Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Angela Rose Jan 2018
I don’t think about us too often anymore
I don’t think about the night at the clubhouse where I dared you to kiss me
I don’t think about the nights we stayed up late in my living room while my mom was on vacation
I don’t think about how we were up late waiting together, pacing, waiting for our SAT scores to come out
I don’t think about the adventures on the beach and the party at your house where I almost lost my virginity to your best friend
I don’t think about how I was always your second choice next to her
I don’t think about the times we visited college campuses together and you cried in my arms on the pier in St. Augustine
I don’t think about how we got drunk on four lokos and had *** even though your mom was in the next room
I don’t think about how we didn’t talk for two years when you left for college and moved away from me
I don’t think about how when you came back to visit we met up in the mid afternoons for summery, hot, sweaty hook ups
I don’t think about when we would roll down the windows in my bedroom and get high at 1 in the morning
I don’t think about how we grew up and still ended up meeting up years later to connect
I don't think about how we were mid twenties and still harbored so much love for each other
I don’t think about none of that, no not at all
But I get a taste of that fiery and ****** cinnamon flavored Fireball and it all comes rushing back like a punch in my face
Angela Rose Jan 2018
BPD
I knew there was something wrong with her when I was 10
I found a magazine report about borderline personality disorder
I was reading in the school library and I started crying
I could never have put a word on what was different about my mother
But there it was, plain as day
The way she could stay in bed till 3 in the afternoon with the blinds closed
The way some days we would laugh as she asked me if I wanted to play hooky and skip out on school
We would go grab frappucinos at Starbucks and rummage through countless thrift store shelves
But some days, some days I would be screamed at until I cried
Some days I would lock myself in the bedroom until I needed to come out
Some days I would stay at school extra long and just put off going home altogether
Some days my brother and I were burdens
Some nights we would get to order pizzas and drink Coke and some nights we were told to find food for ourselves
Always with the paranoia and the headaches and the inability to do anything
Consistent with the anger and the depression
Consistent with the exhaustion and the impulsive natures
The pills never helped, the pills never made things better
Fourteen years later and things are no better, things are no easier
Things have made no progression
Fourteen years later and we don’t speak
Angela Rose Jan 2018
I had a piano when I was a child
I didn’t know how to play
I slammed on keys repeatedly until it sounded like something that reminded me of music
Eventually, I learned chords
Eventually, I learned melodies
Eventually, I learned “Every Good Boy Does Fine”
And that “All Cows Eat Grass”
I played myself musical tunes on repeat
I wrote symphonies about how much you meant to me
I could base a musical all upon the Love I felt towards you
My lyrics were surrounded by the essence of you
My musical notes were dictated by how you made me feel on any given day
Nobody knows me like the piano at my mother’s house
Angela Rose Jan 2018
I’ve wrote about you for years and years
And you still have yet to notice
My words are plastered all over the Internet
My heart is poured out for the world to see
I wish my heartbreak wasn’t on the Internet
Because it’s been seven years, it’s time to let it go
Angela Rose Dec 2017
I said sorry over one hundred million times for being upset you hurt me
I kept being naive and letting you proceed to cause damage
Yet, you never said sorry for the damage, and you never apologized for the hurt
I learned to forgive you even though you never expressed the need or want to be forgiven
I learned to accept an apology that I never received and never ever will receive
There has got to be so much strength in that.
Angela Rose Dec 2017
Your body is like a road I traveled along when I was a child
Bumpy and all of the twists and turns drive me wild
Your eyes are dark blue like the sky I could not look away from when I was young
Full of stars and I cannot wait to stare into them and find constellations
Your voice is like the wind blowing through the highway fields in Illinois in the midst of spring
So swift and soft, yet could catch the attention of any person perusing through
Your hands are like gravel I fell into when I was learning to ride a bike
Rugged and painful to the touch however I cannot stop touching and yearning for more
Your smile is blinding just like the sun's reflection over Lake Michigan in the summertime
It has left everyone who viewed it enamored by its beauty and coming back for more every possible opportunity
Your demeanor reminds me of my childhood and all of the love I wanted to feel when I was young
Rare and sublime and everlasting
Angela Rose Dec 2017
I tried to imagine a life without you
A life where we never touched hands and clenched them too tightly
A life where we never exchanged gazes in hallways
A life where our lips never touched in the dark under the covers
A life where we never sat up on the phone until the whole world was asleep
A life where we did not once share every secret in our books
A life where I never knew your family and you never knew my heart
A life where my skin never got to know the pleasure of your graze
A life where I never prayed for you because I never knew your struggles
A life where I never went to the games and never cheered you on from the sidelines
A life where I never sang along to the love songs you played on guitar
A life where I never even got to know your name

I tried to imagine a life without you
And I would rather die than to ever think of that life again
Next page