****
Yes I said it
Because **** isn't Voldemort
He who shall not be named
And I'm not a victim
I'm not ashamed
I can say ****
And talk about it too
**** isn't a bad word
**** is Bad to do
The word **** didn't take away what was mine
The word **** didn't "forget" to ask this time
The word **** didn't make me take a hot shower because
God I feel gross
I feel like I'm a ****
I feel like it's all my fault
I feel like **** didn't do that at all
**** is a word that people
Who haven't been forced to do something I said no to
Tip toe around
Because "****"  might be a trigger word
When I say ****
Why do your eyes fall down
Why did my mom teach me to yell
Fire!
Instead of ****
I feel like you can see a fire
But you can't hear my fate?
Why is **** such a bad word
Can we talk about **** the way that we should

crying silent tears of misery
biting your mouth to ignore the pain
praying for someone to hear the screams in your head
to come in the room and stop the abrupt hurricane

is it r-a-p-e if you don't kick and scream?
is it r-a-p-e if you just lay there?

they were meant to protect you
they were meant to uncover the sun amidst the clouds
but instead, they took what was not theirs to take
cursed you with evilness that'll make you unable to fit in crowds

31/03/2018

My skin remained untarnished for 81 days.
But last night, it became too much.
5 cuts on my wrist;

One for every year I let you abuse me

i remember crying
asking him to stop
as he held me down
face in a pillow
some people call this
*******
probably because
they know
men are dogs

Apparently my “no”
Was not as strong as your
“I want to”.
Why can you push
And push
And push
Yourself onto me
But if I try to
Kiss you gently on the neck
You tell me you’re
“Not in the mood”
And push me away
When I gently stroke your cheek.
So why are you allowed to say
You don’t want to
And force me away,
But when I try to
Tell you no- because
Having you inside of me
Feels like knives
On the inside-
You tell me
“It will be quick”
And
“I’ll try not to hurt you”
And that is the end
Of that conversation.

Broken

She was broken and cracked
Innocence gone
He stole everything
She said no but he couldnt resist the urge
He pinned her
Attacked her
She didnt have a chance
He stole what wasnt his
He was supposed to be the protecter instead he was a monster
She tried to fight back
Instead she couldnt
She curled into a ball
Weak
Denying what just happened
She lost herself
No power over him
Instead a lost little girl afraid to tell
She was broken
She was shattered
Lost
Gone

You stripped my self worth,
dragged me into an ocean of fear,
left me feeling impure and touched.

I wish I could feel
innocent and pure once more.
I wish I could shed
this skin along with my past away.

For a very long time,
I wondered what was my mistake?
Why me?
What did I do to deserve it?
Did I attract you?
because I never meant to.

But now I realise,
It didn't matter
who I was,
where I was,
what I wore.

Because the person to blame
wasn't me, but you all along.

Shut mouth,
mute voice,
bruised mind,
scarred body,
fearful heart,
invaded privacy,
numb skin,
tear welling eyes
and invalid soul.
This is what you made
me feel by just one touch.