Wanna be someone cool but I'm a loser, I'm a cheat
Wanna get a move on but all I have is my two feet
Watchin my life pass me by everyday on repeat

I've cheated liars I've ran from honest money
I've let late nights and party's create a personality
Ive let it escape me, take over me, become me

Have I made it somewhere with this crown
Have I finally walked enough to be someone
Have I become happy now that I'm not alone

**** if I know but it sure is fun
****, I know I'll never turn
**** its so hot I'm gonna burn

This is a game of chicken with no way to turn
This game full of people who cheat for fun
This life of thrill seekers who just wanna burn

And I've taken my throne king to someone
And as king I wear a heavy metal crown
And with its self righteousness  I sit alone

Its not the reputation, nor the money
Its desperation for people to like me
Exasperation and greed to personality

Someone cool bit of a liar and a cheat
Walkin with all I have my two feet
Every day life happens on repeat

I don't have any dreams
I want to live in a dream


Cant make my own anymore
Take from others hollow at the core


The drugs burned with joy in the rain
Ashes washed away and I remain


I haven't felt the same
Since I felt that rain

More than a bargain, it cost me more
But now my brains scattered on tour
Of every moment and place I hit the floor
No catharsis every stops been a chore

But I'm still looking to travel some more
Tonight my face hits the floor once again
I'm traveling through life on a tour
Feels like my body is the bus for my brain

I'm looking out the window as life happens to me
Sight-see mountains high and valleys low
Where the crows fly is where I'll be
The journey is slow and even though its all I know

A empty spot resides of another way to go
So another way is where I'll go
Till I crash and my body's all over the floor
And I 'll get up and look for more

Up at midnight do you feel alright
Its another fight isn't that right

It's late and you've gone too far
It's alright  your just bleeding tar

Track marks and wide eyes
See stars and their dead lies

Rob your nephew, Your his hero
You need it more, in the end though

You feel regret but the pills make it okay
Burnt foil follows wherever you stay

You hate the dismay and pity in his eyes
You cant feel okay that pill will get you high

And when you fall you'll die alone
No more friends no  more home

There's romance in a bottle of wine
Its rotten and dry but its divine

Coast across the rapids of life
Avoid all the struggle and strife
People and problems cut by a knife
Excised them from my life

No problems left in my wake
No people left when I wake
All alone for eases sake
The easy ride is all I take

In between life and death
Taking breath after breath

I'm sorry but I don't know what for
This worry I cant stand it anymore
My brain is stabbing  my heart
The pain is pulling  me apart

Brains pulling on the strings
Straining against the heart
Till my blood starts to sing
Of a life falling apart

And my brain wonders why
I feel all this pain and misery
Why do I fall low why do I fly
Its unstable chemistry

One day I feel so alive
The next I might just die
Next all endless drive
To numb and dead eyed

Workin for a livin
That bacon sizzlin
Housin and medicine
Keep dreamin

Big house a car and some kids
Stead I got a bike and some sids
Family taken to the big house by feds
And a bank account in the red

So many said I wanna be dead
Everywhere its read
The depression of the kids
Generation of the dead

Still born lost in the womb
Bombs dropped on Aggha-Solatan
Satan throwing food in a lunchroom
Playground spats killin  all around

So which  team you stand with
For the game of pleading the fifth
Actions and words Irrelevant all on faith
In a team like our lives are sport on earth

Everywhere on earth us against them
Them against us and all for them
Rich kids throwing fits bangin drums
Gettin people to march out of the slums

Say I'm unambitious but I just wanna be rich
Wanna feel something before I'm left in a ditch
A pure love nestled in my heart but life's a *****
So long since I was able to feel a tender touch

My stony heart lacks the sense of feeling
Barely call its beating a state of being
Clay in the shape of a man pretending
That what it does is really living

You got red eyes and irises so blue
Commiserate an sigh along with you
Problems we already knew not so new
I try to solve the case without a clue

Sunset just goes by talk in twilight
Embers of words keeps us alight
A fires last stirrings before it dies
And we part off into the night

Holden a narcissist pride
Eat my heart with rye
Look at a sunny day with a sigh
Always feels like the end is nigh

Sell out a million for a billion
Bloodflow, cashflow all im feelin
Keep pumpin till oblivion
Aint no ceilin and corpses pile on

Unapologetic ******* cash rules everything now
Pathetic stay low and when I pass you better bow
Autokrat choose when the deathblow hits earth now
Fully automatic sell to to the Congo, cash for ammo

God is cash and im feelin like money
Only one I'll let in to heaven is me
Peasant blood best remember fealty
Best worship the ground beneath me

I Keep pushin on the system till it cracks
While its delegates write me a paycheck
They lick my boots while I crush your neck
They watch as you suffocate fear the plutomaniac

Drinkin vino toast "finito"
Did it ever start though
Brain aches so slow
Down the flow
More wine now

Rolling grape ape burn a jay
Feeling clouds so high I pray
At the void to just stay away
White noise is the everyday
So soon its almost may

Twenty two years three without fear
Even still death feels so near
Melancholy life consuming cheer
Burn it,, drink it, just to feel tears
Raise a glass and toast "cheers"

President wants us dead for the bottom line
Maybe after its over they might give him a fine
More like he'll get paid and it'll get called fine
Every rotten thing I thought of this home of mine

Confirmed by massive stock dumps at the onset
Could have saved a thousand lives instead get
To make a death cult worshiping  the market
Divided on whether our lives are worth it

Government is arguing on if they should **** the poor
Cause they aren't making enough millions this quarter
Trying to push the death toll even higher
Nothing changed, seeing its just easier

Bloodshed of decades propagated by us
Bloodshed instigated by our vote in the U.S.
Now the murderous ignorance will hurt us
Uneducated voters and idle people of the U.S.

Blood of the poor who cant get healthcare
Blood of the third world to small for care
Lives ruined for capital and power ever year
Lives ruined for capital today its so near

Ice rinks filled with corpses are the price
Sweat shops and misery are the price
Ghettos and brutality are the price
A world burning to ash is the price

For our gross negligence these are the costs
For our uneducated country lives are lost
For a red cult once again America could be lost
A new red scare more insidious than the last

People support elephants as they get crushed underfoot
They loathe they're constituents willing to make any cut
Cut education, cut healthcare, but the always get their cut
excised the experts, gutted the cdc, its so clear ******* cut

Who is rotting the body why is this body failing
Maybe its all those cuts amputating everything
Maybe its the glut of wealth stopping blood flowing
Maybe its the suicidal gasping and grasping

Always reaching for the wealth and power
Rabidly wanting higher, higher, higher
When 99.99% of ******* fall lower
And the .001% stand on corpses piling higher

And all I can do is sit quarantined and vent my anger

To ourselves we lie saying its a new beginning
And every-time we cry we see its just a new ending
So its time to finally start pretending
That what we have is a new beginning

Turmoil has yet to spoil the fury
loss isn't the foil to blood boils
It brings my head to a broil
Then round my neck it coils

So I start again this time better
Keep myself up to the letter
Scars hidden under a sweater
And I've never felt better

Better than being dead
Better with some dread
Met her stole trust from my head
Now my heart has to be spoon fed

Lobotomized by a lie
Internalized as mine
Things will be fine
Fine in its own time

I discarded my heart in the dirt
Buried with my pain and hurt
Follow my idol the punk Kurt

I'm so tired so now I'm dreamin
But now I'm so tired of dreamin
Cant even remember the skin I'm in
Or who it was that got where I am

Now I commit a cardinal sin
Find a sacrificial altar to begin
Place my soul somewhere within
This is where one part is at its end

My body will make its exit
Somebody will cease to exist
Yet its all worth it I insist
Gotta make it to subsist

I killed myself and found someone else
But he walked in my skin with a little less
Less weight on his back its good I guess
But the old spirit wants to possess

It wants its body back from this stranger
The haunting tries just who is stronger
Who will I be as time goes longer
I think my present will be placed on the altar

Another casualty to causality
Death built up my personality
But who will keep my body
It definitely wont be the current me

But whose to say there's a future somebody
Who will take ownership of this body
I think that this body will eventually
Just belong to nothing, nobody

****-en my brain cells, in the moonlight
Lost-em with Jane, in the fire light

My heart is so ******
Isn't that how it should be

Spread it everywhere this disease
Make friends with care my release
Dopamine is starting to cease
So like frayed twine snap and release

Friendships made to fill my heart
Void fillers made of broken parts
So dumb yet I must be smart
To get these people filed in my heart

Never enough companionship
I'm addicted to a disease called friendship
Extrovert is just addiction to lips
Speaking to ignore loss with a quip

Friendlists for miles
Start and spark my smile
If I'm important to them
I'm important then

Enough to ignore holes in my head
Lobotomized I think like I'm dead
Repressed emotion and dread
Just ignore the stupid **** I said

Ramblin for miles then quiet for awhile
Thats just my style spacing out lookin at tile
Jovial all the while looking like I'm on trial
A laugh is the only time I'll smile

Losing touch so I make a new friend
Just looking to make my own pain end
Using people like they're money to spend
I pretend the pain will end with the next friend

But a void cant be filled it just takes more and more
To get dopamine in my head I need more and more
So I try not to be a bore or make others too sore
When lookin to gather parts for my busted core
Always goin towards  that next score

Its time to draw a lot from a devils claw
Born in Soldotna to a family of outlaws
Went below Iowa off  Mound Street In Arkansas

Left  before we attended police court
Landed to heat and haze I lost my heart
Left it complete in yesterdays start

Bounced from hotel to motel
Settled down in a ghetto
And had no choice but to let go

New start became a bookworm
And the people made me squirm
Awkward red cheeks that would burn

The compliments came in often
But it only made me frighten
Called exceptional so often

Test always said I was bright
On every test I would write
Cheating out of sight

A diet of highs
Prizes, Trophys, lies
Gave my ego a rise

Dad did the best he could
Till the oxy popped his hood
Empty eyes haunt my childhood

Came to school holes in my jacket
Wadin in a cesspool a poor bracket
Low income the rule bein empty pockets

Ate at reduced price at the mess hall
Head full of lice, bed bugs on the wall
Mind full of lies, delusion my heal all

Voices in my head told me it would get better
Voiceless thoughts all that held me together
Tomorrow it'll get better, tomorrow is never

At recess I traded and sold pokemon cards
Started with a few old cards made more with words
A dollar here a quarter there robbed kids with a word

A few years later I got a step mother
She was an agitator and instigator
Drug addict waitress, a complete failure

Brought two kids, two chains on my dad
He was playin with roxy, eyes empty and sad
Step mom spent the money things got bad

Stopped leaving my room became a shut in
Years alone only out for school started fallin
Grades got worse, lost my friends, death was callin

Alone for years on end as my father abandoned me
Just like my mom who left so long ago with no apology
Failed my 8th grade year then got sent over the north sea

Departed for Alaska and found that my heart
I left so long ago at the start was forever lost
Not so smart and without a heart I began a new start

Forget and live
Regret to relive
Memory's are lazy
And the past is hazy

Years lost in a sigh
Who even was I
Just some guy
Lost in the lie

****** Mary come out of the mirror
And see me with that face of terror
Stay with me in the mirror ever fairer
So ****** a fear blossoms forever

****** Mary what have I done
Oh why wont you come
Does it not seem oh so fun
To put an end to an ugly run

****** Mary answer my query
Why am I not a worthy quarry
Why am I so unworthy
Of you turning me too a slurry

****** Mary, ****** Mary
Come to me and forever be
Last to see my eyes teary
From a dreary sob story

****** Mary don't abandon me
Like those faerie and fantasy
Hidden from reality in story's
Mary I worry your not really

More than just a story

Take it slowly not too late to believe
Listen quietly silence flows through a sieve
It talks of the empty and of reprieve

Voids cavitate in my head and heart
My drink is lead in part
Slowly kills my head losing my heart
Not quite dead just wont start

Maybe it'll change but its a pity
Stuck here broke and down in the city
Get high and happy with my last fifty
Older every year but barely over twenty

I take it slowly tell myself I can still believe
Quietly cause the silence will outlive
The empty hollow me seeking a reprieve
Silence as I take my leave

Lost in never never land
Sand grains flow in hand
Bands flowin make a grand
Lose it in never never land

Cards in my hand never good
An ace high bluff and stand
Just to make it to dreamland
Let it roll see where the crown land

Chasin losses will never make a winner
But leavin the *** now is leavin dinner
Roll all in on eatin tonight ramen on the burner
Another gamble a little bit thinner

Every choice is a gamble for a future
Bet my soul become indenture
Lost in anothers venture
Never land better never go under

Floating in the ocean of emotion
Lose myself in slow motion
Body feels the flow and erosion

Use oxytocin and psilocybin
To polish off the corrosion
Feelin the rocking emotion

The light went out a mile back
But I'll walk forward in the dark
Empty roads mirror what I lack
I'm busy, I'm out on a lark

Too busy for you and me
So find someone else to see
Cursed with popularity
Time lost in entirety

**** it blow off another friend in need
A little time alone is all I need

I'm barely worth all this time
That everyone gives my rhymes
Everyone given me time
And then they ask me for mine

But I'm used to being alone
So I'll just blow you off
And go get ******
Just let me off

I'm so tired all the time
then everyone hits me up
To give me time
And ask for mine

So used to being alone
Not used to all these people
Only sulking on my own
Thought I was a *******

Never thought people could like me
More than I can even like me
Don't know how to function without
Being on my own and without

I have it all still I stand in the dark
Empty roads a mirror to what I lack
So many people are standin at my back
Trying to keep it all is makin me crack

Wake and bake, feel the pain
Shake and puke, rotten grain

Broken cadence lost in silence
Soaked-en radiance a bit intense
And for all intents ride the fence
Things don't make sense,
They don't make sense

He was glowing in my eyes
A blazing star that could never die
So bright that he made me cry

This highs gonna crash eventually
I soar higher in the levity
The last dredges of feeling
burning
and ends travel from me so quickly
but the colors are so entertaining
pretty colors and unheard voices
Mutter mutter “go away”
“just take a quick climb and fly”
“they all hate you anyway”
another hit, another ****, pop a little dope
back in the sky, medicating till i can cope
voices receding, mind is deleting
cannot keep this up, next time i crash could be the last
here come the voices again louder, killing me with my past

It began on a Despairing Night:
I was the most Depressed Laborer around,
He was the most Fake Delusion.

He was my Friend,
My Fake Friend,
My Delusion.

We used to Sleep so well together,
Back then.
We wanted to Die together,
We wanted it all to end.

But one Night, one Despairing Night,
We decided to Lie too much.
Together we Chased Death.
It was Pathetic, so Pathetic.

From that moment our relationship changed.
He grew so Lonely.

And then it happened:

He Lived Life.
My Friend Lived Life.

The next day I thought my mind had broken,
I thought my Life had burst into flames,

But still, He is in my thoughts.
I think about how it all changed that Night,
That Despairing  Night.

When I think of that Fake Delusion,
That Fake Delusion and me.

Your pain, my pain
All the same
Here's rain, here’s Jane
An open flame

Calm the counterpart
Warm my broken heart
A lot on the flat mind
A lot like a flat line

I help you, to help me
Deja Vu, Deja Vu
I hurt you, it hurt me
I used to, follow through

Space without a sun
Race that cant be won
Room without a friend
Event none will attend

I want to help
I care about you
Don’t want to help
Don’t care about me

Absurdity is not real
everything means nothing
and nothing means nothing
nothing nothing nothing
…… hah it aint no thing

Guilty of survival
on the bullet's arrival

Man shut the **** up with that bible

Nothing holy found in a meaningless death
Nothing gained nothing lost just lost his breath

Nobody ever cherished he,
meant nothing to me

Never meant anything to the family

They say the whole world can be seen in a grain of sand
Well the whole world can be lost for the gram and a band

**** got me lyin
in my own brain

Thoughts of shame and ****** pain

Watch the time flow through my scarred hands
The clock tickin life lost in front of claspin hands

Pray away the pain
leave the needy in the rain

Pray rather than give a *******

**** empty words in the pulpit
Preachers speakin to the rats

Skittering scared masses
gather en mass

For their weekly holy masse

To hide from the sights in the front
The cyanide in a cup from tainted font

Self idealisation  
adulation congratulation

Nothing real no action no salvation

Burnin the minorities on crosses
Holy ethnic cleansing in the mosques

Killers deserve forgiveness
****** deserve forgiveness

But man takes **** and deserves pain relentless

Its a facade a coping mechanism
Lies to fade away the pain in realism

Fundies is colloquial
a term for the mentally ill

Sundays the ***** hit a sleeping pill

Manson family with some Boko Haram just contemporaries
Hands-on oppression and manipulation it barely varies

Historic faults ignored
easily overlooked

None holier than thou got addicts hooked

Hide actions with words and rhetoric
Form factions and division so reverent

Be just and holy
treat others kindly

Do what we say in the majority, **** the minority

Rinse and repeat and take my seat
Cut into the meat my mouth feels heat
Of a bitter treat sickly sweet
Digress and digest when we meet
No duress when you suggest we eat
Over a meal ideas compete without a defeat

I became so strong, after all this time
But its been so long, since I was fine

I don't weep no more
Just sleep a lot more

I faced all my fears, but regret still tries to haunt
After all these years, I have no regrets that daunt

Always reliably confident
Ever the reliable confidant

Trusted by all my peers, trusted by myself
Failure to those peers, will leave me by myself

Weakness I will not permit
A luxury I don't get

Weakness in my past, has left me all alone
Friends never last, when I cant stand on my own

But now I'm so strong
And they all came along

Friends never last, but they all came back
I am steadfast, so stay and don't go back

I wont ask you for support
I can carry my own heart

I can carry mine, and I can carry yours
I'll be just fine, be my friend I'll be yours

I didn't have chains on myself
Free to move about a empty shelf
Free of brain free of wealth
Cleaned off in the rain was free of health
Till I got a job to be free of death

Boss told me "Fill the shelf"
And restocked my empty self

Filled it with Doritos and plastic
Try not to seem unenthusiastic
At lunch eat taquitos that taste toxic
Feel my chest melt, works so caustic

Chains on my body tied by checks
Money to tide me over till the next
Trade my time and self respect
For my chains and my checks

Do it to chain myself to safety I suspect

Never needed a reward to give my heart away
Never needed a punishment for my edges to stay

I don't believe in flying away into a divine sky
And falling into a abyss of pain seems a lie

When I draw my final breath I'm okay
If it is the last time I say goodbye

No perfection to be found in my soul
And I think the many flaws are cool

The human body is not just a tool
To obtain eternity, but maybe I'm a fool

I always give my heart away
And keep my edges at bay

I do not sit and pray
Not for a holy play

But for my own desire and pride
To find my way ego is my guide

Its not okay, but don't worry
Its all okay, If you dont worry

Young and on the run always hurry
Move-in quick and erratic always a flurry
Grow older every step, what's the hurry
But everyone dies so why do I worry

Clearly its as clear as the clear sky in my smog covered city
Quickly step lightly grip it tightly gotta always be ready

Down an alley watchin for the rabid dog
Drifters drown in an alley hidden in fog

People drift swayin side to side
Pigs adrift bayin outside

People chasin the dragon slide to slide
Pigs watch the slides off to the sides

Everyone just here for the moment a short ride
Haven't realized the dream done gone and died

Shot dead by the justices and those above us
Law said to trust us dreams are dangerous

So scramble for bread don't lose your head
Don't look ahead, eyes closed or they behead

Feed drips slow, starving animals cant grow
A seed is sown then grown, stolen by the crow

Up above lookin down on any below
And we all keepin it on the down low

Stolen dreams, stolen future, broken peasants
Takin dreams and future, life is so pleasant

For the top floor residents
For the criminal president

Knowin there is no consequence for the kings
Slap the hands and for prominence, the bars swing

Grass and leaf
A gross relief
Passive release
Never to cease

The herbivore, is such a bore
Covered in gore, decay mi amore

Aimless wanderlust
Aimless wonderlust

To live, to eat
To procreate

Wander over yonder
Never stop to ponder

The family only ever hit me up for some money
Never gave a hand out they'd only bite it, its funny
A broken home, all claimin blood thicker but its runny
Never felt love I feel the rain even when its sunny

My father addicted to the pills and quick thrills
Drunk eyes vacant glazed over one day this will
**** he will leave me so I left him up on the sill
We don't speak no more cuz he just keeps poppin pills

My uncle the funniest coolest of guys
He robbed me and left me with lies
On me he pulled out the gun and knives
We meet it'll be the end of one of our lives

My aunt found happiness in a bottle
Her my grandmother would coddle
Her who would steal to sip from the bottle
Lost her kindness and heart now she wobbles

My mother whom I loved so dearly
Kicked me out and made me see clearly
Love isn't for me I know now sincerely
Even now I know she feels so guilty

My grandmother bipolar love disorder
Her love was always stuck on the border
But never for me did it ever falter
For the rest, though she was an enabler

Cousins addicted to **** and to theft
So many reasons for why I left
But now I just feel completely bereft
No family anymore their final theft

The more I lose the more I want
Worker drone nine to five an ant
Hard work and work ethics I'm at
Through these get what I want I cant
But what is the precedent
To follow for dead presidents
When this ******* is where I'm resident
When the filthy are filthy rich, the poor get bent
If it's given then my soul is collateral for the lent
Few years time a fortune robbed by the rent
But if I robbed the rich my life through bars spent
Slumlords lord over the country of hell we're sent
Born on the wrong rock nowhere to be went
The more that is taken the more complacent
People remain so ******* complacent
Because what can we do when heavens vacant
Patiently make payments to live as a patient
The right to live must be bought in this nation
Everyday suffer the degradation the debasement
How can we change it maybe start a riot radical agent
But we live thinking its all fine it'll all be fine so we cant
Pacified we watch people die right in front
But change no we just won't
Too scared so we just won't
Too dumb and numb our morals are absent
To **** a killer to protect another so adolescent
Being hopeful of future and change so adolescent
I want happiness I want freedom I want
To live for more than a check is what I want
To not live my life check to check is what I want
To live free of the heel on my throat, I want
To see others care for others, what I want
Is so selfish cause I want it all

I'm gonna die soon all alone
Livin by myself and in my bones
I know I'm gonna die alone
My voice is stuck in a monotone

My soul has no tone its all gray
A boring voice with nothing to say
My heart can't take work and no play
While I'm growing older every may

Running out the clock, need more time
Losing out cause I need overtime
Just put me in a light that's lime
All this pain, what I let out in rhyme