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138 · Mar 2019
Crowns
Finn Mar 2019
Crowns of gold and jewels of silver

Your soul cannot be delivered.
Take 2
132 · May 2019
Passionate
Finn May 2019
I generally see two kinds of passionate people.
There are so many ways to be passionate,
But
I think that these two are the most passionate that you can be.

There's fire
Flames
Red hot passion that burns and scorches and changes everything in its path
It's nearly inescapable
Volcanoes,
Red hot molten lava,
Earth quakes,
Wildfires...
It's burning and it's warm and sometimes
It's nice and cozy
And you know that you'll get burned
And yet
You come back anyway,
Burning brighter and more passionately than the last time
Like a phoenix
But every fire burns out eventually

And then there's water
Cold
Stormy
The dark sea and it's creatures
It's being on the boat in the middle of a storm
Watching as the waves crash and the salty wind blows
Fighting to stay on top of the water
For if you fell in
The cold angry waves would swallow you whole
It's tsunamis and hurricanes
Waves tossing and turning
Clear and cold
Or it could be boiling
Leaving marks on your skin
Blisters, much like fire would
But the difference is
That you're under the water
Inhaling cold liquid
And you're drowning
And hoping to whatever God may be out there
That you do not become
One of the creatures of the deep
132 · Apr 2020
Lock Myself In
Finn Apr 2020
I'm not a girl
You can't make me be her
I'm not
I swear
Just listen for once
But according to "god"
I do not exist
Not in this form
This shape
These eyes or these lips
My hands are "feminine"
My chest has *******
My feet are small
And these are what makes me a her
According to them

My hips too wide
Missing the right genitalia
"There are only two genders
Lawn mower and dishwasher"
I'm sick of your jokes
"And I'm an Apache helicopter
That's my gender, it's true
I'm a helicopter, and you're a man too"
I see the way you look at me
Obviously expecting a reaction
I go to my room
And lock myself in
132 · Mar 2019
Questions
Finn Mar 2019
Questions are meant to be asked, answered, pondered, perhaps even forgotten in the sands of time.

But

What if

They're not?

Maybe questions aren't meant to be answered

Prayers not to be heard

Aren't to be thought, said, pondered...

What if....

What a curious thought that is.
131 · Mar 2019
Everything
Finn Mar 2019
Everything has a place and every place has a thing, even if the thing isn't in its place and even if the place doesn't hold its thing.
131 · Feb 2019
Around
Finn Feb 2019
Here We Go Around The Truth (X3)

Each And Every Day

This Is The Way We Lie To Ourselves (X3)

Can Someone Please Delay

This Is The Way We Hate Ourselves (X3)

Much To Our Dismay
2016
129 · Feb 2019
Poems
Finn Feb 2019
My poems are long

Oddly spaced

Weird topics

I know

They really are

My thoughts

It's really

Curious

It can

And probably will

Range from a variety

Of topics

But I love being heard

Don't we all?

We call out

Hoping someone will listen

Which is why I make these

Absurd

Poems

I want to feel connected

I truly do

Our souls

Everyone's

Call out

For someone

Something

We all do

And sometimes the way you express yourself

The way you call out

Reach out

Can be so strange

Absurd

Curious

Unorthodox

That maybe

Nobody gets it

No

Not at first

But they might

They might come back and

See your work and

Understand

For the first time in

What may seem like your whole existence

Someone'll understand you

And I notice that

Almost every single poem I write

It always

Always

Has a happy ending

Because I want one

I love happy endings

Don't you?
128 · Apr 2019
Loud
Finn Apr 2019
They're all so loud and immersed and everything is flashing and swirling

I'm being pulled from side to side

I know I'll fall to my knees but they won't notice they will continue

Like the ****** of a storm

Chaotically and unyieldingly bending and twisting over itself around me

And I am caught in the middle silently suffering.

They wouldn't hear if I screamed.

I know because I've already tried.
128 · Mar 2019
A Dance, A Game
Finn Mar 2019
It was a dance, a game, that I didn't know.

Were we swirling and spinning and pressing close,

Making hushed praises and whispering promises?

Were we playing chess or cards or even checkers, in silent bemusement?

Perhaps we weren't singing or swaying or moving pieces upon boards, crying 'checkmate!' as soon as we were able

Maybe it was something completely different

Were there no musical tunes?

Pawns upon boards?

If that isn't what we're doing then...

How do we move forwards?

Will we be stuck here, butting heads, staring, longing for something more

Something indescribable

All our lives?
127 · Mar 2019
Percent
Finn Mar 2019
One percent

In a sea of percents

Still means something
126 · Feb 2019
Dream
Finn Feb 2019
Sometimes I forget

I forget who I am

And where I'm from

In pursuit of a fantasy

A dream

Of adventures

Of love

Of something I'm not

Some higher purpose

Becoming a prophecy

A legend

Worlds of people

Of places

Of things that do not exist

In the world that I reside

I dream of this when I'm asleep

I dream of this when I'm awake

I dream

Which means that these stories are not real

These worlds do not exist

Anywhere else

But my mind

These words we speak

Never leave anyone's lips

And then I wake up

And see that

Maybe I don't really have a prophecy

A legend

A true calling

But

The world that I reside in

Lets you make your own story

There may not be magic

Or dragons

Or wizards

But the magic here

Is one of a different sort

It's seeing those you love smile

A baby being born

Things of that sort

And the wizards here

Could be anyone

All it takes

Is a bit of

Something

And you could draw a smile

From even those at their worst

And it's so

Beautiful

So I do

Spend most of my time

Dreaming

But sometimes I have to wake myself up and

Smell the roses and

Remind myself that I

Have a story here too

Maybe not a huge one

But I still do

And I should remember that

Those other stories are amazing

But they're not real

And I have a real story

Just waiting for me to

Live it

And that's

Really what

Matters

Isn't it
Dream
126 · Mar 2019
Crowns
Finn Mar 2019
Crowns of gold and jewels of silver

You cannot be delivered from the sins within your soul.
126 · Mar 2019
Arguments
Finn Mar 2019
I plan whole arguments

In my mind

(Fooling myself into believing I'm cautious and that it helps somehow)

But it never quite pans out the way I think it will

I argue and argue and argue but

Is any conclusion being reached?

Is any decision being made?

Sometimes these questions are answered and sometimes

Sometimes I argue just to argue

And usually technically I'm right but

I know what they mean

And I argue the opposite side

I justify myself saying that

If the other side doesn't have a representative than why are we talking of it?

Everyone needs a representative and I just happen to be adaptable

So I'm justified

In yet another argument

Right?
123 · Mar 2019
Pain
Finn Mar 2019
Deep inside of my bones I feel

I feel the need to

Be hurt

Broken

And abused

Even though I know that

I don't deserve that

Nobody deserves that

And yet I'd still take the beating

For anyone else

If not to spare them from the pain

Then it'd be to feel the pain for myself

But sometimes

I can feel it

In my hands and on my tongue

The compulsion to hurt

To destroy someone

To see them crumble

So that I can watch them

Build themselves up again

And come back

And give me the pain I'm due

And yet

I can't bring myself to harm anybody

But myself

And recently

I haven't been able to do that either

I'm scared of myself

For all these thoughts

And aches

And deep desires

But at least

I can find comfort in the fact that

These are but sick fantasies

That will not play out in reality

Ever

I keep my mouth shut

And hands to myself

And I can only

Keep thinking these thoughts

And wonder

What it would be like to

Perform them

Like a show

An act

A performance

Tears would stream down my face

But I would smile

And that'd be the key detail

To my pain
Isn't it funny how we, as humans can create so much but also have the ability to completely destroy?
123 · Mar 2019
Song to a dance
Finn Mar 2019
It was a song to a dance that I did not know.
122 · Feb 2019
Play The Game
Finn Feb 2019
Play, Please Play The Game

It's So Lonely Here

You've Joined The Game

You're My Only Friend

Please Don't Leave Me Here Again

If You Do

My Mind Will Break

My Sanity You Will Take

When You Leave Me Here Alone Again
Another one from 2016
121 · Apr 2019
Sense Of Fake
Finn Apr 2019
It all depends

Whether it's a malicious sort of fake

Or one done to protect the self and others

Or to hide

Because you'll always sense ill intent

Before shields of protection
120 · Mar 2019
Fake
Finn Mar 2019
No

This is a farce

An act

Charade

Masquerade

This is fake

A lie

A desperate lie

What are you trying so hard to hide?
119 · Apr 2019
Piece By Piece
Finn Apr 2019
Are you curious?

Do you want to break my mind apart

Piece by piece

And scramble it

Reassemble it

Repiece it

And put it back together

Piece by piece

Into what you think

Is my mind

And effectively

Ruining it

Yet again?
119 · Feb 2019
Sweets Treats and Chips
Finn Feb 2019
Sweets, Treats, And Chips

The Lies That Pass Through Our Lips

The Fools We Led

To All Of Our Deaths

Sweets, Treats, And Chips
Again 2016. It was dark
118 · Mar 2019
Red Lines
Finn Mar 2019
Red lines open in their wake
110 · Apr 2020
Better
Finn Apr 2020
I'm better, I tell myself
I don't cut
I've never attempted suicide
I've learnt my symptoms
I've learned how to lessen them
I know what makes me spiral downwards
I can get out of bed in the morning
I know how to work around this mentality

But sometimes I get worried
That maybe I'm fooling myself
I can feel itches under my skin
Where the marks used to be
I thought I'd be happy to see the scars fade

But sometimes I look down and see them in the mind's eye
See the blood
Feel the sick exhilaration as I think to myself
'I finally feel something!'
But I shake my head
And the thoughts are gone
No blood
Faint scars
I'm not gone
109 · Mar 2019
Empathetic
Finn Mar 2019
Empathetic

Able to fit any mold

I'm told that that's not a good thing

Too empathetic

Just seeing someone in pain will put me in pain

These poems are long

Really long

Because I pour out my heart

And can switch topics in the middle

Without realizing

It's like a diary

That I share

But diaries aren't meant to be shared

Diaries keep secrets

Not to be told

Or for anyone to know

But maybe that's wrong with me

I trust too much too easily

It hurts, sometimes

I write how I would speak it

It's caused odd poems and repeated words

Most definitely repeated words

But its it's okay

It's okay because it's my style

It's my words that

I get to express

Which makes it okay

Right?
108 · Apr 2020
Car Out The Window
Finn Apr 2020
Sometimes
When I drag myself out of my room
Usually around noon
I sit at the table
And look out the big window
And see the ducks, chickens and crows
Watch the cats and squirrels and possums
Sometimes we'll see bunnies or raccoons or a fox
Once there was a doe out there
And two different dogs have gotten away from their owners and into our yard
Sometimes I'll see family members

I always check
If my step fathers car is there
And my mother
Who does not have a driver's license
I will seek her out in the house
She doesn't like to speak
And I don't agree with her ideals
But I look and make sure she's here

I worry that she'll get in the car one day
And drive off
My older brothers said it happened to them
She packed them in the car and left
Without a word
My older brother said to watch out for the signs
And if she ever took us to stall her trip as much as possible
Call him or my older sister
And they'd pick us up and take us home

Somehow, my thoughts always spiral
And I want to blame my brother
For sowing this fear inside of my mind
But I am comforted
By the fact that my mother and I disagree
Because as much as it hurts
I don't believe that if she ever left
That she would take me
106 · May 2019
Confused
Finn May 2019
I didn't tell you this
but sometimes
we,
as humans,
we...
we sometimes get confused.
We might not know what we're feeling and
mistake it
for
something else.

We might believe something that
may not be true.
We might become
delusional
and
would rather believe a
lie
than face the
truth.
I... am one of those humans.

I thought what I felt was
love,
only because I didn't want to face the truth.
That was not love,
that was fear.

But.. I know now.
And isn't that
What really matters?
103 · Mar 2019
Speaking words
Finn Mar 2019
I love talking

But I also hate it

So much communication

And contradiction

You could make someone's day

Their life

Or you could destroy

Tear down

Watch as they suffer

Mock their tears

Watch as they walk towards their death

As they take their own life

But

You could also build them up

Give them the motivation to go on

To continue

But some words

Some phrases we get attach to

Almost as if they scar

Or brand the skin of our bodies

And we see them every aching moment of our lives

Words could change a person

For better or for worse

Words from others or even words from yourself

I love-hate words

Speaking

Writing

You could hurt or help so many

And so many are squandering this act of expression

To make it so others cannot express what they're meant to

I'm not talking about any specific politics

Or anything of that nature

Just

Words.

They're over-underused

Under-overused

So much said but so little actually mean something.

Its said to pour out

And you can't stop

But also get stuck in your throat

And leave you mute and hurt

I suppose it depends

On the words you are

And the words you say

And that's all out of my hands

As someone who makes

Simple observations

And writes this down in this

Blessed

Accursed

Language of ours
100 · Apr 2020
Loss
Finn Apr 2020
I don't know how to deal with loss
People and animals die and I make a poorly timed joke
Based on something they'd done during life
I'd awkwardly laugh
And feel a weight settle in my chest
I don't cry
I don't sob
Is it wrong to act like this?

I just kind of move on
Or try to anyway
I do feel bad, I swear
My family shoot me ***** looks
And I hide again
88 · Apr 2020
Fight
Finn Apr 2020
I creep around my house
Unusually quiet as people yell
I don't want to get involved
I let my words go unsaid
But it's too late
I've been seen, again

They don't hit me
But the words sting worse
"Whose side are you on?!"
What else do I have to lose?
I walk by, silent as a phantom
All of the fighters clamoring in tandem
I don't care for sides
And that's when I spot him

My poor little brother
Caught up in their spat
But too emotionally invested
To walk off like that
He looks between the parents
On opposite sides of the table
Tries to soothe and calm
As our sisters scramble
He sits in the middle
Wincing, in tears
Another fight lost
Nobody wins here
82 · Apr 2020
"Faggot"
Finn Apr 2020
"******" is a word that my family uses
An insult and a swear
"******" is said without a single care
And I let my hurt go unsaid
It's not like you'll ever listen
To a single world I've ever said
79 · Apr 2020
Thats so gay
Finn Apr 2020
I know it's "not that big of a deal"
Or that I "obviously knew what [you] meant"
But I can't help but try and sit with you
And eat my dinner too
Just listening to your idle chatter
And joyful blabber
And suddenly I hear
"That's so gay"

I know you meant "stupid"
Or "unfair"
But really, what's unfair isn't what you're complaining about
Or what the latest gossip is
But your use of the word
That so many identify with.

"No, I'm gay" I say in futility
Stumbling and joking, hoping so hard
That maybe, by bringing it to light, you'll realize
That your words aren't right
That I, and many like me
Are not the **** of your joke
And are people like you

You laugh it off
And walk away
Already done, having said what you wanted to say
I slump on the table
Another battle lost
Another blow at my pride
Another word with a cost

You walk away
And I hope so hard
That maybe next time
Your vocabulary will be twice as large
To compensate for your utter lack of knowledge
To compensate for your use of "gay"
77 · Mar 2019
Problem
Finn Mar 2019
I have this

Problem

Where I want to experience

Everything.

But

Not in the way you

Think I mean

I want to feel the pain

To be abused

Drugged

Hurt

By myself

Or by others

Just to know

To truly know

What those people going through that

Feel

But I also

Want to be loved

Cared for

Happy

But I also want to be torn to pieces

Hurt

Demolished

Just scraps of a former self

And I'll have a choice

To give up or

To try again

And have to piece myself back together

Piece by piece

Or maybe even

Start anew

I want to be killed

Betrayed

Left for dead

But also

Saved

Reborn

And found.

Maybe I'm just

Crazy.
And thus,  I read and write books
71 · Mar 2019
Sacred Place
Finn Mar 2019
Have you ever been in a place

A place that hasn't changed in years

Decades even

And wonder

Wonder what would happen

If this place were to

Die

If the owner were to

Die

And then the house

Or land

Or place

Were to find itself

In the hands

Of someone

New

Would you cry

For you haven't been to this

Curious

Interesting

Sacred place

Enough times to have

Every nook and cranny

Memorized?

Every small

Tiny

Insignificant detail

Burned into your brain

And suddenly

One day

It was all gone

Replaced with

Someone

Something

Someplace

Completely new?

The dust

The memories

The people

All gone

Before you could even

Blink

Do you ever

Get that

Same painful feeling

Of this

In your

Chest?
71 · Apr 2020
Family
Finn Apr 2020
Yes, I'm queer
And in my house, I'm a joke too
Too short
Too lazy
And "gay"
Not like my sisters
Who are called "******" and "*****"
Not like my older brother, who did drugs
Not like my younger brother
Whom nobody wants to be around
Too "annoying" and "stupid" and "young"

Not like my mother
Who swears her witchcraft true
Not like my stepfather
Who works too hard and too long to lose
Not like my father
Who is "stupid" and "obnoxious"
So, I suppose, between all of us there's nothing to loose.

My sisters, who fall in love too fast
My older brother, who falls too hard
My younger brother, just lonely
And my family who wishes they were someone new
My mother, an alcoholic, who swears her ghosts true
My stepfather, so sure he knows what's right
My father, in rehab, whom I hope is trying with all his might
And me, not even a girl
Can you believe us
A patchwork quilt

— The End —