He said he loved me,
So why did he **** me?

sometimes I imagine this body
cloaked in cation tape carved like a noose,
sometimes I still see his handprints on my chest,
sometimes I get this sense of fear
that he is still watching me,
and sometimes I still think I am there.

Could mean brushing my hair
Or you combing my emotions for entry points.
Either way,
Untangling the knots
HURTS.

I am so mad that I have to live in a world where
**** jokes are funny
catcalling is normal
touching with no permission is not a big deal
and where boys complain that they have to ask for consent

i don't know what i expected,
when i walked away with you
but certainly not
for you to do what you would do

it wasn't like you showed it,
it wasn't like i cared
but when i walked off with you
you gave me no reason to be scared

when you leaned in close to me
when you took my hand in yours
i told myself i wanted it
i told myself to open the doors

but then after you had left
when you had made everything worse
i realized what had happened
was an enchanting curse

"you're alright."
"it's just a panic attack."
"he's not here."

no, you don't understand.
he is here.
he never left.

he’s not in between my legs,
but he’s still invading my mind.

I don't feel like
myself anymore.

I'm not myself anymore,
not fully.

he's still inside of me.
he never left.