To soon
It flows back
My own monsoon
Entry through the cracks
I sink, water rises
Stop think, must stop the crisis
Passing thoughts not enough to float
All this depth makes it so hard to breath
So many holes in the hull, stay afloat
Sail while bailing out in the water reflects death
I jump overboard not going down with the boat
Never thought that my life would become a shibboleth
Gasp on as with the strange tides even death may die, a misquote

Nothing is forever
Nothings end is never

Nothing will be there in the end
In the beginning nothing will I tend

Till nothing is all I shall reap
Nothing in my heart for me to keep

Pop a bubble, bubbles pop
Bubble up, bubbles stop

Your pain, my pain
All the same
Heres rain, here’s Jane
An open flame

Calm the counterpart
Warm my broken heart
A lot on the flat mind
A lot like a flat line

I help you, to help me
Deja Vu, Deja Vu
I hurt you, it hurt me
I used to, follow through

Space without a sun
Race that cant be won
Room without a friend
Event none will attend

I want to help
I care about you
Don’t want to help
Don’t care about me

Dirt on my name never
My loyalty is forever
Dirt on my name never
My loyalty is forever

Never talkin ****
Never takin it
Now I take a hit
And pass the ****

Never sink to a putdown
Never will I be a letdown

If I go down I always know I'll never be out
I'm not in it to get paid ain't about all that clout
False laurels and accolades, not something to flout
People always frontin don't even know what they about

These fake people always say you ain't a fan of that
"Oh I bet you don't even know this, know that"
"Bet you don't really feel the way you feel" It falls flat
Don't need to put down, to know I feel so let's run it back

"Oh **** man, you a fan of that"
"Did you know this, know that"
"I feel you and I feel that"
No need to doubt some idle chit chat

Dirt on my name never
My loyalty is forever
Dirt on my name never
My loyalty is forever

Heard from a friend lost in the wild hadn't seen em in a while
Asked for my help and knew that I'd be there with a smile
Didn't matter to me that I had to walk there over four miles
Never turn the back on someone who I know trusts my smile

Always there to help and if you can't hit me back
Then don't worry just do what you can and stay on track
Never put myself in a position where I can't come back
And if I ever did I know I have Friends so I can fall back

That trusts been broken but I won't give in
Won't **** the trust I hold because a few gave in
Few scars on this back where they put the blade in
Forgiven but never will I let it be forgotten

Never forgetting that I can't trust them
And it makes me sad because I love them
But if all they have is that hate then **** them
Still unhappy knowing they can't love themselves

Dirt on my name never
My loyalty is forever
Dirt on my name never
My loyalty is forever
My loyalty is forever
This loyalty is forever

This love is forever

Sippin from the bottle, Slippin off the throttle
Strippin Inhibition, Wobble out the hovel

Blame it on the system
That never helped those within
Blame it on the depression
That furthers a spiritual recession

Blame it on those around me
That ignore, deciding not to see
Blame it on the one at the center
That ignores the cold in winter

The blame rests on my back
The blame rests on all I lack
The blame rests there till I crack
The blame so restless a heart attack

As I fall into an abyss thoughts turn black
Hard fought steps forward just to fall back
The last call back as I step right off the track
Stand tall even as I sink into the depth lost in cracks

Cracks like valleys and in valleys a kindness
Escape from happiness and all that brightness
Lights so painful to my shadowed eyes  
Fights and spite my dark outcries

Lost in the shadow of the valley
The fire of rage snuffed nothing to rally
Acceptance of blame so biased is folly
Is there any blame out there really

The blame dies in my thoughts
The blame dies in my throat
The blame is just a frame caught
Snapped and shuttered shot

Nothing to blame when nothings wrong
Bad break after bad break nothing wrong
Abandoned by those close, nothing wrong
Expectations and high hopes somethings wrong

Assumptions of happiness and fulfillment
Consumption of giddiness and achievement
Got me dying of consumption
Lost in my own assumption

Get ****** over get put down doesn't matter
Bad luck but I still get up and it doesn't matter
Dont deserve any of it not the enemies not the hate it dont matter
Don't deserve any of it not the friends not the love it dont matter

I could die sad and alone completely undeserved
Or surrounded by those closest completely undeserved
I deserve nothing and if I get everything its completely deserved
For all my work to die in a gutter or a home is what I deserve

Mycology the sole source of joy
Caps fill my head, wind up this toy
Pass out sheets a real paperboy
Hallucinate happiness so coy

Pull me in while the vapor dissipates
Can't see in the cloud only anticipate
Memory fragments, fragment the weight
Disperse the pressure allow a steady gait

The reality in my head made real
From my dreams, happiness I'll steal
As fog clears I see before me what's real
Existence so unpleasant that pessimist feel

But still, I persist unable to never exist
When I can I visit that place lost in the mist
I must find a way to live with life, coexist  
Or in misery, I must resign to subsist

Happiness a toxin to my sanity
Giddiness breaks down my reality
Joy consumes my heart I'm an amputee
Sadness flows into the hole an endless sea

Freezing, rights have me silent
Teasing sights have me pliant
Leasing rights for some guidance
Rolling dice to catch a balance

Cold seeps in, all accounts are frozen
Death creeps up nowhere to go snowed-in
I sleep dream of fire, heat, and passion
Upkeep steep a wire, a heart, and compassion

Rewire my brain a jumpstart
Replace my heart a new part
Revive my passion a fresh start
Reboot the system its time to restart

Go door to door sleeping on different floors
Friend to friend living on friendships till they end
I'm a chore waiting outside your door
I'll leave your heart bruised and sore
And then I'll wander once more

Doors open to me before I close them behind me
Live here till they don't see a friend when they look at me
Can't stand a driftless loser whose drowning in a sea of apathy
When you remember the past I hope that I'm an absentee
I was pushed away and you deserve better than me

We used to talk at the lunch table and laugh all day
I felt joy with you when all there was, was gray
At recess, we would sit and talk and laugh all day
I felt a connection with you and had so much to say
Now we sit on the couch and talk and cry all day

Life keeps getting colder and we keep getting older
You made something of yourself moved much bolder
Every weight and sad day you would shoulder
While I sat under a tree and laughed into october
Laughed away the day until my heart froze over

Mostly I smoke **** and don't do much of anything
Something I'm interested in? no there's not a thing
Maybe I could just die if a bee would choose to sting
Relax in flower fields, watching the bees in the spring
Death fluttering over buttercups while I eat a fairy ring

"Relax", "Slow down", "What's the big deal anyway"
You really just have so much you want to be and to say
But I don't have much I want to be and really whose to say
I'll get out of your way, your right I guess I just get in the way
And its okay if we never talk there's not much to say anyway

Goodbye.

Life is formed from the void of nothing
Life it ends when it becomes nothing

But its just another start
A neverending buffet cart

Empty of life picked clean
In a few blinks stocked again

Life is unending even when stars die
With a bang, teardrops will dot the sky

Cycles upon cycles life stretches onward inescapable
I won't hide from death but from life I would if i was able

Rolling dice in the garden of eden
Take chances so my heart will keep beatin
Got a bad hand but I'm still goin all in
Greed and avarice is my choice of sin

Gold chains are what I want  choking my throat
A sinking feeling on a sailing boat
Need gratification to stay afloat
Feelin sick I'm greener than my banknotes

Take risks play games with my life for a chance
My life interwoven with my finance
Paper and tokens have me entranced
Material things have me romanced

Things always there when I reach for em
Name your price and ill hit the atm
Ask for my soul and its no problem
Losin blood, sweat, and tears its no problem

Love can be bought
Friends can be bought
People can be bought
Rights can be bought

Money and chance is what I call god
I have lived life committing fraud
When life is so deeply flawed
You have to make your own god

Worship something in a sea of nothing
Statistic and chance the sweet nothing
Of something intangible feels so loving
Imaginary value and numbers my calling

Being alone leaves me lost in infinity
Ever chasing for my own ecstasy
Searching for something happily
Longing for another so sorrowfully

But together I just hate another
Disgust for life and the other
Hate myself and every other
Misanthropic, people lover

Lonely days fuel love and desire
But my days spent together
Leave me too tired to bother
God and the holy father

Have only ever abandoned me
Left me on a raft lost at sea
So I ice my pain with cold tea
And say "well, let's wait and see"

I live in the clouds in the city of fog
Secrets are said aloud as if in epilogue
No vision is allowed in the murk and smog
Can only hear the turnings of the cogs

Believe in the machinations never seen
On the radio stations is a static scene
Of a rigged lotto making everything serene
Everyone climbing blind to be a golden king

Cant see stepping stones in the haze
But continue walking for days
A straight path nothing but a maze
Lies hidden in mist missed by my gaze

Been havin sports car dreams
Ridin in a Volvo blowin steam
Livin the creme de la creme

Till I wake up to the nightmare
Tired of wakin and bein poor here
Gotta sleep dream of somewhere
Somewhere... Somewhere...

Man, somewhere else is where I wanna be
Another reachin for green like my fool gatsby
Every comedown letdown settledown got me empty
Theres a fog of smoke from the green i burn where I be?
And who was it that I be? Had to have been somebody

Been slowly dyin workin nine to five
How long can I last maybe nine or five  
Dont know if I got the pay needed to live
Gotta get this pay if I wanna live

Takin a stride lost in the forest lookin for somewhere to apply
Then again might just burn the forest float on a smoky sky

I'm livin this life and struggling against the current currently
I'm workin this job struggling weekly concurrently for currency
Grindin my life away gonna end up passing away silently
Wanna burn fast and hard a pyre burning brilliantly

But im just slow burnin embers no fuel for the fire
Gotta get some more need someone to send me a wire
These burnin embers are goin out the light gettin dimmer
Drownin in darkness no I've never been a good swimmer
No food in the pantry man im gettin ****** thinner
Keep competin for the prize but never been a winner
Cant win the rigged matches unless I become a sinner
Gotta be criminal just to get myself some dinner
Still beleive I can make it though the deluded dreamer

Gotta try and make it live my fantasy
Or die locked in a penitentiary
For the crime of chasin my rhapsody
Probably just end up another casualty

Burnin blunts ash em in my soul
A few blunts in em and im cool

Scrape the resin till im smokin glass
Shut up an pass the ****** grass

Outsider sittin in the back of the class
Dark figure sittin in the back of the mass

I'm Sellin addiction, addicts seek my benediction
Movin the product, the holy ghost sellin salvation
So addictin pullin in the dead with my gravitation
Sell you your addiction for mine that ****** benjamin

Come to me for paradise
Feelin pain here's the ice

All I see is dead presidents
Eyes dead to the residents
Dyin for my decadence

**** a ******* with a needle
To buy a ****** gold fiddle

Jhonny may play his fiddle hot
But for the hotshot his fiddle I got

Ridin in the Mercedes benz
After I move a couple benz

Rottin the whole ****** hood  
Makin my bankroll look good

Jhonny boy givin me all his bread
Then come famine and he feelin dead
Jhonny boy robbin for scraps of bread

Jhonny boys mums bread used to get baked
This boy takin till his whole fam gets raked

Money funneled to me by the addicts
Jhonny is enforcin my pyramid schemes

I'm Sellin addiction, addicts seek my benediction
Movin the product, the holy ghost sellin salvation
So addictin pullin in the dead with my gravitation
Sell you your addiction for mine that ****** benjamin

I'll be drivin around at the seams
Collectin the green for my dreams

A real ****** nightmare on my street
Krueger with your dope sheet
Salesman with the ****** rapsheet

Killin users and abusers while I sleep
Makin a killin in back alleys I creep

Get customers lost in the nightmare
Then sell the lost a rotten cure
Maybe give em a little gear

Maybe im a travel planner
Sellin trips to wherever
Nah im just another killer
Sellin trips to the executioner

When the lord doesn't hear your prayers
To take away the pain I'll bring the wares
A couple pain pills and a few uppers
Just bring me the bills and the paper

I'm Sellin addiction, addicts seek my benediction
Movin the product, the holy ghost sellin salvation
So addictin pullin in the dead with my gravitation
Sell you your addiction for mine that ****** benjamin

Slinging drugs got somethin inside me broke
Cause i'd rather be out killen than be broke
Bring me the bricks and i'll move that coke
To all the froggys in the pond till they croak

All this movin got my numbers inflated
Got my ****** neighborhood inundated
Careful you dont get ****** ventilated

For a quick buck to take to the pusher
Bodies pile around me a deadly peddler
But ive never pulled the trigger
The passive killer, waterwell poisoner

Sentience is life
Sanctity a lie
Sayin it alive

"I think therefore I am"- Descartes
So may as well be a slab of ham a part
Ship the guts off to a lab grow a heart

Social value before Science breakthrough
Society lies before Society lives
Public hysteria some Hateful euphoria

Cloud regulation
With false allegation
Corrupt litigation
By holy congregation
A rights desecration
In an uptight nation

Follow lights the will-o-wisps
To red lights onto pillow slips
Walk under streetlight to pink lips

Everyone after green glow
Even if it means being a ***
J.Gatsby's after the afterglow

Peddlin their product, street vendors
Dealin in meat and being tender
****** in a backseat, body lenders

Crafting blissfull afterglow and after glow
Some call it sinful so callow although
Most aren't so shallow, chill in a bordello

Red lights swimmin in the air
Sanctity dyin without care
For sale tittys and derriere

It's not them, It's you
Your not like them, more like you
Like you to defend yourself
You sit on a shelf
haunted by ghosts
Gather dust, to spite yourself
In spite of what you want
You spit in spite at your want
Stunted your growth, always fall short
Don't change, don't grow, selling yourself short
Pathetic and sad a dying man feeling glad
Think you're tall, think you're small
Unstable, you don't grow you'll fall
Your not perfect, your not even great
Think your perfect, don't even try to be great

Great greatness gets greater  
It grates greatly the grating gratifier
Ego stroker a chronic masturbater
Losing sight when everyone will cater
Man of masks an avid actor
Nice in summer
Friend in fairweather
See you later
When the sky is clearer

Differences lost in smiles
Have to walk for miles
Just to turn the dial
After awhile crocodile

Memory indexed in files
Haven't been checked in awhile
Staring at sheet piles
Trying to find my profile

Meanwhile while I wile away the time
Pass it with style and rhyme

Just keep livin in this feelin
Never am I beleivin
That **** thats written
Questin for questionin

Im losin
No reasonin
No serotonin

Jane, dope burnin got me floatin
Lucy dances turnin got me smilin
Druggy desperate runnin got me huffin

Huff and puff an puff, pass
One piggy in a house oh straw smokin grass
Nother piggys house of glass
Last piggys house of cards but, alas

Little piggys grow big and pass
One pig in the straw smoked over ash
Nother pig served with a glass
Last pig out of cards, alas

Last pig out of the farm
Free hog free from the harm
Hunted down with a firearm
Pow Pow hogs need not roam

No escapin the farm
Just dyin in a drugged calm
Or dyin strugglin in dirt, ****
So just chill and spread *****

New meat for the grinders
Fresh meat for the diners
Pigs aint **** but some dinners
For pigs with gold incisors

Feelings lost in a void
Haunted by Freud
Paranoid of the noise
etc. etc.