You'll only understand in my dreams.

They say to let you go,
But what they don't realize is that I can't.
I can't rid my heart of the beauty of you.
I can't rid my mind of the kindness of your heart.
Even though you hurt me.
Letting you go, and losing you would hurt so much more than not being replied to by you, because I love you.
And I can't lose you.
I guess I'm choosing my fate, to hurt every day of the week,
But it's worth it, to know that you love me.

Why can't you ******* leave me alone?!
Why can't you stop bothering me?!
Why do you have to be such an *******?!
We are not alike.
Nothing we do is alike.
YOU ******* SCARE ME.
JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN MY MISERY.

That moment where the past four months just feel a waste.
When you look inside yourself and think,
Am I not good enough?
What's wrong with me?
Why can't I be happy?
Then you look back at him and think,
I love you.
Why can't you love me?
The tears flow freely, but to no relief.
The only assistance could be him.
Holding you, shushing you, and telling you you'll be alright.
But instead you have the cold sheets you sleep on at night,
And the cat laying at your feet.
But that's not what you want.
Even though it could be what you need.

I feel like I can't talk to you anymore.
It's the first time I've spoken to you in a week and that hurts.
It hurts that you haven't sent me a text since Sunday.
Have I not even crossed your mind?
Because you were on mine every second of every minute of every hour of every day.
I feel so awkward.
I want to tell you I miss you and I love you and it hurts that you haven't thought of me.
But I can't.
I can't tell you how I feel.
I can't tell you anything anymore.
Because it feels like you don't want to hear it.

"Babyyyyyy"
"I love you a lot."
"I just want to see you :c"
"Babe I miss you"
"I said no to every other girl, but maybe to you, because you're really sweet"
"You're such a cutie"
"Dude"
"I don't want to lead you on"
"I don't want to ruin our friendship, because it's so great"
"I just don't feel the same way"
"You're not my type"
"You're like a sister to me."
"You're gorgeous and more attractive than most girls your age, but I'm just not attracted to you"
"I'm sorry"
"I don't want to hurt you"
*doesn't talk to me for four days

You were attracted to me.
You came CLOSE to wanting me.
Why didn't you get there?
Why didn't you explore those attractions and lustful thoughts?
I would've if I knew you didn't mind.
And I sure didn't mind.
How did you come CLOSE to wanting to love me and hold me and touch me?
How close did you come?
How far away were you?
Was there anything I could've done to pull you closer?
Was there something I did to push you away?
You say, "but now I'm just not attracted"
Did you just wake up one day and think differently?
Did you just flip a switch and not want to love me the way you almost did?
I have so many questions for you.
But I'll never ever be able to ask them.

Just give me you for a minute,
And I promise I'll try to be happy.

My heart beats fast,
Hoping this feeling will last,
Remembering the last time,
That your lips were on mine.
Even if it was just a dream.

When you put your arms around me,
And you told me that you loved me.
Your voice, so sweet.
The comforting beat, of your heart distracting me.
Even if it was just a dream.

When I lay down at night,
And I shut my eyes,
Your face is all I see.
Even in my sleep.
Your big brown eyes, sparkling smile,
It's everything I need.
Even in my dreams.

What do you do
When writing becomes a coping mechanism,
But you can't put your feelings into words?

How do you write when there's nothing to write about?
When there are so many things to say,
And so many things to think,
But you just can't put it into words.

Writer's block is like an enemy.
The inability to phrase your emotions,
Or describe the citrus-y, vibrant taste of the orange you're eating.
The inability to write about your day,
Or express your concerns through the beauty of words.

How am I supposed to cope,
When this block is in my way?
How am I supposed to cope,
And get through every day?

Being alive and living are two very different things.

I wonder if you ever think of me.
If when you're sitting alone, my face pops into your head.
I wonder if when you're watching TV,
Do you ever zone out and think of me?
Do you ever wonder what it'd be like to kiss me?
Or touch me?
Or want me to be yours?
Do you ever just look at a picture of me, and think, "Wow," like I do you?
Do you ever read our past conversations, just so you can feel like you're with me?
Are you ever afraid to send me a text, or ask me to hang out?
Do you ever have thoughts of holding me close, and whispering into my ear?
Do you ever do any of that?
Or is it just me?
That's what I fear.

I miss how we used to be.
I miss when I could talk to you comfortably.
I miss when we cuddled and kissed each other's cheeks.
I miss when you put your hand on my thigh and rubbed it softly.
I miss when I felt your stubble on my ear when you spoke
I miss when we were us.
I miss when we could sit in silence
I miss when you loved me as much as I love you
But that all had to change.
I still miss it, though.

I can't wait to get the **** out of this place.

I can't stop crying.
I don't know how I have any tears left.

You say that you love me.
But I know it isn't true.
For you only say you love me,
Because I say that I love you.

Those moments where you've been so sad for so long,
And the little happiness you have has to be challenged.
When you feel, but you're not allowed.
Religion doesn't matter.
Belief doesn't matter.
Because the only thing that matters to me,
Is happiness.

You were gone,
And it was the time that I needed you most.

The mascara runs down my cheeks as I cry.
All that I want, is you by my side.
The one that I love, and the one that I need.
But you're also the one, who doesn't need me.
You care for me, and treat me like gold.
But I'm not enough, and suddenly, I'm old.
I'm not a new girl you can love and adore,
Just that old chick, who's feelings are torn.
I sit in my room, upon my bed,
wondering how to rid you from my head.
Though I beg of myself, to let go and move on
My heart chooses otherwise, and my sane thoughts are gone.

I hate you.
Because I love you.

she's begging to be set free,
begging to be released into the world of love, lust, desire.
begging to be liberated from the steel bars that her ribs have become.
her heart, longing to feel more than numbness,
longing for passion,
longing for tenderness that she had never understood.

to know the story behind the eyes of he who will shove her feeble heart back into her dungeon of desolation.