Once again,

I desire something I cannot have.
God smiles, and the devil laughs.

As a purge myself again,
with a  bath.

she was infectious
especially that smile
the tingle started in my heart
and spread between my legs
like a spill in a aisle

she was a drug
that I could not rid myself off
she was sweet, and I had not even tasted her mouth
a beautiful disease
that would not be cured with ease

she was a cancer
I had asked about love,
believing she was the answer
I was an indecisive Libra
but I knew *I need her

what is her heart made of?
an elastic glove
of peoples waste of hate, harm, and pain
yes father, you know her name!
why did you make her their punching bag!
******, bruised, always sad?
It makes me mad!
beat me. use me. spare her.
I'll take her cross,
for hers is much to heavy to bear

little children
whom I adore...

sorry I wasn't always fun
at times, I did bore.

sorry I wasn't always nice
candy is sweet, but reality is spice.

sorry I didn't kiss and hug you enough
I do not know, how not to be tough.

I only wished I could have loved you more
for that reason, my heart will die sore.

I just wanted to be the only star in your galaxy
but I was too bright
blinding you with light that you could not see.

I just wanted to be the sun in your gloomy sky
too high with my expectations
you were not man enough to be that guy.

I am a beautiful rainbow,
you my foe are nothing more than the devil beating his wife
to hell with you a$$hole and your life!

how long must I love thyself?
doing the work of someone else?

how long must I clean up
and smell good---extreme measures
for nobodies pleasure.

how long must I take selfies
and compliment my own beauty
this is not my duty!

how long must I be a pretty sad girl
alone in this lovers world?

what am I doing wrong?
h          o      w                                                 l            o            n              g?

24 tears
24 years
24 tugs of death
as I try to taste your breath
your life
your beauty
I miss you little girl,

love yours truly.

I left then,
I'll leave again.
I'm running from something,
trying to escape nothing.
I'm tired too,
boo hoo.
I'll try again
hoping for an end.

I hope to see my lover soon
as night time waits on the moon.

I wish for us memories of fun
as summer awaits the sun.

I wish you could fall into my arms
like trees falling from spring storms.

your love I welcome to enter
as my cold heart welcomes winter.

we will sings the sweetest songs
and beg for forgiveness of all our wrongs
angels will smile
and my savoir,  my father, my brother will enter
and we will all humbly bow
D                       O                        W                            N.

Maybe I am too proud
to ask for help aloud.

I appear to be a grown woman
But I am still a child.

I am that sad face
In a joyful crowd.

I am domesticated
But my heart is forever wild.

I am forever the rain
In that low cloud.

I've known pleasure.
I've met pain.
Kissed the sun.
Hugged the rain.
I've been crazy in love.
Lust made me dangeroulsy insane.
I'll  remember your attractive face,
And never forget your name.

they are never satisfied
but I gave them my all,

It was all I had.

they are never satisfied
but I gave them my all,

I always tried.

long gone,
and they still are not satisfied.

even after they killed me
even after I died.

these **** humans are never satisfied.

my lovers sign was Cancer,

and all of a sudden I became ill.

I began to die slowly,

it was proof that this love was real.

my life has been blue
since I came from my mother

it only makes sense that blue
would be my favorite color

lots of choices
so many others

but I chose you
pretty, cool, and detached like my lovers.

Him, and those
hazel eyes
is all I see in my puddle of cries.

green eyes
the color of earth
like his zodiac sign.

I said I was done
but went back
one last time.

hazel eyes
broke my vows.

left me with
many questions,
many whys and hows?

hazel eyes can never be trusted again,
hazel eyes killed apart of me,
a deadly sin.

I am the daughter
of mother Earth.

to my father God.
she gave birth.

strict as sin
my discipline hurt.

so to please my parents
I went to church.

my head is heavy
and so is my heart.

they tell me to stay in my place
but I forgot my part.

my head is heavy
and so are my eyes

I wear a muffle
to cover my cries.

they tell me it will be alright,
but it won't because I'm not white.

I went to war last night!

Somebody died,

because I'm alive.

I like my eyelids heavy like this
life seems sweeter like this
I lick my lips and taste a cherry kiss
life is pretty like this
I inhale slow
to catch the wind's flow
this crisp air
should never go
life is better this way
this fact, I know.

the same old love song
wishes never granted
candles not blown

seeds planted
flowers wilted
thorns grown

the same old love song
these lyrics are the blues
my heart has always known.

I've thought of her a long while

then one day she appeared, not alone

but with child.

I was disappointed, but still in love, wow.

our chances of running away

just went down.

how can we be alone together, now?

I'll never know closeness*

I was neglected at an early age
years later, I'm in the abandonment stage

I have avoidant personality
crazy thoughts that nobody loves me

I'll never know closeness
so when you try to cuddle...

please know this.

drugs and fantasy
              
have become my very best friends.
                                        
                                          unlike people
                                  
may this this relationship last to the very end.

poetry is my therapy,
I know it can save me.

with my feelings I trust no man,
not even myself.

my hope is in poetry
so, poetry please help!

to be a poet,
must one be depressed?

it seems to be the only symptom
of the diagnostic test.

I don't really love them,
I just...

Like
Obsessing
Vigorously over
Everyone

Because I am too often alone in the big wide world,
Because I am nothing more than a pretty sad lonely girl.

living is a series of tests

in which the biggest and best

we shall always fail;

despite knowing life so well.

he held her hand
at the moment
she trusted a man.

he held her hand
in the instance
she forgave a man.

he held her hand
with his sincerity
he needed her to understand.

she kissed his hand
she wanted people to know
she loved this man.

to live
one must be prepared to die.

to smile
one must be prepared to cry.

to steal
one must be prepared to ****.

to love
one must be prepared to forgive.

to hate
one must expect their blessings to come late.

I fear no longer, I fight no more
life is the undefeated champ and my soul is sore.

besides, my handsome date awaits
the people call him FATE.

I have felt pleasure,
and I have known pain.

I have bleed in the storm,
strawberry rain.

I have laughed,
and cried too.

I have seen the rainbow,
and I have felt blue.

I have dreamt of love,
but Heaven must be you.

reality is fake,
and fantasies are true.

I'm a bit rough around the edges
what some would call a tomboy
but your smile is soft
your little dimples, I enjoy.

we shared some intense gazes
now I wish to take you places
lust, obesession, and pain
are my typical phases.

too afraid to express
that I like you, because I'm a mess
not sure I can measure up
to someone who deserves the very best!

I see you're lonley
but please don't love me

I'm not what you need
your hurts, I can't feed

please go away
come back another day

fall for some other stranger
I only offer danger

my heart is cold and empty
so have mercy and please don't love *me

Mirror
Mirror
on the wall
whose the prettiest of them all?

Sad girls
with puppy dog eyes
sad girls
whose smile cries

their beauty is deep
I've never known why
but they shall reign
until the day I die

misunderstood,

miss meant good.

misguided,

heavy dark eyes.

soul; dimly lighted

warm hugs and sincere kiss,

miss will surely be missed.

You will always be my ***** little secret
my dark horse
my tamed demon
the boogeyman in the closet
the monster under my bed
the voices in my head
the pain torturing me,
wishing I was dead!

you will always be my expensive regret
my losing bet
my what they ****?
my what the heck?

You will always be a part of me
which I will try to forget the most
you will always be with me
everywhere I go...
my living ghost!

A black dove.

Beautiful yet cursed,

from he above.

I remember the smoldering pain
As I went against the grain.

Ice cycles formed as the slightest wind grazed by
I became immune, preparing to die.

Stinging like a million bees
throughout my small frail body.

I remember the frost bitten sensation
In my hands and feet.

It hurt to move forward
Lips shivered, afraid to speak.

Coldness blinded my ability to see
So only with my imagination could I peek.

I remember that blizzard of a childhood
Which a little girl did not survive.

Heart frozen
That winter she died.

She said she was alright,
But I know she lied.

She would never be the same
She no longer tried.

**Her innocence was gone
and for that I cried.

I was born into

       captivity

but I shall die
         
              *free

at night

darkness conquers

surrenders light

demons rush out

lies fire about

they yell at me

"You're this, you're that"

I laugh,

calling them ugly, nasty, and fat

they quiet,

and I win another spiritual attack.

Not sure what love feels like
but....
I’ll keep trying until it
Feels right

She left her smile
in her childhood

wants to be accepted
needs to be understood

She left her smile
in her childhood

Breaking bad
but she’s damanged goods

she lost her innocence
in her childhood

now she see's no beauty
in motherhood

If I had a lover
for every love song I’ve ever sang
I’d be dead.............Bang! Bang!