I've been gone
for a while
You see, I've been struggling
learning how to smile

I've been missing
for quite some time
You see, I've been hiding my pain
and trying not to cry

I've been away
for a minute
You see, I've been trying to convince myself
that my story isn't finished

I've been hiding
for the moment
You see, I've put back together
the pieces that are broken

I've been gone
for so long
Because every. single. thing.
seems to be going wrong

With everything
That's going on
I just can't keep
Hanging on

My sleep
Has been eluded
My brain
Has been deluded
My health
Not included
I'm nearly
Disillusioned

With everything
That's going on
I just can't keep
Hanging on

I'm wanting to be
A better version of me
But with each day
And step I take
I seem to be taking
One step forward
And two steps back

I'm wanting to be
A better version of me
But my mind
Tries and tries
To find ways
To destroy my soul
Every single day

I'm wanting to be
A better version of me
But my body
Doesn't have the energy
And the effort
To obtain such
A good being

I'm wanting to be
A better version of me
But only my spirit
Is willing
To find this better
Me

Soccer is the sport
Which my heart belongs to
Kicking a ball into a goal
Under a sky so blue

Yesterday a game
Was played quite nicely
Until the end
When we became less feisty

A kickoff to start
The beginning of the game
Not many spectators
As it's not of fame

Trying to get the ball
Like a good player should
I get backhanded in the face
Hard
Knocked to the ground as I should

The refs call no fouls
As they favor the other team
It made me so mad
Since my lip had begun to bleed

Further into the game
The ball comes towards me
Nails me in the stomach
Making me want to scream

The halftime whistle blows
We get off the field
To go over the game plan
And take a time to chill

Getting back on the field
Determined to tie the game
We get the kickoff
The ball our claim

So ways into the game
Another player crashes into me
I fall to the ground in pain
Because I twisted my knee

I'm taken off the field
Another player goes in my place
But it didn't really matter
The game was over with grace

It wasn't our best game
But we've certainly had worse
Next time we'll score
And hopefully, no one will get hurt

Love
Such a human emotion
Something all humans carve to have
Something all humans can't resist

But

There are some
Like me
Who can't stand the thought
Of love
It terrifies us
To our very core

Love

Such a repulsive word
We don't crave it
We resist it the best we can

But

The human need for love
The human craving for love
The human wanting of love
Fights with this fear
And every day they clash
Together in a fight over control
Neither side is willing to back down

Love

Such a terrible, scary word
Such a deep, uninviting word
Such a tear-working word

I can't have it
It needs to stay away
I don't need it
It scares me anyway

Love

Such a terrifying word

Every day you awake
To a world that could care less
About who you are
Where you are

Every day you talk
To people who could care less
About what you have to say
What comes out your mouth

Every day you walk
To places that could care less
About where you need to go
Where you need to be

Every day you go home
To people who could care less
About you being there
About you being family

Every day you go to sleep
To think about your day
And everything you should've done
To make it better for others

Every day you self-reflect
To come to the conclusion
Over and over again
That you simply don't matter