We were in magic when our hands grazed,
Our finger interlocked as the carousel turned, and so did my heart.
I felt it.
I felt the shift in my feelings and the butterflies in my stomach.
But when they saw, you let go.
And you kept letting go.
You want to hide me and I wanted to find you.
One day you wanted me.
The next day you didn't.
My start was your end.
There was no mistletoe to be found.
My sweet boy went silent.

I was too ****** up to not push you away.
And I still am.
And I hurt you by being selfish and letting myself want you.
Because I do want you.
And somehow you have stuck around even though you’re with her.
I didn’t realize you’d stick around.
I’m so sorry.
I’m sorry I can’t give you what you need.
But they took what you need long ago.
But.
In a different world I could have been yours.

I missed me and I’m drowning
But I need to spit out the ocean
So I’m here.

Did you miss me?

Make my head stop spinning.
Make my heart stop aching.
Make it stop.

Not enough to say it.
Not enough to feel it.
Not enough to numb it.
Not enough.
Period.

My skin remained untarnished for 81 days.
But last night, it became too much.
5 cuts on my wrist;

One for every year I let you abuse me