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abs Jun 2015
She took a stick,
Threw it into the air.
The stick fell.

She picked it up,
Threw it again,
But still, the stick fell.

She felt frustrated,
And desperate.
She felt angry.

She grabbed the stick
Punched it flying into the air,
Higher with all her might.

Then with a split second,
The stick fell,
It broke into half.
abs Sep 2015
I'm a strong girl
I dont know how many times
Should I remind myself that
So I could make myself believe
That I really am.

I'm a strong girl
I say, to console myself
That everything will work out just fine
Because God has a plan
And I'm part of that plan.

I'm a strong girl
I repeat to myself as I get closer
To things that makes me sick.
Tho I'm still hoping that one day
I'll eventually love it.

I'm a strong girl
I tell myself
Over and over again
But it's not quite right
Just not quite right,

I'm a strong girl
Oh ****, I'm tired of it.
Completely fed up.
I feel like giving up,
surrendering my hands in the air.

But I'm a strong girl.
You know I shouldn't
You know I can't
You know I won't.
I'm a strong girl
abs May 2015
They say that flowers start to fall when they die.
I didn’t understand why,
why such a pretty thing should suffer
an acrid downfall,
under the influence of gravity.
But I guess now, I finally know why.
because today, I feel like I’m falling.
And the strong foundation I tried to build
for more that twenty-thousand years
is starting to crumble,
right below the sole of my feet.
and I feel the water flowing
coming from the inside.
and I feel cold.
I knew,
I’ve been dying.
abs Sep 2015
Maybe the girl I know
Isn't born perfect
She had freckles and burns
Under her skin
She had violet scars,
Dark circles under her eyes.
She is weak and vulnerable

She longed for peace
A minute of escape
from all of the distress
that has been following her.
A moment of silence.
A moment where she could free herself
and prevent the pain from spreading through herself,
even from being felt.

She searched everywhere for it
She's been to places to find it
But she couldn't
She wanted it so much
She could trade her life for it.

Sleep was the only place
for her to calm the raging storm
that has been roaring inside her stomach.
And she aches for it.
She aches for it even more.
abs Jun 2015
"This is mine",
He told me
One day

Gnashing teeth.
Glaring eyes.
Growling voice.

"You can't touch it,
You can't have it,
This is mine"
It's all yours!
I say.
I don't want it.
abs Jun 2015
It hurts entirely
and to be honest,
it's difficult.
Complaining has been my everyday routine.
It isn't nice to feel like a slave everytime you wake up in the morning
and be prisoner whenever you close you close your eyes.

Though I admit, there are times
I opt to see the darkness,
Because in there, there is escape.

A little hope is burried in my stomach
I don't know for how much longer will it take for it to finally lose it.
But it's there firm and not willing to give up, yet.
Because that little hope loves deeply
It doesn't want to give up.

Each time I hear those tiny voices from a distance,
That hope fights back, it struggles.
Because I think that hope knows me better.

It whispers in my prison
when a tear escapes my eyes,
It  tells me to be still while it sings me a lullaby

And when everything inside becomes chaotic
That tiny little hope reminds me
That the war that I'm into right now,
is all worth fighting for.
I miss them
abs May 2015
You came like a thief of the night
stealing all the laughter
buried in my stomach.
and i forgot how to laugh,
how to breath,
and even smile.
whenever i try to stand,
my knees crumbles
making me a limp
each time I try to step forward.
and i can’t fix it.
i cant fix the life you’ve destroyed.
no more laughter's,
no more smiles,
no more fresh water.
all are salty,
too much salty.
they all flow out from my eyes,
like a water fall.
and i can only watch it flow,
i can only watch it flow.
because it won’t stop.
abs May 2015
Fingers has touched my body
like a feather beneath my flesh.
and my skin started to hurt.
the inside of my bones started to hurt.
and I can’t soothe it
because it was very familiar,
and I knew,
it was your hand.
abs Jun 2015
There’s too much words to contain,
too much time to consume
and too much space to fill,
to convey exactly how I feel.
abs Oct 2015
If love is to fade
Why should it touch us?
If time will eventually take it back
Why should we feel it?

They say it's better to love than to have not love
Is that really true?
Is it better to ******* over something you can never bring back?

Love balances emotion.
It makes you really happy
And it makes you really sad.
But why must we feel it
for such a short period of time?

If it has to be extreme
Why is it fleeting?
Is the pain really worth all the happiness?
Will the agony of dead love
fade to forever, eventually?

Console my heart that it will
Because love has to be that kind
which only sends beautiful thoughts and feelings.
So people will want to feel it.
So this world that breaks my soul
Will be able to love
And be loved.
abs Jun 2015
As I scroll down and type
the letters of your name on my phone,
I try my best to press the “call” button
to reach you,
because I badly want to hear a word from you,
blood starts to clot into my narrowed arteries,
possessing all the movements
that I am able to do,
and I stop.

My body dies.

As I sit and wait for you on this wooden chair
that is meant to be shared by two,
time passes by in front of me.
I see the leaves start to wither,
and the ice start to melt,
and the sun turn into golden orange.
I think of you and how much I miss you,
and then I realize,
it has been a very long time
yet until now,
I can’t think of any other more.

My mind dies.

As I try to reach out for you in the dark,
I quietly hold back the words
that can’t be said.
and contain the emotions
that are not meant to be felt,
then I hear the beating of my heart
screaming out your name in silence.
Slowly, I froze.

My heart dies.

As I hear the monotonous sound
of the water flowing from the faucet
which I tried so hard to turn off,
I breathlessly ache for your touch,
and in my mind I feel you,
and it send shivers down to my spine.
Then I know.

My senses die.

As my eyes roll over
to search for your presence,
all I can see is you,
your every detail in every image
of every person I meet,
your smile, your lips, your eyes, your laugh,
and even your smell.
I try to wrap my arms around me,
embracing all the flesh I could
to console the death of my soul,
but still,  everything else inside me

die.
abs Dec 2015
You were ******* lovely
And then you're not
abs Dec 2015
I tied the knot to fill the empty spaces you left.
I tried to keep my room clean, picking every piece of clothig you threw that didn't fit in the basket beam.
I told myself it was all but a beautiful dream, or a lie.
A shadow that phantom my dellusion.
abs Dec 2015
If I die of sadness tonight
Then it's only you to blame
abs Jun 2015
I felt something hard hitting me from behind.
I knew it was something sharp.
It stabbed me down to my spine, destroying each nerves from my craniosacral down to my thoraculumbar,
leaving my whole body numb.

But that didn’t matter,
because I still felt for everything,
and it was so much more painful
from what I expected.

Blood started dripping from my open wound
and I sensed that it slowly traveled
outside my body.
There was some kind of weird heat
as each drop touched the linings of my flesh.

I cried because I knew things will be that way,
and I can never redo whatever damage has been inflicted upon me.

I gathered my guts to finally turn my head
to get the sight of my murderer.
Both of my eyes widen
as I saw your face.
It was you all along.
abs Dec 2015
Everyone else is sad
and it piles up,
one after another,
until the energy that binds the world
can no longer take it.
abs Jun 2015
If you miss me
You know my number
I miss you too.
abs Apr 2016
You said you love me,
And I love you just as much.
abs Apr 2016
I might compare ourselves with the tides in the sea,
though this might go farout.
A single roller comes splasing into the land
but just for a minute or so,
because by  then, the waves slowly ebb back into the ocean
to be in its original form.
abs May 2015
i smell a sweet perfume
coming from across
the strands of your hair
it touches my lungs
my heart
and then
my soul.
abs May 2015
When time comes and our roads shall meet
Please don't ask me why or how
When time comes and our roads shall meet
Just smile and maybe say Hi
When time comes and our roads shall meet
You may take my hand and tell me you miss me
When time comes and our roads shall meet
Remember, I love you, and I'll always will
abs Jun 2015
You know whyI like keeping things by myself?
because the society we live in judges,
without even understanding.
abs May 2015
It did not occur to me
that you wanted to stay.
All these time I thought
you were running away.
You
abs May 2015
You
Mentally exhausted.
Emotionally tortured.
Physically drained.
My mind.
My body.
My soul.
They’re all in love with you.
abs Jun 2015
I am not in love with you.
I am in love with the idea
of you falling in love with me.

— The End —