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 Jul 2018 Elizabethanne
mari j
i am so small
compared to the mountains
i am so little
compared to the sea
i am so tiny
in comparison to the islands
and i am so large
compared to what i thought i would be
**** the twin-size mattress,
that cheap indigo color.
Where my best friend’s legs,
her hands and knees,
were entangled in struggle.

**** his barbell body
heavy and cold to the touch.
She had been hunted  
by someone that she trusted.

**** the world that assumed  
she was kissed. Not gripped,
nor crushed under his pressing force.

**** the cinder block walls  
of that college dormitory,
where she stared and refused
to sleep in her own bed
After that night.

**** the catchy tune of breath
rolling over teeth  
that play in her head.
**** her father. He would say
he doesn’t approve of her *******.

So, she chose to stay quiet.
Forgettably quiet.
when anger turns to pure tears
it’s because we’re all drowning
shallow or deep
we’ve been there
in the feeling of always dying
everyday i kept smiling
kept doing good
but all i feel is sadness

it feels right and wrong at the same time
i couldn’t explain the feeling i was experiencing
from drought to abundance of water
when could i feel free
when could i see a peaceful sunset
or even a sunlight shining on my face

i wish we could go back
when we were young
when everything didn’t matter
when time wasn’t a waste because we have is forever
now it all changed

i kept putting on a mask
just to be up on all the expactions you put me
i kept changing myself
just to fit in
i kept running away from the truth
that could set me free
i fell in love with the lies of my reflection
were all i see is depression

i hate to say i’m weak infront of the swarm
i face everyday
cause i’m afraid i’ll never be enough
so i cry myself to sleep
wake up the next morning feeling like lost

every scar in my arm,
every pills that i took,
every pain that i’ve felt,
every sad songs that i’ve listened to,
every screams unheard
i conquered it, because i kept going
even there is no direction of where i’m heading
even if the pavements were dark
even if i see no hope
I know it’s hard, but just keep on hanging on, the devil works hard at bringing us down but we have ourselves to be our angel.
 Jul 2018 Elizabethanne
emnabee
The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.
A little escape from the madness.
Or maybe, into.
 Jul 2018 Elizabethanne
Eyla
most people see me as
a happy person because
i laugh easily,
i smile a lot,
i joke a lot.

but deep down
in my heart,
i am fragile,
i can get hurt easily,
but i choose to not
show it to the world.

instead of being sad,
i choose to laugh to cover it.
maybe you can call me
"the queen of the mask"

by this,
you can tell
that most of the time
when I'm laughing,
I'm not really laughing,
i was trying so hard to hide
my sadness.
It's funny how I have this constant, deep passionate urge to keep losing myself under the influence of alcohol and drugs.
And I have no shame in surrendering my mind and body to all sorts of addictions that has been killing me softly for all these years.
What I don't understand, however, is how much I've come to hate the idea of losing myself under someone's else's true love spell.
"What's wrong with me?"
 Jul 2018 Elizabethanne
J
Can I Say?
 Jul 2018 Elizabethanne
J
I told my friends about you,
How you came in like a cannonball,

Changed me, back to old me,
Then how you left...

Am I allowed to say I miss you?
Out the blue?
 Jul 2018 Elizabethanne
J
First Kiss
 Jul 2018 Elizabethanne
J
I want that midnight stroll,
Under that moonlit sky,
With both of us blushing,
Not being able to hold a gaze.

With smiles from ear to ear,
Biting our lips so lightly,
Slowing our walking pace,
Until we stop.

With my hand on your waist,
Moving my hand towards your cheek,
Brushing that one hair from your face,
Being nervous before our embrace
 Jul 2018 Elizabethanne
J
Maybe
 Jul 2018 Elizabethanne
J
Maybe 10 years from today,
Maybe only 1 year away,
Or even just 1 day,
I will be able to say...
Words that should be said
There is too much regret
In unspoken words
The quiet thoughts
Whispered only to the moon

There is too much longing
In wishful thinking
Daydreams
Can quickly become a nightmare

There are too many tears
Spilled onto pillows
Over suffering and longing
From words unsaid
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