

Glowing charisma draws me into this black hole of self-loathing
Why?

I change my terminology in order not to bruise egos
the sensitivity of the soul
the tears ducts
the corners of the mouth
the shoulders tensing
I see it all.

I see words
I feel actions
Merge.
Please.
Merge.
Chloë Fuller Oct 2020
I dream with excess
As my body outside of my dreams writhes to be awake
Fog
Depression
But would I rather live in dreamland?
Where Everything is a weird flashback?
Seeing faces I tried to forgot.
Another skeleton laying on and kissing me at 8:30 am.
Fur coat lost as I saw one tree finally let go of her “mess”
Chloë Fuller Feb 2016
Lagavulin and Diet Coke.
I wish I had something to smoke.

Blue eyes and crooked teeth.
My eyes light up when I'm mad.
Even more when you call me bad
girl. She's become such a loner.
And stopped being a stoner.

Isolated in a tiny home.
Still feels like she's not grown.

Broken bed.
I don't want to live but I don't want to be dead.
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
as i sew
with bobby pins
no yarn
can be as soft as
your skin
Chloë Fuller Sep 2015
sometimes it feels like it's not getting cold fast enough
other times i'm terrified of being shut in away from frigid air
god
i hope this year is different
with less days spent entirely in bed
forcing myself to sleep on mascara stained pillows
oh
how belittling it was
wasting away on a beer stained matress
i'm completely transparent to my house mate
you tried not to look at me because he knows it will make him crumble
where did the time ago?
it feels like i've been stuck on a swing set for 365 days without stopping
Chloë Fuller Oct 2016
i've shut down
like a factory building typewriters or VCRs
you left a rotten tingling in my mouth
pepper-flavored rubbing alcohol
slap me like you check yourself out in the mirror
maybe that will set my brain back into motion
sparks and blue soda
i gave you too many chances to ruin my life
bald spots on my head
lungs black because you made me start smoking again
turn around
the back of your head is the only part that doesn't make me cry anymore
and yet it still does
build me up like legos and take me apart piece by piece
we had brooklyn and bagels and trains and hangovers and sheets
religious conversion was avoided
i just realized how unhappy i was with you
all of you
all of what you gave me
which was nothing
taker.
taker.
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
Your roommates are the best people I've ever met and it makes me so sad that I can't play card games or hug them anymore.
2. My taste in music is so much better now because of you.
3. How did I not drink in every prolonged glance you shared with me?
4. I can't listen to Deer Tick anymore because it makes me miss your arms around me at their concert.
5. Your mom is so much cooler than my mom.
6. I felt smarter when I was with you.
7. We should've eaten more.
8. You were right to be angry when I was too tired to go out.
9. The scent of your stomach haunts me.
10. Easter will never be as special as the day I spent with your family.
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
"I still have your books. Do you want to grab them and maybe get tea with me?"
Nov. 1st 2013

"I'm so sorry for bothering you last night."
Nov. 25th 2013

"You are killing me. I ******* hate that we can't talk."
Dec. 19th 2013

"I saw that you've been listening to Tom Waits' "Small Change" I hope you think about me when you listen to it."
Jan. 21st 2014

"God, do you know how ******* happy I am that we are getting back together?"
Feb. 10th 2014

"Please don't let this be the last time we talk. I can't lose you again."
Feb. 14th 2014

"Wow dude. You are ****** up. Your friends told me everything you've been doing."
Feb. 15th 2014

"You have no idea how much it means to me that you texted me about graduating. I was thinking about you during the entire ceremony and wished you were there to meet my parents."
May 16th 2014

"I wish you were here. It's my birthday."
July 12th 2014

"Happy Birthday. I remember last year when we went out with your family and it was so much fun. I love your family so much."
August 29th 2014

"I'm finally letting you go. I'm laying down the weight of you. I still love you, but I finally realize that I will never get to see you again or hear your voice. I wish you all the happiness in the world. You deserve it. Maybe one day we'll be able to talk but I'm not going to be hopeful about it anymore. I hope your dog is okay."
Oct. 23 2014
letting someone you wanted to spend the rest of life with go is unfortunately part of life
Chloë Fuller Jul 2015
I take the shortest path imaginable to be among stars lining meticulously staked kiosks

beaming like the sun's gentle rays at dawn in autumn

mid-slumber, we float
skin colliding and causing ripples like pebbles in a stream

the noise he makes at 3 AM send a shock through my tattered and fragile skeleton

stopping short below my waist
where i start questioning my beauty because society hates an un-perfect anatomy
somehow that's your favorite place

early spring morning eyes that could sedate the wildest stallion

lips and teeth
so familiar

for minutes we've sat in silence with our limbs tangled

I've been waiting so long

the separate paths we crossed are conjoined at fingertips and hips

walk with me until the sun is barely peaking out

we're spilling out like whiskey on a hardwood floor

how are we still so full?
Chloë Fuller Jun 2016
Give him his space
He doesn't like the attention
Even though that's how he pays his rent

He built an arena
Only lovers can fight.

I thought my armor was strong enough.

He lit that sword on fire and threw it to someone beneath him
As his eyes dilated from pleasure, watching me tear apart flesh in his honor.
In his name sake.

I arose.
******. Exhausted.
He clapped.
That's all.

I threw off the prize and laughed.
He is not my king anymore now.
Chloë Fuller Feb 2015
I am a grocery bag floating through the winter wind that's been caught in your branches

I hope nobody ever pulls away me from you

Floating is becoming boring

Let me pierced, tattered, crumpled

As long as it's with you
Chloë Fuller Oct 2020
Is it mania or love?
Is it fear or hope?
Living in the past isn’t a weakness
As muscles form in places you had no idea could exist
Reaching
Flexing
And Holding
The minor turns to major
As delicate touch transforms into a strong embrace
Written while being inspired by my favorite burlesque performer and someone I consider a friend.
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
my empty stomach has been ringing and twisting for two days now

you finally proved to me that you’ve been floating outside of my perimeter

instead nestling inside where i’ll keep you safe

and rather than hauling you down and drowning you

in the depths of my anger and insecurity

i punish my empty stomach that’s been ringing and twisting for two days now
written jan. 12th 2013
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
the most important thing you ever taught me
to be in the moment and
to be thankful and
to be open and
and to be beautiful.
my soul longs to be amongst the trees
Chloë Fuller Mar 2016
i always thought that i didn't need money to have fun
i was foolish once.
higher cheekbones.
higher knowledge.

double penetrated with nostalgia and female empowerment.

Flaxen hair. Green eyes. The most familiar smile I've seen in forever.
I cry when she cries because we were born the same in different lands.

A South Philly Jordan Baker.
The tea is hot.

My inner serpent wants to crawl around your body
Your eyes rolling back into your cerebellum.

Scratchy face
Making my neck and cheeks sparkle and tingle

I want your teeth next to mine.
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
lion lies
scorpion sighs
alone
your lies
plans kicked
words unsolvable
SO ******* SELFISH
your lies
just smile and nod
flatten myself
oh it's okay
being hurt is okay
a ***** heart is okay
your lies
thrift store shoes
heels
stomped into my sternum
your lies
hidden and masked
by tender kisses
that we both know
are absolute *******.

You built me up just to break me down.

What has it been?

one

five

two

a half

five

seven

none

none

three

none
Chloë Fuller Sep 2020
96 is too long
5 words created stale mosquito water that resides somewhere between an alley and an abandoned Pharmacy
Wanting a taste of ashes
Like pigeons pecking at a pastry
Chloë Fuller Feb 2017
we sounded so much more beautiful last year
now we just sound like two animals
going at it
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
he always longed for a pair of arms and legs to caress with his young face
his hands were delicate, though bruised and burned from creation
he stared into his gallery full of art
his lovers
he invests himself and gives everything to his current piece
when he's done, he's done
on to the next

he grew tiresome of psychedelic colors and infinite prisms.
he always grew tiresome though
fickle as freckles, indecisive as the ocean, easily bored as a child

he spotted the white gleam of the marble almost instantly
and he wanted it.
the giant, luminescent block wasn't as heavy as it looked
he carried it home on his hip and held it like a mother bird
he already saw the beauty inside

it took very little effort to mold what he saw
or wanted to see
the marble was softer than it looked
each piece that was chiseled off began to reveal a woman
she had curves like an old country road
big eyes that were filled with magic and adoration
he created her in a goddess' image
the time he spent on shaping her hips, *******, thighs, and waist were endless

the last piece of her he caressed with his chisel was her lips
details
the cupids bow, fullness, shape, and color

when he kissed her, she came alive
the color of an overcast sky filled her eyes
and she smiled
his hands pulled her close and he enveloped her
he brought her to life
they made love on the floor of the gallery
in front of all the other art
and he was so unapologetic about it
bringing her ecstasy over and over that she had never felt

inspiration struck him again
or maybe he was just bored of marveling over the same sculpture
he assured her that he needed time away from his art
all of it

he put in her the corner
and began sculpting something new
right before her eyes
but again, he assured her that he wasn't sculpting anything
even though she could see the work in front of her

the sculptor just wanted a full gallery.
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
i'm sorry that i'm not good enough
i'm sorry that you don't think of me first thing when you wake up
i'm sorry that i wasted your time
i'm sorry that i embarrass myself for loving you
i'm sorry for thinking that my poetry is any good, it's not.
i'm sorry for spending so much money traveling
i'm sorry for thinking that you loved me
i'm sorry for scaring you
i'm sorry for drinking all your tea
i'm sorry that you look away when we have ***
i'm sorry for pulling your hair.
i'm sorry that i get jealous of your blatant apathy
i'm sorry that i cry when i come to terms that i'm not your #1
i'm sorry for rambling on about how much i care for you
i'm sorry for dreaming about you
i'm sorry that you don't think i'm worth it
i'm sorry that you ignore me
i'm sorry for trying too hard to make you care
i'm sorry for smiling like an idiot when i wake up to texts from you
i'm sorry for ranting and raving about how wonderful i thought you were
i'm sorry for giving you a second, third, fourth, fifth thought
i'm sorry that my head is littered with you
i'm sorry that you can drive all the way up for someone else and not me
i'm sorry that i cried in front of you
i'm sorry that i showed any kind of emotion to you
i'm sorry for saying 'sorry' too much
i'm sorry that we've spent hours talking and I still know nothing
i'm sorry that i sleep too much and miss you
i'm sorry that i want you at 4 am when I can't sleep
i'm sorry that i think about ******* you when i'm at work
i'm sorry for sweating on your sheets
i'm sorry for taking up too much space
i'm sorry for thinking you were forever
i'm sorry for using you as inspiration
i'm sorry for spending too much time waiting
i'm sorry for impatient train rides
i'm sorry for not smiling enough
i'm sorry for asking too many questions
i'm sorry for the blow jobs
i'm sorry for moving around too much when i sleep
i'm sorry for having too much to say
i'm sorry for not having anything to say during dinner
i'm sorry for not eating enough
i'm sorry for wasting money on things that make us distant
i'm sorry for even thinking we are close to begin with
i'm sorry that i hate seeing you with another women
i'm sorry that i love seeing you with another man
i'm sorry for my rational jealousy
i'm sorry that we both **** 18 year olds
i'm sorry that we are growing
i'm sorry for losing everything
i'm sorry for drinking too much and smoking too much
i'm sorry for my hypocritical views on human interaction
i'm sorry that i have no idea what to call myself
i'm sorry that i lie to myself about how you really feel about me
i'm sorry that you don't see me as a work of art, the way i see you
i'm sorry that my kisses are starting to bore you
i'm sorry that you are obsessed with carbon copies
i'm sorry that you can't build a bridge
i'm sorry that i still think of him when i touch myself
i'm sorry that i hurt myself
i'm sorry that i need to be alone
i'm sorry that you being unresponsive makes me feel worthless
i'm sorry that i care so ******* much
i'm sorry that i want you
i'm sorry this happened.
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
I'm not as skinny, and I love my curves.
2. I have less money in my bank account, but it's okay.
3. My tea is better than your's now.
4. I forget what your shoulder smells like.
5. I've had better ***.
6. Our naughty videos make me sad, not turned on.
7. I'm forgetting your family members' names.
8. My hair is darker and my lips are fuller.
9. I don't seek anyone's approval. I am who I am.
10. I've moved twice.
11. I've loved someone other than you.
12. I graduated from college.
13. I'm not afraid of going to your old neighborhood in North Philly.
14. I'm not ashamed of my music aesthetic
15. I love myself..
Chloë Fuller Oct 2015
i wait
nothing
i wait some more
nothing
absolutely nothing

why is my heart so full over vacancy?

i see your eyes, your lips, your teeth, and dimples.
you used to recognize the same in me.

where did you go?
when did you stop caring?
at what time did you start to see me in transparency?

blaming me for your strife, yet you're the one to throw toxic eyes

i'm starting to think this is all becoming a lesson i'm going to later look back on and go "Huh. I really grew from that misery."

i never wanted to equate you to agony but you've given me very little to grab on to without feeling like a guilty, "helpless" girl who "needs to be taken care of."
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
i drank 12 beers yesterday and still remembered your street name
- no one can love me how i love them
- the last meal i ate was three days ago, it was soup
- i woke up with your name on my lips
- 23 years have gone by and I still won't clean my room
- crying in front of you is my worst nightmare
- ******* is keeping me from destroying everything
- "you look like a poem when you cry"
- i think about having *** with you when i'm at work
- red wine puts things into perspective
- i'm sorry but i don't believe a ******* word you say
- music is a form of escapism
- i apologize way too much for my own good
Chloë Fuller Feb 2015
I feel like the only person alive during winter at 7 am
- Everything is a little more beautiful at night
- Oak cologne
- Skin is the sexiest part of the human body
- The moment his pheromones began to make me ill
- I'm floating too close to the sun
- Heels: A transformation
- A list of people I couldn't say no to
- We should've waited longer
- Modern romance and the death of sincerity
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
do you even know much an extra inch of height can do?
you make me feel like the goddess of trees
smoke billowing out of our parted lips and crooked teeth
eyes slowly fading in and out of mundane reality
floating through dilapidated streets filled with solemn expressions
the corners of my lips just won't turn down
eleven years stand between us, but it feels like we were born together
maybe in a past life i was your queen that you decorated delicately
with soft kisses on my stomach and shoulders
freckles quivering and sparkling like stars in the night sky
that tiny room is our kingdom of indulgent lust
you let me rule so justly
falling asleep to the whispering wind and the soft sensation of peace
Chloë Fuller Aug 2015
I like to think about you ironically now
how you wish your name would be whispered on a humid summer night
Your vocabulary no longer exists on my tongue
You've become so foreign that you feel like an out-dated movie
Chloë Fuller Feb 2015
i looked for you tonight
strange
barely knowing each other and feeling such a tight bond to you
how did we both grow up in the same neighborhood
3 and half hours from civilization

i looked for you tonight
gazing and hands, arms, and faces
none of them were yours and it baffled me due to your constant presence in this bar

i looked for you tonight
my shoulders slumped into my back
smiling fading, stars leaving eyes, hands lazier
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
you found me right before i got lost again
distrust and ******* make my shell more spacious and comfortable
the lion wasn't as docile as he seemed, so I ran inwards

right before my eyes lost sight of the light
two hands pulled me out
from the inside
and made me sparkle again
Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
we are two trees

lilts of speech
and
soft tapping tendrils played on
stringéd instruments
that is our water supply

intense lashéd eye contact
wrapping our long legs and aching arms around
each other's anatomy
that is our sunshine

heavy, breathy sighs
and long, slithering love-making
that is our photosynthesis

grow with me
trees are magical and so are you.
Chloë Fuller Dec 2015
the faint metallic taste in the back of my throat woke me up
i'm frightened of my own blood
my face matches her's
my eyes match his
mom
dad
i'm so afraid
Chloë Fuller Nov 2014
sending endless love
so much more than i should give
to a deep well
with no echo
being ignored hurts so bad.
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
oh, i say, we've found the truth
conjoined love binds us in love.
What could I even call 'me'?
I know I'm human but...
There is this calling
It guides my heart to an open pasture
acres of wheat and wild flowers murdered by an electric fascist.
I stand idly. Much of this "work" is just self-reflection.
Circumstances could always be worse.
Knowledge is power. Knowledge is strength. Knowledge is honor.
Chloë Fuller Oct 2014
I never learned to trust myself because I never learned to ride a bike.
Chloë Fuller Dec 2014
I can't sleep because I miss the way your room and body felt wrapped around me better than any blanket could.
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