i am very happy and i am very sad
mostly i am transparent
and i am not sure how that makes me feel

The difference between my hands and my brain is that one remains untouched by the person that lingers there the most.

I am very exhausted of trying to be small
fragile
soft
My eyelids have never felt heavier
I am lacking importance,
I have lost whatever it was that made me significant
to anyone at all

They say your body is a temple
but does that include the ones that are just a walking shell
scars and scabs
the ones that are a shaky skeleton
wavering back and forth while looking in the mirror
the ones that you think can blow away in the wind
the bodies that are unrecognizable
My temple is more of a ruin
A story of what used to lie
an open page with indescribable hieroglyphics
Nothing lasts forever

Shake me by my wrists
Tell me how much I've improved lately
and how nice it feels
to know that the word, home,
Doesn't mean a place
Please whisper to me
how scary love can be
Sometimes I am the human embodiment of the color
blue
Start at my collarbones
and
Paint me yellow

Sometimes I cry so hard
A thunderstorm erupts in my rib cage
And my hands tremble like beach houses
In the path of a tsunami
But thinking of your eyes
Helps me escort oxygen to my lungs
And hold a paint brush instead
Of strangling the sheets of my bed
As if my tears will create a waterfall
Sweeping me away from you and
My pillowcase is wondering why I haven't screamed into it
In about a month or so
But I found reconcile in how your freckles
Resemble stars in the sky
And I've been trying to tell you
If you need the galaxy rearranged
I will do that
every single time the moon says hello,
I can promise you I can make the sun play hide and seek for as long as you'd like
If it means I can see the creases being created
By your smile again

We had the ability to
create sparks just by touching and
we could have lit the whole city
By just looking into each other's eyes
you could have been the street light
And I could have been the shadow
Instead I am a city fountain of
what ifs
People toss their wishes at me
As if it is my job to grant them happiness
From within the depths of
my sorrow
I just wanted to be your light however,
Everyone knows water and electricity
are disastrous lovers

I would say my bed is the only place
I feel at home anymore but
You are still haunting my dreams
I want to unlace you from my brain,
and rip every stitched piece of you out of
my heart
until red reflects everything,
Like neon street lights,
I want to ask you in the sweetest song
your ears have ever heard
"What does it feel like to be in love"
But my hands shake at the thought
of you not saying
"It's hand crafting every star in the sky to bring out your smile"

I want you to understand
that I turn everything that matters to me
into an item of personification
I want to scream to you that
when I see your hands stretched out of the car window,
I need to capture that exact moment and
turn the contrast bar all the way up
I thank whatever is above us that you can't feel the way my heart beats
and that I can't ever express it correctly
****, I'd love for you to be able to feel things
Just as deeply as me and
the knots in my stomach are a constant reminder
of the *** holes in the road
As if they are screaming at us
as we drive over them
I hear them all night long, however,
I cant seem to focus on anything but the *******
contrast bar

And suddenly
I was captivated by how he held his steering wheel
I was blown away by how the shadows of the passing streets lights
made themselves home on his skin
I wanted to be home on his skin
I wondered what it felt like to be embedded into the cracks in his hands
Actually I wanted to be a small molecule that belonged on his fingertips
Even for just 2 heartbeats
I just wanted to place myself over his chest
And for a few seconds my life would be completely in my hands