I wanted you
and hoped you wanted me too.

late nights imagining things I could do
to make you say hmmm, or maybe ooh

there was an inferno between my thighs
my volcano erupted into lava cries

when it was all over

I slept in that puddle of
rejection and ash

hoping this lonely hell
would not forever last.

I suffer in silence
I silence my tears
my tears choke my breath
the pain hurts like death
because I'm dying
and there is no one to help

How does one carry on,
when her strenght is gone?
I want to return home
but heaven has no phone
so I live another day---and die
praying to my deaf father
with my mute cries.

the only things I'm good at is
poetry
and making people smile!

But oh how my soul hurts at night

because I have yet to find
anyone to stay with me
a longer while....

fathers day came
and I needed someone to blame
for my failed relationships
and my addiction to pain
all the men who were too blind to see!
my helpless, hopeless,
tragic beauty
beginning with the rejection from you dad-dy.

No matter how much I clean
I can't escape this filth
this dirt, this blackness...

this sin that is me
I swam a million miles
and even tried to cross the red sea,
it washed away my hope
of who I could be...

I crawl out my skin
to have it only grow back
darker, stronger, more black
more sin...

it chokes my soul
when it returns,
"Where have you been?"
I lie, telling it "No where,
I could never leave you my friend."

I've tried
tried, tried
and now
I'm tired.

my heart
is under attack
because no one
seems to love me back.

now I'm left with this
this youthful body
and this pretty sad face
in this empty place.

guess I'm left
to love myself
***** anyone else.

tear down my wall
boldly stand tall
give me confidence
because I feel so small.

tie back my hands
and gag my mouth
no screams, no shouts
tell me the things you think about.

build up my heart
break down my will
beat me until I'm still,
show me how love feels.

I give,
Even when I have not.

I go,
Even when tired
I never stop.

I appear brave,
But I'm afraid alot.

At times I want to end it all
but, I better not.

It was the closest thing to love
I ever knew.
It's funny how this tiny
feeling grew.
I said I had felt it all
I had not, it was not true.
What we had was something new
warmth you gave,
soul kisses you blew
so, no matter who I'm with
I'll forever love and thank you!