I would shed my skin
Leaving dust and bone by the cliffside
And bare myself to the world
Amidst the storm of lightning and thunder
I would hold lightning in my hand
And grip it tightly as it struggled and squirmed
Uncaring of the black blood soaking my hands and the ground
From its burning arches of light
Until I finally set aflame
And leave you to watch,
gripping the fabric of your sleeves
As I jump

from the precipice

to fly

And



drop

soundlessly into the sea
lost
in the roaring crescendo
of life
itself

As water had birthed life and nurtured it
One day I would emerge
Unrecognizable to your tearful eyes

But Gods aren't meant to be beautiful
And angels strike mortals with madness
And turn the impure blind
So as I return
Having been dipped into the lifeblood of our world
I spiral into the sky
"Goodbye" unable to leave your trembling lips
And tears falling unbidden
The only words I know now
"Be not afraid"
I took with me into the sky

So I leave you
With no understanding
And only the atrocity
That I had become

And as a child of science
I walk through my days,
clinging to theories
and laws
and equations

While my nights
are consumed with
nightmarish visions
otherworldly beings
and bloodied hands.
Taunting me, almost

I look into a mirror
With a voice laden with grief and exhaustion
And ask my smiling reflection
whether this is Spirituality
or Lunacy?

It's almost time
Soon, I'll cross the line
And become an adult.
I'll finally be independent.
.
.
.
It should feel freeing.
I feel terrified.
I already have plans.
It shouldn't be so scary.
But,
I can't help to think,
That this is cruel.

I've already spent
Most of my childhood
being "independent".
It should be time to collect my dues
and finally be able to
really
truly
depend on someone else

Is it wrong
to go through
day by day
and barely speak a word?

.
.
.
Everyone else is just
so loud.
I can't be heard anyway

I've learned
that I
almost like
being ignored.

Most people leave me alone.
Maybe I like it better this way.

Or did I just get good
at ignoring my loneliness?

When I'm left to myself
My wrists tingle
And I vividly see what it would like like
To scratch and scratch,
until blood flowed like a river
To pry my nails from my body,
with a squelching sound
To pull my teeth with pliers,
feeling the roots' empty place
To stab pencils into my thighs,
and leave them in the contracting muscles
To pour acid down my back,
and feel it burning and bubbling and the tissues peeling off
To scoop out my eyes,
and finally be blind to the world,
with crimson tears running down my face

Popping joints
Pop
Pop
Pop
Ill-fitting limbs
Aching bones
Tearful eyes
Driven to indifference
by its own design
A bleeding heart
Fractured, but not yet consumed
A clumsy mouth
Incomprehensible words
It thinks to say something
Its mouth refuses to open
Its throat stays closed
Looks like today
is a
no voice
day.

It's so

Bright

That

That sun.

It hurts.

But it's there

And it's trying

And you can't

Make it leave

You could

Wait it out

Maybe,

Maybe not.

You could stay indoors

But it's just so bright

Everything

People give off the brightness

Life does

Death does

The shadows are comforting

They're not bright

Or as sterile

Or harsh

It's so loud

As the light can be

It's dark

Warm

Comforting

Quiet

But

One cannot

Stay in the dark forever

For

Light helps us to see

In the dark, we are easily lost

Maybe too much of

A good thing

Isn't so good?

But

It's always there for you.

If you need it.

Sometimes the light is just

Too much

And we need

A break

To push forwards
Once more
Perseverance
Consuming my entire being

The only indication that I was ever even alive

A stain of black blood

Left abandoned

on the forest floor

Even as stories tell

Tales of cold, icy blue eyes

Looking on as our hero

Fails

And the eyes speak of

No mercy

No emotion

Just coldness

Unfeeling

They're the villains

Their eyes unsettling

But,

So far

Every pair of

Blue eyes

That I've met

Were warm

And kind

And loving

Even if they were

A bit

Icy

But After It All

Even After His Fall

He Still Could've Been Saved

To lay in immense pain
Soul shattered like broken glass
Spirit in tatters
Knowing only of Despair
and Pain
and Love
Stuck in an endless agony
Waiting for the Earth
to welcome me back into her arms
and my rotting carcass to be absorbed into her
and the last piece of what I once was, forever lost
Saved by the circle of life

And
I know
Despite my grief
My time is not yet up
And so I turn from the many eyes
And return to a body
With aching joins
and crying eyes

It's the simple things I think I'd miss
The highlighters and neatly organized notes
The colored pens and the loose-leaf papers
The animals and the food
Raindrops on windows
The crunch of snow
Sun hitting my skin
And a fresh summer breeze

I really do

Treasure

The time you take out of your day just to

Just to

Spend time

With me

Of all people

You spent that time with me.

I hope

You don't regret it

I hope

I sincerely

From the bottom of my heart

Hope

That you do realise

That I

Care about you

Far more than I am able to

Express

Through these

Flimsy words

That are nothing more

Than sounds

Sounds that

Pass through cold lips

Through the days

That doesn't make

Much sense

Does it?

But

I treasure the time spent

With you

With her

With him

I treasure the time spent

Doing what I love

Drawing

Writing

Reading

Breathing

Heart beating

But

I do have times

Where

I do not want to do any

Of these things

Where I

Rather be alone

Isolated

Captive to

My mind

Lost

In my

Thoughts

But remember

I will always come back

Come back out

Get found

Stumble

My way back home

And I will try to spend time

But know that

I am trying

To ground

Myself

And I

Really do

Love the time

We spend

Doing what

We love

Even though

I may not act like it.

Oh The Boys

Played With All Of Their Toys

Puppeteering People In Their Minds

They Told Truths

And Told Lies Once More

When They Told The Truth It Was True

When They Lied It Was False

When They Didn't Speak At All

I Wonder If

They Lied Or

Told Truths To Themselves

They Played Their Game

Finally, It Wasn't The Same

As The Days Gone Past

Knowing It Wouldn't Last

But Still Playing The Game

What Led Them To Stray

In Such A Violent Way

Well, It Can Only Be Blamed On The Past

When The Game Finally Ended

The Victor Pretended

To Be So Relieved

But He Missed Their Fame

And Mourned Their Game

As He Lost His Only True Friend

Hide who you are

Hide all your scars

Pretend you're okay

Welcome to the masquerade

And then there was red.

Red on his head.

Red on the ground.

Red on the floor.

Red dulled in his eyes.

Red, red, red, red, red.

There was only red.

And then there were screams.

And then there was numbness.

And then there was darkness.

And then there was--

You're so

Confusing

You're

Not

Really

....

I have a question

Why are you trying so hard to be

To be what you're not

'Cause

I've never seen such a

saturated

blue before

Before you

You're trying so hard to be a

cold

unfeeling

undisturbed

blue

And frankly

I don't think you're telling the truth

That blue that paints your words

No

That blue that stains your words

It's too strong

It's too heavy

It leaves a sour taste and a dry feeling in your mouth

I've never met such a blue before

Almost every single person I've met is a warm color

I suppose that's for a reason

Cause the warmth shows that you're alive

That you feel

But your color

Is not one of warmth

It is falsely blue

And fake cold

And though I may sound insane

Even to you who has made a place in my heart

I know it's true

You

are

lying

to

me

Our friendship is built on these lies

Are you really who you say

Or are you truly a stranger I've yet to meet

Is this friendship really real

Or are you stringing me along

I've never really had a

friend

such as this

This song and dance we seem to play

I can see when you lie

Your words stain into the saturated blue

And I can no longer know

Anything about you

Anymore

But

Tell me this

Are you really my friend

Are you really that sickening blue

Or is this all pretend

Make-believe

Like children who don't understand this world

But if you're going to answer

With another lie

I'd rather that

You don't answer

At all

And maybe we'll move on

And forget about this

But even so, I will be stuck seeing that

blue

Stain your lips and mind

Your soul and words

Until you finally are stained all over in that blue

Until you become but a blur of that color

That fake

That sickening

That heavy

That sour

Color

And I hope that one day

You stop being what you're not

And accept your true color

'Cause

I can guarantee

It will feel much better

Than living this lie

That you've

Created

For

Yourself

But even so

I will still be here

With you

No matter which color you choose

Because you're my friend

And I care

Which is why I'm telling you that

Your color is fake

And I bet your actual real color

Is so beautiful

That I'd wonder

Why you'd hide it

In the first place