You were always better
At saying it
Than showing it
It was the other way for me
So I don't doubt it now
It's only fair
I couldn't complete
Your sentences
You couldn't complete
My advances
We were lovers
In the wrong place
At the right time

When the whip came down on you
Was it my blood that stained the leather?

In intimate moments
As we laid bare our scars
I truly believed that
None matched like ours

Before the mental lacerations
Bridled our voice
And we were burdened with
The indignity of choice

Did you blame yourself
For the beatings you took?

Did you look upon
Your master with pity?
As I looked upon
Mine with rage?

Is that why I'm still
Locked inside this cage?

Still I must wonder
Even after your escape
If beauty bought you freedom
Or a new set of chains

In the passenger seat of my car
You on top in a black dress
Your skirt hiked up above your waist
It was cramped
You struggled to maneuver
But it's always like this
Or so it seems
Things go right in my life
More often than my dreams

I'm sorry, baby
I'm seeing someone new

They called me crazy
They called me a ***
In the centuries since your departure
I vowed to go stag
Until there was someone else
Who could take the place of you

I'm sorry, baby
I'm seeing someone new

I've loved many women
I never could touch
I've touched many women
I never could love
It's time to go back
To that place in my head
The one where I lived
Before you'd lain on my bed

I'm sorry, baby
I'm seeing someone new

One by one the girls go past
Each more beautiful
And radiant than the last
Memory's not much to live on
So I watch as they pass
A couple drops of water
For the Scotch in my glass

I'm sorry, baby
I'm seeing someone new

I was so strong before you
I thought nothing could break
Until you left me so lonesome,
So tired, so weak that
I thought I might die
Shattered like headlights
On the forth of July

I'm sorry, baby
I'm seeing someone new

If you have something left to give
Though you don't owe a thing
I'd ask for some closure
A call, just a little ring
So you can tell me again
That it won't **** me, I'll live
Tell me again in that callous little tone
Hand me down my sentence
And then hang up the phone

Two years since we've talked
And your picture appears
Uncalled upon my screen
For untold scores to leer

You lie about your age
You go by a different name
You have a new tattoo
Spread across your frame

But your lips are still the same
Your eyes quite distinct
As the diamond stud that
Rests high upon your cheek

You're more beautiful
Than I dare to remember

More beautiful than I dare
To remember

Still your kiss
Can't be out done
As every girl since
Has come to learn

As if they felt your absence
When our bodies meet
Far more than my presence
And know they can't compete

Yes, your absence is felt
Far more than my presence

I'm not so surprised
In some small way satisfied
Was the money you left me for
Not enough to keep you occupied?

To think I had something to teach
When I was never one to listen
Only absorb the information
In tangled abstracts of ideas
To regurgitate upon a whim
I hope that you were wise enough
Not to listen when I wasted
My worthless breath on you

Forgive the frown on my face
I'm having trouble
Reconciling the facts
With the ultimate truth
The ultimate truth
Is everything's ok

Yes, this one is about you
No, you never saw my face
You didn't even notice me
In that crowded place
Just a casual observer
An admirer of your beauty
But I often write about
That which I am unworthy
This is no cause for alarm
No need to distress
Even in my dayreams
I have yet to see you undress

I drink coffee everyday
Endless cups of coffee
To wash away
The alcohol that
Will not leave my bloodstream
Water is too thin
So I must drink coffee
To begin
My task of eliminating
These feelings for you
That never should have been

What foolish dream inspires
That hope which flames desire
To think that I could wrest
Her heart from the grip of the world
When after all it was in her heart
That all the sadness and beauty
Of the world had rested
Time and meditation have shown
The very limits of self-deceit
And she wore it on the sleeve
Of a sheer black kimono
Like her ******* that showed beneath
Her curls that fell in soft tranquility
Along her neck and short of her back
As I sought tirelessly for an imperfection
Something with which I could contend
A struggle without hope or end

You said you wanted to die
But really just meant
You needed to get high

I said take me with you
But I really just meant
Let me stand in your way

So you went to the party
Without me and forgot
How I humbly offered
My very life simply

To ease the pain
Caused by your
Cruel mother

So the weekend went on
Without a ring on the phone

And when you came back
You laughed at your own
Crazy dramatic episode

We were fifteen
The summer of '99
I was sickly in love
You were desperate
For something more

When you tried to
Reach out to me
In the days to come
I pushed you away

I couldn't forgive
The weekend you left me
Wondering if you
Were alive or not

And on our sixteenth
Birthday you complained
Because I couldn't go

To the party where
Everything was supposed
To go your way

That was the last time
We spoke and though
I heard from friends
You were doing well

I can never forget
The way you made
Me feel so alone
And shattered

Without any hope
Of having anything
To offer to those
I love who suffer

Who are these lovers
Whose restless hearts
Long for the chains
They've never found
Who have given up
On the rainbow
Walk tirelessly
Through the fire
And smile all night
In the rain
The game they play
Is one of desire
Where the spoils
Determine the victor
And the heart is
Never satisfied
But merely subdued
Ask no more
Who these lovers are
For in this moment
They are me and you

Why do you reach
Out to me now
When I'm broken
And useless

Where were you
When I was strong
When I could have been
The man that you
Needed me to be

I could have kissed
Your tears away
I could have made
You smile when others
Let you down

I could have held you
When you were down
So deep that no other's
Arms could reach you

Where were you
When I needed you
To keep me from
The man I've become

Better than my tongue
Was your tongue
That knew it was
Meant for loving
And didn't waste
Time with false wit
And sweet talk

Sweeter than your taste
Was the aftertaste
Which faded and
Was renewed with
Every lit cigarette
Until the pack had
Finally burned out

Thicker than smoke
Was your perfume
That remained in
The fabric of sheets
You abandoned
And lingered longer
Than your embrace

Easier than your embrace
Was my embrace
That held you so
Gently until you
Could stand it
No longer and you
Were free at last

Two girls deeply in love
But torn with jealousy over the man
The other slept with

A tall brunette in casual attire
And a smaller girl wild-eyed, black curls
In a college t-shirt

I offered them drinks in honor
Of their love on hiatus
And dreamed ever so boldly
To be caught for a moment
In the crossfire of their
Boundless desire

But the on again off again
Lapse of judgement made them
Unable to stay locked in that embrace
And I'm left with the ***** Cranberry
Who is unfortunately much less
Receptive to my advances
Showing me pictures of her boyfriend
Military and buff

While the Gin & Tonic departed
To recover her confidence after
Being scorned by the tall brunette
One too many times and forgot
All about the drink I promised to buy

Always coming back to gently spread
Her knees and wedge herself between
Her thighs only to be pushed back
Briskly to the barroom crowd
And the ***** Cranberry reminds
Me again of the sad situation that
Split them up in the first place

I leave for a cigarette and come back to
The same adorable scene and waited
For a beer until I heard one of the girls speak
"I think this man at the bar loves us."
I suggested innocently how disappointed
I would be if I didn't see them kiss
At least once that night

The Gin & Tonic pressed close against
The ***** Cranberry to deliver the sweetest
Kiss upon her cheek and I was moderately
Satisfied at that expression in spite of knowing
How it paled in comparison to the true passion
That burned in their loveliest of hearts

As I was leaving I asked,
After resigning myself to chasteness,
For a quick kiss on the cheek
To say goodbye and was met with
The same hesitation you wasted
On each other all night

But, oh, if you two loved yourselves
The way I loved you both that night
You wouldn't waste so much time
Because even though we are
On separate paths in life
We are really on the same path
And you two were so close to it
That night and I wanted nothing more
Than to journey down that road with you

So I kissed you both anyway
And I walked home alone
With a grin on my face
And hoped that you two
Wouldn't make the same mistake

Friends of a nature
So sweet, so kind
To be gone and still
Hold your memory
So firm in mind

As if the years
Apart had not
Changed you at all
As if you were
Still the same

As if your face
Lined with age
Was still the one
They loved long ago
Though your heart

May have grown cold
To them it seems warm
As the day you left
They don't even mention
The words you'd written

And despite your best
Intention you never sent
Or the phone that never
Rang because you sat
Forever staring at their name

Because you need them
Distant and able
To remind you
In a moment's time
Of who you used to be

Sometimes I think the world holds
Nothing but trouble for me
And then I step out into it anyway
For what it's worth
I might as well
Have my part of it

I know that I have
Failed you, my love

My trembling arms could
Barely carry your weight

Through the threshold
Leading to my bedroom

Much less lift and free you
From that solemn place

Of inflexible shame and misery
That held you down

This anguish, your constant
Burden, was my disgrace

As I laid you down upon
My bed, how it shook

Despite how delicate your
Frame and light your stock is

You are enormously
Heavier than you look

And I know you don’t carry
That in your great haunches

Myself much weaker than
My stature could suggest

I suppose it's just one
Of the ways in which

The weight of our tired and
Weary souls is manifest

No matter what they tell you
Some speak of infinite wealth
Some speak of unbridled lust
But all anyone really wants
Is to be loved the way
They deserve to be loved
Anything else is a fabrication;
A shabby defense
A facade of decadence
Construed to mask their
Most intimate of desires
And if you give it to them
They will respond in kind
With a love you may not be ready
Or willing to accept
Pray that you are ready
Because if you are not
It will absolutely
Destroy you

Call it L-ve
Or call it G-d
But what we've all
Been getting at
Since the beginning
Of time itself
Is exactly the same thing
It is not something which exists
But something we are lacking
And if we realize this
For even an instant
We will know what is real
And the mystery will reveal itself
And all will be well with the world

At last

I love the cigarette
It reminds me of
What I so easily
Forget
I see my life
Burning
At it's tip
I shave a few seconds
Off the end
For a moment
In the here and now
I know that I'm alive
Not just waiting to die
When my life burns out
And I rub out the last ****
I'll know it was time well spent
With others who just want
Nothing more than to pretend
It's just tobacco burning
Between their fingers
And not their life
That's going up in smoke

All we are gauranteed in life
Is that with which we are born
And that's all we ever need

An empty page
On which we write our lives

We have nothing but to gain
Though all that we've
Found shall not remain

All we feel we've lost
Was never ours to lose

Only a passing moment
Just ink on the page
Of our life as it's written

Be grateful to the ones
Who grace our empty pages
With the perennial ink of their soul
And stain the book of our life
With whatever gifts they bring

Hopelessly addicted
That's what you called me
When I lit up another cigarette
After I put down the last

You hated the way the smell
Never left your hair
So I never lit another one
When you were near
And I thought that maybe
If you stuck around
You'd be the girl to make me quit
The **** things for good

Of course you didn't stick around
But maybe that's my fault
Things were moving too slowly
And you were so young
And so wild

I really loved your body
Your Arab father
And your Polish mother
Blessed you with a cherub's face
And a goddess's physique
Skin the same color
And texture as milk

But while your spirit was born
From great sorrow and pain
Your kindness was boundless
Despite your anger
And your loneliness
You had such a beautiful soul
Like the lotus that blooms
Above the filth from which it grows

And I loved your honesty
Even when it hurt
Even when it scared me
Which it often did
Because it was better than
The girl who left me
Terrified and lonely
Without a word at all

I knew I couldn't keep up with you
I couldn't even keep up with myself
Driving two hours every weekend
For two months just to spend
An hour at most
Talking of nothing
And going nowhere
Coming home alone
Drunk at 5 AM

All the running was really
Starting to take it's toll on me

But I'll always wonder
What could have been
If I'd just let things
Play out a little longer
After all, it was your ex
That really hurt you
And made you so cynical
And unwilling to open
Your heart to anyone new

Our friends, so sweet
You could always pick 'em
Quietly reassuring me
That it wasn't my fault
That you just weren't ready
That you needed time
When I felt my time
Was running out
And I didn't think
I had it to spare

You called me a cheater
Then you called me a loser
I can't make sense of this at all
Since I thought the heartbreakers
Were the winners in this world

All we get is a little time
Time to find what we want
Figure out how to get it
Maybe hold on a little while
And if we’re really smart
Time to appreciate what we have

But it’s usually long gone before then
Usually, the time has past
What we want is out of our grasp
And all we’re left with is a place
To turn our thoughts to
When we realize that what we really have
Is nothing at all like we imagined

But time becomes less narrow
When it’s spent with one another
And it’s always so much greater
Than the time we spend apart
So I hope you’ll forgive my asking
But can I add your time to mine?

Slow the **** down

One thing at a time

Don't listen to the
      Voices of authority
      ‎
That accuse you of
      Laziness and apathy
      ‎
And pull you in all
       The wrong directions
            At the same time
            ‎
Lest you become
        A slave of infinite masters
        ‎
Focus on the task at hand

Finish and move on to the next

There may not always be time

But until you reach the end
        When the moment is not enough
        ‎
Grab onto it and squeeze it
         For all that it is worth
         ‎
And make it worth your while

Black tar on
A silver platter
Diamond in the groove
Revolutions of sound
And vibrations
Long since faded out

Although I've heard
The explanation
I will never
Understand it
Through the hiss and static
Out pours a little magic

Alternatively,
Through a convoluted
Series of wires
I can acquire
A digitized
Approximation
Of something that
Used to be music

And my brain can
Hardly tell the difference

I don't know
If it's a matter of trust
Or understanding
But I think I
Prefer the magic
To this technological
Pageant

I've learned to appreciate
The smaller things in life
Like the way she tells me
The sweetest little lies
And the way she smiles
Like it doesn't bother her
When I'm in a mood so foul
Or she laughs at jokes I make
Which both of us know
Aren't the least bit funny

I try to return the favor
Tell her how she smells
So wonderful or such
And leave it just at that
Since both of us know
While the scent has faded
From my worn pillowcase
It's your perfume that lingers
So ceaselessly on my mind

I often praise her beauty
Never comparing it to yours
Her hair being a few shades
Lighter than I remember yours
And we never say "I love you"
So our lies are always small
And in the best of times I think
I can forgive you for the time
You told me without hesitation
The greatest of all lies

Between here and there
That's the place I live
Here is the cemetery
And there is the bar

There must be a name
For places like these
I know I'm not alone
I've lived there once before

I walk to the bar
Since I prefer the rattle
Of the empty bottles
To the rattle of my bones

But others aren't so lucky
They march to their own doom
And some of them it seems
Would like to get there soon

Their faces once shaken
Are now so very calm
In solemn resignation of
The fate that lead them here

We once were not so different
From the ones who visit there
But we can't stay there forever
Every road leads to here

My first
Taste of you
Was sweet
Like candy
Tastes sweet
To a child
Who grows up
And then
Nothing
Ever tastes
So sweet
Again

What did you mean?
When you showed me
That picture of you
Six years old
With your sisters
In an Easter dress?
Did you want me to see
Your innocence?
Were you trying to say
That some of that still remained?
When really all of it remains
We never lose our innocence
We just lose sight of it
As we grow older
But maybe I was unable
To see it then myself
Because I was so far removed
From my own

We're all so lonely
The rich are lonely
The poor are lonely
Bourgeois died of lonely

The ugly are lonely
The average are lonely
But really the beautiful
Are the most lonely

He is so lonely
She is so lonely
The hardest to admit:
I am so lonely

Even when you are here
And the band is playing
"Let's Get It On"
By Marvin Gaye

As I breathe in
The city exhales
As I breathe out
The city inhales
My heart beats
To the ticking of
Pedestrian signals
Which none of us obey
To parking meters
I dedicate time unpaid
From the saintly hobos
Who avoid my stench
To the college girl ***
I dare not to pinch
The bar drains my pocket
Traffic signals my soul
Just like the woman
Who left me so long ago
To the city, my ****
To the city, my soul

It happened last night
While you were sleeping
Many governments fell
The whole world order was
Plunged into chaos
Many tried to rebuild
But since their efforts
We're founded in
The ways of old
Nothing stuck
And nothing remains
When you awoke this morning
That quiet calm you felt;
That indescribable peace
And inner contentment
Was just the calm after the storm
Now we wait for another
Who can lead us on the path
To lead the way into a new era
O enlightened one,
O you who are one and all
Do my words reach you now
Or are you still sleeping
And when you awake
Will you be ready?
We are still here waiting after all

Looks aren't my strong point
So I won't hit the gym
Forget about the ocean
You know I can't swim

Unless you've got some proof
To end my existential dread
Don't count on me to ever
Jump in the tanning bed

Don't expect the flowers
To be the ones that you like
But they look nice in your hair
And I thought that you might

I hope you like beer
And maybe a little scotch
You won't find any wine on
My shelf when you knock

Try not get nervous when
You find out that I'm not
As experienced in bed
As maybe you'd thought

Forget what the gossip
And rumors have said
Lonely nights are more common
Where I'm locked in my head

But I'll write you poems
When you're busy out and about
That'll keep me from cheating
And running around

Sometimes they'll be *****
And sometimes they'll be sad
But they'll always be honest
And perhaps even sweet

And when you've left for the last time
I'll continue to write; I won't stop
So that one day when you're old
Your husband and children all gone
You'll look back and know

That someone

At some point

In your life

Really

Thought

About

You

You really loved those dogs
More than you ever cared for me
That's ok
I hear it all the time these days

"I love my dogs more than most people"

Maybe it's easier to see the innocence
In these simple creatures
Maybe its easier to forgive them
For their mistakes
The strewn trash, the torn furniture
the ****, **** and *****
They leave on the floor

I don't really know
For me, nothing can take the place of 
human companionship
And there's little I can't forgive
Because we're not so different from these creatures
And the innocence is still there
Even if it's hard to see
Beneath all the vulgarities and human drama

I saw the men you loved in those dogs
They were much the same to me

You never hesitated
When I asked for your help
Our circumstances left us both with little choice
And no place left to turn before
We decided to share the burden of communal living
We were both getting over a breakup
Your loss was much more serious
But mine was more painful
It's not a competition

We thought it was funny that our exes both came from the same state
And lived in the same city
Mine even said once that yours asked for her number
Small world, huh?

I know you think I betrayed your trust
And in a way I suppose I did
When things got bad, I never tried to make it better
I never even tried to talk
It was so much better when we didn't talk

I didn't think the drama was worth it
When our relationship was never meant to go beyond friendship
You were the first woman I ever lived with
But not the first I found myself incapable of loving
You're not alone in that
And you're not the first or last who's friendship I left abandoned because I didn't value it the way I should have

I don't know what you expected
I didn't expect your love
I was happy to be your friend
But I could never be your dog

These are not friendly smiles
          Upon the faces
            of the girls I pass
When they know very well
    How my heart could splinter
       And my love be lead astray
          by their deceitful charms
As I approach the girl
           With a chip in my pocket
               A pair of dice that never turn
      The half grin of a loser's smile
           sits uncomfortably on my face
And I wait for her to break
      Never gamble with my luck
         Just hoping for the chance
  To prove she is the one;
    My true desire
Until she can spare
     A moment's grace
That both of us know
    Could be the one
      To really break the bank

Try to be the worst at something
Then try something new
And if it's in your power
Be the worst at that thing too
When finally you are
The worst at everything
Here's what you can do
Do a little nothing
As much as you can do
Perhaps you'll find yourself
The worst at this thing too
Take comfort in this something
There aren't many you know
Who can be the worst of nothing
And still find room to grow

Oh, sleep!
Last true and only
Friend of the dreamer!
How seldom do you visit
Yet briefly do you stay
I weep to think
With footprint
Both shallow and light
In absence only the
Lithe heel of death
Could fill your vacant shoes!

When you don't
Feel a thing
You'll risk it all
Just to lose
Because
Having nothing
Makes you feel
Something more
Than having it all

Is it always
Necessarily greed
That causes us to
Stretch out our hands
Or is it a longing
For what is lost
That compels
Us on to something
More than our small
Measure would afford

Love is magic

Magic is misdirection

Misdirection is the enemy

The enemy above all else lies

I know you,
My Nightingale
I know how much
I must suffer
For your affection
Forgive me if I am
Terrified by
The possibility
That you could
Ever love me

Sometimes I believe
Your heart is so pure
That you could love anyone
I really think you could
I only hope to be
An example; a reminder
To always ask yourself
If you ever really should

I will not speak your name
Since we've long since
Gone our separate ways
Though our time was brief;
Barely lasted the summer
And all you left was grief
I remember your grace
And I know the day I die
I will see your lovely face
Will you be so morose
In the same sad way
In which you chose
To spend our time
Or will you once again
In spite of my unworthiness
Smile and cause my heart to rend

Did the moon ask the sun to dance?
Or was the cosmic pull too much
For their heavenly bodies to resist?

In mid-****

She whispered in my ear,

"You told me I could stay here, right?"

"You can stay for the night"

Is all I replied

As she walked away I said,

"Are we not gonna finish?" She looked at me

With scorn and then dropped to her knees.

Took my **** in her hand and placed

Her lips on the head.

Then she moved her head from

Side to side, taking in the full length of

My shaft like a snake swallowing its prey

Held it briefly before suddenly pulling away

Stood up, quickly dressed and left

After the door slammed, I collapsed on the floor,

Spurting **** across the room in thick streams,

Decorating the walls and once I hit the floor,

Even the ceiling of my filthy apartment was covered.

I came to you

One night in the rain

And despite myself

I could do nothing

But complain


You arched your back

Your shoulders swayed

You smiled and said

“My **** are worth

Getting out in the rain“


I never knew

A deeper truth

Nor have I heard

A more beautiful refrain

Society is a living animal
A cruel beast with a wicked maw
Serrated teeth and crooked claws
The way it wrangles its undesirables
Into the dark corners of its twisted
Bowels and forces them into
The most demeaning of positions
Offering mindless distraction
To the masses in the consumer
Wasteland of shopping malls or the
Cesspool of so-called entertainment
Eradicating any potential for
Greatness or agency for change
Hard labor for the poor
Or otherwise selling drugs or ***
To eke out an increasingly
Meager existence for themselves
Keeping them on the periphery
Yet constantly prodded by
The spears of the public eye
Suspended on their crucifix
As blood spills to exemplify
What's to come to any who
Should fall short of its graces

A man talks to his reflection
     in the window of the bar

As oblivious to those who pass
     as they pretend to be of him

I laugh, but not out of cruelty

But from the fact that
   where I'm standing now
    it doesn't seem that far to fall

He speaks of his estranged family
   with love and longing
    for those he's lost

I laugh because I know
   while others look away

All except for you
   you've seen him before
    you know his story

And now I know a little
    something about you

The kindness in your heart
    inspires mine and I know

Now that it was cruel of me
     to laugh so mercilessly
      at no one but myself