euphoric paranoia
               accompanies your touch
as you finger your way
               under my skin
shadows on the curve
               of your neck
jitters of reality
               involuntary fantasy
caverns in my body
               unrecognizable reflections
disintegrating away
               maybe its your love
                            maybe its ****

how silly of me
to think that anyone would ever
choose a used truck
over a pristine new hybrid

i am too used and too broken
for anyone to even bother to repair

i thought you were different
when you didn’t leave any scars

but instead,
you opened up the old ones
and thought i wouldn’t notice

until i found myself lying on the floor,
wondering why i was bleeding again

i haven’t worn my retainer in weeks
i decided that tonight would be the night
that i reacquaint my teeth
with its plastic metal friend

and the pain, oh the pain
of my teeth being moved back into place

who could have thought that bone
could be swayed by a piece of plastic

and who could have thought that i
would still be kept awake
by the thought of you

i haven’t thought about you in weeks

but here i lay, teeth aching
and heart aching

amazing how, although
miles and miles away,
you can still see the stars glisten

makes you wonder if maybe
there’s something
miles and miles away

that can see the light inside
your soul

i was always told to hide
my scars

under long sleeves
in the heat of summer
with long skirts
and opaque layers

no one can see
for the questions they’ll ask
i can't answer

because these scars

they are signs of vulnerability
each one tallying
a moment of defeat
another battle lost

more casualty
though the blood no longer
stains my skin

but me, myself, and I
am a sign of perseverance
i still breathe
and run and jump

i’ve endured the war
each scar tallying
a moment of survival
another fight won

so don’t tell me to hide
my scars

i wear each one proudly
medals of honor
and the questions you’ll ask

i’ll answer and say
"Yes, my scars are still here,

but so am I.”

my entire body aches
from wanting
and needing your
ice cold touch
to engulf me
and ease the tension

another glass, half sober
in the middle of october
emptiness is winning
the sadness overwhelming
apparently drunk sayings
are sober truths
but my mind is weighing
the reminiscence of my youth
when times were sweet
and the laughs were long
the grass on bare feet
and nothing was wrong

but that time is over
and the dainty rhymes stop
feeling numb, numb because

another glass, somewhat sober
i dont want to remember
2 years ago october
when my mind spiraled down
****. it’s happening again
all i’ve got is my thoughts
and this black ballpoint pen
cause no one really cares
i’m drowning in the sharp cold air

another glass.
no longer sober
i don’t want to remember
**** october
and words that rhyme with sober

when i held my father’s hand
during evening prayer
i realized that it shakes
because of his addiction
he needs another cigarette
then i realize that my hand shakes too
because i need a cigarette as well
and the reason
i hate him so much
probably lies on the fact
that we’re basically
the same monster

Your voice has a certain rawness
that when you tell me I'm beautiful
I almost believe you