How do you feel
When you know you'd fit
But fate can't see it fit to let him find you
Then you go, now remembering him, with his book of his truth, a chronicling of his past right next to you
When you have been together in the same building many times
Like the pictures on your phone
Like the way your heart wants what life won't give
Fate is the worst   
                       Chances are dirt
Now A few feet away from him  He finds you
He looks at you, surprising you, shocking you
He finds it amusing, Your heart is so engulfed
So quick and then it was over
What felt like an eternity
You'll never forget
The day he made you blush and smile for what seemed like a while
It was nice to be the center of his spotlight for a few second smile
long to see him react to you, with an amusing bright flushing smile.

Cause you're toxic       Defiled
shedding the old you exposing a new person you have turned into
You're not around me... now
But when you are
I'm falling like I'm drowning
This friendships crowning

Evolved into another person that I just don't need.
Cause you're all full of passive aggressive rage that's melted my sight.
What's hidden and hissing waiting to devoure me.
Brainwashed to all the lies that you've been telling me.
Seducing me, loving me with self loathing injections, posioning.
Leading me to believe. Lies.

In the trenches abandion. Dark. Quite. So I stop being afraid. Nothing flogging me.
Reality: The unforgiving madness. Like a light in the darkness. My Heart.
I see that I can be worthy. I just gotta figure out how to get back my selfesteem again.
No one wants to lick my wounds of unchanging torture.

Cause I have been walking around in a salted skin.
Never healing, never dealing, with all the injuries that I've taken.
Don't want to soak up the death were you've laid me to rest. Cause it's changing me.
You are not me. I will never be you. You wanted me invisible, you still do, when all you can be is you.
Lets call it what it is: Resentment.
You will never be me! Sorry imitation. It's what's in the heart.
Look at me. Strong again.
Prying off the scabs of pain   Disinfecting
Nine years and this is the end.

When smiling was all she knew.
She asked and her father replied
Nobody likes you or trusts people like you
Years pressed but she had faith till
The little girl grew old and her heart grew cold
The world full of people recked her spirit
To her disbelief her father was right
When she came to recognize
Nobody liked a genuinely happy smiley person
Try after try she just ended with tears in her eyes
So she turn her upside down frown down
Permanently
Now grown as beautiful as could be
Her father and the world full of people ask
What could it be?
The frown and those eyes
What happen to make her so angry unhappy mean
She should be happy cheery with glee
The woman who was the girl said
What is wrong me?
This is the person you wanted me to be
Cold as ice Frowning resent
She turned away
To continue life's journey... But
Now and again she'll pull a box with a ribbon
To gaze upon something that's hidden
Her resting box
Wrapped safely inside is the spirit that use to be
Tucked in the last spark of her gentle heart
Closing it sad tears in her eyes
Knowing they would never deserve
Her warmth love beauty spirit or art
Let them live their lives with contradicting hearts

I had a dream last night
Not to clear what it was about
All I know is that I needed help
I waited
Glancing only to see you turn the corner
An unexpected surprize
To see your glitterly blue eyes
We made eye contact
There were smiles and butterflies
I had never worked with you before
Yet, you were the solution
That I was looking for

I met him today again
For the first time
Laughed and chatted
My eyes I batted
Not for love or for flirt
But just because
Raw and true
Is what I am when I'm with him
A friend from the past
Soon to fly back to New York fast
He has changed in his look and his laughter
He asked about any ever after
I said no
There are no rings to show
Couldn't ask him the same
Tongue was tight with shame
I'll see him again in two days time
Maybe, just maybe
Who knows?
He kissed my head with a lingered hug
For the very first time

Work two hard for all the **** that I take
I struggle to much for what I get paid
I sleep on a pill laid up in my room
not wanting the dawn to come into bloom
It's been like this since twenty-four
Can't find or accomplish anything I was looking for
Don't know if there is a god for the tears that have been shed or the suffering bed
Been told i was ugly and better off dead
I am so unhappy with what all that's been rattling in my head
But Nothing's Changable so Stop Wishing they said
I want the life I dreamt of ... Oh?!
They Never said I had to settle for this universe or this curse
But i keep making mistakes, listening to them, and they keep me at my worst
It can be hard with no one to trust but that's a toilers tail in this life full of dust
Shooting for the stars should always be a must
Outlive them in a glory that makes me happy is an absolute must!!

Chin up
It's gonna be a long one
But chin up
Untimely you're the strong one
Chin up
You've already won
So chin up
There's no fear in losing
Chin up
For those who can't do it
Chin up
You're the star and they're looking
Chin up
Don't be afraid
Chin up
You're everything in this parade
Chin up
Take hold of all the possibilities
Chin up
Cause I believe in you
Like you do in me
Chin up

"The Thirst was Real."
Is what they said when I was close
When I met him, When he pulled me in
Tho it was brief and sweet
Unexpected and strange
I was left with regrets wrong choices and strain
You should always wrap gifts
Not gift opened unwrapped ones
They're easier to throw away
All I was left with was a touch and a picture frozen in time
No chance to apologize or explain my crime
I came out hearing them say
"Thirsty *****"
I haven't any regrets but one
And those can only be cried over tea

Sometimes we think we are alone together
Even if the world is going through the same thing
Whatever it means to be free
Can't free us from our misery

I've only just begun
But it feels like I've been doing this forever

My sins out way
My disappointments