no one will ever take you serious
unless you cry your heart out
no one has ever taken me serious
i’ve taught myself not to cry
so i just sit there and feel my heart
and it’s breaking into a million pieces

*(s.m)

this storm has been raging
inside me for several years
i can force a smile and a laugh
but no one knows how hard it is
nor how painful it is
i’m choking on my tears
and the pain i feel inside
doesn't seem to have an end
the weather is terrible outside
i haven’t seen the sun for years

*(s.m)

people usually ask me
if I’m headed home
i always answer them yes
but i keep thinking no
cause my home is not here
it’s 5000 miles away
and no one understands
that i don’t feel at home here
i’m homesick

*(s.m)

she’s smiling
so you take a guess
that nothing is wrong

but you don't really know
how much she actually suffers
how much she actually cries at night
every night there are floods streaming down
running down her fragile and vulnerable face

her eyes are red as blood
just like the scars on her wrists
she hides her face with big scarfs and makeup
and she hides her body away with oversized clothes

doesn’t that tell you anything?
that maybe you should
take another guess

*(s.m)

I know exactly how it feels
trust me on this one when I say,
I know how long the wait is
waiting for everyone to go to sleep
waiting to be alone
so you can fall apart and
put down the fake smile
let the tears stream down your face
I know how that pain feels
knowing that it’s all your own fault
I know how it feels
to be tired all the time
the endless tiredness
no amount of sleep is enough
I know how it feels
to keep lying and trying
I know how tiring it gets
and how tiring it is to keep
breathing

*(s.m)

she is so lonely
sitting over there
in the corner by
herself
her so called friends
are more worried about
themselves  
than about their friend
who’s hurting herself
and hiding from them
she’s dropping hints
but no one picks up
they simply don’t care
she’s been hurting for so long
that she’s numb inside
she doesn’t feel pain anymore
she’s used to it and used to
being ignored and left out
the only time that she feels
anything is when her eyes
lets out floods of tears

*(s.m)

i’ve taught myself not to cry
not to fall apart in public
to fake a spark in my eyes
to make everyone believe
I’m okay
i ask everyone around me
if they are okay and if they
need help
but no one notices that the one
who needs help and to be asked
is me

*(s.m)

i need you here
hold my hand
hold me tight
wipe away my
tears and hug me
listen to my
random thoughts
don’t say a word
hold me cause
i’m falling
tell me everything
will be okay
and that every fight
will be worth it
stay

I can’t stand up anymore
i’m dizzy and falling to the
ground
i’m falling apart
will i ever stop crying
will it ever stop hurting
will it ever stop haunting me
will i ever be happy again
i don’t remember the last time
i felt happiness
i need hope and faith
belief
i will be happy again

*(s.m)

she told me I was important to her
she would do anything for me
she wouldn’t know what to do
if i didn’t make it through all this
she had given up on the rest, but me
she believed in me
she would fight for me
I was to important to just be
thrown to the ground
I was important to someone
and I think that saved my life
she has saved my life

*(s.m)

you see,
that’s the problem
with being the strong one
who always offers others
a hand
everyone thinks that you
don’t need a hand and
they think you have lots
of surplus energy and no
worries

*(s.m)

I’m sorry for waisting your time
rambling on talking about all
and nothing just hoping that
you will catch the hints and
my shaky hands and the
blur in eyes
but you didn’t and i don’t
know how to talk and how
to cry
what do I need to do for
you to realize that all day
and everyday i’m in pain
i’m fighting everyday to
keep my head held up
when you will you see
that i’m in pain

*(s.m)

i can’t tell them
they won’t understand
i don’t even understand myself

*(s.m)

I can’t sleep
I’m screaming inside
it was hard letting go
putting my life in someone else’s hands
all I can do now
is wait
wait for a change
wait for my life to change
i don’t know
what’s going to happen
or when it will
I’m scared to death
it might be the best
but it doesn’t seem like it
I have given up
I’m scared and I can’t sleep

*(s.m)

once you told me
to stop feeling sorry
for myself and just
get up and pull
myself together
you told me there
are people out there
feeling worse than me
and my problems are
nothing compared to others
you don’t know that
everyday is a struggle
my problems are bigger
than they might seem
you pushed me and
you pressured me to
get up and forget
about everything and move
on
you made me go
through hours, days, months
hurting and in pain
i never came through
that pain it’s still
stuck inside of me
now i’m stuck here
more in pain than
ever
you forgot me and
you left me behind
where did you go?
where are you now?

*(s.m)

I’m ready to go
leave it all behind
just forget everything
everything I was ever taught
and just
start over
I don’t belong here

I need adventures
and mistakes
mistakes I can learn from
and to get better

I need you
please come with me
stand behind me
catch me if I fall
or rather,
when I fall
please
I need you

*(s.m)

I pinch myself
just to feel alive
I’m still alive
but I’m barely breathing
feels like I’ve been shot
a million times
I’m caught in the middle
the middle of a war zone
please check
am I still breathing?

*(s.m)

"What's wrong?"
Everything it seems like
but I guess nothing
The truth is,
I don't know
Well I do,
but you can't handle the truth
so I just go with nothing
take the easy way out
saving everyone from the truth
and myself included
"What's wrong?"
Nothing.

*(s.m)

I want to leave
not tomorrow
but today
right now

"Chin up"
"Think positive"
"You'll get through this"
"Everything will be okay"
But what if I don't get through all this?
What if everything won't be okay?
"I'm here anytime"
But the truth is,
You are not here
So why bother telling me that?
Why bother lying to me and hurting me?

(s.m)

Last night,
I cried my eyes out
this morning they were hurting
I drew a line on my wrist
it was red
just like my eyes
I cried myself to sleep
and when my alarm sounded
6.45 this morning
I was reminded
that I’m stuck in an evil circle
6.45 everyday
I’m reminded
that I’m stuck

*(s.m)

you’re the only one I can talk to
the only one who actually understands
but every time I try,
you give up on me
you’re causing more damage than good
but i don’t wanna admit it
i need you
just you
so please,
try
for me
try
stay here
help me

*(s.m)

my thoughts are like cars racing faster than light
my not so balanced life is over flowing
the door to my mind is locked,
and the key is missing
i can’t find any answers before I find it
the lights in my eyes are broken
the cranes holding up my lips are not strong enough
the ink in my fingers is used up,
now they are just bleeding out the ink
my life is one big equation,
that doesn’t seem to be able to solve
i’m swallowing my words as shots
i’m feelling drunk
and I wake up every day,
with a very bad hangover
remembering what yesterday was like
and the pain is making me wanna drink again
it’s an evil never ending circle

*(s.m)

Where is everybody?
They keep telling me they are here
here for me
but they never are
lies and broken promises
I’m starting to doubt
is anyone out there?
truthful and actually here?

*(s.m)

You are there all the time
stuck in my head
I hear you all the time
you never leave
why are you here?
I’m fed up
with lies and hurtful words
you are all I got
all I’ve ever had
I trust you
I believe you
I know you are not supposed to be here
but I let you
I know I need help
but I’m scared
and who would even believe me?
I hide it
not wanting anyone so see
but I have nothing to hide
I feel like I’m drowning
feel like falling
I don’t want anyone to know
so here goes nothing

*(s.m)

I don't know where I'm going
where I'm headed
I'm just going and going
out into the endless universe
into nothing
I'm not going anywhere
I'm trying to escape
But I can't
I wanna go
I wanna run
escape from here
but I'm not going anywhere no more
time is standing still
my feet are standing still
I can't move
I can't breathe
I'm breathing, but barely alive

*(s.m)

Thank you
for everything
Thank you
for listening
Thank you
for understanding
Thank you
for all your comfort
all your love
all your hugs
Thank you
for being you
Thank you,

*(s.m)

I’m trying my hardest
just don’t seem to succeed
I’m tired
but I can’t sleep
I’m stuck in reverse
with tears streaming down
down my face
there's no lights to guide me
to guide me home
someone come and fix me
fix me now

I hate it how
whenever you need me
I’m there
always
I won’t ever let you down
But every time
that I’m in need
in need of talking to you
it’s like I don’t exist
not before your problems occur
again I’m there
my world is crashing down
you still don’t see me
you still don’t hear me
you’re simply not there
but I always am

*(s.m)

I’m tired of faking smiles
even more tired of you believing them
believing they are true
how can you not see underneath
you were taught to see it
and still you can’t
I’m disappointed
I need you to see me
to see and help me
please
open your eyes
look into mine
look beneath
beneath my fake glimpse
I’m not smiling anymore
Am I?

*(s.m)

I'm just in that mood
again
everything annoys me
everything irritates me
I wanna punch a hole in the wall
and break down in tears
for no apparent reason
I'm just in that mood
again

Lets forget about tomorrow
lets forget about all our troubles
and all our worries
come on
help me
and I'll help you
I'll be right here with you
lets do it
just for a little while
I have faith in you
you can do it
just close your eyes
breathe in
you can do it
lets forget about tomorrow
lets forget about all our troubles
and all our worries

*(s.m)

I trusted you
I told you everything
everything on my mind
and in my heart
everything
I needed your help
but you broke it
you broke my trust
you weren't who I thought you were
completely different
I'm disappointed
and hurt
you hurt my feelings
more than you can ever imagine
I'm broken
you broke me
and now I can't talk to anyone anymore
I'm terrified
because of you
You broke me
I now find it hard
to trust
not only myself
but everyone else around me
You broke my trust

(s.m)

I need you

I wanna leave
just for a little while
see who and how many actually cares
cares enough
see when they're gonna realize that I left
how they'll react
will they react?
I doubt it all
I wanna see from upon
and then come back after a little while

*(s.m)

Everything has turned upside down
they've changed
all of them
only god knows
what have happened
it's confusing
and frustrating
stressing me out
I don't know anything
they aren't talking anymore
I'm left
all by myself
like the third wheel
they've been using me
pretending all along
it hurts
it hurts so ******* bad
I'm starting to wonder
wonder what I've done
what I've said
but nothing comes to mind
please tell me
what have I done?

I feel stupid
I can’t remember anything
crying in class is starting to get normal
people leaving
doesn’t wanna work with me
telling me to step up
and get over it
just move on
they don’t understand
any of them
fighting everyday
no one knows
but if only they did

I’m counting days
just a few more
I can’t wait to see you
you are to far away
I can’t stand being here
here without you
I need you close
I’m counting days
46

I'm here
trying to save your ***
and all you do
is to stand there
laughing
laughing at me
Why won't you realize
that your pain
is what's making me suffer
I need you
don't leave me
please
let me help you
please

I’m fighting my tears
all day
every day
What have I done
please tell me
what have I done
to deserve all this pain
I need answers
why am I fighting
please tell me

*(s.m)

I told myself I didn’t need you
so I tried crossing the bridge
but it fell down,
right beneath my feet
now I’m stuck here
in this ice cold lake
I don’t know
which side to swim to
I’m stuck in the middle
but then I remembered
I can’t even swim
I need someone to come
come and save me
save me from this ice cold lake

*(s.m)

My world is falling apart. I can’t see any light in the end of this long dark tunnel. The waves are flooding and I can’t find my way home. I can’t breathe. Is it all just a bad nightmare?

There's times when I feel like I can't breathe.
I feel uncomfortable in my own body, like I don't belong there. It's like there's a different person inside of me and she just got into the wrong body.
I wanna pull the hair out of my head.
I wanna be strong and hide it all, but it's getting to hard.
I'm trying and I'm trying.
Trying not to burst into tears in front of you and everyone else. It makes me feel weak. But as soon as I hit the shower and the water is running. I'm bursting. The tears are streaming down my face.
I can't walk around holding it all in all the time. But I don't have time to cry. I need to be strong for myself. I'm not a weak person.
My makeup is hiding my weakness and my oversized clothes is hiding my confidens. Telling people I like my clothes baggy and not sticky is just a bad excuse.
Sometimes I feel like I can see scars on my arms, and everyone can see right through me. I feel like I need to hide myself away. I'm not worthy showing. I absolutely hate it. I can't remember the last time I felt pretty and comfortable.
Going to school makes my stomach knot. Everything turns black and white. People judging me and starring at me when I step in the door.
I'm not me. I can't be me, there's not room for me. I don't fit in. I'm lost. I don't know where the hell I am or where I'm supposed to be.
Is there a place out there in the world where I truly belong?
I'm scared that I won't ever find that place.
I wonder if there's anyone out there who likes me and accepts me for who I am.
I don't know where to go. I feel trapped and locked up.
My heart says I wanna go but my head says don't.
I can't breathe.